(INT. Chris comes stomping out of the bathroom and into the living room where Darren is on the couch)

CHRIS
Darren!

DARREN
Yes, Chrissy dearest?

CHRIS
I told you I didn’t care if you peed in the shower, just don’t do it unless you’re actually taking a fucking shower!

DARREN
Christopher, the mouth on you! You kiss your mother with that mouth?

CHRIS
You peed. In my shower. And you didn’t even give me the courtesy of turning the fucking water on when you were done!

DARREN
Relax your uptight little ass.

CHRIS
Don’t make comments on my ass!

DARREN
Sorry, I didn’t know it was such a sore spot (tries not to laugh)

CHRIS
Oh my god. I hate you!

DARREN
Stop being such a drama queen, Chris.

CHRIS
Stop being an asshole, Darren.

DARREN
Hey, I follow the ground rules you set up. Not my fault you nag at me for everything else.

CHRIS
Ok first of all you left three meals worth of dishes in the sink and didn’t even say thank you when I cleaned them. Secondly, you peed in the fucking shower. Thirdly, I’m getting really fucking tired of all the gay jokes!

DARREN
I don’t tell gay jokes. I’m not like that.

CHRIS
Oh really? “I didn’t know your ass was such a sore spot, giggle, giggle”.

DARREN
It came out wrong! It wasn’t like I meant it to sound like that!

CHRIS
You know I get enough of this shit from everyone else. The last thing I want to do is come home and have some insecure douchbag make asshole comments about my sexuality.

DARREN
I’m not! I’m the most tolerant straight guy you’re ever gonna meet.

CHRIS
You’re such a fucking asshole! I thought that being you, coming from where you came from, that you’d be different. I guess I was wrong. I’ve never been a very good judge of character. (retreats into his bedroom, slamming the door)

DARREN
Fine! Fuck you, then!

CHRIS
(Opens the door just enough to stick his head out) Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

(Darren is left standing in the living room, alone, shaking his head)

. ~ . ~ .

After shooting the first intense scene between Chris and Darren, Kurt felt emotionally drained. They’d shot the scene six times and yelling and stomping and door slamming, Kurt was exhausted. He stumbled over to his chair – he still felt a little rush of excitement whenever he saw the chair embroidered with his name on it – and sat down, uncapping a bottle of water and drinking three quarters of it without taking a single breath.

“Hey, Kurt.”

Kurt almost spit his water out in surprise as he saw Blaine approaching him. Blaine never approached him on the set. They had their friends and their chairs weren’t even remotely close to each other and their trailers were on opposite sides of the lot.

“Hi, Blaine,” Kurt said. He wiped the damp corner of his mouth with his thumb and clutched the water bottle.

“I wanted to apologize for anything I did when I was drunk the other night,” Blaine said. He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.

“You didn’t do anything, so you don’t have to worry,” Kurt said. He crossed his legs gingerly and arched an eyebrow.

“I just…I know I have a tendency to get…kind of…well let’s just say I have a tendency to make out with people when I’m a little smashed,” Blaine said with a shrug. Kurt smirked, filing that knowledge away for future knowledge.

“Really. It’s fine. You pawed at my lap a little and tried to force me to sing karaoke with you, but that was about the extent of it.” Kurt sipped his water again and situated his iPad in his lap.

“So, those scenes were…really tough for me.” Blaine made some motion with his hand towards the set.

“I bet,” Kurt said. He wasn’t looking at Blaine anymore, instead favoring the newest version of Angry Birds.

“You know, for the sake of the characters, I really don’t think Darren means it when he says things like that to Chris,” Blaine said. He stepped closer to Kurt, leaning his arm on the arm of Kurt’s chair. Attempting to ignore the sweet, masculine smell of Blaine and the warmth that radiated from his deliciously tan skin, Kurt inhaled sharply.

“Don’t be stupid, Blaine,” Kurt said, hating himself for sounding breathless. “They’re just fictional characters.”

“Not to the viewers. Think of the people who watch this show. Chris and Darren are going to be as real to them as we are.” Blaine chuckled and put on that stupid dapper smile that got to Kurt every single time.

“Whatever,” Kurt said. “You just can’t wait until this damn thing takes off so you can read porny fanfiction about us.”

Kurt suddenly realized what he said and looked up, wide-eyed and blushing. Blaine grinned, catching Kurt’s slip of the tongue.

“I mean Chris and Darren. Porny fanfiction about Chris and Darren.” Kurt ducked his head down to try and hide his blush. He stared at the now dark screen of his iPad, secretly hoping Blaine would just leave him alone now.

“I don’t know about that. Darren is straight you know,” Blaine said, his smile seeping into his words.

“Yeah. For now,” Kurt replied.

“Are you so confident in your ability to turn him gay?” Blaine asked. This time it we him that made the slip and Kurt looked up just in time to catch that damn dapper bastard blush ever so slightly. “In Chris’s ability to turn him gay?”

“Chris is sexy as hell.” Kurt gathered his iPad and his water bottle and rose to his feet. Daring to lean close to Blaine, he dropped his voice down so it was low and quiet. “And so am I.”

Then he turned on his heal and began to walk, no, strut away from Blaine, swaying his hips until he rounded a corner and was out of sight.

. ~ . ~ .

Episode Three: The Problem with Roommates
Scene 3

(INT. Chris is in the kitchen, rummaging around in the fridge. Darren enters)

DARREN
What are you doing?

CHRIS
Drinking your beer, eating your chocolate cake, and leaving trash all over the kitchen.

DARREN
Why?

CHRIS
If you can be a suckish roommate, then so can I.

DARREN
Come on, Chris. Please don’t be like this. I said I’m sorry.

CHRIS
(Stands up and nudges the refrigerator door shut with his hip) I still haven’t forgiven you for the ass comment, yet.

DARREN
I’m an idiot. I admit it. I want us to be friends. You’re a great guy and I admire you for putting up with all the shit you get. It’s not my place to come around and make things harder for you.

CHRIS
(a little surprised by Darren’s words) Oh. Ok. Fine then. Apology accepted. (Tries to push past Darren to get into the living room)

DARREN
(grabs Chris’s arm) Friends?

CHRIS
Yeah. Fine. Whatever.

. ~ . ~ .

Music thrummed through the building, a steady, pulsing beat that translated into energy for all the people around. Kurt had modeled once before in New York and had been proud when they used his photo up on one of those giant billboards. His theater friends had been calling him for weeks expressing their jealousy and admiration of his perfect figure.

Kurt wasn’t sure he’d get the same recognition with this job, but it paid well and he figured maybe he could afford a car of his own instead of having to keep using the rental. He stepped into the studio and instantly felt the music rather than heard it. He was instantly recognized and someone grabbed his arms, shoving him into a hair and makeup room.

“Hummel, Kurt. We have you down to model…twelve outfits for this season’s catalogue. Think you’re up for the task, gorgeous?” A slightly older and extremely flamboyant man with a voice more high pitched than Kurt’s walked into the room. Kurt raised an eyebrow, looking the man in the mirror he was facing, unintentionally judging him.

“I’m a slave of fashion,” Kurt said with a dramatic sigh. The man’s stress lines faded away and he grinned.

“I like you already. My friends call me Cesar, but you can call me anything you like.” He winked lewdly and extended and hand towards Kurt, who shook it but cringed a little as he did.

“Cesar sounds nice. I’ll just stick with that. What am I modeling first?” Kurt turned back to the mirror as a woman crowded him to start messing with his unstyled hair. He’d learned the first time he’d modeled that they liked to do whatever the hell they wanted with your hair and it wasn’t smart going in there thinking you knew what looks good on you.

“When you’re done here just move to the room down the hall and we’ll have you fitted,” Cesar said, adding a bit of a dejected sigh at the end.

Cesar left and Kurt spent the next hour having a silent woman tug and pull at his hair while simultaneously adding layers of makeup to his face to make him look even more perfect. Then he moved on to be fitted into the clothes he was modeling – all of which were gorgeous and well out of his normal price range – and then he headed out to the studio.

Wearing a pair of black skinny pants with rips down the front held together by safety pins, as well as a black button down with the sleeves rolled up and the top buttons undone, and a black scarf with white peace signs on it, he was sent over to start getting pictures taken.

Two hours and four outfits later, Kurt was getting a drink of water when he looked up and spotted a familiar face standing amongst the bustling people. Blaine was standing there, looking lost with his hands shoved in his jean pockets.

“Blaine!” He called out, waving at the lost looking man. Blaine turned his head at the sound of his name and his eyes focused on Kurt. He smiled brightly and almost skipped over to Kurt. “What are you doing here?” Kurt asked as Blaine approached.

Blaine looked about to respond, but then he stopped a few paces away from Kurt, taking in his the plaid shorts and knee length boots Kurt wore. It was something typically Kurt, but he never wore these types of clothes onto the set, so Blaine had no way of knowing.

“You look…” Blaine was in awe of how gorgeous Kurt looked in front of him. Sure, he’d looked at Kurt before and yeah he’d admired him, but since when did Kurt’s legs get so…long?

“Amazing, I know. I repeat: What are you doing here?” Kurt set his water down and glanced over to see the photographer getting ready.

“I…I went to your apartment to see if you were there, and your friend Mercedes heard me knocking and said you were here, modeling,” Blaine explained.

“And why were you looking for me at my apartment?” Kurt asked, judging eyebrow raised once more.

“I just…wanted to see if you were up for lunch and then maybe running some lines with me.” Blaine shrugged and glanced around, his eyes pausing slightly on a man wearing nothing but skin tight silver boxer briefs and covered in body glitter.

“So you wanted to ask me out?” Kurt tried not to sound too excited.

“Yeah,” Blaine said. He caught Kurt’s wide smile and added, “As friends. I wanted to ask you out…as friends. Because I want us to be friends.”

Kurt’s smile faltered and Blaine felt a twinge of guilt.

“We’re turning into a regular Chris and Darren, aren’t we?” Kurt laughed bitterly. He turned away from Blaine.

“I don’t…Kurt, I don’t want you to think I don’t find you attractive, because I do. We just work together and we hardly know each other. I’m pretty sure I know more about Chris than I do about you and he’s not even real.

“I just have to finish with this shoot and then I get an hour for lunch. Can you wait?” Kurt looked back up at Blaine, only this time he didn’t look as excited as he had before.

“Yeah, of course. I don’t have anything going on until like five or six. Patrick wants me and Quinn to film that scene where I tell her about Chris’s problem,” Blaine said.

“Awesome,” Kurt sighed. “I better…go do my photo-shoot.”

“I’ll wait,” Blaine said with a nod.

Kurt smiled and went back over to stand in front of the backdrop. It took half an hour and he posed however the photographer wanted him to pose, and the entire time he felt Blaine’s eyes trained on him. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Blaine had said.

Blaine found him attractive.

That stupid man was just giving Kurt reasons to be unprofessional.

. ~ . ~ .

Episode Three: The Problem with Roommates
Scene 6

(INT. In Darren’s bedroom at night. He’s asleep and he hears a loud clunk followed by a crash. He climbs out of bed to investigate and finds Chris standing in the living room, staring at the floor. Darren’s favorite coffee mug is broken on the floor)

DARREN
Chris? What the hell, man?

(Chris remain silent and unmoving)

DARREN
Dude, you’re freaking me out. What’s up?

(Chris doesn’t reply)

DARREN
(Slowly approaches Chris to find that he isn’t blinking, just staring straight down at the floor) I’m not even mad about the cup. Just tell me what’s up.

(Chris mumbles something incoherently, then turns around and walks into the kitchen. Darren follows and finds a box of cereal on the floor, the contents spilled all over the counter and floor.)

DARREN
What’s wrong with you?

CHRIS
Sorry. Sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean…I’m sorry. (Sits down on the floor and pulls his knees up to his chest)

DARREN
I told you it was alright. What’s up with you? (realizes Chris is crying and kneels down beside him) Come on, now, don’t start with that.

CHRIS
(sobbing) I’m sorry!

DARREN
(gets a wash cloth and settles beside Chris. He wipes the tears off his face and looks into his vacant eyes. He realizes Chris is sleepwalking) Well this certainly wasn’t mentioned in the contract. Come on, buddy. Let’s get you to bed.

(Stands up and grasps Chris’s arms, pulling him to his feet. Still asleep, Chris follows Darren into Chris’s bedroom, which Darren hasn’t actually seen yet. It’s neat and organized, except for the bed. The covers are thrown all over the floor. Darren puts Chris to bed and covers him up. As he starts to leave, he glances back and Chris is sitting up again.)

DARREN
You’re not going down easy, are you?

(He goes back over and pushed Chris back until he’s lying down again. As he gets up to leave, he realizes Chris is getting up again as well. With a roll of his eyes, Darren gets Chris lying down once more.)

DARREN
Will you stay put if I lay down with you?

(There is of course no answer, but Darren goes to the other side of the bed and lies down. Chris does not get up again.)

. ~ . ~ .

“Excellent, guys. Why don’t you take a break before we film them waking up?” Patrick called out. A bell rang and voices shouted and people scrambled off the set. Kurt let out a long sigh as he pulled himself up. He wiped the tears he’d managed to conjure up – they were real tears, because if they weren’t he felt like it was cheating – and glanced over at Blaine. They were both dressed in their pajamas and Kurt had to tear his eyes away. Blaine looked damn good.

“Can someone get me something to drink?” Kurt asked. In an instant, his assistant – he was thankful to find he wasn’t just his assistant, but rather one of three assistants to the main cast – Ron appeared with a bottle of water. Kurt had tried not to rely on Ron’s help ever since the day they met. Not only did he despise the bitter old man, but he had a feeling Ron hated him just as much.

Kurt thanked Ron for the water and took a sip. Blaine was standing off the set now, getting his hair and makeup touched up and drinking from a bottle of Coke. Kurt tried to stick with water and healthy food. If he ate too much sugar, he’d eat more sugar and more sugar until he gained twenty pounds and his face looked like he still had his baby fat.

Standing, Kurt wandered over to his chair and pulled out his copy of the script. He glanced over his lines and felt something inside him flutter. It wasn’t his heart. It was something much…lower. His eyes drifted closed and he hoped to god he didn’t get turned on even in the least bit during the next scene. Considering Chris was almost as sex-deprived as Kurt, though, being a little flushed might benefit the character.

He sighed and flinched with Patrick called everyone back on set.

. ~ . ~ .

Episode Three: The Problem with Roommates
Scene 7

(INT. In Chris’s bedroom, Darren and Chris are asleep and spooning. It’s morning and the sunlight coming through the small bedroom window wakes Chris up)

CHRIS
(groaning) What the hell? (Looks at Darren’s arm draped over his hip. When he realizes what’s going on, he jumps out of bed, falling onto the floor)

DARREN
Geez, I didn’t think I was that smelly.

CHRIS
What the hell are you doing in my bed? What did we do last night? Why can’t I remember it?

DARREN
Relax, relax. We didn’t do anything. You were sleepwalking.

CHRIS
I was what?

DARREN
You know…walking in your sleep.

CHRIS
Yeah I know what sleepwalking is. I just…I haven’t done that for a long time.

DARREN
So this is a recurring problem?

CHRIS
I used to sleep walk all the time when I was younger. When I was being bulled a lot and it was really stressful.

DARREN
(Trying to act like he was the reason for Chris being upset enough to sleepwalk) So the bullying was that bad?

CHRIS
Yeah. My sleepwalking doesn’t explain why you’re in my bed spooning me.

DARREN
You wouldn’t stay in bed! I stayed with you to keep you from getting up again. I can’t help that I’m a cuddle whore!

CHRIS
So we didn’t…

DARREN
Clothes on the entire time, I promise.

CHRIS
And I didn’t…

DARREN
Chris. You don’t have to be embarrassed. We’re both guys. If there was anything to see, it’s not like I haven’t seen it before.

CHRIS
But I’m…

DARREN
A perfectly normal human being.

CHRIS
(smiles) Thank you. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in a long time.

(Darren returns the smile and there is a moment of awkward silence before Darren gets off the bed and offers Chris a hand, helping him to his feet. They head out of the bedroom, arguing about who gets to shower first and whose turn it is to make breakfast. The scene fades to a close.)