It felt weird for Kurt, being back in Lima. He hadn’t been there since he saw McKinley’s production of Grease and had that terribly awkward encounter with Blaine.

Blaine.

They were on good terms, at last. Kurt decided to call Blaine before sectionals to talk to him, and to wish him luck. They slowly started to make their way back to friendship from there. Burt had even surprised Kurt by bringing Blaine to New York for Christmas. Kurt had been so surprised, so happy to have them both so close. His father, his best friend, and himself just being all together in his apartment. 

Of course, back then it was too early to tell them about the potential boyfriend that he’d met a few days before their arrival. He had only told Rachel and she prompted him to ask him out, and to Kurt’s surprise he said yes.

And that’s how Kurt found himself now sitting in the congregation at Mr. Shuester and Miss Pilsbury’s wedding with his boyfriend Paul. 

He and Paul were good together. Paul was very goal oriented and sophisticated, much more grown up. This excited Kurt upon first meeting him, he was a complete shift from what Blaine was like. Sure, he and Paul fought occasionally but he was satisfied and happy.

He knew Blaine didn’t like Paul. Ever since he had first admitted to Blaine over skype that he had been seeing someone new, Blaine’s eyes had darkened sadly, and no matter how hard Blaine tried to hide it, whenever Kurt brought Paul up his voice would go tight and strained. Blaine tried to convey that he was happy for Kurt, he really did, but Kurt knew him enough to know it was all an act.

Kurt had considered not bringing Paul to the wedding, simply because it would be hard for Blaine. Blaine hadn’t moved on since the break up, and he had told Kurt that he didn’t think he would for a long time. Kurt did still have feelings for Blaine, of course he did. But he so far had been pretty good at suppressing those feelings around Paul, hoping that they would just shrink each time. They didn’t.

Music began to play from the front of the church, Kurt turned his head to look down the isle. It wasn’t upbeat like they had done at his dad’s wedding, it was the opening notes to Halo, of all songs. Blaine was the first to emerge wearing a beautifully fitted, classic black tuxedo that looked like it was made for him. And of course, Blaine was giving an excellent performance as always, Kurt smiled at him as he found Kurt’s eyes in the congregation. Paul’s grip on Kurt’s hand tightened slightly. 

The song came to a close with Will and Emma standing at the front of the church, Will’s best man being Finn and Emma’s maid of honor being Mercedes. Blaine sat a row ahead of Kurt and Paul on the opposite side, giving Kurt the view of his profile as he watched the ceremony.

Kurt tried to keep his eyes to the front, he really did, but Blaine in that suit and the atmosphere and the wedding itself brought back so many memories that just kept getting brought back to the surface of his mind. Like the design book in Kurt’s closet filled with different drafts of their matching tuxedos for their own wedding, the colour schemes they had gushed over together, the indoor ceremony vs. outdoor that the had almost had a full blown argument over.

Kurt never really saw Paul in his future. At this point he didn’t really see anyone in his future besides Rachel and Blaine. Paul was a very in the moment guy, his future goals mostly related to his career. They’d been dating for a few months now, and neither of them felt the pull to tell the other that they loved them. 

“Emma, I have loved you for such a long time. I know that we’ve had our fair share of setbacks but we’ve always come out on top.” Will spoke loudly, Kurt rolled his eyes well, at least when you weren’t making light of her OCD, because that was just cruel Kurt thought. “We’ve survived many breakups, fights, sleeping on the couch…” Will trailed off, the congregation chuckling. “But, I have loved you through all of that. No matter what I have ever questioned in my life, the one thing that was always clear was how much I loved you.” To Kurt’s right Blaine squirmed in his chair slightly. “And I was so happy when you agreed to be mine. And I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” Will placed the ring on her finger.

Kurt’s eyes flickered to Blaine yet again, noticing him wiping a small tear off his cheek. Kurt wanted to go over and hug him, just from the look on his face. But he knew he couldn’t. 

“Will,” Emma spoke up. “For the longest time, I was the girl with the crush on the popular guy.” Kurt’s stomach lurched at how hard this was going to hit home with him. “It seemed so much like high school,let’s just say that it’s good that we work at one. I never expected someone like you to fall for someone like me.” That line right there pained Kurt, that was the way Kurt had felt about Blaine when Blaine admitted his feelings to him. But it was also the way Kurt felt when Paul took an interest in him. “I always saw you as this popular guy who everyone loved, who was amazing at his job. But underneath that, after we kissed I started seeing your other side, your fears, your hopes, your dreams and I want nothing more to make your fears disappear, and your hopes and dreams a reality, I would do anything for you, I love you so much.” Emma vowed as she put the ring onto his finger.

This whole thing felt wrong to Kurt. Blaine’s condition was getting worse with every vow given and Kurt was away from him. He should be there, he should be letting Blaine cry into his neck like he used to when things would happen. He should be there holding his hand and whispering comforting words into his ear. He should just be there. Not here. 

Tears fell more and more quickly down Kurt’s face while he regarded Blaine. Until Paul squeezed his hand, he forgot he was even there. It was wrong. If he had been with Blaine, the holding of his hand would make him tingle and he wouldn’t forget that he were there. He’d be drawn to laying his head on his shoulder happily. He knew that Paul wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with it, but Kurt also knew that getting that cuddly with Paul was something he didn’t ever do. Being cuddly was a Kurt and Blaine thing, not a Paul and Kurt thing. 

That was one of the things he missed most about Blaine was cuddling with him, the feeling of himself being wrapped up in Blaine’s arms like nothing would ever hurt him while he was there. Blaine would nuzzle his nose against his neck as they fell asleep together. Kurt missed waking up in the middle of the night after falling asleep studying with Blaine to find him with his hand splayed across Kurt’s stomach, breathing lightly against Kurt’s neck. 

Kurt’s hands began to shake, this was it, Paul was going to know he was upset. 

“What’s wrong babe?” Paul asked low in Kurt’s ear. 

Kurt shook his head, not trusting his voice not to break when saying “I’m fine” Blaine took that moment to look over and saw the tears on Kurt’s face and he got the same concerned and heartbroken gaze that he got any time he had to see Kurt cry. 

That was enough for Kurt, he excused himself quickly and all but ran out of the church.

Kurt ran out and sat on the steps to the church, ignoring the annoyed glares of Emma’s family on the way out. He sat there and just let himself cry for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t long until he felt a presence beside him, and feeling Paul pull him close as he cried.

“I-I’m s-sorry.” Kurt sobbed. 

”It’s okay Kurt,” Paul started.

“N-no it’s not, B-blaine and I b-broke up. W-we’re done. I’m with y-you.” Kurt cried. “I shouldn’t f-feel like this.”

“Kurt, I know you still love him.” Paul sighed. “I hoped that it would just go away, but this is one of those loves that it just doesn’t.”

“I-I want it to.” Kurt lamented.

“No you don’t.” Paul reasoned. “You know that he still loves you too. Kurt you know that.”

“I do, but I’m perfectly content with you, I really like you.” Kurt argued slightly.

“But content isn’t good enough Kurt, you need to be happy, more than happy even.” Paul sighed again. “Kurt these past few months have been great.”

“I know Paul, you’re great, you really are. I’m just stupid.” Kurt grumbled.

“You’re not Kurt. But your heart never belonged to me. It never would have.”

“Paul I-“ 

“Kurt, trust me, I’ll be okay. I will. It hurts a little, yes but I was cautious of this. Especially after I saw you and Blaine skype that one time when I showed up early for the movies. I know. Even you said that you liked him back when you first met him and when he became your best friend.” Paul released Kurt and looked him in the eyes. “Kurt, some people aren’t meant to be just friends some people, people like you and Blaine, are meant to be together. I’ve seen only a few people like you and Blaine in my life. And I know that it never works out for them in other relationships, they always find their way back to each other.”

“Paul I’m so sorry.” Kurt cried again, fresh tears spilling over.

“Kurt stop, it’s okay, I’ll be okay. You and I will be okay. We can still hang out and everything but you and I aren’t meant for each other.” Paul leaned forward and kissed Kurt lightly. “Okay, tell me, did that feel half as good as it did when Blaine used to do that? Don’t lie.”

“It doesn’t feel bad, just different.” Kurt said honestly. Kissing Paul was nice, not nearly as nice as Blaine but nice all the same.

“Then I think you have your answer.” Paul stood up. “I’m going to go get my luggage and head back to New York. You need to go find Blaine.” Kurt stood up and hugged Paul tightly.

“Thank you.” Kurt said, putting as much feeling as he could into the two words.

Kurt ran back into the lobby of the church, the ceremony was almost over, but he ducked back into an empty pew at the back of the church. Only a few people noticed he was back. Blaine was one of them. 

Kurt looked down to his feet, unable to meet Blaine’s eyes just yet. Will and Emma kissed and began their trip back up the isle, along with the rest of the congregation, minus Kurt. Kurt sat in the empty pew and just took a moment to collect himself. Blaine approached him cautiously, almost asking if it were okay to sit with Kurt. Kurt nodded his head slightly as Blaine sat beside him.They were quiet for a few minutes and then Kurt spoke up.

“Paul and I broke up.” Kurt muttered.

“What?” Blaine asked, shocked. “Kurt oh my god, are you okay? Do I need to go get Sam? Because him and I we could totally take h-“

“No Blaine, it’s okay.” Kurt sighed. “It’s actually perfectly okay.”

“Wha-?”

“Blaine, when I broke up with you at McKinley that night, I thought we were done. I really did. I thought we’d go our separate ways and we’d be through as a couple.” Blaine’s eyes turned sad, he didn’t want to talk about this. “But, I’ve come to realize that if I really wanted that, I would have broken my own promise and said goodbye.”

“But you didn’t…” Blaine muttered almost silently.

“I didn’t.” Kurt looked him in the eyes. “I couldn’t.”

“Why couldn’t you? I hurt you Kurt. I deserved it.”

“Because, no matter how angry and upset I was with you, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt you that deeply.” Kurt almost whined. “Because when I hurt you, I’m hurting myself just as much. Seeing you hurt, hurts me.”

“Kurt.” Blaine sighed. 

“And I didn’t want to say goodbye to you, because that would mean you’d leave. And I don’t want to you to ever leave Blaine.” Kurt cried.

“Kurt, I don’t want to leave you either.” Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand and rubbed circles into his palm like he used to. This made Kurt cry harder. Blaine reacted the only way he knew how, he pulled Kurt into his lap, bringing Kurt’s face to the crook of where his shoulder met his neck and held him tightly. Kurt’s cries intensified for a short minute upon realizing that this was what Paul was talking about. When he and Paul were together, his embraces didn’t feel comforting like Blaine’s. They were almost alien to Kurt, and they did no help. But with Blaine, the embrace relaxed him, and made him feel a lot less terrible of a person. After a few moments of Blaine holding him and whispering in his ear, again just like he used to, Kurt’s sobs subsided.

“Blaine, do you believe in soulmates?” Kurt asked quietly.

“It’s funny that you bring that up. For the longest time, I felt like you were my soulmate. But, that was before I lost you. Before I knew the pain behind the knowledge that you weren’t mine anymore. Losing you made me realize and believe, now more than ever, that you are my soulmate Kurt.” Blaine whispered.

“I feel the same way Blaine,” Kurt smiled for the first time that afternoon. 

“So, what now?” Blaine asked after a few quiet minutes of cuddling Kurt close to him. Kurt sighed, this was going to be the hard part.

“I think, we should take things slowly.” Kurt muttered. “But, I don’t want to be just friends with you, because we both know, hell even Paul knew, that you and I can’t ever be just friends.”

“So you want-“ 

“I want you. I want you today, I want you tomorrow. I want you when I go back to New York, and I’ll want you every day that you’re in New York with me.” Kurt explained. “I just never want us to be over again.”

“It was never over between us Kurt, not ever.” Blaine smiled tearfully as he and Kurt met in the middle, their lips coming together as fluidly and naturally as they always did. They broke apart slightly, just enough for Kurt to whisper the words he’d missed saying for such a long time

“I love you Blaine.”

Blaine’s breath caught and he leaned in once again, kissing Kurt more forcefully than before.

“I love you too Kurt.” He sighed in between kisses. Kurt had been right. Kissing Paul was nice, but kissing Blaine, well, it felt a lot like coming home.