Loneliness.

Not something that goes away easily. You can stumble into the streets, hoping for any semblance of human contact. You can take pills to numb the depression it brings. You can call home, talk about work, school anything to avoid talking about how empty you feel inside.

Loneliness doesn’t just go away.

Not when it feels like a part of you is missing.

This is how Kurt Hummel felt at that moment, perched on the edge of his bed in his New York apartment staring out of the window at the bright lights of the city. The bright lights that drew him there with promises of fame and happiness were almost taunting him now with their harsh chemical glow. The light wasn’t warm like the dim orange light bulb that had hung from the ceiling of his bedroom back in Lima.

The light was cold.

Like the rest of the apartment.

Boxes sat scattered around, some open with clothes spewing out. Some still sealed. It had been 4 months since he had set foot in the city but there were some things he couldn’t bring himself to unpack.

Like the photograph of he and Blaine.

It had been taken at Kurt’s graduation. They were stood on the football field, Kurt wearing his navy blue gown which was slightly rumpled at the shoulders and chest from his boyfriend bone crushing hug that had ended moments before the photo was taken. Blaine stood beside him, are around the small of Kurt’s back, hand loosely gripping Kurt’s waist. The graduation cap sat awkwardly on his gelled hair and he was laughing. As was Kurt. Both facing each other with matching grins on their faces.

Another photo had been taken after this one. Where both boys were standing straight backed in front of the red and white balloon display. Blaine arm was still around Kurt’s waist but this time Kurt’s gown was smoothed perfectly and his cap was back on his own head. They had the same matching smiles again but these were directed towards the camera, not each other.

It was a nice photo for Burt to hang in the house, perhaps on the stairs, or over the fireplace.

But Kurt’s father had insisted he keep this one, he had taken it to a posh photo developers outside of town, where they had tacked it in a smooth varnished frame for display.

The frame had no purpose here though, seeing as it was still tucked away in the box, wrapped in bubble wrap and tissue paper to protect it from the battering move across the country. It lay under a worn hoody that had ‘Dalton academy sports dept.’ printed on the front and smelled strongly of sawdust and old spice. Smelled strongly of Blaine.

Kurt thought back to his last day in Lima, standing in the doorway with his boxes and bags on the front lawn, Blaine holding his hand tightly while the couple talked to Burt about anything and everything.

And then Blaine had let go of his hand and had run to his car and had driven off without a word.

He didn’t reply to texts and he wouldn’t answer his phone and neither Kurt nor Burt could figure out what the hell had happened. Once the car arrived to pick up his stuff he couldn’t think about it. He just had to go.

He had been in the airport waiting area when Blaine returned, red faced and panting hard as if he had run all the way from his home.

Which he basically had.

He held out the hoody, looked Kurt straight in the eye and said;

If you feel down or if you miss me or even if it’s just a bit cold then put this on, close your eyes and it’ll be like I’m right there holding you.

Just thinking about how the touch of their hands as the material passed between them had been the last contact the couple had had made tears prickle in the corner of Kurt’s eyes.

He rubbed them away with the heels of his hands and breathed deep.

Blaine had stayed behind because he was still only a senior, he had another year and then he would be joining Kurt in New York. If they lasted that long. They had both had their fair share of worries, would they lose contact? Would they be too busy? But in the end Kurt had to go. He hadn’t quite hit his goal of NYADA but he had secured a place at a small arts school just outside of the main city and, not one to turn down any small mercies, Kurt had accepted.

So here he was, 4 months later.

He and Blaine kept it together as best they could. They called each other every day, Blaine would talk about glee club and how, even though they hadn’t managed to reach competing level numbers they still turned up every week and performed to one another, and of course Kurt would talk about his courses. The rude girl that reminded his of Rachel and the 6’4” beanpole that took dance next door during Kurt’s rehearsing time that he said was a weird combination of both Finn and Mike.

They never said I miss you they never said I wish you were here they kept it simple. Facts and figures of their lives apart.

On the surface they were going strong, but there were cracks in the heart of the relationship. A coldness that seeped through every waking moment and, as much as Kurt longed to rip open the cardboard and snuggle deep into the hoody as Blaine had wanted him to, he knew it would be the final crack.

The seam that tore apart the fibres of his being.
Because he was lonely.

Without Blaine, he was lonely.

And he knew it would end soon and then Kurt would be completely alone.

Kurt started as a familiar jingle echoed through the room. He turned and reached across the bed for his laptop, opening it to find the video call waiting to be answered.

He took a deep breath and clicked the green button.

“Hi, Blaine.”