Bittersweet Memories
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Bittersweet Memories: Chapter 21


T - Words: 4,076 - Last Updated: Jun 02, 2012
Story: Complete - Chapters: 29/29 - Created: Apr 03, 2012 - Updated: Jun 02, 2012
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Author's Notes: Sorry for the delay! Back to school time is upon me unfortunately, so things are a little hectic until I get used to fitting classes into my work schedule etc.So a few things to mention before getting into the update. First, since things are hectic between sorting work and classes I'm not sure when/how updates will be working from this point on. They'll be fairly infrequent, I imagine, but I'll try my best to get them out as quickly as possible. Which brings me to my next point of order. As it stands right now I have six chapters to go beyond this one, so there really aren't a lot of updates left! I might do a little epilogue, but I haven't decided yet. So six or seven updates after this, the last chapter is already mapped out pretty well in my head since the last past scene has been set for quite a while.Third and final point, I know I said earlier on that I was sure if the rating would be upped or not, but I spent some time mapping out this last section, and come up with an answer. It's staying as R- rated, or whatever that equates to on here (T, I think?). I could probably even bump it down to PG-13, really. So yeah, no smut for this one. Sebastian and the Warblers will be back, though. :D Trololol.I've already got a plan for the next story I'll be starting. It's been floating around in my head for a while now, so once this one is done and OAFIYA is farther along I'll start posting that one. Yup.I'll attempt to have 22 up by... the 9th? Going to depend on what my work schedule looks like for next week and my class loads.Enjoy the update!

The rest of the evening at Blaine's was slightly uncomfortable for Kurt. Blaine's mother was pleasant enough to him, and seemed quite thrilled at their tentative romance. Blaine's father seemed to be avoiding the topic of his son and Kurt's relationship, though as far as Kurt knew he wasn't even aware of what had happened yet. He'd just gotten home when they'd all sat down for dinner and was exhausted from his work day.

Cooper, however, was obviously suspicious and extremely protective of Blaine now that he'd had his fun tattling on them. At lunch he'd insisted on shoving himself between them at the table, and then followed them back up to Blaine's room, even joining them on the bed at one point and Kurt completely understood it for a variety of reasons.

Even without the history between himself and Blaine, Cooper would have been over-protective of his baby brother. Once Kurt added in the way he'd broken Blaine's heart two years ago, Cooper's overbearing presence was expected, but that didn't mean Kurt liked it. It made him feel, if possible, guiltier than he still did about how he'd acted. And when Cooper cornered him during their break between movies, Kurt wrung his hands nervously and stared down at the lounge clothes Blaine had let him borrow.

"You broke his heart last time," Cooper accused as soon as Blaine's footsteps disappeared down the stairs. "You better not do it again."

"I don't want to," Kurt babbled instantly. "I can't do that to him again," he added honestly. "Not now that I've realized that he was– that he is– "

"Exactly," Cooper cut in sharply, not at all his usual playful, chipper self. "Now you know how much more you can hurt him, and just knowing you could hurt him as a friend didn't stop you last time– "

"It wasn't like that," Kurt argued, a plea worming its way into his voice. "I– it was an acci– I panicked and then everyone was chanting and Quinn's hand was on my arm and– "

"Don't hurt him," Cooper said harshly, jabbing Kurt in the chest with his finger. "He can't go through that again, and I certainly couldn't bare anymore hysterical phone calls that rip my heart in two."

"I won't let it happen," Kurt promised quietly, his eyes meeting Cooper's startling blue ones. "I already screwed this up once, and he deserves so much more than that – than me. I'm sick of hiding all of this, and pretending like I'm not who I am."

"Good," Cooper remarked evenly, and he settled back down onto the bed beside Kurt just as Blaine returned with a big bowl of pretzels and a beautiful grin that made Kurt's heart turn to mush.

The excited little kiss Blaine gave him on the cheek sealed his own decisions about what would happen at school on Monday. There was only one place he belonged, and even though he'd abandoned it once, he promised himself now that he'd never do it again.

After dinner Kurt left and returned to his house. Burt and Carole didn't seem to know anything about his school day, though Finn kept shooting him concerned looks around his mountain of mashed potatoes and peas. Kurt turned the volume off on his phone, ignored the dozen text message alerts on his screen, and turned in early that night.

He might have made the decision to face reality at McKinley on Monday, but it was still Friday. There was no need to throw himself into that pit just yet, and if those text messages were from Santana, Quinn, and a handful of other Cheerios like he suspected then he didn't want to read them. They'd only be full of ridicule, harsh words, and slurs, trying to force him back into the pristine little uniform he'd been using as a shield.

But Kurt didn't want that shield anymore. He'd found something more worthwhile and incredible that he hoped could never be taken away from him: Blaine. Nothing else really seemed important when he compared it to the place Blaine was filling in his life. There was encourage, acceptance, and love there that he'd almost forgotten existed since they'd fallen out.

When Kurt woke up on Saturday morning it was to Finn's gigantic face hovering over him, and a bright screen of light.

"Dude," Finn called, poking Kurt in the eye again. "Dude, wake up, your phone's lighting it."

To prove his point, Finn waved the bright screen in front of Kurt's face once more. Wincing Kurt shoved Finn's face and the phone away and groaned in dismay as his retinas stung.

"Why are you even in my room?" Kurt demanded hoarsely, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes to get rid of the spots he was seeing.

"Mom and Burt are getting ready to leave, and I've got... uh, football stuff," Finn reminded him.

Expect for the last part Kurt believed him. The football season had ended before winter break, but Kurt didn't feel like calling Finn out on whatever nonsense he was getting up to. Honestly, he probably didn't want to know what the lie was about.

"Fine, fine, whatever," Kurt grumbled, flopping back down onto his pillows. "Lemme sleep."

"Sure, but your phone– "

A bright flash of light swept over Kurt's eyes once more and he growled in annoyance as he was blinded again.

"Give me that and get out," he ordered, knocking the phone out of Finn's hand. It dropped down onto Kurt's chest as Finn stomped back over to the door.

"See you tonight!"

Kurt groaned and rolled over, face down into his pillows. His phone slid off his chest and onto the mattress. From the sliver of space between his body and the mattress his phone lit up again. Grumbling mutinously at the world's insistence that he stay awake, Kurt tugged his phone free and squinted at the screen.

As he read the name a genuine smile spread across his face despite the sleep still crusting up the corners of his eyes.

"Hi Blaine," he greeted as he received the call and tucked the phone between his pillows and ear.

"Hey," Blaine replied, sounding a little breathless.

There was a long silence after that, and despite the warmth spreading through Kurt at the fact that Blaine had taken the time to call him, he was curious as to the purpose.

"Soo... is there a reason you're calling me at" – Kurt shifted to glance at his alarm clock– "eight in the morning on a Saturday?"

"Oh! Um, well, I... well, I thought we might– or we could do that– or um..." Blaine trailed off nervously, and even through the phone Kurt could imagine the way Blaine's teeth were piercing his lower lip in uncertainty.

"Are you trying to ask me out?" Kurt murmured.

Blaine cleared his throat roughly. "Uh, kind of. Maybe not, like, out out since I don't think you want to run into Quinn or whoever, but... I thought we could spend the day together... maybe."

A slow smile spread over Kurt's face at the way Blaine continued to ramble on. God, he was adorable and perfect and way more than Kurt ever deserved.

"You should come over here," Kurt offered. "Dad and Carole won't be back until this afternoon, and Finn's doing... something suspicious," he decided.

"O- okay," Blaine agreed. "I'll um, be over in an hour?"

"Sounds good," Kurt replied softly. A sudden impulse surged through him, but he held it down even if the words were on the tip of his tongue. It was far too early to tell Blaine that he loved him, if he even did in that way. What he was feeling for Blaine was incredibly powerful, but to call it love already seemed... presumptuous.

So what if he felt like he was soaring every time Blaine smiled at him or whenever the other boy simply said his name? Falling in love didn't mean fireworks in his chest or the overwhelming feeling that he could be anyone or anything as long as he could purely be himself when he was with Blaine. At least he didn't think it did, but he'd never been in love before, had he? Maybe he was falling and the thought didn't terrified him in the slightest because this was Blaine. Kurt trusted Blaine with anything, even after all that had happened, even when he'd been slushying Blaine and making his existence a nightmare he'd still trusted Blaine; to not out him, to always be at the end of that hallway every Friday morning.

If Kurt was falling in love it wouldn't change a lot to him. In a lot of ways he felt like he'd left his heart with Blaine in their freshmen year, and only now was he discovering everything it was full of.


Numbness had seeped into Kurt's body at the sight of Blaine running away in tears. They'd been hard to see when the other boy's face was stained red, but Kurt was certain they were there. How could they not be after the damage Kurt had just done?

Somehow, most likely with the guidance of Santana or Quinn, Kurt found himself in his first block class.

What had he just done? How could he do such a selfish, cruel thing to Blaine?

Sweet, selfless Blaine, who only wanted the best for Kurt, and he'd frozen. His fear of coming out had seized his insides and made him motionless. He'd panicked and frozen when Blaine needed him the most.

Kurt had half a mind to walk out of class, find Blaine, then comfort and console him and beg for forgiveness. But he couldn't seem to get his legs to work, and even if he had he didn't think he'd make it past the pencil sharpener.

He didn't deserve to make Blaine happy anymore. Not if he was going to crush Blaine whenever his own nerve failed him. That wasn't what friends did to each other. They lifted each other up, and made them brave when they couldn't do so on their own. He'd done none of that just now.

In a horrified trance, Kurt lost track of time. He had no idea what happened in his first class. A firm arm led him along to his next class, and Kurt let it happen, just as he'd let everything else happen today. Whoever it was dropped him off and disappeared without a word, leaving Kurt to sink into his desk. A fierce, burning wave of self-loathing crept over Kurt as he looked at the desk on his right. Blaine's desk, cold and empty. At least now he'd see how Blaine was. Maybe he could still make this better...

But the bell rang and Blaine didn't show up. The first half an hour of class went by before worry started to choke Kurt.

Had a jock grabbed Blaine when he'd run off? Was Blaine even in the building anymore?

Glancing at Mrs. Wallace, who was in the middle of a dull lecture, Kurt slid his phone out of his pocket. It was only when he'd finished typing out the text message that Kurt hesitated. His thumb hovered over the send button for a long moment, his eyes scanning his own scared, sincere words.

[ 9:06 A.M.] Blaine, are you okay? Please answer, I know I screwed up and you're mad, but I need to know you're safe.

Another minute passed as Kurt stared at the phone in his lap. He couldn't do it, couldn't upset Blaine more no matter how desperately he wanted an answer. He had no right to text Blaine and ask how he was after that. He didn't deserve the warm relief a reply would bring, regardless of whether it was upset or angry.

Kurt shifted his gaze towards the window, a tsunami of misery slamming into his chest. There was nothing he could ever do to make this up to Blaine. No amount of time, assurance, or effort would erase the disaster this morning had brought.

Tears filled his eyes as he stared out into the parking lot. He'd screwed up everything and now the best friendship he'd ever had was destroyed.

A head of dark curls passed under the window suddenly. Kurt's heart jolted at the sight, because there was only one person those could belong to. Without thinking Kurt stood up and pressed his face against the window just in time to see Blaine dart over to a car that was pulling up. His mother's car, which meant that while Blaine was devastated he was also safe.

"Mr. Hummel is there a reason you need to stare at the faculty parking lot?"

Jumping slightly, Kurt spun around to find Mrs. Wallace approaching. With a last glance at Blaine's mother's car pulling away from the school, Kurt quickly turned away. He didn't want Blaine to get in trouble because of him. Not after everything else he'd done this morning.

"Just... admiring the er– clouds," Kurt invented wildly.

Mrs. Wallace stopped between him and the window. She gazed suspiciously out of the latter for a few seconds, and Kurt cringed. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. Still looking suspicious, Mrs. Wallace turned back to him.

"I assume these clouds you're referencing are also the ones your head is in?" she said pointedly. "Focus, Mr. Hummel. No more daydreaming or it'll be detention. She glanced at his desk. "And I'll be talking this" – she snatched his phone up, the text message to Blaine still unsent and on screen– "until the end of class. Understood?"

Kurt nodded stiffly as he settled back down into his seat. It was better that he hadn't sent it, wasn't it? There was no amount of text messages that could make this right again. Nothing he did would ever make up for this, so there was no point in trying. Blaine was better off without Kurt around. He wouldn't he hurt anymore.


Kurt couldn't recall the last time he'd had such a pleasant morning and early afternoon. Blaine arrived earlier than he'd said, most likely out of nerves and excitement, but Kurt had gotten dressed in record time for once and already been waiting.

They ended up deciding to have a movie marathon in the living room, and in a lot of ways Kurt was starkly reminded of their old friendship. It had always been their thing to curl up on the couch and watch a dozen movies at least one day on the weekend, but now there was one difference that Kurt was entirely too aware of.

At first they'd done what they always had before, sat next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, but it hadn't stayed that way. Tentative glances and smiles had been exchanged and before Kurt had realized it Blaine was pressing him down into the cushions, more confident and sure than ever before. Kurt welcomed the weight of Blaine's body over his, the assurance it brought that, no matter what, Blaine was still there, warm, safe, and kissing him.

Unlike the other times they'd kissed things didn't say chaste and careful. There was nobody around to walk in and taunt or stop them, nothing entirely strange to them about the way their mouths meshed together now. The sounds of Rent prattled vaguely along in the background as Blaine pulled back, a flush high on his cheeks and his curls standing on edge from where Kurt's fist had been tangled into them for the past fifteen minutes.

"W- we uh," Blaine rasped, eyes dark and big. "A- are you o- okay with this?"

Kurt nodded, his chest rising and falling rapidly as Blaine shifted above him. He'd never imagined how much better kissing would be once they'd opened their mouths, but...

"Yeah. Are y- you?"

Blaine nodded eagerly and carefully laid himself back down over Kurt's body, making sure to keep his elbows pressed into the cushions to hold himself up a few inches. "It's really nice," he sighed, lips dipping down for a slow, open-mouthed kiss. "Everything about this and you is nice."

"Mmm," Kurt agreed, tangling his fingers back into Blaine's curls and tugging him down until their mouths met.

The tip of Blaine's tongue quickly teased his own lips apart and brushed over them before rubbing slowly against his own tongue. As Blaine's chest settled against his, Kurt could feel the pleased hummed that rumbled through Blaine's torso as they continued to kiss. There was no aggression or desperation to their movements, only a excited desire to memorize the other; to learn how their mouths worked together and find how best to please each other.

As they lay there Kurt took one hand out of Blaine's curls, trying to consciously decide where to place it next. He'd been careful not to go below Blaine's chest until now because he wasn't sure what was appropriate at this stage. He wasn't even sure he was daring enough to attempt anything else, but Blaine's hands didn't seem to share his fears. They'd been everywhere in the last half an hour; in Kurt's hair, on his cheeks and neck, holding Blaine up, and one had even been bold enough to rub over the skin of Kurt's hip where his shirt had bunched up.

That touch more than anything had sent a spark of something molten hot through Kurt's stomach. He'd wanted more, but now Blaine's hands were back to his face, cupping his cheeks and gently tilting his head this way and that as they figured everything out.

Part of Kurt was surprised by how fast their relationship was progressing when it came to physical intimacy, but he knew he himself at least had been craving something like this for well over a year. It was difficult to watch all of his classmates discover something so instinctive and exciting while he'd had to hide himself. He imagined it had been quite similar for Blaine.

Just as Kurt finally decided to settle his hands on Blaine's hips, and maybe, just maybe, swipe his thumbs under Blaine's sweater against his soft, warm skin the front door's knob jingled and then the door creaked open.

"Kurt? You still home, bud? We're back and we brought you some of that fancy chicken stuff you like from Breadsticks!"

At the sound of his father's voice Blaine yelped and leapt up, tumbling off the couch and striking his knee on the coffee table. Kurt had gasped in surprise as well, but the sound had been nothing compared to the racket Blaine had just made.

Carole came bustling in, looking alarmed until she caught sight of them. Kurt, propped up on his elbows, face flushed, lips kiss-swollen as he breathed deeply, and Blaine, wincing as he hobbled to his feet, his face and hair in a disastrous state.

Before she could say a word, Burt came into the room, halfway out of his jacket and looking concerned. Then he looked the pair of them over and for a moment Kurt swore he started to smile, but then his features became quite stern.

"Boys," he greeted, voice a little rough as he looked them over. "Didn't think I'd see you here, Blaine."

Blaine dropped onto the couch, and Kurt wanted to smack him as he grabbed the decorative pillow and placed it over his lap. If he was trying to be inconspicuous it wasn't working, though Kurt felt he'd probably benefit from doing the same at the moment. He quickly jerked his right leg up to hid the slight bulge pressing against his zipper as Blaine turned big, fearful eyes onto Burt.

"O- oh, I– well," Blaine's voice squeaked and then cracked loudly as he fumbled over his words. "W- we d-decided to have one of our o- old movie marathons," Blaine stammered, face flushing darker as he stared fixed at Burt's shins. "Figured it would... be a good way to uh, become f- friends again."

"Looks like you two have a bit more than friendship on your minds," Burt accused, crossing his arms. He jerked his head towards the archway into the kitchen. "Time we had a talk by the looks of it, wouldn't you say?"

"No," Kurt squawked, embarrassed and suddenly full of dread. The last thing he wanted to do was have the sex talk with his father, Blaine, and Carole. "We really don't need to– "

"Kitchen, Kurt. Now," Burt ordered, grabbing his son by the upper arm and yanking him to his feet.

Blaine hobbled miserably after them, Carole right behind. The short glance Kurt got of her expression told him that she was quite amused by all of this. He didn't think it was very funny, though, especially not if this conversation was about to go the direction he thought it was.

"Sit," Burt ordered.

Kurt, straight-backed and completely opposed to this, dropped slowly into the chair next to Blaine, who was staring fixedly at the floor, face still bright red. It wouldn't have surprised Kurt if the skin on Blaine's face was hotter than the inside of his mouth had just been. A little zap of pleasure tingled through him at the thought and he blushed as Burt and Carole sat down across from them.

"So you two are... back on good terms then," Burt acknowledged carefully, chancing a glance at Carole, who covered his hand with hers. "When did this happen?"

"Like, officially?" Kurt asked, trying to avoid giving any real answers for as long as possible.

"A- are we... official?" Blaine said in surprise, looking up and giving Kurt a questioning look. "I mean, I- I know on Friday you... but, I figured at school we'd still be... you'd still ignore me."

The words, even without an accusatory tone, made Kurt's chest ache. He quickly latched onto Blaine's hand and held it between his own, bringing it to his lips and gently kissing Blaine's knuckles. "I absolutely want to be your boyfriend. I mean, if you want to be mine?"

"I... I'd love that," Blaine whispered, eyes bright, biting his lip to contain his smile. He started to lean into towards Kurt, but two throat cleared themselves very pointedly and they moved apart, taking in the older couple across the table.

"Seems we've missed out on a lot in the past few days," Carole decided, grinning at the sight of Kurt and Blaine's hands clasped on the table across from her and Burt's hands. "You should probably explain it all before your dad has a stroke, though."

"I'm not going to– they weren't even friends and– "

"Shh," Carole chided, pecking him on the cheek as she rubbed his arm soothingly. "Go on," she nodded to Kurt, who gulped nervously.

With Blaine's help they explained the basics of what had happened between them in the last week, ending with the slushy incident the previous morning. Burt and Carole looked shocked by everything, but seemed quite happy about their budding romance.

"Just no... funny business, okay?" Burt said awkwardly. "There's talks me and Kurt still need to have about all of... that."

"Dad!" Kurt gasped in dismay. "You don't– I know how– we aren't even close to th– oh, my god."

Blaine folded his arms over his chest and kicked his bare feet against the table leg as Carole laughed and stood up. She left to go put their shopping purchases away, but Burt kept them at the table for a little while longer.

"So what's going to happen at school on Monday?" he asked them, sounding worried. "I can come in and talk to Figgins if– "

"No," Kurt insisted in a rush. "This is just something I've got to face, I think. Should have faced it a long time ago."

"You won't be alone," Blaine assured him, pushing his chair over and sliding his arms around Kurt's upper body. "That's a promise that still stands. It doesn't have to be all at once if you're not ready for that."

"It does," Kurt decided, a knot of dread twisting in his gut. "I'm sick of hiding myself and not knowing who I really am because I'm too busy hiding from myself. I just... I don't know what's going to happen, but this" – he gave their linked hands a firm squeeze as he met Blaine's eyes– "isn't going to change. I'll be by your side Monday and they can all say whatever the hell they want, but I'm not turning my back on you again, Blaine. I... I lo– care for you too much to make that mistake again."

"You won't," Blaine said with so much certain Kurt couldn't help but believe him.

Blaine's lips brushed over his in the next moment, even though Burt was still sitting there waiting him, but Kurt found that he didn't mind. He had Blaine on his side again, by his side with their hands intertwined and that would be enough to get him through Monday and whatever lay beyond that.


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