He knows if he talks to anyone - especially Rachel - that he'll end up backing out of this. He knows that in the face of blinding enthusiasm, he'll buckle, he'll cower, he'll pull his usual aloof distanced act and something that could be good will turn into another tick in his 'road to nowhere' column.

So he just throws himself into work, glad for the afternoon rush, and tries to avoid looking at the clock.

*

At five til seven Blaine shows back up.

"That's not fair," Kurt says, because Blaine has definitely put his afternoon to good use.

"What?" Blaine feigns innocence even though it's obvious that he's showered and shaved and dressed for the occasion despite Kurt being very clear what kind of occasion it wasn't.

He looks... he looks ridiculously good and Kurt is suddenly mortified that he smells like coffee and there's a smudged stain from a caramel dripping on his right sleeve and his outfit - it's not like it's bad, because he wouldn't leave his house in the morning looking anything less than good, but it's casual-good, not impress-a-guy-good.

"Kurt?" Blaine asks, jarring Kurt out of his thoughts.

"Where are we going?" He asks.

Blaine shrugs. "Dinner, maybe? Is that too date-like? I would say coffee, but..." He gestures around him. "Wasn't sure if that's exactly something you want to enjoy in your free time, too."

"Dinner's fine," he says, voice tight.

Blaine doesn't move, though. He looks troubled, looking Kurt over. "Look... if you don't want to do this- it's fine. You can just tell me to get lost, I'll forget Rachel ever gave me your number."

Kurt looks Blaine in the eye and it's obvious he means it - but that he's not happy about it. "No... no, I am hungry."

He's not. He's really not. He's nervous to the point of feeling ill, but he hates that look on Blaine's face, hates putting it there - and it's worth it for the smile he gets. "Great. I know a good place nearby, do you like Thai?"

"Yeah. Give me about five minutes to lock up here, okay? I - you have to wait outside."

"No problem." Blaine bounces - actually bounces - and heads outside to wait.

*

As soon as Blaine's out of his line of vision, Kurt runs into the bathroom. He tries his best to scrub at the stain, fixes his hair, wishes he'd bought a change of clothes... not that he ever does. It's only a ten minute walk from his apartment, and he could ask Blaine to walk back with him-

-but judging from her texts, Rachel is home, and he's not prepared to deal with that awkward of a moment right now. He has no idea what Rachel said, no idea how long they talked, and she's... Rachel.

No, that would be a bad idea. The worst of ideas.

And this isn't a date anyway, so maybe it's better that he looks like he didn't put too much effort in. Maybe Blaine will be so nauseated by the smell of coffee that by the end of the night he won't be able to get away fast enough - which wouldn't make Kurt happy, not at all, but would be sort of a relief.

*

They walk side by side, not speaking. Kurt hasn't asked the name of the place, though if it's this close he's probably been there before.

It's cool now, the temperature dropping steadily, and Kurt thinks by the end of the night he'll wish he had a heavier jacket but for now it's fine.

Blaine starts to hum after a minute, a tune that takes Kurt only a few seconds to place. He tilts his head toward Blaine and lifts an eyebrow.

Blaine just grins back and hums louder.

"So you were in Glee," he says.

Kurt groans. "This is not fair. I have no idea how much you know about me!"

"Aw, it's okay." Blaine leans in and bumps his shoulder against Kurt, a small gesture that makes Kurt's breath catch a little. "If you want to know anything about me, all you have to do is ask. I am an open book."

"Have you been drinking?" Kurt gives him a suspicious look.

Blaine just laughs. "No. I swear. I'm just trying to make you laugh. Trying and... failing."

"So how drunk were you last night?"

"Not that drunk," he says, sounding a little defensive. "I'd had a few, okay, but it wasn't like that. I was barely even hung over this morning."

"How drunk was Rachel?"

Blaine laughs. "Now that I can't really attest to. I mean, I've seen her for about five seconds sober, so I have on idea how much of that is just her and how much was the drinking. Stop worrying about it though - I promise, she told me nothing but good things. This is the place."

It's a little restaurant Kurt has passed a few dozen times in his year in New York, but never been into. Blaine holds the door open and Kurt steps inside, shying away so they don't accidentally brush. He doesn't see Blaine's eyes lingering on him, the frown that flickers over Blaine's face.

*

"So," Blaine says, once they're inside and seated. "Seriously, I mean it. I do have you at an unfair advantage so... if you want to know anything, just ask."

"What did she tell you about me?" Kurt says. "Just so I know how unfair of an advantage it is."

"Okay, that's fair..." Blaine muses for a moment. "Your name is Kurt - okay, I already knew that. That you're gay, you're single, you share an apartment with her, where you go to school, where you work..."

"Oh, God," Kurt covers his face with his hands. "Did she give you my shoe size and high school GPA, too?"

"It's not like I wasn't asking," Blaine says, reaching out. His fingers close around Kurt's wrist and he tugs a hand away. He only holds the grasp for a few seconds and then lets go. "I wanted to know."

"Why?"

"Because you're..." Blaine seems flustered for the first time, ducking his head down and then looking back up at Kurt. "This is kind of deep for a not-date."

"And that's kind of an obvious avoidance tactic."

"Yep," Blaine grins at him and Kurt just can't help it, he laughs. "Tell you what, you decide this is a date and I'll answer it."

Kurt swallows. "Fine."

"Fine, it's..." Blaine leaves it open, looking surprised.

"Fine, I'll tell you if I change my mind."

The grin intensifies. "Good enough for me," he says. "For now."

*

It's not actually as bad as Kurt had thought. Blaine really does want to make him laugh - he's taking every obvious one-liner that presents itself and after a while the groans turn to chuckles.

He lets Blaine suggest something to order, and finds that he loves the food. It's not the sort of fare he'd cook for himself - or pick for himself - but it's good. It's a new experience.

"So, Kurt," Blaine says, and then he licks a bit of sauce off of his bottom lip in a way that Kurt tries very hard not to be distracted by. "I'm still an open book."

This time Kurt decides to bite. "Fine, I'll start with... how old are you?"

"Nineteen. I turned nineteen last month."

"What?" Kurt almost drops his fork. "You're younger than me?"

Blaine shrugs. "Do I look older?" He looks like he sort of likes the idea of that, a bit smug.

"No, you just - you've got a job. Like, a real job, not one in the part time food service industry. Are you in school?"

"I did a year course to get certified for the massage thing," Blaine says. "I... found myself in a position where school wasn't really an option, not like I'd sort of assumed it would be my entire life. My buddy Wes was moving to New York and he let me couch crash while I got my stuff together. I took out a loan for the certification program and I was really lucky to snag this job not long after I got certified. I want to go back to school, but I need to save up some money first."

Kurt obviously wants to know more, but he doesn't pry. "So, if relieving people of stress isn't your true calling, what is?"

"I picked massage because it paid well, and it seemed like something I could do. I like it - I could even be happy doing it for a while, I think. But calling? Not exactly." Blaine shrugs. "I don't even know, really. I was going to study law, but now... the field is wide open. I guess... I'd kind of like to teach music? Maybe something like that. But it'll be a couple of years before I can."

"I can't believe you're younger than me," Kurt says, still marveling over it. "So you said you moved here - where are you from?"

"Midwest. My parents moved around a little... they kept trying to find the 'right' school for me. I actually lived in Ohio for about six months - I went to a school there... but then my dad thought better of sending me to an all boys school." Blaine grimaces, trying to play it off.

Kurt doesn't let him off the hook. "What do you mean?"

"My dad wasn't exactly okay with me being okay. Isn't... okay. I had an incident in ninth grade at the public school I was at, I kind of got - well, I got my ass kicked, to be honest."

"Because you were gay?" Kurt feels cold all over just thinking about it.

"I hadn't come out to my parents before that, somehow I thought it would never get back to him - I don't know, I was kind of dumb, I guess. But they found out why and pulled me out of the school... they tried, I guess they were trying? To be understanding, but they sent me to a different public school and I met a guy there... I mean, nothing even really happened, we kissed like - once, in my kitchen. But my mom walked in and hey, next thing I know, we're moving again. Then Dalton-"

"I know that school!" Kurt says, surprised.

Blaine's face lights up. "Yeah, Wes went there for all of high school. I was only there for one semester but we kept in touch. He's a great guy. So after that my dad made me finish out junior and senior year at this religious boarding school. It was nuts. Once I hit 18, I just split. I couldn't handle it anymore. I told my folks I was moving to New York with Wes and my dad lost it. I mean, Wes is straight! It's not even how they thought it was, but it's so ridiculous. I didn't even bother to tell them - because I might, one day, you know? I might want to move in with a guy and it might be more than just a friend. But he flipped out and said that if I wanted to live that kind of lifestyle, I wouldn't do it on his dime. So I So... there's my life story. You officially know way, way more about me than I know about you."

"I was bullied," Kurt blurts out. Not to even the field, but just because after hearing all of that, hearing that slightly raw tone to Blaine's voice even though he's trying to make it with humor and casualness, it still shakes something inside of Kurt. "My dad was great - he's the best- well, he's he tries the hardest. He never wanted a son like me, but he changed - for me. The rest of the the world wasn't quite so accommodating. I was the only out kid at my school, and it was... awful."

Blaine's hand reaches over the table and covers Kurt. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. Your teachers didn't really do anything? The kids that beat me up got expelled, at least."

Kurt doesn't respond, can't bring himself to say that it wasn't being slammed against a locker, wasn't the bruises and threats, that really fucked him up. It was the hands grabbing him, the mouth wet and slimy on his, the tongue prying itself into his mouth that left him feeling sick and used.

In his mind, he knows; he knows what all the pamphlets would say. Don't blame yourself. You're a victim; you didn't ask for it. But Kurt knows somehow, he did - just by being himself, he brought it on.

Sometimes he convinces himself that he just should feel sorry for Karofsky, because bullies usually bully for a reason. Karofsky's gay; the hard on rubbing against his ass as he was shoved into the locker room was enough proof of that. Karofsky was gay and he hated it, hated the world for what he wanted, and hated Kurt for having it on display. There was something in him that Karofsky wanted and he took it. I

When he thinks of Karofsky, he finds himself wanting more than anything for Karofsky to stop hating who he is - not for Dave's sake, but so that as he gets older he doesn't find some other man smaller and weaker and take the hatred out on him.

"Kurt?" Blaine asks, and Kurt realizes that Blaine has just let him be silent for who knows how long. His hand is still on Kurt's, warm and squeezing slightly, and Kurt surprises them both by squeezing back. He's not at all hungry anymore, and it's like Blaine can read his mind because he signals the water to get their check. "Come on, we can go for a walk."

*

Kurt finds himself wishing Blaine would take his hand again, but Blaine doesn't. He doesn't even walk too close; close enough that it's obvious that they're walking together, but their shoulders don't brush anymore.

"So if Rachel gave you my number, why didn't you just send me a message?" He asks.

"I had nothing else to do?" Blaine says, looking over at Kurt. "No, that's a lie. I just... I don't know. I feel like whatever I say is gonna make you take off."

"Well, I guess I earned that." Kurt rolls his eyes. "I hereby promise that I will not just take off."

"Well, I wanted to see you. I mean - last night you seemed kind of... receptive. But I didn't know if I was just imagining it because that's what I wanted. So I thought if I came in... not that it cleared a whole lot up. You're kind of hard to read, Kurt. Or maybe I'm just really bad at reading people."

Kurt really has no clue what to say, and he really does just want to leave but he keeps his word and he stays. He stops walking, just stands there looking at Blaine.

"You can go if you want," Blaine says, like he can read Kurt's mind or something.

"No, I don't," Kurt says. Blaine's face falls and Kurt thinks he's probably not being clear so he adds, "I don't want to leave, I mean. You are confusing the hell out of me, but I don't want to leave. You're interesting, Blaine Anderson."

"Well, good. Good." Blaine rocks back and forth on his feet a little, looking pleased. "You look cold. Are you cold? Come on... I know a great coffee shop, I'll buy you something warm."

"I swear if you take me to-"

"Not the one you work at, I promise. Trust me." And then Blaine turns his face toward Kurt again and gives him a little smile and Kurt's stomach starts to flop and he really starts to realize exactly how dangerous being around this boy is.