There's a clock ticking somewhere.

He knows this isn't his bedroom's clock because it doesn't mock him, but the sound is so annoying that it might as well be the same clock. Time is passing and all he can see is darkness; but he can hear and the fact that he can think the clock is annoying makes him aware of his surroundings.

There's a beeping noise somewhere too and a smell of disinfectant that he associates with bright lights and white walls. He has been to the hospital too many times to forget the way it is. Clean, white, suffocating. He opens his eyes slowly, tentativelly; they are heavy but he's been there before.

He's not alone this time. A redhead nurse is by the bedside table placing a vase with yellow and red roses that make him want to cry. On his left, there's a boy.

Blaine smiles sadly at his tired face, meeting his green-blue eyes guiltly. The boy lowers his gaze and brushes his knuckles over the other's curls. He simply stares. Maybe because he doesn't know what to say or because he doesn't want to say anything at all, he keeps his mouth shut. The boy sighs, passes his fingers through his blonde hair and lets his head fall on his hands, exhausted.

The clock keeps ticking and he can't help but notice that the ticking dissonates in half a second with the beeping of the machine, with the beating of his own heart. It is driving him insane. But he counts it anyway. Tick-beep-tock.

Someone knocks on the door, but he's too busy counting to even bother looking. Sam stands up from the chair to open it and talks in a hushed voice to someone who sounds awfully like Rachel Berry. He doesn't need that now. Someone else speaks and they seem to convince Rachel to wait. Sam gets back into the room.

Except that it's not Sam's hand that finds it's way around his fingers. It's not Sam who sits on the chair beside his bed. It's not Sam who touches his face and forces him to face left, despite the fact that he doesn't want to look at the newcomer because he knows he'll break down.

"Why?" is the only word Kurt's lips manage to form as soon as Blaine's gaze lands on him.

Why did you do this to me? Why am I not enough? Why did you break your promise?

Blaine closes his eyes, holding back tears. He doesn't want to answer. He doesn't know how to answer. He wants to assure Kurt that it was an accident, that he didn't really want to die, that he just cut a little too deep. But he can't. He can't lie or want to lie anymore.

Why did you lie to me? Why didn't you ask for help?

And the worst part is that Kurt is there. So understanding and full of love and blue eyes filled with unshed tears. He's there and it's so so heartbreaking to see the love of his life struggling to keep himself in one piece while both of them know that if one of them breaks, the other will break too.

Why didn't you let me save you?

He's so so tired of fighting. Of pretending to be ok. He doesn't want Kurt to save him. Not this time. Because there's nothing left of him to be saved, anyway, so what is the point of trying? 

He is a boy who is falling apart, crumbling down under everyone's sight, drowning into the darkest depths of his disease.

But Kurt is clutching his hand and is not letting go even though Blaine asks him to. Kurt is there, holding him like he was a safety-jacket, because he knows that if he lets go he is going to collapse. He needs reassurance. He needs to know Blaine is alive, that he'll be ok.

But Blaine won't and it's only a matter of time for Kurt to realise that too.

There's a clock ticking somewhere and Blaine knows that every second is another heartbeat closer to the end.