“I just can’t do this anymore Blaine.” Kurt said, wiping his tears away, refusing to be weak right now.

“Can’t do what?” Blaine’s voice was pathetic and he pulled his knees to his chest, the blanket resting roughly on the floor and a little behind his back.

Kurt rested his body against the doorframe, forehead pressed into it and his eyes shut as he spoke.

“You said you wanted us to go on a break because you were being abused. Right?”

Blaine shrank into himself and he tried to ignore the wave of fear run through him at the memories of what he’d been through. When he didn’t reply, Kurt continued talking, never once opening his eyes or moving his head from the doorframe.

“You were willing to give everything we have up and you wouldn’t even give me a chance to help you. You never told me, you just let me scream at you for sleeping around when you weren’t even doing that. You were drunk all the time and who knows how many times he tried to drug you before this.” Kurt said, his voice trailing off towards the end.
“I was so scared.” Kurt lifted his head and looked at
Blaine, the crumpled man on the floor curling into himself further. Kurt walked forward and knelt down next to him but ignored the hand Blaine reached out to him. “I was terrified Blaine. I thought-I thought you’d found someone else and you didn’t want me anymore. We’ve been together since we were 16 and-” His voice faltered, he didn’t even try to continue the sentence, he had nothing else to say.

“I love you.” Blaine whispered.

“Do you?” Kurt replied just as softly. He lifted his head to look into Blaine’s eyes, eyebrows burrowed. “Because if you’re done, I’d rather know it now.”

“It sounds like you’re breaking up with me here, Kurt.” Blaine said, barely audible as tears filled his eyes.

“I don’t want to make you stay, if you don’t want to.”

“I want to. I’m-God Kurt. I’m so proud to be with you.”

“You couldn’t trust me.” Kurt stated, as if he had said it a million times and was bored with the repetition.

“I felt so alone. I didn’t know what to do.” Blaine confessed, dropping his head.

Kurt stood up suddenly; Blaine looked up, the sudden movement startling him.

“You were never alone Blaine. How dare you say that? I was always fucking here. Always here when you came stumbling through that damn door, drunk out of your head at 3am reeking of sex and booze and I hated it but I stayed with you. I stayed with you until you said you wanted out. Until you suggested a break, because I couldn’t end it with you. I couldn’t do that.” Kurt said, his voice becoming louder and louder until it cut out.

“You know it wasn’t like that…it wasn’t my fault,” Blaine hurried.

“It was your fault you never told me. Never asked me to help you never trusted me enough to let me in.” Kurt said bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I trust you Kurt.”

“Really? Or are you just saying that because now you have
nothing to hide?” It wasn’t a question.

“Kurt I-”

“You’re sorry. I know.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Do you want to be with me?”

“Of course-I-Yes. Kurt. Yes.” Blaine fought.

“You can say no.” Kurt whispered.

“I don’t want to.” Blaine pressed.

“Think about it.” Kurt said, and then he left the room.

Blaine slept on the floor in the kitchen that night. He didn’t have the energy to cry anymore, he wasn’t even sure what he was fighting for. He was dirty and used and Kurt’s words ran over and over in his head. “I couldn’t end it with you. I couldn’t do that.” “You can say no.” “Now you have nothing to hide.” Was Kurt trying to make him end it, because Kurt couldn’t bring himself to? Was Kurt just so repulsed with Blaine since the attacks that he didn’t want him anymore? That now the truth was out, and Blaine wasn’t the bad guy, Kurt had still had enough with everything and because someone else’s hands have touched Blaine in that way he doesn’t want him anymore?

Blaine stood up in the morning and had a shower. It’d been so long since he’d actually managed to have one alone without having to stand in his swimming trunks as Rachel rubbed a cloth over his body, thinking he was still too frail to clean himself. He turned the heat up until it made his skin tingle. It refreshed him, he felt somewhat cleaner. But as he rubbed his fingertips over the purple bruises on his wrists, his body shivered as the memories came practically screaming back at him, and he found himself falling backwards to the side of the shower, sobs wrecking over his body as the burning water pounded all over and around him. He fell to the floor, sobs becoming louder which he couldn’t control, his breathing was in harsh gasps and he felt trapped. It was an unwelcome familiar feeling, he felt as if he was just waiting for Tony’s hands to grip his body or press another shot of vodka to his lips, forcing him to drink the liquid he’d learned to detest. It made him terrified and so insignificant to everything around him. He felt like nothing. He was panicking. He was alone, he was so alone.
He pushed the door, but he had clicked it shut and he couldn’t reach high enough from the angle but he had no energy to lift himself to open it. He felt shut in and he could swear the room was closing in around him. The sound of the water felt like it was going to break his eardrums and he was crying harder than he’d ever cried in his life.
He felt a gush of cold air and curled into himself, pressing his head down as far into his naked torso that he could manage. Hands desperately clasping around his own stomach. He was gasping audibly, trying to calm himself but nothing was working. The cold air kept filling the shower and felt a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders.
He pulled away immediately and yelled.

“GET OFF OF ME.” he cried, never once looking up. He began
crying harder, small whimpers falling off of his lips.
“Kurt…I need you don’t leave me please…not my fault…scared… I’m scared…” he cried, repeating over and over.

The water stopped immediately, and the silence was just as deafening. His body still wretched with his cries. The arms refused to ease from around him, lifting him up to his feet but he knees gave in and he was being held up and walked across the room, out into his bedroom. He was laid on the bed, body shaking uncontrollably with tears and a warm blanket placed over him. He felt a weight on the other side of the bed moving closer to him but he couldn’t open his eyes, he couldn’t focus on the torture he knew always followed.

A warm hand placed on his shoulder, rubbing up and down his arm slowly.

“It’s me, baby it’s me” a soft voice whispered. Blaine cried a little harder, completely sure his mind was playing tricks on him and Tony was about to press a bottle to his lips, or maybe it’d be a pill this time like it was a month ago.

“It’s me, you’re fine, and you’re safe.” the voice repeated over and over as soft, careful lips pressed small kisses over his face where his tears were falling.

“K-Kurt” Blaine cried a broken whisper, lifting his head a tiny bit to look into the kind deep blue eyes staring back at him.

“I’m here baby, I’m here.”