Kurt laid on his bed for hours after that kiss not really knowing how to feel about it. Honestly he was conflicted. At the same time it was all he had ever wanted and then on the other hand it was his worst nightmare.

Blaine had explained to him that he was really bisexual but the only other person that knew was Sam because Blaine had once had a crush on Sam just like Kurt had. He hadnt felt anything for any other guy so it wasnt really noticeable that he was bisexual so everyone just assumed that because he dated girls he was straight. He had never felt the need to correct anyone because it had never came into consideration. No guy ever tended to hit on Blaine and other than Sam he had never found another boy attractive. At least until Kurt came along.

Of course all of this didnt change the fact that Blaine had a girlfriend and that was where the real problem lay. Kurt had never really considered the issue very deeply. He had always just assumed that the person he would like would be available to like him back without any restrictions such as a girlfriend. He hadnt planned for this situation and he found himself wondering if he could date someone that was already dating somebody else. He would be having an affair. Was he really that person? He knew that in himself he would hate to be cheated on, it was unforgivable to him. But what about the reverse? He didnt know if he could do that to someone else.

But all that he felt for Blaine made the whole thing so much harder. The boy had worked his way into Kurts heart and he didnt know how he was going to move on from this. He knew that he had to but had no clue how to start and he felt that he had no one to confide in.

This was really just Kurts luck. Nothing ever seemed to go his way and it was starting to be very irritating. He was fed up of everyone else always seeming to get whatever they wanted, whether they deserved it or not while Kurt worked his butt of for things and never got anywhere. It happened all the time with Rachel and now it was happening in his love life.

Kurt really needed to think this all through. He needed to take some time away from the situation and work out what would be best for everyone, whether his heart complained or not. He decided right there and then that he wouldnt be able to see Blaine while he was still deciding. His heart fluttered whenever he saw him and he was sure that there must be actual butterflies in his stomach whenever Blaine was around.

No, if he was going to make a serious decision then he couldnt have Blaine distracting him and making him doubt his thoughts. As soon as he had made a decision then he would tell Blaine and it would be over with. They would either stay friends, go their separate ways or Kurt would take a chance against his better judgement.

XXXX

Blaine went about his days in a blur. He was almost shell-shocked from the events of the night that he had kissed Kurt. He hadnt known what had made him kiss Kurt, all he knew was he couldnt let Kurt walk away from him. Maybe that was selfish but Blaine had never claimed to be selfless. He needed Kurt in his life and it was about so much more than the song that he had written. He couldnt imagine a world where Kurt wasnt there. It was scary and breath-taking at the same time.

Blaine wasnt stupid and he knew that Kurt was avoiding him. Sure it hurt but he knew that he had given Kurt a lot to think about and he, by no means, wanted to rush Kurt through any decisions that he had to make. Blaine just hoped that eventually Kurt would come to him and that their last conversation wouldnt be the final one that they ever had.

Blaine filled his time with putting together slightly darker songs than he was ever used to. He supposed it represented his mood at that moment. Uncertain.

There was no one that he could confide in. The only person there was, was Sam and he had already warmed him about doing anything with Kurt. He just had to wait for Kurt to get back to him and then he could decide what would happen next based on Kurts decision. He couldnt help but hope that Kurt would want to be with him.

Blaine needed to do something about Amy as well. He didnt know how to end things with her and he wanted to. It was clear that he felt more for Kurt than he ever had for her and while that might be mean to say it was definitely the truth. He didnt know why she seemed to be so into him. He was a terrible boyfriend and yet she always seemed to come back to him. He didnt really want to upset her, she had been good to him. He didnt know why he loved Kurt more, he just seemed to.

XXXX

Kurt couldnt do it. He couldnt hurt Blaines girlfriend like that and he didnt know if right now he could have a friendship with Blaine without it hurting too much. Hed been listening to a song recently and he knew that Blaine and he connected better through music so Kurt decided that rather than talking it through with Blaine and hurting the both of them further he would sing this song to Blaine on the next karaoke night which was coming up a the Hangout. He knew that Blaine always went to those nights without fail so he felt confident that he would be there to hear the song.

He practiced it over and over again wanting to make sure that it was perfect. The first few times he had sung through it he had absolutely bawled through the song. It seemed like such a goodbye and the thought of saying goodbye to Blaine tore at his heart even though he knew that it was for the best.

Memories of the kiss still haunted him while he slept while he tried to block it completely from his thoughts while he was awake. His dreams always remembered the kiss vividly as if it were in high definition. He remembered the softness of Blaines lips and the harsh way that they pushed against Kurts in a way that took his breath away. He remembered the way that Blaine hands had come and cupped his face, pulling him further into the kiss. He could also recall the look in Blaines eyes as he slowly moved away from the kiss. The look in his eyes that told Kurt how much he was feeling. He always tried to forget that most of all when he was awake because it was that look that kept drawing Kurt back in because it gave him the knowledge that Blaine actually had feelings for him.

Kurt walked into the Hangout and saw Sam working at the bar. He tried to wave Kurt over but Kurt wasnt planning on stopping. He avoided looking over to the usual place where Blaine and the others usually sat. He didnt need the clarification that Blaine was there because he already knew it. All his eyes were really focused on was the stage and the mic that was stood there. He quickly made his way to the stage and announced himself.

"Hi, you might know by now that my name is Kurt Hummel. Tonight Ill be singing Girl At Home by Taylor Swift. I hope you enjoy it."

He closed his eyes, knowing that if he zeroed in on Blaines face that he would probably mess the song up entirely and he really wanted to be brave and get through this.

"Dont look at me,

Youve got a girl at home,

And everybody knows that,

Everybody knows that,

Uh, uh.

Dont look at me,

Youve got a girl at home,

And everybody knows that."

Blaine closed his eyes as Kurts words registered and he knew what Kurts decision had been. And shit did that hurt.

"I dont even know her,

But I feel a responsibility,

To do whats upstanding and right.

Its kinds like a code, yeah,

And youve been getting closer and closer,

And crossing so many lines.

And it would be a fine proposition,

If I was a stupid guy,

But honey I am no ones exception,

This I have previously learned."

That was exactly how Kurt was feeling. He knew that if he were in the shoes of Blaines girlfriend that he would be devastated. He would never like to be cheated on so really he shouldnt do that to someone else.

"I just wanna make sure,

You understand perfectly,

Youre the kind of man who makes me sad,

While she waits up,

You chase down the newest thing,

And take for granted what you have.

And it would be a fine proposition,

If I was a stupid guy,

And yeah I might go with it,

If I hadnt once been just like her."

Kurt hadnt never really been in that position but he knew exactly what unrequited love felt like. Loving someone who would never love you back was one of the worst feelings in the world.

"Call a cab,

Lose my number,

Youre about to lose your girl.

Call a cab,

Lose my number,

Lets consider this lesson learned.

Dont look at me,

Youve got a girl at home,

And everybody know that,

Everybody knows that.

Uh, uh.

Dont look at me,

Youve got a girl at home,

And everybody knows that,

Everybody knows that.

Wanna see you pick up your phone,

And tell her youre coming home,

Dont look at me,

Youve got a girl at home,

And everybody knows that,

Everybody knows that.

Uh, uh.

Dont look at me,

Youve got a girl at home,

And everybody knows that,

Everybody knows that."

Kurt finished the song with his eyes clenched shut and he stepped away from the mic to take a deep breath before he shakily got off the stage, ignoring the applause that he was getting. He headed straight through the crowd and out of the door of the bar into the cold and wet street. It was only then that he let himself think and feel.

Tears stared falling from his eyes, blurring his vision and he stopped walking and leaned against the wall, breathe heaving. That was the hardest thing he had ever had to do and he was already regretting it. He wanted nothing more than to go back in there and tell Blaine that he wanted to be with him no matter what.

"Kurt?"

Or maybe he didnt even need to go back inside.

"Kurt. I know that was you saying goodbye but call me selfish, I cant let you do that. I refuse to let you walk away from this without trying. Cant we at least try? Please Kurt."

Blaine didnt care if he was seen as whining but he couldnt let Kurt walk away from him. Being with Kurt felt so right, like that was the way that it was supposed to be. Call it fate or whatever, that was what it felt like. Who was Blaine to argue with fate?

"Blaine I cant." Kurt sobbed, his heart felt like it was cracking into a million tiny pieces.

Blaines tears that had been threatening him for some time started to fall at the amount of raw pain that was in Kurts voice. It hurt to hear him like that.

Blaine grabbed Kurts shoulder and pulled him into a desperate embrace. Kurts arms, that he had been trying to use to hold himself together, were trapped between their chests and his fingers found their way to the fabric of Blaines jacket and they couldnt help but tighten into a grab.

"Kurt I cant be without you. Ive lived life without you before and it was nothing. I need you. I need you here with me. Im begging you Kurt. I know Im not exactly suitable but please." Blaine begged.

Kurt didnt say anything but he buried his head into Blaines chest and sobbed into it, his body shaking and heaving in Blaines arms. Blaine just held him, his own tears dripping down his cheeks silently. It was like he was holding his breath, waiting to see what Kurt was going to do.

Then he spoke softly. "Kurt Im going to be honest with you. I have never felt the way I feel for you with anybody else. I cant let this slip through my fingers. My heart has never felt so full or alive as it does when Im with you or when Im thinking about you. No one even compares."

"But your girlfriend?" Kurts breath hitched.

"She doesnt even come to close to what I feel for you." Blaine admitted.

"Then why are you with her?" Kurt asked confused, moving so that he could look at Blaine, moving out of the embrace he was in.

"I thought I liked her before I met you Kurt. Then she got introduced to my family and our fathers are business partners and suddenly Amy and I were a perfect business match. Thats why I have to be with her, my family would kill me if I ended things and they dont even know about my sexuality. I have no clue what they would do if they found out. But I cant not be with you." Blaine admitted, hoping that Kurt didnt see him as too selfish.

Kurt could understand being scared to tell his parents but he couldnt really believe that Blaines parents wouldnt let him break up with his girlfriend because of business. Surely no parent would be like that and he said as much, hesitantly, to Blaine.

"My parents arent like yours Kurt. They almost blew a fuse when I said I wanted to work with music rather than go into the family business. My brother had to give up on his dreams for me to be able to have mine, something I hate myself for already." Blaine looked bitter about it and there was no way that Kurt could doubt him.

"Oh, Blaine. Im sorry." Kurt said.

"Im used to this sort of stuff and thats why I know that they will take it badly. But Kurt I need you. Fuck! I know Im being selfish and that this isnt fair on you at all but I dont wanna lose you."

Kurt could feel his resolve weakening. The amount he felt for this boy was unbelievable and Kurt didnt know when he would feel something like this ever again. He couldnt let this slip away from him.