Keep it together
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Keep it together: Looking back


T - Words: 2,514 - Last Updated: Oct 08, 2012
Story: Complete - Chapters: 20/20 - Created: Aug 27, 2012 - Updated: Oct 08, 2012
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Author's Notes: I enjoyed writing this so much and hope you guys enjoy reading it. I added in Burt's thought's because I think it is really important to know what he was feeling in that moment.
Silent, there was no noise coming from the room, there was just silent. The door still left fully open, the key still left in the door. Nobody moved around in the room, because there was nobody in the room. Down through the hallways, down through the stairs, there was no sign of movement or noise. In the living room was the same expect, noise could be heard. The outside door was left half opened; it creaked every so often as the wind pushed it a little bit. That was the only sound that was heard, a creak every so often and the gentle breeze of wind. Outside there was nothing, no one around, no sign of movement here either. Anybody that was here is gone now.

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29th June 2013

Yesterday was like all those other days. Hearing no more news, people saying it will be okay, tear after tear, losing hope and still looking for him, but looking where. I look for him in the same places most days and I know he won't be there but, I still believe he just might. Burt rang the police station just like every other day since Kurt went missing. "We are doing everything we can to find him. We won't give up." That is what they keep telling us when we ring. It is nearly a week since Kurt is gone and it feels like even though the police are saying they are doing everything they can to find him, that there not. I sit in my car with my coat buttoned up and my scarf around my neck looking out into the place in front of me I only ever come to with Kurt. I look over to the passenger's side where a fresh pair of lilies lye. Kurt's flowers are still in the back, dyeing a bit more every day. I pick up the bunch of lilies and open my car door slowly as I step out and shut it gently. I walk towards the gate slowly as I look at the lilies. They are red, purple and yellow. They look so beautiful. The sun is shining down on me as I keep walking and the heat warms the side of my face. The snow had already started to melt away but, the grass and ground still had patches of snow covering it. I push open the gate with one hand and let it close gently. I walk past all of the lives that once lived. I wonder what each of their lives was like. Was it everything they wanted to do or was it everything they wanted to do because they never got the chance. Were they to scared to do everything they wanted? As I get to the one person I come to visit, I stop at the end of the grave looking at it for a few seconds remembering all the great things I heard about this women. I believe she was an amazing woman because she has an amazing son. I walk onto the grave near the head stone and kneel down, putting the flowers to lye beside the head stone. I look up from the flowers to the headstone and smile.

"Hi Mrs Hummel, I bought you lilies because I know there your favourite. Your probably wondering where Kurt is. Well, I was hoping you could tell me that." I take it a deep breath and whisper. "Because I don't…I don't know where he is…I thought maybe you could be able to see him from up there." I don't wipe away the tear that falls down my face because I know more will come.

"I…I can't lose him…either can Burt. Please, if you see him tell him…just tell him to come home." I say through the tears. A few seconds later I hear my phone ring. As I pull it out I see it is Burt ringing. I pull myself together and put on a I am fine voice. I push myself up from the ground as I answer it.

"Hi Burt" I sat holding myself back from more tears.

"Blaine, I…I need you to em, just come over…please." Is he crying? I swear I can hear tears through that phone. Through all of these days I haven't heard or seen Burt cry.

"Burt, are you okay?" I am concerned now for him. Kurt would kill me if he though I wasn't looking after Burt and he ended up having another heart attack.

"Just please, come over as soon as…you can."

"I am on my way." I say quickly handing up the phone and ran to the car, needing to get to Burt as soon as possible.

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I stand at the door that leads into the Hummel's house. My hand is on the handle but, I don't move. Why am I so scared to open the door? Come on Blaine, Burt needs you. I push down the handle and the door opens. What I see on front of me just breaks my heart even more. Four of them are sat at the kitchen table. Carole has her arms wrapped around Burt, who is leaning his head on her shoulder looking like someone just ripped his heart out. I look from them to Finn and Rachel. I can hear Rachel crying as she holds onto Finns hand, the other wiping tears from her face. Finn just sits there with a blank expression on his face and pale. As I shut the door behind me they all look towards me, pain in all their eyes. My mind is blank, I can't think. I just stand in the middle of the kitchen looking towards them, clueless. Burt lifts his head up and meets Carole's eyes. She nods her head slowly to him as he sits up straight, hands on the table as Carole puts her hands over his looking towards me. Burt clears his throat and starts to speak.

"Blaine, come and sit with us." He gives me a smile but, it's fake and painful. I take a few steps forward and stop, I don't go to sit down.

"What…what is it?"

"Honey, you better sit down." Carole says gentle. I shake my head; I just want them to tell me what's wrong.

"Just tell me, please." I beg as Burt nods him head slowly.

"I got a phone call just a few minutes before I rang you." Burt let out a long breath. "They found a body, Blaine. It could…it could be…Kurt." My heart stopped, it must of because I can't feel it beating anymore. It can't be him, no it can't be. Not the boy I meet for the first time on a staircase in Dalton. Not the boy that became my best friend. Not the boy I fell in love with. Not the boy who is the love of my life. Not the boy who I was going to go to New York with, in a few months, just, not that boy. I could feel my legs go from under me and start to fall but, I couldn't stop it. I could hear a chair being pushed back, my name being shouted and the running of footsteps but, it was all a blur. I felt my knees hit the ground but, not hard, it was gently. I cop on arms are around me that stopped me from hitting the ground so hard. Burt was on his knees beside me pulling me into him, trying to comfort me. My head fell onto his chest slowly as the tears came from my eyes, fast like a waterfall. My breathing became heavy and faster and I couldn't stop myself from crying loudly and choking on my tears. I could hear Burt do the same as he rested him head on mine. I can't know this, I wish I never walked in that door and found out. I wish this was all a dream but, it isn't. How can he be gone? He can't be gone, he just can't. I was going to spend the rest of my life with him and now, now I might never get the chance to do it. Don't let it be him, just don't. He is my world.

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We walk down the long narrow hallway in silent. Burt grabs my hand tight and I hold his back. We cried and cried for god knows how long before we decided to come here and see was it true. I want to run, run back down this hall and not find out. If it's him, I, I won't be able to do this anymore. I look up and met Burt's eyes that are filled with pain and fear. We look at each other for a minute telling each other through the look we have to do this, we have to find out. As we get around the corridor we see the room a few steps away from us. Behind that door is the truth. Once it opens, there is no going back. As we come nearer I try not to let any tears fall down my face, I can't break down now, and I have to do this. My mind starts to think.

Is this where it all ends? In one second everything could be took away, our future gone, all our dreams, our hopes, our plans. Could you, the love of my life just be taken away like that, the best thing that happened to me? The most amazing, beautiful, brave, gifted person I have ever known and now you could be gone. Please Kurt, don't let it be you. We have a whole life ahead of us. Remember that night? The night you were going to be heading off to New York the next day. We stayed up the whole night in your room just talking and taking in everything from each other so we wouldn't forget how it feel to be near each other. Your dad didn't mind us staying up the whole night because he knew we needed this. We talked about from the day we first saw each other at Dalton to now and what the rest of our lives was going to be like. We didn't know though what it would be like and we didn't mind, all we knew about our future was we would still be in love with each other. Maybe now I wish I knew what our life was going to be like, because then maybe, just maybe I could off stopped this but, then I know I would never off been able to. Every day with you Kurt was something different. When we had our fights they never lasted long, and after we made up we laughed about them. Some of the fights and things we went through that could off torn us apart, just made us stronger. But, this Kurt, if it's you, it will tear me apart. My amazing boy can't be gone.

Since I found out I was going to be having a kid, my life changed for the better. When I found out you were a boy, I cried because I couldn't wait to have a son. When you were born I held you in my arms and we called you Kurt. Every day I saw you grow more and more. As the years went on you were becoming all grown up. When your mum died we pulled each other through it. You had to grow up faster than some other kids. I think you looked after me more than I looked after you at times. When you told me you were gay, it took me some time to accept it but, all that mattered to me was your happiness. When the bullies wouldn't stop I was going to do everything to protect you. When you told me you had a boyfriend I smiled and said. "I hope Blaine makes you happy." I didn't need to ask who it was because you never shut up about him. I was so happy you found someone who was as strong and as caring as you. When you opened that letter to NYADA that was one of the proudest moments I ever had for you. My little boy was all grown up and you were going to do amazing in your life. But, what if that's you lying there, what if you don't have a further anymore. I couldn't live without you. You mean more than the world to me. If you were taken away from me right now I could never accept it, not for the rest of my life. My amazing boy can't be gone.

There was the door, right in front of us now. We both stopped as Burt went to push open the door but I pulled his hand back to stop him shaking my head and the tears came running. My breathing started to get heavy again and faster.

"Don't. Don't Burt. I…I can't do this. I can't…I can't see it all end." I choke out biting my bottom lip. Burt puts his hands on either side of my shoulders and as he meets my eyes I see how strong he is trying to be.

"Son, listen to me…we are going to do this because we are strong and we have to…we have to find out, okay?" I can hear his voice cracking and I try to pull myself together. He pulls me into a hug before we are ready, well as ready as you can be, to go in. I look down to find Burt's hand and grab it as tight as I can. As he pushes the door open we enter the room. I see a women standing looking at us with a blank expression on her face and as I look over beside her I see it. I feel like am about to get sick. I try and stop my heart from beating so fast, and my breathing to slow down. It feels like it's taking forever to walk over to there. There is the table with the white sheet over somebody. I don't take my eyes of from there. We stop at the table, in front of the body. I take my eyes of there to look up to Burt. I can see Burt is about to break down, we need to know.

"Ready?" Burt whispers through tears unshed and I nod slowly. We both turn back to where the body lay. Burt nodded his head at the woman, to do it, to pick up that sheet. In the next few seconds we would either have a world falling down around us or still have hope. The woman stepped forward putting her hands up to the top of the sheet. My heart started getting faster again and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I could hear Burt breathing quicker beside me and felt the grip tighten on my hand. My eyes shut for one second and as I opened them slowly the sheet was getting pulled back slowly. It was pulled back enough to see him.

"Oh, god" I cried out as I let Burt's hand go, falling to the ground.

End Notes: Another cliffhanger, am sorry. So there is my favourite chapter I have wrote so far for this story.What did you guy's think? Did it make you get a little tearful. I remember writing this while listening to Florence and the machine's song- Never let me go. That really wasn't a good idea to do ha haThank you for reading, please review :)

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Hmmmmmmm.... I don't think its him. I'm hoping it's not him

Omgg.... it's not Kurt it can't be him,