Mr. Schuester ran off and left them at the hotel. Kurt wasn't pleased about it, especially when he heard the room arrangements. Blaine was stuck with Sam and he'd ended up sharing with Finn and his cheesy feet. Puck and Mike seemed to be the only excited ones and the girls had rooms joined by a single living space. Apparently, Mr. Schuester had every intention of keeping him and Blaine away from each other while Santana and Brittany had a ball in their own shared room.

"This is such crap," Kurt snarled as Santana and Brittany pranced off to their room. Blaine patted his arm as Rachel circled the room. "Why do they get a room when we don't? This is bull–"

Blaine cut him off with a swift kiss and stroked his cheek. "Enough. You'll get a chance to suck me off and I you. Now let's go before Rachel makes us help write songs."

Kurt groaned, but stood up with Blaine. "We're screwed. How can he just run off and leave us to scramble the entire set together in thirty-four hours?"

Blaine yanked him back out into the hallway and towards the elevator. It was better than an excuse or answer for Mr. Schuester. They were all furious at him. Only Rachel seemed to be taking the assignment seriously, but she always went overboard with Glee. Not having any songs a day and a half before Nationals was a nightmare, but there were more important things to do in New York City. This was Blaine's one chance to see the city and Kurt wasn't going to let him miss it.

"Forget it. There's always next year," Blaine reminded him. And that was true. This was their first year at Nationals and with a lackluster teacher, they didn't stand a chance. "Come on, where's our first stop?"

"Ellis Island," Kurt said. He grabbed Blaine's hand and lead him into the elevator.

All day they combed the city's biggest tourist attractions. From Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty back to Time Square and a long list of stores Kurt wanted to browse. They ate at a dozen food carts Blaine spotted, rode the packed subway, and finally turned around and headed back to the hotel for a late dinner.

The other boys were still in the hotel restaurant when Kurt and Blaine came in.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom, okay?"

Blaine kissed him on the cheek and Kurt sighed happily as he headed out of the little restaurant to the bathroom around the corner. Life was better in the city than he'd ever expected. All day he and Blaine had gotten to hold hands, link arms, kiss, and relax like they did in their homes back in Ohio. Nobody here bothered them about being together. Kurt hadn't seen a single person so much as glance at them funny. They were a normal swatch of color of the palette here in New York City and giving that up on Sunday wasn't going to be fun.

When Kurt stepped back into the restaurant, Blaine was taking the table the boys had been at. The others were snickering and Blaine's face was so red he looked sunburnt.

"What have they been saying now?" Kurt asked as he sat down. "I thought you were over the blowjob blush."

"No, it's nothing," Blaine said. Kurt didn't buy it, but he ordered his drink in silence and picked a burger from the menu.

"Gonna spill or not?" Kurt said.

"It's... a surprise. After dinner, okay?"

"All right," Kurt agreed. He watched Blaine, but his blush was fading and he didn't seem worried, so Kurt didn't either. Whatever that had been about was silly, but it did remind him of something he'd forgotten in the excitement of the day. "On the bus earlier, what did you dream about?"

Blaine paused halfway through turning a page in his menu. Kurt didn't have to guess to figure out the possibilities of that nightmare. Lee, high school, his death. The bad dreams were always the same for Blaine these days and nothing Kurt offered had changed that. Nothing Blaine did moved towards helping himself anymore either.

"It–here isn't the best place to talk about it," Blaine said. Kurt recognized the answer for the deflection it was. His instincts were right. Blaine's past was still a world of nightmares with only six weeks left. For the first time, Kurt wondered what would happen if Blaine didn't take that one last step forward.

"Okay, back in one of our rooms. Whatever makes you feel safest," Kurt said. Their waiter returned and Kurt happily placed their orders for two Hawaiian burgers, a shared basket of fries and jalapeno coins, and every sauce on the list. "Oh, Thai chili sauce sounds good."

Blaine hummed in agreement and then took out the handful of brochures he'd gotten at stops and corners around the city throughout the day. While they ate they talked about where to go tomorrow, how to sneak past Rachel, and then any song ideas for Nationals tomorrow evening.

In the elevator, Kurt tried to bring up Blaine's nightmare again. "So about that dream on the bus, you really scared me."

A second later, Blaine was backing Kurt into the elevator wall, hands directing his hips and mouth diving for his neck. Kurt gasped as Blaine pressed into him, his lips sucking gently as the elevator started towards their floor.

"Missed you," Blaine said against his skin. "Been thinking about you all day."

"L- liar," Kurt managed to get out. "You've been thinking about the city all day."

"And having you with me in it," Blaine said. He kissed softly up Kurt's neck and jaw. "The room is ours for the night, by the way."

Kurt smiled as Blaine started at his neck again. "Is that why you were blushing so much earlier? I knew Puck was teasing you about sex."

"You're talking too much," Blaine said. The elevator slowed to a stop.

"And you're deflecting my questions with some very nice kisses."

Kurt stepped around Blaine and into the hallway. He just caught a glimpse of Sam, Puck, Mike, and Finn peering around their doorway before they slammed the door shut. Blaine kissed the back of his neck and ran his fingers over his shoulders.

"Does that mean the pants stay on?"

"You're really starting to sound like a teenager," Kurt said. He trotted down to Blaine and Sam's room and waited for Blaine to open it with his keycard.

"Well, I am a teenager," Blaine said as they stepped inside. At Kurt's look, he added, "Kind of. Mostly. I look like one."

"You look cute in that bowtie," Kurt teased. He plucked at it a few times until Blaine leaned in and kissed him again. "But not cute enough to not answer my questions."

Blaine groaned and shut the door. "All right, fine. Let me get comfortable first."

Kurt sat back on the bed as Blaine toed his shoes off, then started stripping his tie, shirt, and pants off. He glanced at Kurt hopefully, but Kurt keep his face set. The only way to get answers was to be firm right now, and he needed these answers. Without them, Blaine might not get through this by next month. God, how was goodbye already next month?

Blaine frowned and pulled his pajamas out of his bag. After he was dressed he slid back on the bed with Kurt and let Kurt hold him against his chest. Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek, then brushed his fingers over the stubble already growing in. He hadn't shaved since that first day, but Blaine was up to three razor experiences. Of course, Kurt had shaved his face each time because Blaine refused to acknowledge that it was actually growing, but Kurt didn't think much of it.

"You need another shave," he said. "You're all prickly and cute, but you can't go on stage with a beard."

"Now who's deflecting," Blaine muttered. He still let Kurt kiss over his cheeks before sinking back into Kurt's embrace. "All right, I, um, dreamed about... Lee was in it."

Kurt nodded, tightening his arms around Blaine and covered Blaine's hands with his own. "Memories?"

"In a way." Blaine shifted until he could rest his head on Kurt's shoulder. "I've never told you about when I first got to the Between. That's where I was. Those first moments, waking up and not having a clue where I was or why it was so filthy."

Kurt crinkled his nose. "It's dirty there? I always thought it be bright and, like, white and stuff. Heavenly."

Blaine laughed and pressed his face into Kurt's neck. "It's clean for the most part. That room... it changes for everyone. It was a busted up version of my bedroom for my grandfather."

"And for you?"

"My old room, too," Blaine said. He rolled his shoulders. "It was dark and there were stains everywhere. Like a murder scene in a way. Lee and I used to have sleepovers in there."

Kurt pressed a soft kiss to Blaine's forehead. "He was there? In the dream, I mean."

"Only in the dream. He used to show up in that one a lot. Right before I head over to look at the closet." Blaine laughed bitterly. "Poetic little scene I created for myself, isn't it?"

Instead of answering, Kurt leaned his cheek against Blaine's head and sighed. He couldn't be sure, but whatever this room was, its purpose was clear. But something had been different about this dream. The way Blaine had reacted when he woke up said that much. Other nightmares didn't make Blaine clutch Kurt so hard he felt like he was snapping in half.

"I was there, too, wasn't I?"

Blaine didn't say and that was answer enough.

"It was only a dream," Kurt said after a beat. "Maybe I will end up there someday, but it won't be with him hurting me like he did you."

"How did you–"

Kurt kissed the question off his lips. "I know you, that's how I know. I also know that hiding here or at my house or school isn't going to make that room change or your dreams stop. You need to face this, and I think seeing him when we get back is the way to do it."

Blaine was quiet for so long, Kurt started to shut his eyes for sleep. But Blaine sat up, lace his fingers together and tugged at them.

"I know you're right, okay? I'm just too scared to do it." Blaine sighed and looked over his shoulder at Kurt. For once his gaze wasn't bright, despite the light that always hung in his eyes. "It's been too long to go back. Like the more and more you put off doing one of your papers and then you panic all night the day before its due."

"You can do it and I'll be there with you," Kurt said. He slid forward and pulled Blaine's knitted fingers apart. "It's okay for you to be scared because I'm here to not be. The same way you were for me."

Blaine nodded slightly, but didn't say anything. The only answer Kurt wanted was yes, and right now, Blaine couldn't bring himself to give that. Instead he was given a kiss. He sighed into it as Blaine eased him back into the pillows and swept his tongue over Kurt's lower lip.

"So about this room," Kurt murmured as Blaine's lips started tracking down his cheek and neck. "It's ours for the night?"

"Completely." Blaine dragged his tongue over Kurt's collarbone and then nipped gently with his teeth. "I personally took all of Sam's stuff to yours and Finn's room."

"Good," Kurt said. He groaned as Blaine's hips settled between his and started rolling slowly. "I have no plans of opening that door for anyone tonight. We're staying right here."

They placed twelfth at Nationals. Everyone except Rachel and Mr. Schuester were thrilled with the outcome. Twelve out of one hundred was impressive with such a small group. For Blaine it was even better since they'd used original songs thrown together hours before the competition. It had been a foolish choice, an amateur's mistake combined with a distracted teacher. Kurt shrugged it off like he had expected the six inch high trophy. There was next year for him. Just getting to New York City together had been more than enough. After changing back into their own clothes and checking out of the hotel, they piled back onto the bus for Ohio.

Puck and Mike snickered as they headed to the back seat. Kurt rolled his eyes as Blaine leaned his head against the window half way down the bus.

"They're all such perverts," Kurt mumbled. "At least we get some and know where it's been."

Blaine smiled slightly and turned towards the aisle. Kurt was glaring at Finn now, who had somehow managed to get squished between Rachel and Quinn on the back seat with Puck and Mike. Several suggestive gestures were sent their way.

"Ours is good, too," Blaine reminded him. "Even if we don't stick ourselves inside of each other yet."

"It's great," Kurt said. He blushed a little at Blaine's words. "I'm ready. I think I am. I almost hoped we would last night, but I don't want that memory in a hotel room."

Blaine felt his own face heat up. They'd inched closer to that, but it still seemed too fast. Maybe it was just him being old-fashioned–everything in Kurt's world was ten times faster than the life he'd had–but five months for where they were was a warp-speed sprint. There had been a finger or two since the condom and lube buying, Kurt had been too excited for Blaine to not want to try. Everything just felt too fast for Blaine anymore and it was only getting faster. The closer June came, the more he started thinking that doing anything further would be pushing Kurt's limits with their pacing.

"I don't either," Blaine agreed. Kurt snuggled up to his side and kissed his earlobe. Blaine squirmed a little but didn't stop him from repeating the action. "I don't think I'm ready. It's all so confusing now."

Kurt pulled back and stared at him. "Confusing? D-did I do something wrong?"

"What? No, it's not–the more I think about it, the guiltier I feel. I can't help it," he added a little defensively at Kurt's frown. "I'm leaving and five months ago you'd never even kissed someone. I hadn't either. Not really. It's all so rushed because I'm leaving."

"Oh, so you don't want to?" Kurt entire body drooped as he spoke and Blaine quickly shook his head.

"I do, I do. I just don't know if I'll be ready before– by June. I'm sorry. I want to share that with you, I just can't stop feeling like I'm forcing you into rushing yourself. And I don't think I'm ready for it. Everything's overwhelming anymore."

"Time's rushing you. Us. Both," Kurt said quietly. "It's not fair, and maybe it's best if we don't before you go. It'll only make it harder, right?"

"Nothing's going to make it easier."

"One thing would. It's the reason you're here," Kurt added.

Blaine bit his lip and looked out the window as the bus rumbled onto the interstate. Even now he wanted to say yes. If he opened that envelope, there would be no backing out of seeing Lee again. Was it better to know what had happened to that boy from so long ago? Or was it better to shred all of it and shut that cracked door forever?

He knew which one was easier, but Blaine didn't think it was the right choice. For years, the idea of seeing Lee again had plagued him. If he only had the answers from Lee, he might find a way out of the web his head had wrapped all around him.

"I'm going to do it," Blaine said after a few minutes. "I might have to have you tie me down to open it, but when we get back..."

Kurt beamed and tugged him in for a kiss so rough Blaine ended up pressed back against the window. From the back row, the boys whooped and cheered until Kurt glared over the seat at them.

"Cheer all you want, Puckerman. This is all you get to see of us."

"He'd enjoy that, too. I can't believe he tried to climb from their window to ours just for a look last night," Blaine said. He shut his eyes and rested his head against the window once more. Kurt nuzzle into his side and sighed.

It was a long, late ride back to Ohio. They got in just after dawn and met Burt and Carole in the McKinley parking lot. Carole tugged Finn into a hug first as Burt pulled Kurt and Blaine into his arms.

"Twelfth place, hell yeah, guys. You'll get them next year, okay?"

"Of course we will," Kurt agreed. He yawned and stretched. "I'm so glad it's Saturday. We're going to nap all day and then eat something and then nap again."

"Ditto," Finn agreed. "Home?"

Carole and Burt flipped for more hugs and then piled them all into the car. All three of them were woken up again at the house, and after kicking their shoes off, Blaine and Kurt stumbled downstairs and fell into bed.

It was hours later when the pipes in the wall woke Blaine up. Everything was dim as he blinked and looked around. A small sliver of light checkboarded down the staircase from upstairs. He listened for a few moments to the sounds of Burt and Carole talking in the kitchen and the clinking of pots and pans.

"They're so noisy when they cook together," Kurt grumbled. Blaine shifted and caught one pale eye staring at him from Kurt's pillow. He smiled and snuggled closer. "I guess it's better than them being noisy when they're doing other things."

"Oh, ew. It's bad enough they've heard us," Blaine said. He stretched his back and sighed. Kurt seemed too sleepy to recall his decision, but he wasn't. As restful as their nap had been, Blaine's dreams had been of golden envelopes and filthy rooms. "I'm going to open it now," he said as he sat up. "Before I wake up enough to talk myself out of it."

Kurt sat up, too, as Blaine climbed out of bed and flicked the desk light on. It was still there, just as they'd left it. Still golden and bright with one edge tucked under a vase of wilting flowers. Blaine rubbed one of the petals between his fingers and looked at the other vases littering the room. He really had gone overboard with them, but he didn't feel right only giving Kurt flowers once either.

A soft chin hooked over his left shoulder. "I'm right here, whatever it says and whatever you decide from here."

Blaine scooped the envelope up and opened it. Medical records, criminal, and one sheet with a current address:

Lakeview Retirement Home

4514 Lakeview Lane

Westerville, OH

Blaine swallowed as Kurt read it aloud. A few hours' drive, but Lee was still alive. If he wanted, he could see him one last time. All of his questions, all of his whys, could finally be answered by a voice other than the false one in his head.

"That's not too far," Kurt said. "We can call in the morning and see when there are visiting hours. You okay?"

Kurt's hand caught the one holding the papers. Everything stopped trembling as Kurt plucked the papers from Blaine's hand and sat him down at the desk. A few hours away, another day, maybe two.

"Blaine?"

"What else does it say?" Blaine asked quietly. He couldn't look for himself. It would be easier to hear it from Kurt.

"Um," Kurt flipped through the papers of medical records for a few moments. "Some knee injuries from football that ended his career, a heart attack about six years ago, and– oh."

Blaine looked up as Kurt slapped the pages back down. His face had fallen, his eyebrows bowed down like they wanted to smile, but his lips weren't even close.

"What is it?"

"He, um. He has dementia, Blaine. And he's mostly blind now, too."

Kurt wrapped his arms around his chest and rocked on his heels.

Blaine frowned, too. "He won't remember."

"He might–"

"Or he might not," Blaine said hotly. He ran a hand through his hair and stared at the papers on the desk. "How can I get answers for myself if he can't even remember what happened?"

"Maybe you don't need answers the way you think you do," Kurt suggested uncertainly. "Maybe... maybe seeing him is what you need. Or talking through that day with him listening and seeing his reaction to it now. I don't know. The diagnosis was," Kurt flipped to the third page, "seven months ago. That's not very long, is it? He might still be able to remember."

Blaine sighed and stood up. "Maybe. It's worth a shot, I guess. Maybe it's better if he can't. Even now I don't want to give him a heart attack or hurt him. Is that weird?"

Kurt stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck. "No, it's not. That's part of what makes you so wonderful."

"Boys? Dinner's ready if you're hungry!"

For a few more minutes, Blaine relaxed there in Kurt's arms. Before long, he'd never have this chance again. Either to see Lee or to hold Kurt close. At some point, he was going to have to step out of this embrace and step forward on his own.

"You can do this," Kurt whispered against his cheek. "Just like I could tell my dad, remember? I'm right here with you."

Blaine kissed his cheek and stepped away from Kurt. "I know. We'll call in the morning."