alicejaimie
Aug. 8, 2011, 1:29 a.m.
We Could Have Had It All
Set across many years, ranging from 1964 - 2005, Blaine reminisces on his life on the day Civil Partnership is legalised in Britain.
T - Words: 1,564 - Last Updated: Aug 08, 2011 879 0 0 3 Categories: Angst, Tragedy, Characters: Kurt Hummel, Tags: OMG CREYS,
Author's Notes: Rating: PG-13Word Count: 1592Warnings: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. There is no happy ending to be found here.Side Note: The title bears no relation to the song Rolling In The Deep - this was written by me nearly a year ago as part of my english portfolio and contained original characters. I Tissue Warning! I wrote this originally for my school, and used original characters, but I decided to convert it to Kurt and Blaine.
December 21st 2005. It was the date that should have been the happiest day of their lives. Instead, Blaine was alone, reminiscing and wondering about what could have been.
* * * * *
They met in Ohio, in 1964, at the Dalton Academy for boys. Kurt was 16, Blaine was 17, and they immediately hit it off. At first it was just platonic, because in those days, it wasn’t exactly safe to just announce you were gay. The Dalton Academy teachers and pupils were known for just turning a blind eye to that sort of thing, but it still wasn’t easy to divulge something so monumental about yourself. Blaine would always remember those simultaneously as some of the best and the worst times of his lives for years to come. He loved being able to spend so much time with Kurt and being able to be more like himself, but it physically hurt to hold back that side of himself. He lost count of the hours spent daydreaming about the feeling of Kurt’s lips or imagining the blush that was so prevalent in his cheeks spreading elsewhere across Kurt’s body.
Finally in 1973, they could call themselves something of an item. Kurt was first to come out, after Blaine coaxed him into it. Blaine had no idea what was troubling Kurt, but he told him that he had to have the courage, because Blaine wasn’t going to give up on him or think less of him no matter what the secret was. When Kurt confessed that he was gay, Blaine’s only reaction was to jolt forward and pull him into a searing kiss. Later, once they’d both regained their composure, Blaine whispered quietly “Me too.”
However, this was just after the introduction of the Homosexual Conduct Act in Texas, and many were calling for the same law to be implemented in Ohio, so it was a time of great oppression and fear for both men. Neither could ever begin to describe or understand the attraction they felt between them, but Kurt and Blaine both knew that this was It. There was no way to deny the pull between them. They were both prepared to fight to the death for their love, although Kurt never thought it would come to it. They fell fast and hard, but they clung on, never even wanting to think of letting go.
That first year together was difficult - they had to leave long periods of time between seeing one another, and they had to be extremely cautious not to do anything to indicate their love to anyone else. Blaine literally ached with the pain of not being able to hold Kurt’s hand in public, but Kurt always told him that it didn’t matter - his love was enough. He always said “Courage, right?” Blaine tried hard to stick to that, but he wanted more. However, he was terrified that someone would take Kurt away, and so he stayed silent.
* * * * *
Blaine watched the TV, the images of Civil Partnerships being performed up and down the country flickering before his eyes. The suffocating joy he witnessed on his screen make his stomach churn and his chest tighten. His hands pulled at his dark hair until he couldn’t take the pain any longer, and rose from his chair.
* * * * *
Times were hard. The strain of not seeing each other enough was taking its toll, and so they got lazy in making sure they weren’t caught. Kurt and Blaine were spending a rare night together, in Blaine’s own bed - not in some cheap, stuffy hotel room with tacky decor and threadbare sheets like they normally would. Blaine thought his parents were going away for the full weekend and he wasn’t to know that their trip had to be cancelled mid-journey due to his sister’s sudden illness. His parents found them entwined around each other, deeply asleep.
There was shouting, and horrific insults were thrown at the two men.
“You’re an abomination. No child of mine would ever take part in such disgusting acts. Leave, and never return,” Blaine’s father told him, and he did. He wouldn’t ever part with Kurt, and so his parents got their wish. It crushed him to be rejected by his parents - the people who were supposed to love him unconditionally - but Kurt was there to soothe the burn and tell him that all would be ok.
“Courage, right?”
That was what Kurt always told Blaine. And Blaine tried so hard to find his courage. He tried to be optimistic for the future, just like Kurt. But it was hard, and he was scared.
* * * * *
Blaine sat motionless in his car, white knuckles gripping the steering wheel. He couldn’t even find the will to start the engine, much less drive the car. He was lost in the sea of his memories, the tale of his life, unable to resist the joy of the past, but also unable to bear the pain of the present. His story was already complete, and the ending crippled him.
* * * * *
Kurt stole money from his parents, and away they ran. They were both terrified that Blaine’s parents would report them - Blaine had no doubt that they would, and so they gathered all the resources they could, and escaped the country. They ran to London, where the laws were much less severe. As long as they were discreet, they could be together without consequence.
They lived happily, and mostly undisturbed in London. Sure, they had the odd complaint, or dirty look, and they both struggled in the beginning to find a workplace willing to hire them - but they managed. Yes, their apartment was a little on the tight side, and they had to cram their clothes into their tiny shared wardrobe, but they were happy.
* * * * *
Without consciously realising it, Blaine had somehow managed to drive himself all the way without crashing, and now he was sitting in the car, once again frozen.
A ghost of a smile played across his lips. He remembered Kurt laughing - his head was always thrown back. He looked especially glorious in the rare British sun, when his brown hair would glint and his eyes would sparkle. Kurt’s eyes often haunted Blaine’s dreams - they were the exact colour of the Ohio blue skies, and he never felt quite the same sense of home anywhere except looking into those eyes.
But then the memory was gone, and Blaine was lonely again. A single tear slipped down his cheek from his own brown eyes as he tried to muster up the courage he needed - because, after all, as Kurt would tell him “Courage, right?”
* * * * *
It was 1987 - 13 years after they’d fled Ohio. They were no longer aimless teenagers on an adventure - they were both nearing 40. However, far from settling down, they were gearing themselves up. There was a large debate happening about the “promotion” of homosexuality, and homophobic attacks were at an all-time high. Both men kept their heads down, and Kurt kept telling Blaine it would all be ok.
“Courage, right?”
How wrong Kurt was.
On the 30th of November 1987, he fell victim to a vicious attack. He was walking home from his work one wild night and stood no chance. The rain poured and the wind howled, whipping his hair into a frenzy. The bitter cold stung his cheeks, and his clothes were soaked through. He just wanted to get home and have a warm bath with Blaine. It wasn’t until Kurt was at the end of their street that he realised he had been boxed in. There was no point in fighting, Kurt knew this, and yet he did. They beat him savagely, and left him bleeding in the street. Blaine was putting out the garbage, and found him.
“No, no, no!” He cried. “Don’t you dare leave me, Kurt! Don’t you dare!”
“Courage, right?” Kurt whispered weakly one last time, looking into Blaine’s eyes, and then the light behind his faded. Blaine didn’t even have time to call for help.
* * * * *
Blaine was at Kurt’s gravestone now. Much like Kurt himself, it was elegant and beautiful - white, with a graceful script for the message on the stone. Blaine knew that Kurt would have loved the graveyard for its quiet and peaceful atmosphere, but he would have loved it mostly for the huge, majestic Willow tree in one corner. It was the sort of tree they would have sat and laughed together under.
But Blaine could never bring himself to actually like the graveyard - of course he couldn’t, when it symbolised the end of both their lives. For, it wasn’t just Kurt who had died that cold night, Blaine had gone with him - when Kurt left, he took a chunk of Blaine’s heart too.
The sun over head made Kurt’s grave seem like it was sparkling, but nothing could lift the dark clouds from Blaine’s heart as he dropped to his knees in front of the gravestone. “Why?” His voice was so faint it was almost lost to the gentle wind. “Why did you leave me, Kurt? We didn’t have to chase our dreams, you know. We could have gotten married. We could have had it all.”
His hands caressed the gravestone, and he wished it was Kurt instead.
They met in Ohio, in 1964, at the Dalton Academy for boys. Kurt was 16, Blaine was 17, and they immediately hit it off. At first it was just platonic, because in those days, it wasn’t exactly safe to just announce you were gay. The Dalton Academy teachers and pupils were known for just turning a blind eye to that sort of thing, but it still wasn’t easy to divulge something so monumental about yourself. Blaine would always remember those simultaneously as some of the best and the worst times of his lives for years to come. He loved being able to spend so much time with Kurt and being able to be more like himself, but it physically hurt to hold back that side of himself. He lost count of the hours spent daydreaming about the feeling of Kurt’s lips or imagining the blush that was so prevalent in his cheeks spreading elsewhere across Kurt’s body.
Finally in 1973, they could call themselves something of an item. Kurt was first to come out, after Blaine coaxed him into it. Blaine had no idea what was troubling Kurt, but he told him that he had to have the courage, because Blaine wasn’t going to give up on him or think less of him no matter what the secret was. When Kurt confessed that he was gay, Blaine’s only reaction was to jolt forward and pull him into a searing kiss. Later, once they’d both regained their composure, Blaine whispered quietly “Me too.”
However, this was just after the introduction of the Homosexual Conduct Act in Texas, and many were calling for the same law to be implemented in Ohio, so it was a time of great oppression and fear for both men. Neither could ever begin to describe or understand the attraction they felt between them, but Kurt and Blaine both knew that this was It. There was no way to deny the pull between them. They were both prepared to fight to the death for their love, although Kurt never thought it would come to it. They fell fast and hard, but they clung on, never even wanting to think of letting go.
That first year together was difficult - they had to leave long periods of time between seeing one another, and they had to be extremely cautious not to do anything to indicate their love to anyone else. Blaine literally ached with the pain of not being able to hold Kurt’s hand in public, but Kurt always told him that it didn’t matter - his love was enough. He always said “Courage, right?” Blaine tried hard to stick to that, but he wanted more. However, he was terrified that someone would take Kurt away, and so he stayed silent.
Blaine watched the TV, the images of Civil Partnerships being performed up and down the country flickering before his eyes. The suffocating joy he witnessed on his screen make his stomach churn and his chest tighten. His hands pulled at his dark hair until he couldn’t take the pain any longer, and rose from his chair.
Times were hard. The strain of not seeing each other enough was taking its toll, and so they got lazy in making sure they weren’t caught. Kurt and Blaine were spending a rare night together, in Blaine’s own bed - not in some cheap, stuffy hotel room with tacky decor and threadbare sheets like they normally would. Blaine thought his parents were going away for the full weekend and he wasn’t to know that their trip had to be cancelled mid-journey due to his sister’s sudden illness. His parents found them entwined around each other, deeply asleep.
There was shouting, and horrific insults were thrown at the two men.
“You’re an abomination. No child of mine would ever take part in such disgusting acts. Leave, and never return,” Blaine’s father told him, and he did. He wouldn’t ever part with Kurt, and so his parents got their wish. It crushed him to be rejected by his parents - the people who were supposed to love him unconditionally - but Kurt was there to soothe the burn and tell him that all would be ok.
“Courage, right?”
That was what Kurt always told Blaine. And Blaine tried so hard to find his courage. He tried to be optimistic for the future, just like Kurt. But it was hard, and he was scared.
Blaine sat motionless in his car, white knuckles gripping the steering wheel. He couldn’t even find the will to start the engine, much less drive the car. He was lost in the sea of his memories, the tale of his life, unable to resist the joy of the past, but also unable to bear the pain of the present. His story was already complete, and the ending crippled him.
Kurt stole money from his parents, and away they ran. They were both terrified that Blaine’s parents would report them - Blaine had no doubt that they would, and so they gathered all the resources they could, and escaped the country. They ran to London, where the laws were much less severe. As long as they were discreet, they could be together without consequence.
They lived happily, and mostly undisturbed in London. Sure, they had the odd complaint, or dirty look, and they both struggled in the beginning to find a workplace willing to hire them - but they managed. Yes, their apartment was a little on the tight side, and they had to cram their clothes into their tiny shared wardrobe, but they were happy.
Without consciously realising it, Blaine had somehow managed to drive himself all the way without crashing, and now he was sitting in the car, once again frozen.
A ghost of a smile played across his lips. He remembered Kurt laughing - his head was always thrown back. He looked especially glorious in the rare British sun, when his brown hair would glint and his eyes would sparkle. Kurt’s eyes often haunted Blaine’s dreams - they were the exact colour of the Ohio blue skies, and he never felt quite the same sense of home anywhere except looking into those eyes.
But then the memory was gone, and Blaine was lonely again. A single tear slipped down his cheek from his own brown eyes as he tried to muster up the courage he needed - because, after all, as Kurt would tell him “Courage, right?”
It was 1987 - 13 years after they’d fled Ohio. They were no longer aimless teenagers on an adventure - they were both nearing 40. However, far from settling down, they were gearing themselves up. There was a large debate happening about the “promotion” of homosexuality, and homophobic attacks were at an all-time high. Both men kept their heads down, and Kurt kept telling Blaine it would all be ok.
“Courage, right?”
How wrong Kurt was.
On the 30th of November 1987, he fell victim to a vicious attack. He was walking home from his work one wild night and stood no chance. The rain poured and the wind howled, whipping his hair into a frenzy. The bitter cold stung his cheeks, and his clothes were soaked through. He just wanted to get home and have a warm bath with Blaine. It wasn’t until Kurt was at the end of their street that he realised he had been boxed in. There was no point in fighting, Kurt knew this, and yet he did. They beat him savagely, and left him bleeding in the street. Blaine was putting out the garbage, and found him.
“No, no, no!” He cried. “Don’t you dare leave me, Kurt! Don’t you dare!”
“Courage, right?” Kurt whispered weakly one last time, looking into Blaine’s eyes, and then the light behind his faded. Blaine didn’t even have time to call for help.
Blaine was at Kurt’s gravestone now. Much like Kurt himself, it was elegant and beautiful - white, with a graceful script for the message on the stone. Blaine knew that Kurt would have loved the graveyard for its quiet and peaceful atmosphere, but he would have loved it mostly for the huge, majestic Willow tree in one corner. It was the sort of tree they would have sat and laughed together under.
But Blaine could never bring himself to actually like the graveyard - of course he couldn’t, when it symbolised the end of both their lives. For, it wasn’t just Kurt who had died that cold night, Blaine had gone with him - when Kurt left, he took a chunk of Blaine’s heart too.
The sun over head made Kurt’s grave seem like it was sparkling, but nothing could lift the dark clouds from Blaine’s heart as he dropped to his knees in front of the gravestone. “Why?” His voice was so faint it was almost lost to the gentle wind. “Why did you leave me, Kurt? We didn’t have to chase our dreams, you know. We could have gotten married. We could have had it all.”
His hands caressed the gravestone, and he wished it was Kurt instead.