Kurt couldn't believe how fast the holidays arrived for him. Before he realized it was December, Rachel was sitting for her final exams, and then starting to pack up for her solo trip home to Lima. Brody and Isaac were heading home for the holidays as well, and while Kurt didn't mind the first one too much, he suddenly realized he was going to miss having Isaac around quite a bit. The two of them had grown closer in the weeks leading up to Christmas, and despite all of his doubts and low moments where it hit him that Isaac was never going to be what Blaine was to him, he still liked him.

The four of them spent their last evening together walking around the city, checking out the enormous tree in Rockefeller Center and having a last bit of shopping fun before they went their own ways for the holidays. Kurt was staying in town, both for work and because his father had decided months ago that for this first Christmas with Kurt out on his own, he was going to visit him instead.

He was excited and also a bit nervous to have his father in his very own apartment for the first time. Burt wouldn't be judgmental about the rickety old door, the bad light fixtures, or the water heater that liked to pretend it didn't know its purpose, but Kurt still felt a little self-conscious about having him there to see where he lived.

After work on the twenty-first, Kurt headed to the train station with Isaac and Rachel, who had already seen Brody off at the airport, and said his goodbyes to them for the next week or two.

"Oh, I'm going to miss you so much!" Rachel whined, pouting slightly as she dove into his arms and squeezed him tightly. "It's going to be so weird without you around all the time."

"Hey, but we'll both have complete privacy," Kurt reminded her with an amused eye roll. "I don't think either of our hearts could handle another nudity encounter."

"Oh, god! Don't even mention that, Kurt. That was mortifying– I mean, seeing you wasn't so bad because you're gorgeous– but you walking in on me?" Rachel shook her head dramatically, looking embarrassed. "I'm surprised you didn't faint or something. Naked women isn't exactly something you're used to seeing."

"Or want to," Kurt added with half cringe, half laugh.

"Oh, I'm going to miss you," Rachel sighed, hugging him tightly as her train was called. "That's me!" She hopped backwards out of his arms, straightened her little hat, and gave Isaac a brief hug. "I'll tell everyone you said 'Hi', okay? And if there– do you want me to give anything to anyone?"

"My dad's taking back my gifts for everyone," Kurt reminded her, and he knew what she was actually trying to hint at, only she wasn't bold enough to mention him buying a present for Blaine in front of Isaac.

The thought of Blaine made his chest feel tight. They'd talked on the phone and Skype a lot since Thanksgiving, but it wasn't the same. Just as it hadn't been after he'd moved here and left Blaine in Lima. It was different, and more than anything this Christmas, he really wanted to see Blaine in person; to hug him and see him smile and feel the warmth of his gaze as they watched Miracle of 34th Street for the third year running. That wasn't going to happen though. Blaine was with his family for the holidays and Kurt was staying in New York, working a few days next week between Christmas and the New Year, and spending as much time with his father as possible.
The whistle sounded for Rachel's train once more and she scampered off with her little suitcase rattling along in her wake.

"She's something else, isn't she?" Isaac laughed, shaking his head in both amusement and disbelief.

"You should have met her three years ago," Kurt informed him, lifting his eyebrows significantly. "Absolute nightmare. Sent one of our best new singers to a crack house once just so she wouldn't take her spotlight."

"You can't be– are you kidding me?" Isaac gasped in disbelief.

"She wouldn't be Rachel if I was," Kurt quipped, giving the other man a teasing smile. He waited a beat and tentatively stepped forward to hug him. "I'm going to miss you."

Isaac squeezed him back. "Me, too, Kurt. I, uh– there's something I wanted to ask you before I go."

Surprised by the seriousness of Isaac's tone, Kurt pulled back slowly, stomach fluttering nervously. "Y- you do?"

Eyes bright and anxious, Isaac kept his arms looped around Kurt's waist and bit his lip.

"I, um, well– " Isaac took a deep breath and Kurt suddenly found himself dreading the question about to be directed to him. "So I know we've kind of defined our relationship as 'dating friends', and I love that, I do, Kurt, but… I was hoping, if you wanted to, that we could upgrade that a little?"

Mouth dry, Kurt managed to mumble, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not saying boyfriends!" Isaac yelped, looking terrified at Kurt's less than stellar reaction. "I know you aren't ready for that yet, but I want us t- to be exclusive? Like, when someone asks, I want us to be able to say we're dating someone and that you aren't just a friend."

"Oh," Kurt breathed, and a swirl of confusing emotions spun through him. Part of him had expected Isaac to ask him to be his boyfriend, and part of him was thrilled Isaac was putting another step between that to give him time to adjust to their growing relationship. But he didn't feel like it was fair to Isaac – sweet, nervous, clumsy Isaac – to have to keep such a slow pace because Kurt was so unsure about everything.

Isaac bit his lip once more, looking a little dejected at Kurt's lack of response. "I really like you, Kurt, and I- I know you aren't ready for that step yet, but I just want to feel like we're more to each other than just friends. We are, aren't we?"

"I wouldn't kiss you if you were just a friend," Kurt reminded his softly, reaching up and stroking back a few wild strands of blond hair. "I do like you, I just feel like I'm leading you on because of how confused all of my feelings still are, Isaac. That's not fair to you if you want more and I can't make up my mind."

Isaac stared down at the ground and Kurt felt even worse at the sight. He wished more than anything he had a day with Blaine, to really close everything off, to let his heart figure out where it needed to be right now, but he didn't.

"It's okay," Isaac decided, shaking his head. "I knew it was stupid to ask you so soon. You're just– I don't want to rush you into anything, okay? But, god, it's so hard not to want a little more when you smile at me like that."

Blushing, Kurt ducked his head as Isaac glanced back up at him.

"You don't have to give me an answer right now or anything," Isaac added. "It's just… whenever you're ready, know that I am, too."

Kurt smiled at his understanding words, at the obvious affection and tenderness Isaac already had for him. He wanted that so much and, for the life of him, he didn't understand why he was holding himself back. Yes, he still loved Blaine, but he had when they were friends before. They were mending and joking and beginning their relationship all over again. There was no logical reason not to say yes to Isaac when being with him made Kurt happy. Yet…

The attachment he felt wasn't the same as it had been with Blaine. Kurt didn't know if that meant he was heading down a road where he would fall in love with Isaac or if he simply enjoyed his company as a friend. That, more than anything, held him back, because if it was the latter and he led Isaac on to feeling more… he didn't think he'd be able to forgive himself for that heartbreak.

"You're one of the sweetest people I've ever met," Kurt told him, bending down slightly to kiss him briefly. "Just give me a few days to get this sorted out in my head, okay? Spending time with you makes me happy, but how I feel… it's different than last time and not how I've ever felt with anyone else before, so I'm just… confused on what my feelings are, I guess."

Isaac smiled up at him, but for the first time in Kurt's memory , it didn't reach his eyes.

"I still get a goodbye kiss, right?"

"Of course," Kurt agreed as the smaller man leaned in and kissed him once more, soft and slow, his lips moved against Kurt's with a more passionate, but less practiced, ease. It made Kurt's throat feel tight because of all of the emotion Isaac was pouring into it, but still he felt very little, not how Kurt thought he should feel when someone was kissing him like this – not at all like he'd felt when Blaine had kissed him this way.

Isaac pulled back slowly, brushing his fingers over Kurt's cheek like he was memorizing his face and the texture one last time. It felt horribly like a real goodbye and Kurt didn't understand it all because they had so much fun together and liked each other but–

"You'll never love anyone like you love him, Kurt," Isaac deduced, looking sad as his train was called to begin boarding. "I understand that, and I understand you not wanting to go back to him after what happened, but that doesn't change who your heart belongs to. You're an incredible man, Kurt, but this isn't going to work, is it?"

"I– Isaac, I don't– "

Isaac's train was called once more as he leaned up and pecked Kurt on the cheek. "I still want to be friends, and if you ever want to settle for less than what your heart needs, then I'll be quite happy to be that, but I can't keep getting closer to you when I know that– "

"Isaac, I don't understand," Kurt cut in, throat tight and heart hammering. "We're– we're taking things slow and I know you want– "

"I love you, Kurt," Isaac said simply.

Kurt's words stopped and his brain froze at the admission, and in that instant there was only one thought that actually became coherent for him. I'm in love with Blaine.

Isaac laughed sadly, and shook his head regretfully. "There are some loves you can't let go of, Kurt, and I can tell just by the look on your face right now that Blaine is yours. You still love him, and even if what he did was horrible, that doesn't mean you two can't figure this out. I don't want to stand in the way of that."

The final boarding call rang out and Isaac grabbed his bag and squeezed Kurt's hand once more. "I'll see you after Christmas. Have a good holiday with your dad, all right?"

"I– Isaac, I'm sorry," Kurt managed to stammer, and he meant it. God, he'd never meant anything more in his life. This was all so unfair to the other man. All he'd done was make Kurt happy and smile and tried to give a part of himself to Kurt, and Kurt couldn't do the same. Not yet, not ever with Isaac maybe, and the thought killed him.

"Don't be," Isaac assured him. "You can't help how you feel anymore than I can, and for now we'll be friends. Who knows, maybe I'll find my own lifelong love on the train ride home, right?"

Kurt wilted slightly at his words, more at the obvious pain there and the rejection. As quickly as he could, Kurt hugged him again, apologizing between his babbles of how great Isaac was.

"I'm going to want to meet this guy at some point though," Isaac told him with a teasing smile. "Just to see what you see in him."

"Final boarding call– "

"Hurry! You'll miss your train– "

And then Isaac was gone, with a last wistful smile and a small wave. Kurt felt like his heart should be breaking all over again, and, in some ways, it did hurt to watch Isaac disappear. His chest didn't feel as swollen as it had though; if anything, it felt like part of his heart had been pieced together, or rather the strength and joy he'd found with Isaac had started to stitch him back up. Blaine was still there in his heart, and now, with Isaac's help, Kurt understood that that was where he would always be, it was just a matter of figuring out if he could live without him or not.

Blaine spent the majority of the train ride to New York pacing the car. Burt had laughed at him at first, then assured him he was making the right choice, and now the older man had fallen asleep as they passed through Pennsylvania.

His heart had been pounding like crazy since he'd said goodbye to his parents that morning. They'd let him miss school that day in order to go with Burt, and while Sam and the others at McKinley had been upset to hear he'd miss the holiday party he'd been helping to plan, they were still glad he was going to see Kurt for Christmas. Only Sam and Finn knew the extent of what had occurred between him and Kurt but the others had figured out something beyond a normal break up had happened.

As the train continued to lug its way towards New York City, Blaine messed with the velvet black box tucked away in his pocket. He hadn't shown it to Burt, hadn't even known why he was bringing it. There was absolutely no way he was going to propose to Kurt, not now, probably not ever given what had happened, but he didn't feel right keeping it or hiding such a thing from Kurt. Even if he only gave it to Kurt for Christmas, along with the fabulous new scarf he'd picked for the other man, it didn't matter if Kurt ever found it in his heart to open it or not. Letting this go was a step forward for him; it meant growing past the age where he thought what they'd had in high school was going to be as simple as what the real world would hand them.

Outside of the window, the landscape beyond grew darker as the sun set. Blaine finally sat down beside Burt, pulling up his lap tray and digging a notebook out of his bag. He'd have to explain a little bit of why he was giving this to Kurt now and why Kurt should only open it for one reason, but for now he settled for putting pen to paper and writing out everything clogging up his heart.

Kurt was distracted all day at work. Fortunately it was several days after their last deadline before Christmas, so there wasn't an abundance of activity happening at . A fair few of his co-workers had already left for their vacations and he and Isabelle had their branch to themselves for the most part. At six, he said goodbye to Isabelle until the week after Christmas, then headed to his apartment.

An hour ago, his father had texted him to tell him know his train was almost there and that he would meet Kurt at his apartment. Kurt hadn't liked the idea, but his father had insisted on not putting Kurt farther out of his way than necessary. He was exhausted from his goodbyes this morning and then working all day, so he eventually agreed to the arrangement.

His apartment was cold, dark, and empty when he got back around seven o'clock. Kurt thought it was odd to not have his father waiting outside in the hall or to have even found a way through the heavy, but weak, front door to sit there and greet him. On instinct, Kurt checked his phone and found that he'd missed a text message while he was on the rickety, loud subway journey home.

Burt (6:34 P.M.): Going to be a little late, bud. Luggage problems. Out for dinner?

Brow furrowed at the idea of Burt having luggage problems on a train when he'd had his only bag under his seat a few hours ago, made Kurt incredibly suspicious, but he typed out a quick reply, telling his father they could go to his favorite little restaurant around the corner, but that Burt would only be allowed to eat something on their healthy menu.

Kurt began taking his coat, gloves, and scarf off at the door, and was just making his way into his room to strip out of his work clothes when his phone buzzed with the fastest reply Burt had ever sent. If he hadn't been suspicious a few minutes ago, he definitely was now. It took Burt a good five minutes just to type an "Okay" and when Kurt opened the message and saw a little emoticon frowny face, he knew Burt had brought someone with him. The only real question was who.

Four people immediately came to mind that were text savvy enough to use that face, but Carole had to work. He'd even spoken to her over his lunch break earlier and they'd talked about how much they were going to miss spending Christmas together. There was no way Carole was with his father; he'd heard the hospital noises in the background at one o'clock and Burt had already been on the train to New York.

Finn was Kurt's next guess since they were family, but Finn never really used faces like that in his text messages. Kurt didn't doubt that he knew them since he'd dated Rachel for so long and sending messages with a dozen little faces was her favorite thing to do.

Sam or Mercedes were his third guess, but Sam was supposed to be with his own family in Kentucky for the holidays, and Burt bringing Mercedes seemed odd to him. They were still really great friends, but Kurt couldn't imagine Burt deciding to let her tag along for Christmas in New York.

Which left the one person Kurt wanted to see more than anything, but that he was also terrified to see again: Blaine. Their relationship had already gotten so much better after Thanksgiving, and while there'd been no forgiveness from either of them yet, they were definitely on their way back to best friends. Besides, as much as Kurt knew his father loved Blaine, he had no idea if Burt had even talked to him and spoken of what had happened.

Instead of sending back a message to let his father know he was onto whatever his surprise was, Kurt sent a scolding message back, reminding his father of how important his good health was for his heart and went to change and shower quickly while he awaited Burt and… whoever's arrival.

By half past seven, Kurt was drying his hair and getting ready to style it when a knock echoed back from the door.

"Just a minute!" he hollered, pressing a little bit more water from his hair before rushing through the curtain flaps and straight over to the huge, metal door. He lugged it open quickly, beaming as he caught sight of his father.

"Dad!"

A second later, he'd flung himself into his father's arms and Burt chuckled happily, holding him tightly and swinging him a little from side to side.

"Gosh, you're getting heavy, bud," Burt grunted as Kurt put his feet back on the wooden floor and stood back to get a better look at his father. "I'm not going to be able to do that much longer."

Kurt laughed a little, grinning broadly as they looked each other over. It took him a few seconds to remember the suspicions he'd had after that text message, but as he glanced around and past Burt, he only saw the usual empty and dim hallway.

Burt raised an eyebrow as he hoisted his bag over his shoulder and stepped past Kurt into the apartment. "You leave something outside, Kurt?"

"What? No, I just– " He pulled his head back in slowly, frowning as he slid the door closed. "The frowning face on that text message, you don't use those. I didn't think you even knew they existed so I thought someone else was with you."

Was it just Kurt's hopeful imagination or did his father look a little red and nervous?

Burt rolled his eyes, and tossed his bag on the couch. "Finn wanted to stay in Lima for Rachel," Burt told him, shaking his head in resignation. "I can't wait for him to realize there's a girl better suited for him out there. I like Rachel and all, but… they just don't mesh well, yanno?"

Kurt nodded, watching his father's expression carefully. Maybe he was imagining it; the red face was probably just from the blistering cold outside.

"Yeah, I mean, I love them both to death, but… Rachel's so much happier with Brody," Kurt agreed. He shuffled back towards his room as his dad dropped down onto the couch. "Just let me finish getting dressed, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Burt said with a casual wave of his hand. "Gives me time to relax a bit and look around this little home you've got."

"I- it's not much," Kurt began, but Burt shook his head with a fond smile.

"Brings me back to those first years with your mother," Burt reminisced. "We had a lot less materially, but everything in here." His pressed his hand over his heart, and smiled over at Kurt. "Don't ever forget that that's what matters, bud. How you feel in here for yourself and others can never be replaced by anything else."

"Dad– "

"Go, hurry up," Burt shooed him towards the bathroom. "I might want to relax a bit, but my stomach isn't gonna wait forever."

"Yeah, yeah, but we're getting a cheesecake for me!"

Burt's laughter greeted his reply as Kurt hurried back to finish his hair and pick the right scarf and jacket.

Half an hour later, they were heading down the street to the little restaurant Kurt had decided on, strolling along at a leisurely pace, Kurt's arms wrapped around the one buried in Burt's pocket and his head on his father's shoulder.

"It's so weird not being the tallest one in this situation," Kurt said. "It was usually Rachel's head on my shoulder. Or Isaac's."

"Isaac?" Burt echoed in apparent alarm. "You're seeing someone new?"

"I– it was only a few dates," Kurt explained, hating the dejection and sorrow in his father's question. "We're just going to be friends, but… it helped me a lot, trying to be with someone else and open myself up to all that New York can offer outside of B– Lima. Outside of Lima."

Burt's eyes watched Kurt suspiciously as they turned down the right street, and Kurt tried to focus on where they were going instead of on his father's expression. He knew Burt loved Blaine like a son and that their break up had hurt him quite a bit. It didn't take Kurt much to realize that Burt had already decided that he'd wanted Blaine as his son-in-law someday, but now… Kurt couldn't see that happening for a long time, or ever. They might be friends once more, but regaining that level of trust was almost unfathomable to Kurt right now.

"Hmm," was all Burt said in response as Kurt directed him into the little diner.

"Two, please– "

"To go," Burt cut in.

"Dad, what– "

"I've got a surprise waiting for you," Burt told him. "We'll eat on the go, all right?"

"I– Dad," Kurt scolded, his earlier suspicions returning full force. "You did bring someone, didn't you?"

"Nope, not telling you a thing," Burt chimed in, glancing down the menu the waitress at the front handed him. "Two of these salads and one of those big bacon burgers."

A bacon burger. That meant Finn. Why in the world would Burt hide Finn from him as a surprise instead of having him hide behind him when he'd knocked earlier?

"Dad, Finn isn't exactly a surprise– "

"He's not the entire surprise," Burt said vaguely, handing the menu back to the waitress who quickly put in their orders and disappeared to the kitchen.

"Dad," Kurt growled in partial annoyance. It wasn't that he hated surprises, he just tended to only like them from a certain someone, and since this apparently involved Finn, he wasn't going to enjoy it.

"It's gonna be a blast, Kurt, trust me," Burt assured him. "Would I ever steer you wrong?"

"No," Kurt said quietly.

They were quiet until their bag of food arrived after that, heading out quickly with Burt telling him to take them to the nearest subway station and on a train to Bryant Park. Completely befuddled, Kurt did as his father asked, shuffling them both on the first train that direction. While they rode the train, they ate their salads, talking about how Carole and everyone back home was doing and catching up more on the happenings in their lives.

Finally the train came to their stop and, feeling a little bubbly and nervous, Kurt followed Burt out of the station and up to the street, surprised to find that they were at an outdoor ice rink of all places.

"Ice skating?" Kurt questioned in surprise and worry.

He'd never been ice skating, had only tried roller skating once at age six because the cute little boy down the block had loved it. After he'd fallen flat on his butt rolling down the driveway, he'd never touched the purple roller skates he'd gotten for his birthday again. Kurt had never attempted to talk to that little boy either. Clearly Bobby hadn't been ideal boyfriend material if he'd liked active, painful nonsense like roller skating.

"Don't worry," Burt soothed with a little smile. "I'm sure he'll be more than happy to help you along."

"Dad," Kurt huffed in disbelief. "This is Finn we're talking about– "

"Surprise for Kurt Hummel!"

Kurt froze as that voice washed over him, calling above the soft Christmas music playing over the sound system and the happy chatter of the other skaters. Slowly he shifted his gaze from his father's beaming face towards the ice and his breath caught, his heart thrummed happily, and a feeling of bliss seeping into him.

"Blaine."

"I'll see you two back at the apartment, all right?" Burt encouraged, giving Kurt a little nudge towards the edge of the ice rink where Blaine was leaning over the barrier and grinning widely. "Home by eleven, ya hear?"

"Uh huh," Kurt whispered vaguely, his feet beginning to carry him over to Blaine on instinct.

This felt so different than the last time they'd come face to face, the hurt and anger didn't even surface in his chest. Blaine was here, with his father, for Christmas.

The first of many.

As Kurt stopped in front of Blaine, a few feet away in order to give himself a moment to assess just how real this was, Blaine's smile grew brighter, his eyes sparkling in the way that had always, and still did, make Kurt's stomach flip.

"I once promised to always surprise you," Blaine began, gesturing to himself and the ice rink. "Your Dad helped quite a bit with this one but– "

"I can't believe you're here," Kurt breathed, and he stepped forward tentatively until he was against the barrier and leaning into Blaine's embrace. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Y- you're happy to see me?" Blaine stammered in surprise. "I wasn't sure if you– I mean, I know we're friends again but– "

"I'm always happy to see you," Kurt informed him with a smile. "No matter how bad everything else ever gets, you always make me happy in here."

He covered his heart and Blaine's sweet smile returned, looking a little unsure and bashful in a way that made Kurt's chest swell with joy. This was the difference between Blaine and Isaac, the one thing he'd been unable to ignore. No matter how much time he spent with Isaac or how much he liked him, he'd never made Kurt feel the way he did with Blaine. Nobody ever had.

"So the plan is to go skating for a while," Blaine continued. "We can rent you a pair of skates over there and– "

"I don't know how to skate," Kurt blurted out nervously. "I've never– I'll fall on my butt and break it or ruin this jacket, Blaine, and it's Gucci and you knowhow much I love– "

"I'll teach you," Blaine cut in, laughing at his babbling tirade. "Trust me."

His words struck Kurt hard and, for an instant, he did hesitate, because trusting Blaine again was a scary thought for him. At some point, he knew giving this small amount of trust was going to turn into so much more; it meant beginning to realize he could trust Blaine with his heart and forgive his faults and mistakes. That was what his heart wanted, where it would always reside in some way, and at the very least he owned it to himself to figure out if the love he'd held there for Blaine was enough to pull him through the heartbreak the other man had given him. They would always be friends now, but before he was ever able to move forward he had to know if Blaine was the love of his life or the love he could live without.

"Okay," Kurt agreed. "Let's skate."

They were both giggling when they left the ice rink at ten, hopped on the subway, and made the short walk over to Kurt's apartment. Blaine was soaring, his heart cresting like a wave in his chest without any sign of a structure it was going to crash down into. He'd expected so much more awkwardness during their first encounter as friends again, but everything had felt natural, like they'd simply fallen right back into place to their days at Dalton together.

"That was so much fun," Kurt grinned as they climbed the final flight of stairs and stopped outside of the door to Kurt's apartment. "I still can't believe you're here."

"I made a promise to always surprise you, remember?" Blaine reminded him as Kurt jiggled his key in the old lock and struggled to get it open.

Kurt paused, a hopeful expression taking over his features and for a second Blaine was a little confused and worried. He'd only rephrased a promise he'd made last Christmas, after all, there wasn't any reason for Kurt to give him that look.

"Does that mean you're going to make me cookies, too?" Kurt asked hopefully, turning away from the door and giving Blaine a smile. "Because you said twice a year and so far I've only gotten cookies once, on Valentine's Day."

Blaine pursed his lips in amusement and gave Kurt a sly, teasing look. "Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't have any ingredients or an oven, and it really wouldn't be a surprise since you're asking for them… "

"Oh, please," Kurt pouted, leaning in slightly and batting his eyes. "I'll buy everything for them. We can force my dad to go shopping with us. It'll be fun… "

"Well… " Blaine began another teasing phrase, but as he glanced back up to smile at his friend, he realized just how close they were all of a sudden. The hallway wasn't that wide and they hadn't exactly kept a lot of distance between themselves throughout the evening; it just didn't feel natural to space themselves apart with a huge distance.

Kurt seemed to realize it a few moments after Blaine did, his eyelashes fluttering again as his expression turned rigid and his eyes, a bright, cheerful blue, clouded over to a steely gray.

"W- we should get inside," Kurt decided in a hushed voice, bowing his head and slowly turning back around to fiddle with the door.

"Right," Blaine agreed, jaw still a little slack as his mind imagined a completely different scenario of these moments, one where Kurt had continued to lean and captured his lips for the first time in months. Despite trying to focus on himself, he was still irresistibly pulled towards his ex-boyfriend, but he couldn't give into those thoughts or wants anymore. Kurt was seeing someone else, or at least going on dates with other men. The last he'd heard, Isaac was still a part of Kurt's life, and as much as Blaine knew Kurt was the love of his life, that didn't mean Kurt felt the same for him. He loved Kurt enough to let him go and move on to someone who could still make him the happiest he'd ever been.

There were no apologies exchanged for the glance and moment in the hallway. Anything that might have happened wasn't mentioned as they ducked through the doorway and into the dark apartment. Burt had left a little lamp on in the far corner of the living room, but everything else was silent.

"He's not asleep," Kurt whispered as he slid the door closed behind them. "He'd be snoring like a freight train if he was."

Blaine nodded and flicked on another light by the door, setting down his bag on the couch and looking around. Not much had changed since he'd been there in October. Same furniture and television, though there was few a handful of new odds and ends spaced out around the main room.

"Do you have any extra pillows and blankets?" Blaine asked awkwardly, unwrapping hi scarf and folding it carefully.

""Um, yeah, you can use one of mine," Kurt decided, taking his own scarf, coat, and gloves off. "Let me go see where he's sleeping. I think he probably took Rachel's room, but… "

Blaine watched Kurt disappear back to the curtained off bedrooms and began to take his shoes and coat off. It was midnight in Ohio, and he'd been up since dawn, making sure he had everything he'd wanted to bring and then worrying himself silly over whether or not Kurt would actually want to see him so soon.

The curtains fluttered from one bedroom to the next as Blaine began digging his pajamas out of his bag and stripping his sweater, shirts, and jeans off. He was down to his boxer-briefs and just unfolding his pajama bottoms when the curtains fluttered again and a fluffy pillow and a few blankets appeared.

"Here, these should work– "

Kurt set the pile down next to Blaine's bag, finally catching sight of the other man, pajama pants in hand as their eyes met like they had in the hallway.

"Oh, um, sorry," Kurt stammered, his face turning red as Blaine quickly hopped into his pajama pants and starting grappling for the top.

"It's… you know what?" Blaine decided, slowly his movements and beating back the nerves he was suddenly filled with. "I'm not upset, it's fine. You've seen a lot more of me than this, and there's nothing to be embarrassed about, right? We were together for two years, Kurt, and… I love us being friends again, but we can't forget where we've been either. I don't want us skipping around and ignoring that."

Kurt was silent for several moments, his lips pressed firmly together, and for an instant, Blaine thought he'd gone too far too soon. He knew it wasn't a good idea to pretend nothing but friendship had ever happened between them, but it was also going to be difficult for Kurt to acknowledge that as openly as he did. Blaine had hurt Kurt in a number of ways when his infidelity, and as much as it pained Blaine to remember the good times without the disastrous end, he realized it would be much harder for Kurt, who had spent six weeks ignoring the pain because it was easier than talking to Blaine and attempting to reconnect on any level.

"You're right," Kurt finally admitted, sitting down on the arm of the couch and gently closing his hands around Blaine's bare forearm. "It's just… I thought if we started acknowledging it, that we'd fall back into that bad communication and it would ruin what we're already rebuilding."

"It won't because we won't let it," Blaine assured him, sitting down next to him and sliding his hands around Kurt's. They sat there for a moment, hands clasped together and tingling. "We've always meant so much to each other and even if it doesn't mean we're inlove with the other, that doesn't mean we can't love each other. You've been the best friend I've ever had, Kurt, and I love you. I don't want us to pretend or not be honest."

Kurt shook his head with a little, surprised laugh."Since when do you talk me into making sense?" Kurt wondered, his thumb stroking over Blaine's palm. "God, you aren't that boy anymore, are you?"

"I am in some ways," Blaine mumbled in surprise. "I'm growing up, and you've helped me to start doing that. Just like I think I helped you start growing up when you came to Dalton. We're both making each other better people; that's what friends do."

"Friends," Kurt repeated slowly, his hands still tight around Blaine's. "Best friends who are just as open and honest as we've ever been."

Blaine nodded, smiling slightly despite the desperate little voice in his head bellowing for him to lean in and kiss Kurt. But he wouldn't push. It would be Kurt's decision if they ever got back together in a romantic capacity, and if that never happened, he'd have to be content with still having his best friend around for the rest of their lives, watching Kurt move on and get married while he stayed stationary, because he might physically and mentally be able to grow and change, but his heart was set on only one man.

"I'm going to head to bed," Kurt decided, squeezing Blaine's hands again and standing up. "Cookies tomorrow?"

"Of course," Blaine agreed, standing up as well and sliding his pajama top on and starting to button it up.

"If you need an extra blanket, there's a few more over there," Kurt reminded him, gesturing towards the corner. "I– well, goodnight."

Blaine's arms were full of Kurt a second later, his body solid and warm as they embraced tightly.

"I really am so glad that you're here, Blaine," Kurt whispered against his ear.

"Me, too," Blaine agreed quietly, closing his eyes and enjoying the sensation properly for the first time since he'd arrived. "Goodnight, Kurt. Sweet dreams."

The following morning Blaine woke up when he rolled off the couch in his sleep and banged his knee on the coffee table. It was his shouts of pain that alerted Burt and Kurt to a conscious state and by the time he was struggling into a sitting position, holding his injured knee while whining and cursing, they were pushing through their respective curtain-doorways and yawning.

"You all right?" Burt yawned, stretching his arms up and accidentally hitting the curtain rod and knocking it out of place. "Ouch, oh, sorry." He waved Kurt off when he stumbled over to help him right it. "I've got it, bud," Burt insisted, rubbing his eyes and starting to mess with the rods placement. "Go make sure he didn't bust his head open."

Blaine was in the process or shifting his way back onto the couch when Kurt's arm curled around his waist and helped him up onto it.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked in concern.

Knee pulled to his chest, Blaine nodded and whined as he rolled his pajama leg up over his kneecap. "Yeah, just– ouch– you know how much I roll in my sleep," Blaine grumbled, pressing gently against the tender red spot over his bone. "Rolled right off the couch and wham!"

"Some things never change," Burt remarked, the curtain rod finally clicking into place.

"I never– " Blaine began to argue, but Kurt and Burt both laughed loudly, and Kurt smacked him lightly across the chest.

"Oh, please," Kurt chided. "How many times did you fall asleep on me on the couch? And how many of those times did I have to roll you into the wedge between me and the cushions so you wouldn't bust your face on the floor?"

"Well, I–"

"I've saved that head of yours a number of times, too, as I recall," Burt added, ducking through the newly fixed curtains and yawning loudly. "Not that it probably mattered too much. That helmet of gel you use is more than enough protection from a head injury."

Blaine frowned, cheeks heating up at friendly jab at his hair. Right now it was a tangled, curly mess since he'd only woken up, but even that was a new experience for him. For the past several years, he'd slept with gel in place, especially when Kurt spent the night. His hair had always been a huge issue for him, especially once he reached middle school and was teased for his curls. Nowadays Sam was trying to slowly talk him down from his gel-pedestal, and it was working to some degree, since he no longer slept with it in, but he definitely wasn't comfortable with Burt and Kurt getting to see it in its messy state.

"I'm just– let me go–" Blaine scrambled desperately for his bag, but Kurt held it out of reach with a teasing smile. "Give it back, Kurt. I need my– "

"I think your curls are adorable," Kurt remarked, tugging at one. "I thought they'd be as frizzy as they were at prom last year, but I guess that was from the wash out. They're nice."

"They're hideous," Blaine argued, biting his bottom lip and staring helplessly up at the bag well out of his reach. "Kurt, please."

"They aren't," Kurt insisted more gently, lowering the bag behind his back, but smiling sadly instead of teasingly now. "They're a perfect part of you, and some day you'll realize it, too."

A little stunned by the kind words, Blaine took his bag when Kurt offered it and said nothing. Kurt ducked around him and headed into the kitchen where Burt was digging through the refrigerator to see what they could make for breakfast.

For several minutes, Blaine watched, feeling horribly self-conscious because of the tangled mess of curls no doubt sprouting from his scalp in every possible direction. They liked him for who he was, he had to remind himself, even the parts of himself he was still struggling to accept and love. Of course, there was still one part of him he knew himself and Kurt hadn't forgiven yet and he still didn't know how he was going to manage that.

Slowly he set his bag back down on the couch, dug his brush out, and tried to comb his curls down a little.

"How does waffles sound, guys?" Burt hollered his voice echoing out from the bowels of the refrigerator.

"Oh! Can they be blueberry and chocolate chip?" Kurt squealed, flinging a cabinet door open and nearly knocking Blaine's head to the floor. His comb was still swiped from his grasp and went skidding across the room.

"Watch it! You're going to scalp the curls you love so much if you don't watch it," Blaine scowled, raising his eyes up to see a few stray curls brushing his forehead. "I look ridiculous."

"You do not," Kurt assured him, brushing them up off his forehead. "There," he said happily, and then went back to rummaging through the cabinet. "You know," he said slyly, "if you moussed your curls a bit to tame them, all of the girls at McKinley would be all over you."

Blaine pulled a disgusted face that made Burt laughed as he closed the refrigerator, his arms full of ingredients.

"I guess that's the reason why you keep it then," he remarked as he set the bowl of blueberries aside and was nearly scalped himself when Kurt flung a bag of chocolate chips over his shoulder. "Watch it, bud! You're going to murder both of us before we even start cooking."

Kurt rolled his eyes as he closed the cabinet and began taking charge of the cooking. As he directed his father to dig the packet of bacon out of the freezer, he nudged Blaine with his shoulder and murmured, "I guess that's why your gel addiction got worse once you transferred. There were no girls to worry about at Dalton."

Blushing at the absurd implications, Blaine started to argue, but Kurt patted his cheek in a placating manner and told him to start making the waffle batter. "Shh, I'm just teasing, little Nightbird. Your secret's safe with the Hummels."

"How did you know– "

"Tina," Kurt said simply. "I've seen a few pictures of you parading around in that cape, too. That's also adorable."

"It is not," Blaine pouted. "I am the night!"

"And I'm an NFL quarterback," Burt replied, ruffling Blaine's hair. Blaine yelped in dismay and covered his hair with his hands.

"Was that really necessary?!" he demanded.

"Stir, little Nightbird," Kurt ordered, tugging his hand away from his hair and forcing a wooden spoon handle into it.

"I'm not little," Blaine grumbled, doing as he'd been directed.

"Oh, shush."

Several hours later, all three of them were dressed and cleaned (and gelled down nicely in Blaine's case) and ready for a trip to the store. The trip was short and the store much closer than Blaine had realized, but getting out into New York and seeing the world Kurt lived in now without his own guilt blinding him to everything was an experience. Burt seemed just as stunned by all the buildings and people as he lagged behind them.

"This place really is amazing," Blaine remarked, twisting his head back and forth to make sure he didn't miss anything. "And the snow on the buildings… it's just so… different from Lima."

"It's a lot freer here," Kurt told him. "For the first time in my life, I finally felt like I lived somewhere where I could completely be myself without any fear. I mean, in Lima I had friends and you, but… being myself always came with a price."

"Yeah," Blaine agreed sadly, remembering the boy he'd first met, the struggles and hardships Kurt had overcome, and in turn recalling his own bullying problems before Dalton. "I can't wait to leave Lima, even if I'm not in New York next year."

"You're not– " Kurt gave him an amazed, slightly hurt look as he pushed the little mart's door open. A chime went off somewhere in the back of the little store as they stepped inside from the cold, Burt a few steps behind. "But I thought you were going to apply to Julliard, NYU, NYADA, and– "

"Well, I did," Blaine said, suddenly feeling tense. "But… after what happened, I added a few more places. I couldn't bear the thought of invading the place that was now home to you and making you uncomfortable in any way."

"Oh," Kurt blurted, his voice sounding rather hollow at the confession.

"I applied to all of the one's my parents wanted me to, not that I'll go there," Blaine continued, clearing his throat as Burt shuffled off to pick out the necessary cookie ingredients on their list. "I added a few out by Cooper and Berklee up in Boston. The only one I've heard from so far is Julliard."

"And?" Kurt pressed eagerly.

"I made it into their first round of auditions– "

Kurt flung himself at Blaine, tumbling into his arms and almost knocking Blaine backwards because for once he wasn't expecting the overwhelming hug like he used to. When he'd prepared himself before at various time last year, he'd ready his muscles for the slam of Kurt against his chest, but this time he'd been unprepared, and he suddenly realized even if he had been his stance would have been off. Kurt was heavier now, felt stronger and more muscular. With a gulp, Blaine let Kurt lean back in his arms, taut muscles flexing under his fingers even through Kurt's layers.

"That's so great, Blaine! When is it? Is it going to be in Ohio or here?"

"It's, um– "

"Hey, Kurt, what sort of cookies are you two making?" Burt hollered from the nearest aisle.

"Cheesecake cookies!" Blaine supplied, his eyes still lingering on Kurt's proud face.

"You can make cookies and cheesecake together?" Burt said in disbelief.

"No, Dad," Kurt replied in exasperation as they headed in his direction, Blaine biting his lip as he mulled over which option he would choose. He had nowhere to stay in New York, unless Kurt and Rachel let him stay with them for that day or night, and he really didn't want to impose on them. "So where's the audition? When?"

"They've given me a few options for it," Blaine offered. "Lima or New York, both around Martin Luther King day, so I'll have a three day weekend– "

"You can stay with me and Rachel," Kurt suggested. "Get you more used to the city and you haven't seen Rachel in so long. I want you to come visit still," Kurt added quietly. "Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean you can't spend time with me in New York."

"But– " Blaine bit his lip. "I don't want to get in the way, Kurt, and Isaac probably won't like your ex-boyfriend being around either."

"Isaac knows you're my friend," Kurt said immediately. "And we only went on a handful of dates, Blaine. We're not– we're just staying friends."

Blaine was surprised by Kurt admission and he watched him closely for any signs of sorrow, unhappiness, or falsehoods. Nothing appeared though. Kurt actually seemed content with the decision and considering how much fun Kurt had been having on those dates, Blaine was a little dumbfounded by it.

"When did that happen?"

"Yesterday," Kurt told him as they grabbed the last item and followed Burt up to the register. "He asked me to be more and I… I couldn't do it. I can't fall in love with someone else w- when I'm not yet over you."

Guilt surged through Blaine at his words and he floated his way through the check out and down several blocks before he could think of something to say to Kurt. He hated that Kurt was trying to move on from him and couldn't. That wasn't fair to Kurt. He'd had his heart broken, and he deserved to find happiness again with anyone who was worthy of giving and receiving it.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," Blaine mumbled as they headed into his building several paces behind Burt. "I'm sorry I screwed everything up and now you have to deal with all of this pain. It's not fair to you at all and– "

"It's the risk I took when I gave you my heart, Blaine," Kurt acknowledged quietly, finally looking morose for the first time since Blaine had appeared yesterday evening at the ice rink. "It was the best choice I ever made, and no matter how long it takes to sort my own heart out, I'll never regret letting myself love you. I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for you, and despite the pain you've caused me recently, I know you've given me so much more than that."

A heavy weigh seemed to fall into Blaine's chest as he watched Kurt ascend the stairs after his father. While he still felt guilty, it wasn't nearly as much as he had before. Kurt still loved him, might still be in love with him, and because of his own stupidity, Kurt couldn't enjoy the greatest feeling in the world anymore.

How was he ever going to move on and figure himself out if Kurt couldn't do the same?