May 7, 2012, 12:47 p.m.
Until I'm Bleeding: Chapter 8
E - Words: 3,094 - Last Updated: May 07, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 14/14 - Created: May 07, 2012 - Updated: May 07, 2012 382 0 0 0 0
Blaine awoke with a gasp. His body felt like it was on fire and his cock was hard and throbbing with need. It was the dream. There had been a body grinding against him like the dancers at the party. It wasn't Renee though, this person didn't have flared out hips like she had. No this person had slim hips and a small but firm ass that ground against him, undulating back and forth. He'd grabbed the person and held them against his chest, rubbing his hands across a flat but soft belly. The person's shirt had ridden up and he'd palmed their hips under the denim jeans they were wearing. Small moans of pleasure escaped them both and as the person's head fell back against his shoulder, he smelled the most incredible fragrance. That scent alone, sent Blaine over the edge into wakefulness, desperate for the dream person. He reached his hand in his boxers and began stroking his cock, already wet with pre-cum. Over and over he pulled, twisted and caressed himself, picturing that phantom person from his dream, the smooth skin, that intoxicating scent. He came with a muffled grunt, the spasms of his orgasm continuing for almost a full minute. He doubted he'd ever come that hard before.
Later as he showered, he became more and more uncomfortable, thinking about the dream. There had been something lacking in the person dancing against him. There had been no breasts, only a firm, wide flat chest.
. . .
Kurt woke up and laid there, wanting to drown in his misery. Blaine had had sex with someone else. A girl, at that. He supposed he should be glad it was a girl and not a guy, but it didn't matter. Some other person had seen him, touched him, brought him satisfaction. Something that had always and only been Kurt's job, his pleasure. It killed something inside of him to know this. He wished he could scrub his own memory, but knew it was impossible. As it was, he had gotten truly sick to his stomach last night after he ran from Blaine. He'd wretched until his body was empty. Since Mercedes was still having a good time, he'd just texted her and walked home. He couldn't have Blaine, so what could he do? He could shut Blaine out of his mind. Shut him out, lock the door and throw away the key. He couldn't let last night happen again. He wouldn't put himself in that situation, no matter what it took.
. . .
Two weeks later, Kurt was sitting in the café on campus, enjoying a hot mocha while reading over his textiles text book. It was officially fall in Ohio and he was pleased to finally be able to break out his collection of scarves. He'd chosen a lovely beige one today that looked amazing with his black pea coat, which was hanging over the back of his chair at the moment. The door of the café opened and he didn't bother to look up, though he shivered at the cool air that came in. Someone walked next to him and froze. Seeing the person out his peripheral vision, Kurt looked up. His heart sank as he saw Blaine's golden gaze burning into his. His expression was a mixture of shock, wonder, and confusion.
"Hey," Blaine said.
"Hi," Kurt answered quietly.
Blaine continued to look at him for a moment, a searching expression on his face. Finally he walked toward the counter to put in his order. Kurt knew it was time to pack up and leave. This was how he did things now. He always made sure to leave a place when he saw Blaine, never stayed after practice at Velocity, never got there early. He put his book back in his bag, neatly arranging it so he could easily pull his next book out at his class. Then he stood and began to put his coat on.
"Can I, um, join you, Kurt?" Blaine asked, suddenly standing next to him.
"What?" Kurt asked, confused.
"I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes," Blaine said, his gaze steady.
"I, uh, guess so," Kurt said, almost like a question.
"Great, I'll be right back, just have to grab my coffee," he said with a smile and dropped his bag in the chair next to Kurt.
Perplexed beyond explanation, Kurt took his coat back off, folded it over his chair and resumed his seat. He kept his coffee in his hands to try and cover up the fact that they were shaking. Blaine came back and sat down across from him, sipping at his coffee, then humming with satisfaction.
"How have you been?" Blaine asked him casually.
Kurt didn't know what the heck was going on. They were suddenly talking? Over the past couple weeks, Blaine wouldn't even look at him, at least the few times Kurt had allowed himself to look at him. Those were times when he was strictly checking to see if Blaine was healthy. He'd healed amazingly fast from the accident and for that, Kurt was grateful.
"Pretty good," Kurt lied. "You?" He'd just had a talk with Mercedes and Rachel the day before about the amount of weight he'd lost and his insomnia. But there was nothing he could do about it. He tried to eat and sleep, but was never quite successful at either. For them, though, he'd promised to try.
"I'm okay. Lots of studying and homework. But I'm adjusting to the classes rather well. So, uh, this is rather awkward, but we were... best friends before the accident?" Blaine looked like he wanted to say something else, but took a drink of coffee instead.
"Yes, since our sophomore year in high school," Kurt said, intrigued by the conversation.
"So we probably hung out a lot?" Another sip of coffee.
"Every day," Kurt said simply.
"Huh," was all he said.
"Was there something I could help with?" Kurt asked, needing to get to the root of the talk. There was no way he would be able to maintain a polite conversation for long without breaking down into tears. Seeing his beloved's face, his hands, hearing his voice, it was all too much. Even if part of him needed this, craved this. Overall, it wasn't good for him. Not if he was hoping to make it through the rest of the day in one piece.
"I was, uh, going through a box of my stuff and noticed there were a lot of pictures and letters from you in there. It seemed like we had a lot in common," he said, and his face suddenly looked sad. "More in common than I have with Wes and David."
Kurt fought the desire to reach out and comfort him. "We did share a lot of common interests," was all he could say. How do you not tell someone that they loved each other and that was why they involved themselves in each others' favorite activities.
"Do you not want to talk to me?" Blaine asked with a tilt of his head. It was a movement that Kurt had always found adorable and irresistible.
"The truth?"
"Of course," Blaine said.
"I don't want you thinking I'm stalking you or harassing you," Kurt said simply. The honesty was necessary, he wouldn't hide the hurt and betrayal he'd felt when Blaine had chosen to believe his parents.
Blaine flushed, his cheeks and neck turning bright red. "Shit. I am so sorry about that, Kurt. I know that my folks blew everything out of proportion. I'm sorry for my part in it. For shoving you and not talking to you. It's all just been so confusing. Do you think we could start over? Try being friends?" Blaine's eyes were hopeful.
Kurt stared at him for a long moment. Did he dare believe him? Did he open himself up to being hurt, probably more deeply than he already was? He couldn't be sure. But the plain truth was, he'd never been able to resist Blaine. And he wouldn't start now.
"Sure. If that is something you'd like, than absolutely," he said with a small smile.
"I would like that very much," Blaine said, grinning in return. "So I loved that song you did with Mercedes last week. Do you think you two will team up again?"
And just like that, a new chapter began. They talked for an hour, Kurt willingly missing a class for this chance to reconnect with Blaine. Once they got past the initial awkwardness, they flowed easily from topic to topic. Classes, Velocity, the performance they'd just completed for the freshman, the funny smells coming from one of their neighbors at the apartments. They laughed together and Kurt hadn't felt so whole in almost a month. When he finally had to leave, it was with regret.
"So, do you want to hang out again," Blaine asked, his eyes hopeful.
"I'd like that," Kurt said. "Text me sometime."
"I'll do that," Blaine smiled.
Kurt gathered his things and headed to the door. Blaine watched him leave and turned back to the table, letting the smile drop off his face. Holy shit, he thought. He was in trouble. The dreams of his sexy dance partner had been coming around most every night. He'd jerked off more times than he'd cared to admit thanks to that intoxicating dream. He'd tried to hook up with a couple different girls at parties, but he'd never even been able to achieve a hard-on. But the dream person always got him off. Most clearly, he remembered the feel and scent of the person. He'd never smelled it before. Until today. As he'd come into the café and walked by Kurt, he was assailed by that delicious, mouthwatering aroma, something pure and hauntingly beautiful. When he'd paused next to him and inhaled deeply, he had to admit it to himself. The smell was Kurt. The dream. The dream was Kurt, too. What the hell did he do now?
. . .
That afternoon after Velocity practice, Kurt asked Mr. Schue if he could stay afterward and practice a number alone. He got the okay and hung around until everyone left. Blaine had been friendly and said hi before practice and when he left he'd given Kurt an odd look. Kurt had no idea what to think of any of it, but the feelings it evoked made scared him and he knew he had to sing it out. Once the room was empty, he went to the sound station and slid a CD into the player. He needed the music to back him up. He would never pull this off like Barbra, but this was more about getting out his emotions than a good performance.
Blaine came back to the auditorium, curious as to why Kurt stayed. He usually left before anyone else. When he heard the music coming from the speakers, he stepped into the shadows and watched Kurt go up on stage. The man's voice never failed to floor him and this time would be no different.
Oh my man I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright, alright
Blaine already Kurt was an outstanding singer but he was at acting as well. He looked just like Barbra in "Funny Girl", even down to the single tear trickling down his face. He knew he should be uncomfortable; there was no question who and what he was singing about. For some reason, though, it didn't bother him at all. It just filled him with incredible sadness that the other man sang with such obvious heartbreak.
What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back
On my knees someday
Oh whatever my man is
I am his forever more
As Kurt sang he threw arms in the air, emphasizing the words. Blaine was transfixed, watching every minute movement.
Oh my man I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright, alright
What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back
On my knees someday
For whatever my man is
I am his forever more
As Kurt held out the final note for what seemed an eternity, Blaine's body became covered in goose bumps. He reached up to wipe his eyes, realizing he was crying. In his life, he'd never heard a more soul-shattering performance. This man was broken inside and it was all his fault. Giving Kurt his privacy, he walked out of the auditorium quietly. What was going on with him? He wasn't gay, he still knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. But there was this compassion, this feeling, for Kurt building up in him. That wasn't forbidden, was it? He just wouldn't tell his parents.
. . .
Kurt had some friends over at his apartment a week later. Puck, Lauren, Santana, Brittany, Rachel, Finn, and Mercedes. They had all decided he needed some down time and since Kurt got the hint, he invited them all over. It kept him from having to go somewhere else.
After watching through three of the Harry Potter movies, people began leaving until it was just him and Puck remaining. Kurt started the fourth movie and made Puck yet another bag of popcorn. They sat companionably, commenting on the movie and how it could have been better. Puck insisted if they had at least one busty girl, it wouldn't have hurt anything.
"I don't think magical teens think about sex as much as muggles do, Puck," Kurt teased.
"What kind of boring ass life is that? Hell, as much time as they spend together, you'd think Harry and Ron would start getting it on," Puck said.
"I'm not sure Ron swings that way," Kurt said with a smile.
"Oh, but we both know Harry does, don't we?" Puck laughed, giving Kurt a high five.
"One never knows," Kurt agreed.
As the movie wore on, the two began sinking lower and lower on the couch. Almost eight hours of movie watching was dragging them both down. Kurt was about to ask if he was tired when Puck reached over and took his hand. Kurt looked at him questioningly, but Puck just kept watching the movie, so he didn't think anything of it and turned back to the movie. A few minutes later, Kurt noticed Puck was sitting closer to him, their shoulders touching. Again, he didn't wonder about it, knowing they were both lagging. But when Puck slid his arm around Kurt's shoulders and pulled him closer, Kurt knew it was time to say something.
"Puck, what are you doing?"
Puck looked at him with a sweet smile. "I know it's been a lonely month for you and I figured you wouldn't mind some cuddling."
Touched, Kurt smiled. "Thanks, Puck, really. But you don't have to."
"Yeah, I do. I think you're hot and that alone is reason enough," Puck said with a bawdy wink.
"Uh huh and since when does the original playboy decide that guys could be hot?" Kurt teased.
"Since I admitted to myself that I'm bi," Puck said bluntly.
Kurt's eyes went wide and he sat up. "I didn't see that one coming. But I'm happy for you, Puck. Knowing who you are is so important. And thank you for telling me, I'm honored."
"I figured if anyone could understand, it'd be you," Puck said, grabbing Kurt's hand again before turning back to the movie.
Kurt let him keep his hand and smiled as they watched the rest of the film. He would have loved having another male hold his hand when he'd first come out, just something to make him feel normal and accepted. He didn't mind doing that for Puck. He had proven to be a true friend over the years.
When the credits finally rolled, they both stood and stretched. As Kurt closed his eyes and bent backward to pop his spine, he felt arms surround him. He opened his eyes in shock just in time to see Puck's mouth coming toward his own. Too surprised to move, he felt Puck's firm mouth touch his own, hesitant and very sweet. It had been so long since Kurt had been kissed, it felt foreign, especially because it was the wrong person. But it was still pleasant and Kurt didn't pull away. Puck grew more confident and deepened the kiss, pulling Kurt's body closer to his. Kurt put his hands on Puck's large biceps and let himself enjoy the touch of lips against his. After a moment of soft touches, Puck gently drew his tongue along Kurt's lower lip. Kurt was startled and opened his mouth to protest. Puck took it as a sign of approval and plunged his hot tongue into Kurt's mouth, moaning at the sensation. Kurt was again surprised that it felt so nice. Puck definitely had a talented tongue he noted, as Puck swept the roof of his mouth, his teeth, his tongue with his own. Kurt tentatively responded, touching his tongue to Puck's and felt a dim spark in his body. At that small response, he broke away from Puck, stepping backward.
Puck's eyes were blown with lust. "Damn, Hummel, you know how to kiss."
"Right back at you," Kurt muttered, trying to catch his breath.
"I didn't think you'd even let me kiss you, but I figured I'd try. If you ever get too lonely, you have my number," he said and gave Kurt a light hug before leaving.
Kurt was grateful he'd left without any kind of awkward emotional thing. But Puck had never been one to become emotionally attached to many people. He was a better friend than boyfriend, as his many exes could testify. Still, it had been a sweet kiss and it was nice to be reminded that he could be attractive to someone.
He cleaned up from the evening and was heading in for a hot shower before bed when his phone buzzed. It was a text and his eyes widened when he saw it was Blaine.
B: I had fun at coffee. Repeat tomorrow? Three?
Kurt tried to calm his racing heart. It was just coffee, it didn't mean anything. He kept his response casual, though he really wanted to send a screaming yes GIF to him.
K: Me too. Sure, see you then.
B: Excellent. C U then.
It really had turned out to be a good night. Kurt smiled as he laid in bed, preparing to lay there for hours. To his surprise, he fell asleep quickly and didn't wake up until the sun rose.
When he woke up, he remembered the text. Checking his phone to make sure he hadn't dreamed it, he bounded out of bed. It was the first time in over a month that he was excited to face the day.