Oh fuck.

Who was Kurt kidding?

He could not fantasize about Blaine. No matter how gorgeous Blaine was, not matter how charming and dapper and god damned lovable, Kurt could not fantasize about him.

His knees fell to the sides, opening his legs to nothing. His eyes opened and he stared up at the ceiling. This was getting ridiculous. All he wanted to do was relieve a little tension and he couldn’t even get his fucking innocent brain to think about Blaine Anderson doing naughty things to him. It could’ve been because he didn’t know what naughty things Blaine could’ve been doing.

He’d been as innocent as a baby penguin in high school but by now he was just a sexless little cream puff. Worse yet, he was the cream puff the baker messed up on and forgot to put in the cream filling. He wasn’t even sweet.

With a frustrated sigh, he reached down and palmed the head of his aching cock through his pajama bottoms. It was even a rare occurrence when he managed to maintain an erection through his self-deprecating thoughts. He figured this might be the only chance to jerk off for a while, so he slid his pajama bottoms down to his thighs and closed his eyes again.

His fingers danced over the head of his cock, teasing lightly. A smile played at the corner of his mouth as he conjured up the old reliable fantasy of a faceless, nameless muscle man modeling a perfectly tailored Armani suit. He moved his hand to grip the base of his erection tightly, biting his lip to keep quiet – the walls in this apartment were devastatingly thin – as he began to pump his hand quickly.

It felt so good, he didn’t get to do this nearly enough. He gasped as his fingers pressed under the head, twisted around, and squeezed in the ways that drew out the pleasure in the most tantalizing ways. He let himself get lost in the moment and felt his hips lifting off the bed to meet his hand as he moved faster. His eyes screwed shut even tighter as his bloodless brain flashed a single image of that fucking sexy Blaine Anderson and Kurt realized he was close.

And it was just Kurt’s luck that the phone and the doorbell rang at exactly the same moment.

“Fuck!” He cried out, but not because of the long overdue orgasm he had almost reached. He reluctantly pulled his hand away as he grappled for his phone, seeing Patrick’s name on the screen. The person at the door kept ringing the doorbell. “I’ll be there in a minute!”

He pulled himself into a sitting position, simultaneously cursing and thanking his shy and antisocial erection, which had wilted the second he saw Patrick’s name on the caller I.D.

“What do you want?” He growled as soon as he answered the phone. Standing, he tugged his pajama bottoms back up and padded barefoot down the hallway.

“My goodness me, darling. Someone woke up on the other side of the bed!” Patrick sounded more cheery than anyone should have when Kurt snapped at them. When Kurt was grumpy he was scary. Just asked his stepbrother.

“What. Do you. Want?” Kurt repeated. He pinned the phone between his cheek and his shoulder as he used both hands to unlock the six locks on his door. The door swung open to reveal Mercedes holding a white envelope addressed to her. She grinned wildly at him.

“Since you’re in such a good mood today I wanted to tell you we changed the film schedule a bit. We’re reshooting that last scene for episode two and handed out episode three today. So I’ll need to see you in an hour,” Patrick said, putting on his serious business man voice now. Kurt stepped back and let a jumping Mercedes in and slammed the door shut behind her.

“Fine, fine. I’ll be there. Is there anything else?” Kurt asked, sounding as unhappy as possible for Patrick’s benefit.

“Nope, nothing. But you might want to get some coffee on the way to the set, sweetheart. You sound a little grumpy,” Patrick said before hanging up.

Kurt tossed his phone onto the table beside the couch and looked at Mercedes. He debated yelling at her for assisting in the disturbance of rare but often sought-after masturbation period, but he decided he was just doomed to being horny and let out a long sigh.

“What’s in the envelope?” Kurt asked, just to humor her.

“I was waiting for you to ask!” Mercedes said excitedly. “In this envelope is a check.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. A check. Really, Mercedes? Hadn’t Kurt specifically told her not to disturb him on days off until one in the afternoon?

“It’s a check for my first ever show in front of people,” she said excitedly. He still didn’t understand what was so exciting about it. Money was money. He got a check every week for being on the show. “You are such a dud, Kurt! Come on! I’m on my way to being a star. This check wasn’t for playing in some run down club or the basement of some coffee shop. This was on a stage. For real people who weren’t drunk and who didn’t throw vegetables at me!”

“I’m happy for you, Mercedes, I really am.” Kurt was less than enthusiastic as he turned and headed back into his bedroom to get dressed. She followed him, not caring if he wanted or needed space of any kind.

“So it’s your day off. Wanna go see a movie with me or something?” She leaned in the doorway as he disappeared into his closet.

“I can’t,” he said. “I’m working.”

“But it’s your day off!” Mercedes huffed, her hands on her hips even though he couldn’t see.

“Not anymore. They’re reshooting the last scene of episode two and they need me on in an hour,” Kurt said, his voice muffled by his clothes in the closet.

“I thought they already started the season? You guys are only doing the second episode?”

“The first was like the promo episode. The season doesn’t officially start for another two weeks. Patrick started us behind schedule because it took so long to cast Darren.” Kurt emerged from the closet wearing a white button down shirt and skin tight black jeans. He didn’t dress up much the days he had to work, knowing he’d just spend the running around in the jeans and nerdy t-shirts that his character wore.

“So translation…filming is behind so you never ever get to have a day off?” Mercedes pouted, wanting to spend time with her new best friend.

“Basically, yeah. Maybe in the summer. I don’t know. I really have to go. Can you let yourself out?” He asked as he hurried past her.

“Not even gonna style your hair?” Mercedes raised an eyebrow. Kurt never left the apartment looking anything less than perfect.

“I’m in a hurry and they’ll just do it in the hair and makeup trailer,” Kurt shrugged. He shoved his script and his beloved iPad into his leather messenger bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he found his cellphone and the keys to his rental car.

He hurried out and left Mercedes to let herself out.

. ~ . ~ .

Episode Two: Significant Other
Scene 9

(EXT. Chris is standing outside Althea’s Caf�, rubbing his hands together. It’s cold outside and he is bundled up. Fresh out of another failed audition, he waits)

EDDIE
Fancy seeing you here.

CHRIS
(turns around, startled) It’s a free country. I’m allowed to get coffee when and where I want.

EDDIE
As am I.

CHRIS
Then go inside and get your coffee.

EDDIE
Are you waiting for someone?

CHRIS
Not your business.

EDDIE
Come on, Chris.

CHRIS
Please leave me alone.

EDDIE
I still love you.

CHRIS
You slept with my cousin at my family reunion. Get the fuck out of my life.

EDDIE
I said I was sorry!

DARREN
(comes up on Chris’ other side) Chris? Is this guy bothering you?

CHRIS
No. Not at all. He was just leaving.

EDDIE
(looks at Chris sadly. They were each other’s first everything and he misses Chris more than he should) Bye, Chris. For now. (Walks back down the street, forgetting about his coffee)

DARREN
(a bit possessively) Who was that?

CHRIS
Just…my ex.

DARREN
The one that hurt you?

CHRIS
It’s nothing, Darren. Really. I promise.

DARREN
I may be short but I can beat the crap out of him if you want.

CHRIS
No, no, really, it’s ok. Let’s just get coffee.

DARREN
Whatever you say. So how’d the audition go?

CHRIS
Horribly. I walked in and said ‘hello’ and they instantly called for the next person. It’s this stupid curse of a voice I have. No one wants to hire an actor who talks like a girl.

DARREN
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with your voice. It’s part who you are.

CHRIS
Don’t give me that. You look me in the eye and tell me you don’t get annoyed at how screechy I get when you bring home Ben and Jerry’s.

DARREN
Maybe I bring home Ben and Jerry’s just so I can hear you get all screechy.

CHRIS
(Laughs) That’s bullshit and we both know it.

(They both get coffee and sit down at a booth seat, both of them trying to warm their hands with the hot coffee cups)

DARREN
So seriously, Chris, was that the one that cheated with your…

CHRIS
Just drop it, Dare!

DARREN
(holds hands up defensively) Fine, fine! Consider it dropped!

. ~ . ~ .

“Hey! Kurt! Wait up!”

Kurt turned around to see the blond-headed Sam Evans following after him. His heart sank when he realized it wasn’t Blaine chasing after him, but he stopped anyway. Clutching the strap of his leather messenger bag, he plastered a fake smile on his face for Sam. Eddie and Chris may hate each other on the show, but Kurt found Sam a very pleasant individual to be around.

“What’s up?” Kurt asked, raising one eyebrow.

“Quinn, Wes, Blaine, and I are all going out for a drink. We were just wondering if you wanted to come with us. I think Quinn might be inviting a couple of her girlfriends, but other than that it’s just us,” Sam offered.

Kurt made like he was going to say no, that he should really go home and rest (and maybe finish what he had started that morning because honestly he was still really horny). Instead, he agreed. Who was he to deny himself a chance to get closer to Blaine?

“Sure. Sounds great.” Kurt smiled and turned to follow Sam back onto the set where everyone was gathered. Kurt felt something tighten inside of him when he saw Blaine smiling at something Quinn said. Blaine began to say something in reply, taking animatedly with his hands. The same hands that Kurt found himself staring at often. The same hands he’d fantasized about that morning.

“Kurt, so glad you could join us,” Quinn said, smiling sweetly. As he joined their little group, she hugged him quickly. Of all the cast, she was the one he was closest too, even though he yearned to be closest to Blaine. He glanced over at Blaine, who was busy laughing at something Wes said.

Quinn sensed the longing in his almost pathetic gaze. She reached down and grasped his hand, tugging it.

“We’re going out for drinks,” Quinn said.

“Where to?” Sam asked, looking over at Blaine and Wes, who were distracted with whatever they were talking about. Blaine realized the three of them were waiting for him and Wes to join their conversation, and he straightened up and looked at them with a wide smile on his handsome face.

“I know this great place!” Blaine declared. “It’s run by this guy, Ricky, and they have a stage.”

Before Kurt could say anything, it was agreed that they’d go to the place Blaine suggested. Blaine called them a taxi and in twenty short minutes, they were inside a small but surprisingly clean bar. Kurt was in the corner, nursing a rum and coke while Sam, Wes, Blaine, and Quinn danced on the dance floor.

Kurt didn’t join them until Quinn made him get up and come to the bar where they were all doing tequila shots. They all crowded around the bar and Kurt managed to squeeze in between Blaine and Quinn. Blaine’s shoulder was pressed up against his and Kurt could feel Blaine’s natural body heat scorching his arm through his shirt.

Kurt didn’t know if it was the tequila talking or if it was his sex-deprived body, but either way, Kurt wasn’t sure Blaine could get much hotter.

. ~ . ~ .

“I’m so fucking drunk!” Blaine announced loudly an hour later into the microphone on the stage. “I’m gonna sing some fucking drunk karaoke!”

Everyone but Kurt applauded, laughing drunkenly. They were going to do karaoke. If they did karaoke they would try to make him sing. He’d lied and told Blaine he was a good singer, so they would expect him to sing.

“Kurt!” Blaine shouted, pointing right at him. “Kurt, you come sing song with meeeee!”

“You are fucking drunk,” Kurt said in reply. Blaine grinned and jumped off the stage, running over to him and tripping and landing right between his legs. Kurt froze, trying desperately not to think of Blaine like that. “Get up, Blaine.”

“Sing with me,” Blaine demanded.

“I…I’m too drunk. I won’t remember the words,” Kurt said, pushing Blaine up until he was standing. His hands were on Blaine’s chest and he could feel the warmth of Blaine’s chest on his palms.

“It’s karaokeeeeeeeee,” Blaine slurred. “You just gotta read the wordsss.”

“Blaine, no.” Kurt stood up and moved away a step, trying to put some distance between him and Blaine’s irresistibly attractive body. “I’m just gonna call a cab. Better yet…I’ll walk home. I could use the fresh air.”

He gathered his things and left before Blaine could shout another slurred protest at him.

. ~ . ~ .

Kurt curled up on the end of his couch, pressing his phone to his ear as he went over his work schedule for the next week. It rang three times before Rachel finally picked up.

“Kurt!” Rachel said excitedly.

“Hi, Rachel,” Kurt sighed into the phone. He was a little drunk, but trying to push through it. Earlier that day he’d been offered a modeling job and he was trying to figure out how to fit it into his busy filming schedule.

“How have you been?” Rachel asked, eager to catch up with her friend and future stepbrother-in-law.

“Good, good. Just busy. You know. With the show.” Kurt found that he wasn’t busy on the next Thursday and Friday (Blaine was filming those days, but if Kurt had something going on the side it would give him a reason not to show up just to watch Blaine).

“I saw the premiere. Kurt, it looks fantastic. Everyone here misses you and we’re gonna watch the show every night when it comes on,” Rachel said, talking as fast as she possibly could.

“Awesome,” Kurt said.

“Kurt, what’s wrong? You sound…sad. Aren’t you happy? I thought working in Hollywood was your dream.” Rachel sounded concerned. Kurt could hear voices in the background and it sounded like Finn had just got home. His stepbrother and Rachel were set to get married in six months and he had agreed to help them plan the wedding. They were only slightly upset when he had to go back on his promise because of Bring on Tomorrow.

“It is, Rachel. Everything’s great. I’ve got this great little apartment and I’ve met a few friends. The show is going amazing and the cast is wonderful. There’s Quinn. She’s really nice. And Sam, he’s cute enough but totally not my type. Wes, Nick, and Jeff are all a bunch of goofballs and Blaine…” Kurt trailed off and closed his eyes. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about Blaine? This was getting so frustrating!

“Blaine plays Darren, right?” Rachel asked to clarify.

“Yes,” Kurt confirmed.

“He’s such a cutie pie,” Rachel said, a hint of playfulness in her voice. Kurt groaned and ran his hand through his hair, still damp from the shower he took before he called her. “Oh, so you’ve noticed?”

“Shut up, Rachel,” Kurt snapped. “I’m a professional. I haven’t dated a costar since Jeremy in freshman year.”

“Didn’t you freak out and break up with him when he tried to kiss you?”

“He was all over me! I’m not some cheap whore, Rachel. I don’t want someone’s tongue down my throat after the first date,” Kurt snapped.

“At this point, Kurt, I think you should take what you can get,” Rachel teased.

“If I have to take that, then I’ll die a virgin,” Kurt lied. He refused to die a virgin. He wanted to get out of this horrible state soon, damn it, because he was tired of being sexually frustrated all the damn time.

“Whatever you say, sweetie,” Rachel said. She declared that she had to go to bed because it was getting late, but she would see him soon when she saved up enough money for a plane ticket.

Kurt hoped that by the time she came to visit, he would at least be able to say he was dating someone.

. ~ . ~ .

Episode Two: Significant Other
Bonus Scene 1

(INT. Inside the apartment, Chris is on the couch watching TV. He’s rather upset about his failed audition for the day. The door opens and Darren steps in quietly. Chris doesn’t look up until Darren is standing right above him.)

DARREN
(Pulls two tubs of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream out of a plastic bag) Cookie dough or chocolate fudge brownie?

CHRIS
(Jumps up excitedly) Oh my God, Darren, I can’t believe you.

DARREN
Take the cookie dough. It’s your favorite.

CHRIS
(Before he realizes what he’s doing, he hugs Darren) This is exactly what I needed.

DARREN
(Chuckling awkwardly) Whoa…ok…

CHRIS
(Realizes how awkward the moment just became. Pulls away abruptly) Sorry. I’m sorry. That’ was awkward. I’m sorry.

DARREN
(Smiling) Hey, no, it’s alright. Just take the ice cream. I’ll go get us some spoons.

(Chris sits back down on the couch, clutching the cookie dough ice cream in his hands. He watched Darren as he goes into the kitchen. Screen goes dark as Darren disappears out of sight.)