Oct. 13, 2015, 7 p.m.
Don't Wanna Be Your Dirty Little Secret: Chapter 11
E - Words: 3,779 - Last Updated: Oct 13, 2015 Story: Closed - Chapters: 19/? - Created: Mar 29, 2015 - Updated: Mar 29, 2015 165 0 0 0 0
Song:
Read All About It Part III - Emeli Sande
Sam sometimes wondered whether his friends thought that he was stupid. Sure he sometimes lacked some common sense and he often made some silly mistakes but he wasnt completely stupid. Then why did his friends sometimes treat him as if he was?
He had noticed for a few weeks that Kurt and Blaine had become closer, as if they were in on a joke that no one else even had the chance of getting in on. He had been keeping an eye on Blaine ever since he had told Sam about the crush that he thought he had on Kurt. He didnt want his friend going out and making any mistakes that would hurt both himself and Kurt. Sam was just trying to protect them and of course Amy who was Blaine girlfriend, something it seemed that he needed to be reminded of.
What really tipped Sam on to the fact that Blaine and Kurt were fooling around in private was something that they probably thought that no one had seen that Sam had accidentally observed. He had caught sight of them holding hands underneath the table, giving their hands a light squeeze before they reluctantly separated their hands. Their faces had remained completely natural so nobody else had noticed anything and would probably think Sam crazy if he said anything. He knew what he had seen and honestly he was furious at his best friend. All he had tried to do was to keep the both of them safe from each other and yet here they were, setting themselves up on a path that would lead straight to ruin. Sam knew that he definitely had to have word with Blaine before either of them got really hurt by this affair that they were having.
Sam watched as Kurt walked up to the stage and announced what he was singing and then he looked back over to Blaine, judging to see what Blaines facial expression could tell him.
"Youve got the words to change a nation,
But youre biting your tongue.
Youve spent a life time stuck in silence,
Afraid youll say something wrong.
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song."
Sam watched the small smile that appeared on Blaines face and knew that Blaine was already in this very deep with Kurt and Sam knew it was going to take a lot of work to convince Blaine to put an end to things and to go back to Amy his actual girlfriend, whom he had been with for over six months now and yet he seemed to be completely ignoring. Sam wondered if Kurt even knew about Amy or whether the boy even cared that he was essentially ruining Blaines relationship.
Dont get him wrong he really liked Kurt. He was fun to hang out with and he told some funny jokes sometimes but at the end of the day Blaine was his best friend and he had to do what was best for him.
"Youve got a heart as loud as lions,
So why let your voice be tamed.
Maybe were a little different,
Theres no need to be ashamed.
Youve got the light to fight the shadows,
So stop hiding it away.
Come on, come on.
I wanna sing, I wanna shout,
I wanna scream till the word drys out,
So put it in all of the papers,
Im not afraid,
They can read all about it,
Read all about it, oh."
Blaine could not stop staring at Kurt. Whenever Kurt sang it was like Blaine was hypnotised. He just found Kurts voice so beautiful and angelic. Blaine didnt really believe in God or angels but he wouldnt be surprised if it turned out that Kurt was an angel. He just had that feeling about him. It was why Blaine was so drawn to him. He held an amazing goodness about him. Blaine couldnt understand how anyone could dislike Kurt.
"Yeah, were all wonderful, wonderful people,
So when did we all get so fearful?
Now were finally finding out voice,
So take a chance, come help me sing this.
Yeah, were all wonderful, wonderful people,
So when did we all get so fearful?
And now were finally finding our voice,
Just take a chance, come help me sing this.
I wanna sing, I wanna shout,
I wanna scream till the words dry out,
So put it in all of the papers,
Im not afraid,
They can read all about it,
Read all about it.
Oooh-oh-oh,
Oh-oh-oh,
Oh-oooh,
Oh-oh-oh,
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oooh.
I wanna sing, I wanna shout,
I wanna scream till the words dry out,
So put it in all of the papers,
Im not afraid,
They can read all about it,
Read all about it,
Oh."
The song came to a close and Kurt smiled out at everyone that was watching him. He loved that song and had been practicing it for a while so that he could perform it. The song meant a lot to him because all throughout high school people had tried to silence him and hadnt cared about what he had had to say. It was a slow road but Kurt was beginning to find a voice here in New York and whenever he rang his dad for their weekly chats, his dad could pick up on the little changes in Kurt that he might not see himself.
The best way that Kurt revealed anything was of course through song. When he sang the barriers came down and if anyone particularly cared to know him then that would be the moment when they learned the most about him. It felt like he was baring his soul sometimes.
Kurt had to admit a lot of the singing that he had been doing lately was him baring himself to Blaine. Trying to somehow let him know how he felt without having to announce it out loud. A part of him fears that this is all too soon and Blaine wont understand how he feels. Maybe hell even be rejected by Blaine. He know that Blaine feels something for him, he had made that very clear but if it wasnt at the same level as Kurt then that had the potential to frighten Blaine off and Kurt would be left heartbroken, even though they hadnt been doing this, whatever, this actually was, for that long. He didnt want to keep thinking like that but there was a very real possibility that, that could happen. Risking your heart was one of the scariest things in the world that you could do but at the same time it had the potential to be so rewarding. He was taking that risk that some people never took and he was terrified.
Kurt looked over at his friends and smiled, seeing all of them smiling encouragingly. Just as Kurt was about to step off of the stage he realised that all but one were smiling back at him. Sam was actually wearing a slight glare on his face which made Kurt freeze up inside. The glare was definitely aimed at him and the only thing that Kurt could think of that he had done to receive such a look was his relationship with Blaine. The same one that they were keeping a secret.
Kurt wondered if Blaine had told his best friend in the hopes of some support and if he had why hadnt he discussed that with Kurt first. He assumed that Blaine would have wanted to talk it through with him before he told anyone. He laid that idea to rest, knowing that Blaine would have told him and he trusted that Blaine would have let him know. The alternative was worrying though. If Sam had noticed something and had been able to guess what was going on, then Blaine and Kurt could be in big trouble. If Sam could notice something like that, and sometimes he wasnt the brightest of sparks, then what kept other people from also seeing right though their lies?
Blaine felt his heartbeat quicken as he made his way back to their tables and smiled at the praise he got from their friends.
"Im actually feeling a little unwell. I think Id better get home." Kurt said.
And he looked ill too. He was shaking slightly and a light sheen of sweat had covered his forehead. He even looked a little bit green.
"Do you want me to walk you back?" Blaine said worriedly, not liking the way that Kurt was looking right now.
"No, no. Ill be alright. I just need to lie down." Kurt said, not wanting to give Sam anymore evidence.
"Kurt you really shouldnt go alone." Mercedes cooed.
She had kind of taken Kurt under her wing and sometimes treated him like she was his mother which could be welcoming and a little weird at the same time. Kurt didnt mind, he knew that it was just her way of looking out for him.
"Ill take him." Santana said, standing up and grabbing Kurts arm. "Well see you guys later."
Santana dragged her friend outside and grabbed a cab instead of walking back to his room. They were quiet in the cab but Santana kept watching him, as if urging him to say something. She knew something was going on, she just had no clue what. She knew it must be something serious if Kurt was react like this.
They got back to Kurts room and he shakily unlocked the door and then turned to face Santana, assuming that she would say goodbye to him there. Instead she pushed her way inside of his room and got settled on the desk chair, pulling it closer to the bed and then patting the side of the bed, expecting Kurt to sit down.
Kurt sighed, knowing that she wouldnt leave unless he talked to her.
"So whats going on with you?" Santana asked as soon as Kurt had sat down on the bed.
"I dont know what Im doing anymore." Kurt admitted quietly to her, his voice shaking with emotion.
"Whats happened?" Her tone was actually caring, which was rare for Santana. Normally her attitude was that if it didnt affect her then she didnt really care what was going on.
Kurt debated in his mind whether to tell her the truth. He was finding it hard, trying to deal with it all on his own and maybe it would be better for him to sit down and talk to someone about it. Someone that wasnt Blaine. Kurt felt like he could trust Santana and he felt that she wouldnt spill his secret if she understood the situation properly.
"If I tell you, you have to promise that you wont tell anyone else. I havent said a word to anyone and I need to know that I have your confidence. Please Santana."
She just nodded, reassuring him that she wouldnt tell a soul, wondering what the big deal could be and eager to find out what Kurt was hiding from everyone.
"Blaine and I are in a relationship." Kurt admitted. Even just by saying it out loud it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.
"Why arent you telling people? Thats great news."
Kurt gulped. "Because Blaine has a girlfriend and everybody thinks that hes straight."
Santana looked wide-eyed at Kurt, not quite believing what he had just told her. He had assumed, when she met Blaine that he was gay like Kurt and had been waiting for them to make a move on each other for ages. She was fully supportive of a relationship between them after seeing the way that they had stared after each other.
"Seriously?" she questioned.
Kurt nodded and quickly wiped away a tear that had fallen from his eyes.
"Why hasnt he ended things with his girlfriend? Looking at him originally I just assumed that he was gay. He has this vibe about him."
"He said it has something to do with his father and business. I dont really understand. I just wanted to be with him. I tried to fight it, I really did but in the end I couldnt deny how I felt for him. I just couldnt. So weve entered into this relationship together that no one can know about for I dont know how long, maybe forever. Except I think that maybe Sam knows somehow. The looks he was giving me while we were at the bar shows me that he isnt happy with me and the only thing I can think of that Ive done wrong is this thing with Blaine."
Santana could understand where Blaine was coming from about the business thing. The world of business managed to sink into every aspect of your life and she wouldnt be surprised if Blaine was expected to have dealings with the company that his father was involved in, whichever that may be. There was also the fact that a lot of business wasnt really very gay-friendly. Men tended to need to be seen as alpha-men and stereotypically, gay men didnt fit that ideal. Still it was of Santanas mind that a real man would admit to being who he is, no matter what anyone thought. It was clear that Blaine had already defied the business world of his parents by the course that he had chosen to study. Surely he would be man enough to come out to those around him.
"Kurt maybe you should talk to Blaine about this. If Sam is his best friend then he will have to hear Blaine out and Blaine might be able to smooth things over with him and Sam might be supportive of you too."
Kurt nodded slowly, hearing what Santana was saying but feeling scarred that if he pushed too hard on this relationship that it might not bend and it might just shatter. He supposed it would have to be a risk he had to take.
He picked up his phone and sent off a text to Blaine, telling him his fears and then nervously waited for a text to come back.
XXXX
Blaine felt his phone vibrate as Sam led him out of the bar and down an alley at the side of it. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw that it was Kurt how had texted him. He was worried about his boyfriend and wanted to make sure that he was alright but Sam had asked for a moment of Blaines time. Blaine had no clue what was so important that it couldnt be talked about with anyone else around but he trusted his best friend.
"Whats going on Sam?" Blaine asked when they finally came to a stop.
"I know what youre doing Blaine and Im going to ask you to stop." Sam said.
Blaines heartbeat started to quicken but he never admitted to anything. "What are you talking about?"
"You and Kurt!" Sam shouted. "Im not stupid! I saw you guys holding hands under the table when I guess you thought that no one was looking. But heres the deal, I was looking and I cant believe what I saw. You have a girlfriend Blaine. Alright no one is really sure about her but she is your girlfriend and you should be faithful to her."
"Its complicated, Sam. I love Kurt. I love him and I dont want to be a part from him. At the same time I cant end things with Amy because of our parents. I refuse to say goodbye to Kurt though so this is the best option. Why cant you support me?"
"Because I think youre making a big mistake dude. You and Amy are alright together. If you both put a bit more work in then you would be great together. Does Kurt even know about Amy?"
Blaine nodded. "He didnt want anything to do with me after I had told him but I managed to sway his judgement because I need him in my life Sam. Please understand that."
"I guess Kurt isnt the guy I thought he was." Sam said, ignoring Blaine plea. "I thought that he was one of the good guys that would never want to break up a relationship."
"Dont talk badly about him." Blaine snapped, angrily, not willing to hear anyone insult Kurt. "I convinced him. If youre going to talk badly about anyone then it should be me. I kept pestering him until he gave in."
"Then you need to undo things. You need to end it with Kurt and go back to Amy. You can only date one Blaine and youve been with her longer. Its not like you and Kurt have been together for long. No one will really get hurt if you end things. If you continue with this relationship then a lot of people have the potential to be hurt. Thats just not cool man."
Blaine could understand where his friend was coming from but he had expected Sam to be a bit more understanding. He knew Blaine better than most people and he should have known that Blaine had never wanted to hurt anyone. Blaine hated hurting others. Sam should have known what the situation was actually like based on the fact that this was kind of very out of character for Blaine. And he had taken Sams advice and tried to stay away but it had made both him and Kurt deeply upset and he couldnt do that to the two of them.
"Im just trying to look out for you." Sam said, somewhat more calmly. "Youre my best friend and I dont want you to get hurt."
"I appreciate it Sam. I really do-" Before Blaine could say anything else Mercedes had come into the alleyway and was looking at the boys curiously.
"What are you guys doing it here?"
"Blaine and I just had to have a little chat about something but its all alright now." Sam smiled at his girlfriend, any trace of the conversation that he had just been having with Blaine had gone from his face.
Blaine knew that even though Sam completely disagreed with what he was doing and thought he was stupid for even starting anything with Kurt, Sam would actually keep Blaines secret and not tell anyone else. That was because at the end of the day he was Blaines best friend and the two of them had fallen into this brotherly like relationship so they both knew that they would always have each others backs, even if the other didnt agree with what was going on. At least Blaine could count his lucky stars for that.
Still it was saddening that Sam couldnt see how hard this all was for him. Sam couldnt see how much Kurt meant to Blaine. He had told Sam that he loved Kurt which he was one hundred percent sure of but he didnt think that Sam had really believed what he had said. It probably sounded crazy which was why Blaine wasnt even thinking about telling Kurt yet. But the truth of the matter was that that was how Blaine felt. He had never felt this way about anyone else before which was why his gut was telling him that he needed to be with Kurt.
XXXX
The group finally said their goodbyes a little while later and Blaine was saddened to admit that there was a strange tension between him and Sam that everyone could sense though no one said anything about it.
As Blaine was making his way home he looked at his phone and saw that he had a message from Kurt which he had forgotten about after his talk with Sam.
From Kurt:
Blaine I think Sam knows something. It looks as though he hates me.
Blaine felt like hitting himself that he hadnt looked at Kurts message as soon as he had received it. No wonder Kurt looked ill when he left. He was probably completely freaking out and Blaine hadnt even replied to him to let him know that everything was alright. Kurt was probably assuming the worst.
Blaine increased his pace and instead of going to his room he tapped on Kurts door, hoping that his boyfriend was still awake.
A minute later Kurt answered the door. He was wearing his pyjamas and his eyes were red-rimmed telling Blaine instantly that Kurt had been crying. Blaine gently pushed Kurt back into the room and kicked the door lightly closed with his foot. Then he took Kurt in his arms and held him close to him. He could feel Kurts fresh tears through his shirt and he hated that this was making Kurt cry.
"Come and lay down." Blaine led Kurt over to the bed and he kicked off his shoes and chucked aside his coat before climbing onto the bed and pulling Kurt into his arms again, resting Kurts cheek against his shoulder.
"Sam does know but he doesnt hate you, I promise you that. Hes just angry at me for putting us all in this position but he isnt going to say anything. Please dont cry Angel. I cant stand it when you cry." Blaine said softly.
"I told Santana." Kurt whispered. "Im sorry but I needed to talk to someone."
"Hey, thats okay. I know you need someone and Im glad that you have Santana here for you. Shes become a really good friend."
"Were going to be okay, arent we?" Kurt asked, his voice small and unsure.
"We will. One way or another, things are going to be alright for us." Blaine promised.
Kurt snuggled further into Blaines embrace and sighed. The days roller coaster of emotions had made him feel really tired and he felt very safe and secure in Blaine arms. Before either of them had realised anything they had both drifted off to sleep, holding on to one another.