To: Kurt Hummel

From: Lucas Duvall

Hey, there!  

I was looking at your profile - in the least creepy way possible - and couldn’t help but notice that we share a lot of interests and likes.

Wow.  There’s really no way to make that sound not creepy, is there?  Although, now that I think about it, these websites are just kind of creepy altogether, which is kind of making me rethink sending this message.  I should at least hit backspace by this point, anyhow, and start over.  But I don’t think I’m going to.  It’s not that I don’t think you’re worth it; I just don’t want to hide who I am.  

Crap.  This message is terrible.  I have no idea how these introductory messages are supposed to go, or what I’m supposed to say, but I have the feeling that I’m not doing a very good job here. . .

I’m sorry.  I hope you forgive me, I’m thinking that this is even more painful for you to read than it is for me to write it.  I’ll understand if you don’t reply to me, but I kind of hope you will.  No, wait, not kind of.  I completely want you to, but, you know, I’ll understand if you…

Okay, I’m going to just say good-bye before I make myself sound even more moronic than I already do (which could prove to be difficult, actually…).  Anyhow, I hope to hear from you soon!

Rachel giggled as Kurt finished reading the message from Lucas out loud.  “Oh, isn’t he just the cutest, Kurt?”

He does sound kind of cute…

He smiled at his friend.  “Yes, Rachel, his awkwardness is positively endearing.”

“We actually found it endearing.”

Where did that come from?

“But before I choose to respond, I would like to take a look at his profile, so…?”

Nodding, Rachel leaned forward and clicked onto Lucas’ profile.  “Oh, of course you do!  It says he likes fencing and boxing – I checked it out this morning, obviously – and his favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird… Kurt?  What’s wrong?”

Kurt had gone still, looking at Lucas’ picture.  He didn’t normally find guys in oversized athletic attire attractive, but somehow, Lucas made it work.  His burgundy Converse All-Stars looked worn but still decent, in good shape, and his ankle socks were argyle, had Kurt noted, so maybe, with practice and Kurt’s help, he could learn to take pride in all of his clothes the way he did his footwear… And the way he was lounging casually on the ground – something Kurt had trouble doing himself (imagine if his brand new Marc Jacobs sweater got grass stains!)- with his arm around the large dog next to him was kind of… hot. His baseball hat covered his hair, so Kurt couldn’t see it, and his sunglasses blocked out his eyes, but Kurt was willing to bet they were both beautiful and intelligent.  

There was something a bit… familiar to it all.  Something that resembled something Kurt had once known.  He couldn’t put a finger on what it was, but it was definitely there.  Lucas’ pose, the way he looked so at home in his own skin, no self-consciousness present.  The grin spread across his face like summer – calm, relaxed, but at the same time blindingly bright and a little unbelievable.

Kurt’s mind reeled as he tried to identify just why it all seemed so… the same.

“Are you okay?  Kurt?”

The squeeze Rachel gave his shoulder shook him from his thoughts.

“Sorry,” he said, not looking at her.  He couldn’t tear his gaze from the man on the computer screen.  “I’m just…”

Rachel smiled, letting go of his shoulder and taking his hand in hers.  “I know, he seems amazing, right?  I would say I told you so, but we both know I’m not that kind of person…”

Finally, Kurt turned to her, smirking a little.  “We do?”  He squeezed his best friend’s hand to show he was teasing.  “I’ll admit that you seem to deserve that chance, but if I may, can I ask that you hold off until I’ve actually had a sort of conversation with this man?”

“Okaaay,” Rachel fake sighed, rolling her eyes.  “I suppose that’s acceptable.  I’ll bite my tongue for now.”

Kurt grinned.  “Thanks.  So…”

“Ooh!” Rachel squealed, dropping Kurt’s hand and doing a little dance in her seat.  “Now do we reply?”

He nodded, still smiling, until Rachel pounced on him.  She wrapped him in an excited hug.  “Ooof!”

“Great job in today’s scene, Blaine,” Paul said, nodding in the actor’s direction as he headed off to a golf cart, his personal assistant trailing behind him.  Blaine smiled his thanks and started towards the parking lot.  They had finished shooting for the day a lot earlier than they had dared to hope, and Blaine decided to spend the day running necessary errands to the grocery store and dry cleaners before heading to the gym.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Blaine patted his pockets as he walked, looking for his phone.  Finally he found it in the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled it out, hoping it was his email that had sounded the alert, and not another text from Porter asking him if he was free for a blind date on Saturday, because Kenzie’s best friend’s mother had a brother with a poker group buddy who had a gay son.  Porter’s set ups had been getting more and more ridiculous.  He arrived at his black Nissan Altima Coupe and clicked it open before unlocking his phone.

His face broke into a boyish grin when the screen lit up and saw the alert from the dating site in his inbox:

"You have received a message from Kurt Hummel!"

Blaine shut his eyes for a second; took a deep breath.  He was a little overexcited, and he floundered to get some grasp on reality before he read the email.  

Holy crap, he replied.  He actually replied!  I didn’t think he’d reply, not to me of all people, not after-

He cut himself off abruptly, smacking his head in realization.  He sank into the leather driver’s seat and leaned back, losing the short-lived adrenaline burst that had come with the thrill of hearing from Kurt.

But he didn’t reply to me.  Not to me.  Not really.  He replied to Lucas.  He has no idea that Lucas is… that I’m… that we’re the same person.

But seeing Kurt again- even if it was just a picture (an insanely adorable picture, Blaine thought)- had done something to him.  He had worked so hard to forget his first boyfriend, forget everything they’d once had; the quick pecks on the cheek between classes, the celebratory twirls after winning a glee competition, the afternoons  spent just lazing around watching bad reality television and cuddling on the couch.  As soon as a picture of that very boy had popped up, though, Blaine’s resolve cracked.  And the memories came pouring back in, along with new images, visions of them sitting on a beach blanket by the Pacific Ocean, Kurt looking as spectacular as he always had as Blaine spread sunscreen (Probably SPF 100, he thought.  He always got sunburned so easily) on his back…

He was desperate, he realized.  Blaine was desperate for some sort of communication with this person who had been so important to him, and he was so desperate that he didn’t even care if Kurt knew it was really him or if Kurt thought it was a two ton elephant sitting behind a massive desktop typing with his trunk.  Or, rather, he cared, but Blaine knew that if Kurt knew it was him there was no way he would get a response.  Or a response that was even remotely friendly.

Sighing, Blaine took another breath and poked the touchscreen, opening up the email.  As he read Kurt’s message, he couldn’t help but smile to himself.  Whether Kurt knew it was really his ex-boyfriend or not, his email rapidly stabbed at Blaine’s heart until it was nothing but a pudding-like mush.

To: Lucas Duvall

From: Kurt Hummel

Hello!

Don’t give it a second thought- that’s what we all signed up for when we joined this site, right?  The purpose is to meet people, and how else are you supposed to meet people?

I’m glad you seem to be so honest! I don’t want to hide who I am either; that’s no way to begin a relationship at any level (who is the creepy-sounding one now, hm?).  So I propose we play twenty questions and get to know each other.  Let me know if that sounds okay to you!

I don’t really know how to reply to these (okay, this- yours is the only one I’ve gotten- look, I’m being dreadfully honest already, aren’t I?) messages any more than you think you know how to write them.

And here I am responding!

-Kurt

Blaine read it over a few times, and then groaned, running his hand over his face.  One line in particular tore him apart:

“I’m glad you seem to be so honest! I don’t want to hide who I am either; that’s no way to begin a relationship on any level.”

Damn it.

Why, oh why, had Blaine included the “I just don’t want to hide who I am” part in his first email?  Why?  That was exactly what he was doing, and now Kurt wanted to play questions when Blaine was totally trying to hide who he was, both the celebrity part of him and the part of him that used to be Kurt’s love.  

No, that wasn’t a part of him, that was him, whole and complete.  

And that made it even worse.