To The Sun and Back
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To The Sun and Back

To The Sun and Back: Chapter 10


E - Words: 2,667 - Last Updated: Jul 02, 2012
Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Nov 26, 2011 - Updated: Jul 02, 2012
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Author's Notes: WHAT THE FUCK I'M SO SORRY
To the Sun and Back 10

“Let’s close this chapter, say one last prayer, but don’t say that you loved me.” -I’m Still Breathing; Katy Perry

--

It didn't take much time for them to lose themselves; Blaine just becoming completely enraptured by Kurt in his arms, his chest pressed against his own or his fingers in his hair; Kurt just bathing in the feeling of Blaine around him, knowing that, at least for a little while, he wouldn't have to worry about anything going wrong in his life, that neither of them had to be concerned. They could just lay with each other, taking it all in, and just bask in it. Breathe each other in, kiss one another like they'd wanted to for so long.

But like most things, their time was cut short. The morning after Blaine had come to Kurt's apartment, they were lying in bed with one another, Kurt's head resting on Blaine's shoulder while a movie played on his laptop. Blaine's lips were pressed to Kurt's hair, Kurt's hand fisted in Blaine's t-shirt and it was strange to both of them how natural and easy it all felt; there was no hesitation between either of them and it was like they'd been together the whole time. There was no initial apprehension or awkwardness to their situation - they were just happy to finally be with each other. But a knock at the door caught their attention, Kurt shifting away from Blaine's hold and pushing the laptop towards him.

"What time is it?" Blaine asked, his voice coming out sort of gravelly as the knocking at the door continued.

"Like, nine-thirty," Kurt replied, swinging his legs to the floor and grabbing a pair of jeans from his bedroom floor before shrugging on his button-down shirt from the night before. Blaine still felt a little guilty and self-conscious about what the things he'd said about running away together and every time he fingered the ring on his hand, he felt worse. Kurt walked slowly out of his bedroom to answer the unrelenting pounding at the door, mumbling something crude and Blaine grinned just a little. He pushed the covers off of his hips, pausing Matthew Broderick on Kurt's laptop before grabbing his respective jeans from the floor as well and tugging his shirt over his head.

When he didn't hear a response from Kurt even after the knocking stopped, he furrowed his brow, biting his lip loosely.

"Kurt?" He called, stepping out of the bedroom to make his way to the door. "Who is it?" Kurt stood a few feet away from him, one hand against the doorframe, the other gripping tightly at the doorknob. His eyes were widened and his heart was hammering, his lips parted at the sight before him. Still puzzled, Blaine walked closer, and then his chest tightened, his stomach clenching uncomfortably at the sight of Jason standing before Kurt.

His jaw was tight and his eyes were deep, dark and imploring and Kurt felt so small under his gaze, so inferior and afraid and not confident like he always was. Blaine's heart was hammering, head spinning in confusion and before he knew it, he was walking towards the two, pushing past Kurt and throwing all his weight into pushing Jason away, taking him away from Kurt. His mind seemed hazy and clouded and he could hear Kurt shouting at him as he slammed Jason back against the wall next to Kurt's apartment door. Blaine held him back with his arm to his throat, his other hand digging in the pocket of his jeans before pulling it out and snapping open a small Swiss Army knife, slamming it into the wall next to Jason's head, though his expression didn't falter.

"Blaine, what are you doing?!" Kurt shouted, scrambling out of the doorway to pull Blaine away from Jason. "Why do you have a knife?!" Though he was just that little bit smaller, Blaine was still stronger than Kurt, and he pushed him off. Kurt stumbled a few meters away from him, trying to find the mindset to think clearly.

"I knew you were cheating on me with him," Jason mumbled, staring down at Blaine, taking in his clenched teeth and steely expression. "I knew you would break your promises, just like you broke all of them in past. Do you really think he's better for you than I am?" Blaine could feel that familiar stirring in his chest, the one that made him believe all the things he was being told even though the better part of him knew what he was hearing wasn't true. "You're nothing without me,"

Kurt's heart was hammering and before he knew it, he was standing straight, tugging his fingers through his hair and speaking up, his voice low and gentle and soothing. "Blaine," he began, still keeping his distance. He could feel Jason staring at him but stayed with his gaze trained on Blaine's tensed shoulders. "Don't listen to him. He doesn't love you, he just loves that he can control you and that he knows you'll give in to anything he says. You have to remember that," He knew what he was staying was risky, what with Jason literally only a few steps away from him, but he also realised he had no chance of taking either of them in a fight, and found that he was far better with words anyway.

"Go back inside, Kurt," Blaine said, his voice thick and rough, like he was holding it back.

"You told me you love me," Jason mumbled, like he was only talking to Blaine the same way Kurt was. "You still love me, or you wouldn't keep coming back to me. You know that being with him is wrong and every time you're with him, you come running back to me, begging for forgiveness and I have been nothing but accommodating,"

"Accommodating?" Kurt sputtered, almost laughing, "you beat him half to death and you call that accommodating? You're a fucking sociopath and the only reason he comes to me is because of what you do to him," Kurt snapped and Blaine pushed against Jason's shoulders harder, somehow feeling like this fight wasn't his anymore.

"Go back inside, Kurt!" Blaine shouted again, his voice breaking as tears welled against his eyes. He took a deep breath through his nose and tried to steady himself, doing everything in his willpower not to grab the knife from the wall and send it through Jason's windpipe.

"I know it's hard, Blaine, but you have to trust me when I tell you he isn't right for you. I know you're afraid, and you have every right to be, but I promise it's going to be better," Kurt said gently, feeling like he'd already told Blaine these things a thousand times over. He wasn't sure why, but it was the first time Kurt felt like his words were really sinking in, like Blaine was really listening to what he was saying instead of just hearing it. His breath was ragged and his nails were digging into Jason's shoulder where he was grasping it. Flashes of being held in almost the same way played against Blaine's eyes and something inside him was stirring to just hit him back, make him feel as awful as he'd made Blaine feel. But then when Kurt was talking, the better part of him wanted to just back off and sit down to have a civilised conversation with him, though he knew that wouldn't ever be a possibility. Still, that anger inside him was coiling in his stomach and running through his veins and before Blaine knew it, he was pounding his fists into Jason's chest, clawing his nails against his shirt and gritting out curses, tears falling hotly against his skin as he struck his hand against Jason's cheek.

He wasn't sure what he was saying, but Kurt was suddenly was pulling him off, yelling at him to stop and he was collapsing into Kurt's arms, pushing him down against the wall, the rushing in his ears almost distracting him from Jason grabbing at his hair, pulling him to his feet as Kurt grasped for him. He was thrown back against the wall, Jason licking at his lip where the flesh had split, and Blaine couldn't stop himself from running his tongue over his own mark in roughly the same place. But then all that rushing stopped when Kurt was pulling Jason off him, pushing him back against the wall and extracting Blaine's Swiss Army knife.

Blaine stumbled back to his feet, still too shaken-up to try to stop anything, and just stared at Kurt holding Jason back. For the first time, he looked so small and inferior and not the intimidating, imposing force Blaine had always seen him as.

"You're leaving," Kurt said slowly, his nose almost pressing against Jason's neck where he was stretching away from Kurt's hand. "You're leaving, and you're never going to hurt him again," Each word was drawn out and deliberate, hanging thick in the air. It was nerve-wracking how calmly Kurt was doing this but Blaine's heart was hammering with the feeling that this wasn't Kurt's fight. He should be the one doing this; Kurt shouldn't have to stand up for him anymore. It was his turn. Blaine should be standing on his own two feet by now without Kurt helping him to get there.

"Stop," he said suddenly, meekly. Neither Kurt nor Jason heard Blaine so he said it again. "Stop," he pleaded. Kurt glanced at him quickly, taking in his watering eyes as he pushed himself up from the ground. "Stop, Kurt," It was definitive this time, strong and clear, like he'd been holding it in for too long.

"Blaine,"

"Stop!" His voice was breaking and it seemed like it was the only word he could remember how to say. Whether it was directed towards Kurt, or Jason, or himself or just the world in general, he couldn't be sure but Blaine just kept screaming it out into the open of the hallway, long and increasingly loud, he kept screaming it until his throat was dry and raw, his chest heaving as tears spilled over his eyes. Blaine's hands were balled into fists at his side and Jason was just staring at him, some feeling he hadn't known taking over his face as Kurt closed his eyes, wincing every time Blaine howled out into the dense air. It was everything in himself not to cover his ears. Just the tone of Blaine's voice, how tired and pleading it sounded was enough to drive a man insane. It seemed that just then, Jason had finally begun to realise the magnitude of the torture he'd put Blaine through, the emotional trauma and the fear and the imprisonment and all the heartbreak.

Blaine was panting, his shoulders trembling as he said it one last time, just barely above a whisper. "Just stop. Both of you. Please. I can't take it anymore," and then he was just looking at them, Kurt still holding Jason, though his arms had gone mostly slack, Jason's chest tight and broad and Blaine couldn't help but see such a resemblance between the two. For the first time, Jason was trying to hold himself together much like Kurt had been for months, and much like Jason, Kurt was trying to be overpowering and in control, just like he had tried to be over Blaine.

"Blaine, I'm sorry," Jason mumbled suddenly. It was thin and light but it sounded sincere. Like Blaine shouting at him relentlessly had finally driven that thought home. But it wasn't good enough.

"No you aren't," Blaine said sternly, turning his gaze to the floor. "You aren't sorry and you never will be, and even if you are, there's no reason it should ever mean anything to me," Blaine voice was wavering but he kept going. "You're leaving and I'm not marrying you and I'm never going to see you again because it's done now. It's over. You can't do this to me anymore and you're not going to. Make someone else's life hell, just stop doing it to mine. You don't have the right. You don't get to control me anymore," His jaw was clenched, the muscles fluttering. "You're nothing to me anymore. You're weak and you're scared and I'm better than you. This whole time, you thought you could break me and make me feel so weak but you can't. I'm stronger than that. I'm stronger than you. And it's done now. You can't hurt me anymore because I finally found someone that makes me feel good about myself and you're not going to take that away from me." Kurt smiled gently to himself and Jason just stared down at Blaine, somehow wondering how this had happened, how Blaine still had all this light in him, all this courage.

"You're not going to hurt me anymore," Blaine said again, swallowing hard before clawing his ring off of hand and tossing to Jason's feet. For a moment he just stared at it, then up at Jason and then down to Kurt. He felt so much lighter now, so much stronger even though his hands were trembling, matching the hammering of his heart against his chest. Suddenly he felt frozen though, like he hadn't actually just said any of that and it was all in his head. That was you feel when you imagine something so elaborate that it takes you a moment to realise that it hadn't actually happened, when you confuse a dream for a reality for just that second and you find yourself wondering whether or not it really happened. In Blaine's case, however, it was a grand instance when it really did. He really had just done that, finally stood up and spoke his mind, found himself standing on his own.

"I love you, Blaine," Jason said but it came of pleading rather than forceful and Blaine just stared at him.

"Part of me wants to believe you still do," Blaine said gently, looking back at Kurt. "But a better part of me knows you probably never did." Kurt was gazing at him with all the admiration in the world and it just added fuel to Blaine's fire. And then that was all. He gave him one last glance and then turned around and walked back into Kurt's apartment, heart thrashing and Kurt ran after him, looking over his shoulder quickly just in time to see Jason sink to the floor against the wall.

The moment the door shut behind him, Blaine collapsed to the floor of Kurt's apartment and let out one final gut-wrenching sob. It was deep and cleansing and full of everything that he had just said. Kurt sunk down next to him, pulling him into his arms and kissing his hair, his dampened cheeks and smiling at him so proudly.

"I'm so proud of you, Blaine," Kurt whispered and Blaine clung to his arm, holding him close and drilling his eyes closed. "I love you so much," he said softly. "I knew you could do it," Kurt smiled and Blaine let out a loose and watery laugh.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," Blaine mumbled honestly and Kurt chuckled heartily, smiling though his own tears were forming as well.

"We're gonna get out of here, you know that?" Kurt said earnestly. "We're gonna run away together. And it's gonna be awesome," Blaine chuckled lightly and grinned whole-heartedly up at him.

"You changed my whole world, Blaine," Kurt admitted. "You make me feel like I can do anything. You're so brave and I knew you'd be fine from the moment I met you because you're the strongest person I know and I love you more than anything,"

"I love you," Blaine sighed, cupping Kurt's face in his palms and kissing him deeply, slowly. For the first time in a long time, they both felt safe. They felt like nothing could hurt them, immortal and infinite. Happy. Happy.


Comments

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This was well worth the wait I can tell you that! I am so proud of Blaine. This chapter was great!

thank you! i'm glad i haven't totally lost all of you. b29;

nope! i have one more chapter in mind. :)

Why do I feel like I have to wait for the other shoe to drop. But this is sooo good.

Yay! I'm happy to see an update here. :D I love that Blaine stood his ground. I would have been really unhappy to see him go back to Jason again. I hope there will be more? Maybe even soonish?

Thank you c: I think I would've stabbed myself in the face if I had made him go back to Jason again. There will be one more chapter (I swear it won't be two months from now)

im so happy you udated i was waiting for so long i just love this book soo much

... dhcvbslifuv hwalekhv fjhwn vlovihjhe4df547tguvvk hndawdduvc hvsfhvvbmfv msfb vq,khvs oihvbmhqeqjh23hg4erf2ht4gbvd nvbkseeihqkhe fvnslighvwkrhfvqm,ewjdw9chie7ry5vtj2f m3w,j... I can't. If I could post gifs, it would be one where someone just kind of falls on the ground and flails.

omg four for you this is the best comment