Owl Post

Chapter 12

"Are you all right? You seem jittery."

Kurt tried to stop bouncing his legs under the table he shared with Mercedes but it was impossible. In an hour, hed be in Care of Magical Creatures with Blaine. Theyd finally have a chance to talk. He fidgeted with his hands until Mercedes grabbed them.

"Stop shaking the desk!" Mercedes glared at him. "Spill before I stab you with my quill. Youre making a mess of my essay."

Kurt glanced from his own blank piece of parchment to Mercedes foot and a half on their assignment. Professor Vex had left a few moments ago to check on something, and the class was still dutifully scribbling out the beginnings of the essay shed assigned for homework.

"What?"

Kurt bit his lip. "I, um, I see Blaine in my next class. Thats all."

"Youre ruining my essay because youre seeing Blaine?" Mercedes gave him a flat look as she set her quill down. "Have you two still not spoken?"

"Its not like I sit beside him in every class," Kurt said with a sharp look at their classmates. A few had started to goof off, and since the class size was small they were spread out all over the room. Nobody would hear them. "Besides, were in class. We cant really chat then. Care of Magical Creatures is… well, were off in our own groups and Professor Beiste isnt paying too much attention to all of us at once."

"Well, are you going to apologize again?"

"Yeah. I mean, I dont know what else to do." Kurt shrugged and picked up his own quill. "I cant talk to him until hes ready to talk back, can I?"

"You could—"

But what he could do, Kurt didnt find out. Professor Vex returned to scold them for goofing around and Kurt hurried to write something out about the assignment to look busy. By the time the bell rang, Mercedes was hurrying off to her common room and then her choir meeting and Kurt was headed to the Great Hall for a quick lunch.

He joined Santana and Sebastian halfway down the Slytherin table.

Santana gave him a hard look as he sat down. Kurt leveled her with one of his own, but something about her gaze was more than critical. It was suspicious. Had Brittany finally spilled the beans after four days?

"Did you finish that assignment on selkies?"

Kurt nodded at her, then yanked his bag out of her reach when she dived for it.

"Oh, come on, Hummel. I just need six more inches to finish."

Sebastian snorted, choked on his soup, and had to smack his own chest to breathe.

"I hardly think you could handle six inches," Kurt said, and Sebastian choked all over again.

"No, but Britt could. She needs that essay more than I do."

Santanas gaze was piercing as Sebastian stumbled to his feet and left the Great Hall, still laughing and choking.

"Oh, he left his bag. Wonder if hes got anything good in there."

As Santana began to dig through Sebastians things, Kurt watched her, his chest tight. Did she know? Was this the first of many days or weeks or months of blackmail?

Rachel dropped down into Sebastians empty seat and frowned at Santanas rummaging.

"Are you seriously going through someones bag?"

"Yeah, thats a thing that I do. I go through all of your stuff every year when we first get back."

"What?"

The rest of Kurts lunch was spent watching Rachel rage at Santana for going through her belongings for the past six years, and then Rachel started a list of everything shed ever lost and demanded that Santana returned all of it. Santana, of course, refused. Rachel left them in a huff as they headed down to the Slytherin common room to change out their books and grab their warmest cloaks, hats, and gloves for class. They were still studying down by the lake, but for the most part they sat around a fire and worked in their groups.

Santana met him back at the common room entrance and they headed back up to the entrance hall together.

"So that essay…"

"Is mine. Its not on me to finish your assignment," Kurt said. His neck shivered a little as they passed up a staircase and into other dungeon corridor. "Spend less time making out and more time—"

"Pining over a dolt in Hufflepuff?"

He was caught then, but Kurt still played it off. "Thinking of dumping Brittany already?"

Santana stepped in front of him and blocked the last staircase into the entrance hall. Kurt could hear the sounds of the rest of the school finishing their lunches and heading to their next class.

"Dont act daft. Youve got a crush. Or boyfriend. Ex. Whatever. You and Anderson," Santana said with a wicked little smile. "I dont know why I didnt see it before."

"So blackmail then? Youll what? Tell everyone if I dont do whatever you ask, I expect. Like thats something new or original," Kurt stepped around her, even as his heart thudded in his throat. Everyone was going to know soon. Theyd know and then… what?

Theyd know and that didnt change anything. Not his feelings or Blaines or the situation hed created. It wouldnt stop him from doing well in his classes or graduating or wanting to be with Blaine. It wouldnt change anything about who he was and wasnt either.

"Just give me the damn essay," Santana said, but Kurt shook his head. "Ugh, do you—come on. Let me have some fun with this."

"Blackmail isnt fun."

"Im—look, Britt made me swear I wont tell on you, okay? I just want your damn essay so I can finish this stupid thing."

Kurt stared at her from his spot halfway up the stairs. He couldnt bring himself to believe her, but Brittany, despite how Santana acted and talked, meant a lot to her. She probably had for longer than any of them had realized they were together.

"Youre not going to tell the entire school?"

Santana flushed. "No, okay? I—listen, I dont give a damn about you or Anderson, but Britt does. And besides, we need you to get that Quidditch cup and Sebastian finding out all of that means youre gone and Berrys back and…" Santana glowered at the floor. "You should be happy, too."

"You want to say that a little louder? Didnt quite catch that."

"Dont make me repeat myself, Hummel. I just… I get it. Britts one of the few girls in this school thats into women, and shes the only one thats not in Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. I dont… Andersons a good guy. Thats all. You two would… whatever. Can I have that essay or what?"

Kurt gave her a suspicious look, but he pulled his essay out. "Be quick."

Santana hovered in the corridor, her essay unrolled as she pestered Kurt with a few questions on rewording. When the bell rang she threw his back to him and together they headed into the entrance hall and then down the castle steps to the lake. The rest of the class was just ahead of them, led by Professor Beiste, with Blaines dark curls among them. Kurt hesitated at the door, but Santana kicked him right through.

"Move. I need to find Britt." Santana dragged him along until they caught up.

"Everyone knows the drill. Separate into groups and compare the drawings you did last class. Ive set up fire pits all around the lake, enough for each group."

Professor Beiste dismissed them to their groups and Kurt spotted Brittany already arm in arm with Blaine. Santana winked at him. Kurt grimaced. Having Santana involved wasnt going to help this situation. Hed almost rather have her blackmailing him. At least then she wouldnt be in the middle of their mess.

"Go get your boy, Hummel."

"Hes not—were—let go."

Kurt pulled his arm free from her grasp. Santana rolled her eyes but headed over to Brittany for a quick kiss. They settled around the fire with Blaine as Kurt approached. Blaine took his time getting his parchment and book out as Kurt sat down between him and Brittany.

"Hi, Kurt!" Brittany kissed his cheek until Santana growled. Then she was in Santanas lap and was too busy kissing to say anything else.

Kurt cleared his throat. "So, um, hey."

Blaine gave a stiff nod then jumped at the thunder of Professor Beistes voice.

"Lopez! Pierce! How many times do I have to give you detention for this? My class is not a snog session."

The girls were dragged away for a lecture on common decency, and Kurt found himself sitting with Blaine, alone.

"They never learn, do they?"

That was all Blaine said, but it was enough. He didnt make any eye contact, his face aimed firmly at his book, but Kurt breathed a sigh of relief.

"No, especially Santana. Brittany just kind of gets pulled into her trouble half the time."

"Here." Blaine handed him a quill and for a while they worked in silence together, sharing Blaines book and Kurts ink. Kurt kept opening his mouth to say something—to apologize once more or to see if they might ever be friends again. Yet, by the time they were trading their drawings from last week, Kurt still hadnt said anything. He didnt want to ruin this comfortable silence theyd found.

"I guess they arent coming back," Blaine said as Kurt glanced at his watch. Class ended in ten minutes and theyd seen no sign of Brittany or Santana since Professor Beiste had pulled them away.

"I guess Beiste finally realized it was better to keep them close."

"Yeah, well, its for the best. Kind of."

It was awkward. Every word made Kurt want to cringe. The silence had been comfortable, but not because it was positive. Silence was only a more comfortable way of avoiding everything that was still unresolved between them.

"Blaine, look, Im sorry about—"

"I know. Thats not… I know youre sorry, Kurt. Ive known that since you said it."

Kurt nodded as they packed their things away. "Okay. I am. Truly. I never meant to hurt you."

"What did you mean to do? You started those letters," Blaine said and he didnt look angry anymore, only worn. "You wrote and wrote, and then we went to meet and you left me there. Then we started getting to know each other and I dont get it, okay? Do you even care about me? You keep trying to get close to me but youre too—I dont know. All you want to do is hide. And thatd be fine if youd just told me up front. We could have talked about all of this instead of whatever this is now. I dont want any more secrets. Not even if were together."

Blaine stood up as the bell boomed from the castle. Kurt stared up at him. How could Blaine think he didnt care?

"I wanted to get to know you. And I was too scared to do it myself," Kurt admitted. "But that doesnt mean I dont care about you. I should have told you after Hogsmeade, but I didnt want you to hate me."

"I could never hate you, Kurt. But I cant do this secrecy stuff anymore. I just… I wish you had better housemates. Or friends or whatever. I dont want to force you to deal with all of them, but Im not being anything more than your friend unless were open and honest about being together."

Blaine headed into the castle alone. Kurt followed him with his eyes as he packed his book up. Santana and Brittany met him on his way to the castle with a crowd of third years coming from the greenhouses. Brittany was as bubbly as ever, but Santana glowered the entire walk to the castle.

"So are you two stuck being buddies with Beiste for the rest of the year?"

Santana snarled. "Either that or we get separated us into different groups. Ugh, I just want to snog my girl."

"Thats what couches are for."

"And what about you and Anderson? Any secret make-out sessions while Beiste was distracted?"

Kurt frowned at her choice of words. Secrets. Hed built their relationship on secrecy and his own desperate need for self-preservation. Blaine was right. He couldnt do that anymore. He shouldnt have friends that made him feel like he had to, and yet…

He looked at Santana walking beside him. Her promise and lack of hatred had surprised him. Sure, most of that was because of Brittanys influence, but what if his other friends didnt care either? They might be leery of him spilling Quidditch secrets, but even then that wasnt anything to get upset about. Had he been making a fool of himself this whole time on a baseless fear?

Kurt said goodbye to Santana and Brittany at the grand staircase and headed down to his common room to think. So what if Sebastian or Rachel got angry? Playing Quidditch was great, and Sebastian, even if he was furious about this, would still rather have him on the team than Rachel. He could handle whatever they threw at him as long as he had Blaine at his side.

For the rest of the afternoon, Kurt stayed in his dormitory and tried to decide how best to approach Blaine. They could be together. Or start again as friends first. It didnt matter as long as they got to spend time together. He headed up to dinner with his mind buzzing at all the possibilities.

Would Rachel overreact? Of course. She never did anything else.

Sebastian would be jealous perhaps. And then angry when he realized why Kurt had turned him away from Blaine last semester.

Everyone else… well, that was unimportant. Why should nameless, faceless people not involved in his life have more of a say on who he dated than he did himself?

Kurt turned past the other house tables and headed toward the Slytherin table at the end of the hall. His friends were crowded around the far end of their house table, heads together as they whispered and ate. He headed toward them, glancing at the professors at the high table in front of them. Most of them were absence so far, but Professor Sylvester had her eyes trained on him. Kurt swallowed and joined his friends. Hed never said much to Professor Sylvester, but shed always given him the impression her insanity meant she could read minds.

"Hummel, were playing Gryffindor next month instead of Hufflepuff."

"Okay."

Rachel glared at him, but he kept his eyes across the hall on Blaine. H was seated with his friends, too, but his smile didnt seem to reach his eyes while everyone else around him laughed at some joke.

"Dont you care that were playing our biggest rival in three weeks? This is the biggest match of the year!" Rachel kicked him under the table and Sebastian rolled his eyes. "He cant focus, so hes not going to be any good during a match. Just let me have my spot back and—"

"Its not your spot anymore," Kurt said. He stood up again and Santana raised her eyebrows as she followed his gaze with her eyes. "Ive got someone else Im going to eat with tonight. Anythings better than listening to you snarl like a feral cat."

Rachel began to protest loudly as he walked away. Even Sebastian hollered after him, but he heard Santanas voice hush them with a harsh word and bid for them to wait and see. Kurt took a deep breath as he passed across the front of the hall. Along the high table and past the Ravenclaws who glanced at him, and then did a double take when they realized he was heading away from the Slytherin table. Kurt turned down the row between the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor tables and stopped beside Blaine and his friends.

The blond one, Sam, gave a little squeal that was almost endearing it he hadnt been yanking on everyones arms. "I told you! See? Blaine, see!"

"Shut up, Sam." Blaine turned to him, uncertain. "Hi."

"Hey, so I was wondering if I could have dinner with you tonight? If you want."

"R-really?"

Blaine stared at him, not with a look of wonder or excitement, but something deeper. Hope. Kurt smiled nervously at Blaines friends and then at Blaine himself.

"You want to—everyone can—"

Could see. And hear. Kurt glanced at the Gryffindor table behind him, at Finn and Mercedes standing up to grin at him. Everyone was starting to whisper all across the hall, but Kurt stood his ground. This was what he wanted. This was who he wanted. What they all said or did wasnt important.

"Okay, yeah. Here."

Blaine nudged Sam to scoot down and made a space for Kurt at his side. As Kurt sat, the whispers buzzed around the hall. He risked a glance at his own house table and saw his friends watching him suspiciously. Rachel actually got up and left, but that was no surprise. He swallowed nervously as Blaine introduced each of his friends—Sam, Mike, Elliott, Dani—and then took hold of Kurts hand.

Blaine beamed at him, despite the whispers and the Slytherins standing to look at them. Kurt squeezed his hand, and Blaine squeezed back.