Can All Be Traced Back to You
wingedescape
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Can All Be Traced Back to You: Chapter 5


E - Words: 3,433 - Last Updated: Jul 11, 2012
Story: Complete - Chapters: 5/5 - Created: Jun 13, 2012 - Updated: Jul 11, 2012
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Author's Notes: A/N: Well, this is it. We've hit the end. It's been a beautiful ride and I want to thank all of you for reading and being the most wonderful reviewers. Thank you so much for reading. =]

 

Kurt pulls me up and gets me back into my bed. Laying me down on my side and then sitting close enough that I can feel the heat of his body, but he's not touching. I know he's a bit scared of how I might feel and react, so I reach behind me to where he's perched and grasp his hand, pulling him down next to me.

He lies with his front pressed against my back and allows our fingers to twine together before he brings them up to my chest to hold me.

"If it's any consolation," he whispers cautiously into my shoulder, "I thank a god I don't believe in every day for finding you again."

He stays quiet when I don't respond, and it's not that I don't want to offer him any semblance of comfort as well, it's that I'm not sure what there is to say. I can't tell him that I've been searching for him all this time. I can't tell him that I've seen his face in my dreams and that I longed for him back in my life. I can't tell him anything because I don't remember him from before. I only know that I love him now, and I don't want to say that because I don't know if I can trust what I know anymore, and more than anything, I'm scared.

He pulls me back against him even closer and continues talking to fill the air and help explain things, "I had called home about a month before I ran into you that first time. They said there was no news to give me."

It rolls through my thoughts and I'm so lost and confused about why my parents would lie to me, why they would lie to Kurt. We could have been happy since I woke up, and instead he's been walking around wondering if I'm even alive, and I've been missing someone I didn't know I could miss.

I gently squeeze his hand when all my words stick to my throat and he continues, "I think they just thought it was easier. They figured that I had a life out here and that it would be simpler for you to just start fresh."

"You were my boyfriend, Kurt," I croak and his whole body tightens around me, trying to make me feel safe since he knows he can't change the pain inside. "We loved each other."

"I know," his voice even quieter than before, and his tone gives away that he's trying to rationalize, trying to understand it himself, "I… I don't know why they did it."

I sigh and roll over in his arms, raising my hand to stroke across his cheek, and I lean in and kiss him reassuringly. He's hesitant at first, but then he relaxes into it and kisses back. I pull back and breathe across his lips, "I trust you."

His whole body sinks into mine with relief and I know he's been waiting for that statement. To know I'm not going to get up and run. To take all this information and use it against him. I don't know how I'd have reacted if he told me the first day he saw me that he knew me. I probably wouldn't have believed him, and I know that's not what he would have wanted. He was playing by the rules of some game neither of us understood. It's not his fault.

Kurt reaches a hand between us and comes up to rub at a tear that had leaked out of his eye, but I quickly pull his hand away and press a kiss to it instead. "Please tell me, though," I request, "tell me about the people I knew and the things that happened."

He pulls back and moves to sit up. I know that's the better way to have this conversation, but I can't help the small whine of protest of having his body leave mine. A small smile plays on his lips and then he's reaching down and dragging me up to sit across from him. When he gets me settled, he leans back and grabs at a stack of our clothes sitting on the edge of the bed that he must have folded earlier. From his jeans he pulls out a phone.

He straightens and then shuffles closer, moving over to my side, our knees touching where they're folded on the bed. He starts flicking through things on the screen and I wonder what he's doing, but I don't ask, just wait.

"Here," Kurt says, moving his phone so I can see the screen and I instantly feel my breath knocked out of me. It's a group shot, a bunch of kids standing around a trophy on a stage. Everyone's in black and gold; the girls in dresses, the guys in suspenders and bowties. I spot myself among them, and right beside me, grinning and holding my hand tightly, is Kurt. I can't help the sob that breaks out of my ribcage.

"Hey, hey," he says soothingly, his hand coming up to rub between my shoulders, "I'll introduce you to them all."

I lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder as he passes the phone to me to hold since his one hand is busy rubbing circles into my back, then he points at the picture. "I'm assuming that you got that that's us," he says jokingly, and my lips twitch up into a smile.

He then points to a small brunette who has a large grin on her face and her arm slung around the waist of a lovely blonde who's smiling just as much. "That's Rachel and Quinn," he says, and suddenly my mind can fill in faces for all the stories he's told me about his roommate and this other girl, "I actually haven't looked at this picture in a bit, it's strange for them to be so happy. Rachel was getting married that night to him," he points to a tall boy on Rachel's other side, "but Quinn didn't want her to, for reasons you can guess. They didn't get married though. Quinn was in an accident on her way there… funny how things work out."

"An accident?" I ask. I've never met Rachel or Quinn, and I can guess why now, since they knew me, and Kurt was trying so hard for that secret to stay with him, but I'm instantly worried for the girl. She looks so youthful and full of life with her arm wrapped around the brunette's shoulders.

Kurt smiles sadly against my head, "Car accident. Compressed spine, was in a wheelchair for a bit, but she's fine now." Then he points to the boy he mentioned before, "That's Finn. I've mentioned him before."

"Your brother?" I clarify, and he nods, "He was going to get married at… what? 17?"

"Yeah. I remember talking well into the night many times with you about 'abused privileges' and how they weren't ready."

My heart throbs for a moment, "Did we talk about things like that? Like getting married?"

Kurt shifts above me and presses a kiss into my hair. "Not like that," he answers tenderly, "In theory we thought about it. The possibility of one day. We talked about how we wouldn't at that age, but it sounded like a nice idea for one day in the future."

I can't help but feel bad, that we thought about one day, and that one day could have been now if I hadn't been beaten up that night. He must feel me tense because his hand starts stroking my back more firmly, "Let's meet the rest of these kids, yeah?"

I nod and he continues, pointing to another blonde and a Latina who are holding hands and grinning at the camera. "That's Brittany and Santana," he explains, "Two of the most popular cheerleaders. Santana had a lot of issues when she came out so we, us and her, became a lot closer since we helped her out a lot. And Britt's lovely, her logic's a bit different than most, but I know you enjoyed it."

He moves his finger to the girl standing next to Brittany with her hand on her shoulder, "This is Sugar. She joined us that last year; she's a lot of fun. A lot like Brittany in her randomness."

"Tina and Mike," Kurt says, pointing now to an Asian couple. Mike has his hands wrapped around Tina and her smile could probably light up the world if she intended. "And since you asked earlier, he's not the one I was talking about at the coffee shop, it was you. But they do live here now, that was true." He laughs then as if suddenly remembering something, "You and Mike had an epic bromance going on that last year. Sometimes I'd walk in the choir room and you'd be having a dance off."

I smile and nuzzle farther into his neck as he carries on, pointing to a darker girl and a beach haired boy standing just behind her, "Mercedes and Sam. They had some on and off again thing because he moved away the year before and then came back."

He points to the three remaining guys in the front, one in a wheelchair, the other two on opposite sides, crouching down and making aggressive faces around their grins as they flexed their arms toughly. "Artie, Puck, and Rory," he says, pointing at each one so I can match the name to the face. "Puck was basically our greatest defender. He tried to hunt down and kick the shit out of the guys who… who did this to you. I wouldn't let him though; he'd have ended up in jail if he did."

The return to the heavy topic has me sighing and burying my face against him, squeezing my eyes shut. He's shown me all the people and I hate that I didn't know that any of them even existed. I had all these friends who probably don't know I'm awake, or even alive. My parents had mentioned that I went to prom with people, but they never made a choice to let me know who they were. And I definitely didn't know that they had no idea what was going on either. Any bitterness I had felt from the first year after waking up is quickly replaced with frustration for my family.

The phone is pulled out of my hand and then Kurt's arms are wrapping around me, holding me as close as possible and I long for the easiness of last night. Where things were uncomplicated and simple and all I had to worry about was telling Kurt I loved him at the wrong time.

I wrap my hands around his waist and I want to tell him now. I want to forget about the ache in my chest and share another moment with Kurt that's just about us and not about what I can't remember. Before I can tell him anything, though, he's pulling back and looking me in the eyes, "It's going to be okay. We'll figure it all out."

"There's not much to figure out," I grumble, "I've lost those years of my life twice."

He smiles hopefully, "Then I'll help you rebuild what really happened. I know you Blaine Anderson, we were together for over a year before it all happened. I know things your parents couldn't tell you even if they had tried."

I fight the urge to blush at his attention and instead duck my head shyly. He lifts my chin back up with his finger and his face has gone serious. "Maybe you should call your mom?" he suggests.

And that's how I end up on the phone, sitting in the kitchen, leaning most of my weight on the counter at the bar as I fight with my mother. Kurt's in the shower, insisting that it'll give me a little privacy, and that he'd have asked me to join if all this hadn't come up, but that I have more important things to deal with right now. Like the web of lies that collapsed around me.

"I knew this was going to happen," she says, he voice tearful, "when you mentioned him. I knew it was the same Kurt."

"And yet you still didn't tell me," I say gruffly. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it's hard when you've been lied to for years about the past.

She sighs, "What was I supposed to say when you just met him? When you were talking about how perfect and wonderful he was?"

"That's the problem," I say, my voice rising, "I shouldn't have just met him; I shouldn't have just learned that he's perfect and wonderful. I already thought that, I just couldn't remember, and nobody gave me the option to."

"Sweetheart," she coos , and I cringe at the pet name, "I promise you, your father and I had our reasons for this. Either way it was going to be difficult, we just figured this would help you adjust easier. You didn't know those people."

I grumble and swipe at my eyes. She could explain for hours, and I still don't think I could understand. "I would have learned to know them, mom. Obviously we would have gotten along or else we wouldn't have in the first place."

She huffs, "Think about it, Blaine. Think about all these people who knew all these things about you, but you couldn't recall one thing about them. How would you have liked that?"

"At lot more than I like this feeling right now!" I bark out and she goes quiet on the other end. "And what about Kurt? Someone I was in love with and who loved me? You destroyed him by cutting him off."

"We thought it would be better for him, as well," she explains softly, and I know I'm hurting her by yelling, but I can't focus on that when I'm already feeling mine and Kurt's pain. I can't add someone else's. "They didn't think you would wake up, Blaine. We thought it best if he just started living his life. Moving on."

I look up when I see Kurt out of the corner of my eye, peeking around the doorway to see if it's safe to come in. He's in the same thing he was before the shower, just my sweatpants, and the sight placates me. Kurt is comfortable and he's my home. I think he always has been.

I beckon him in with a crook of my finger as I shift my body to face him and say to my mother, "I don't think he could ever move on."

Kurt's eyes turn sad as he moves forward, reaching his hands up and smoothing them over my shoulders. I bring my spare hand around to his back and hold him in close as he presses a kiss into my hair while I lean my forehead against his chest.

"You should come back to Ohio for a bit," my mom says, "we'll talk and I'll explain everything. I never meant for it to turn out like this."

I make a small agreeing noise and then she's asking, "Yes? You'll come back? You'll come home for a bit?"

I look up at Kurt's eyes and feel warm all over, still like I could get lost in them even if I stared forever. "I'll come back to Ohio for a bit," I reply, "but I'm already home." And then I hang up before she can say anything else.

Kurt smiles wryly at me and I drop my head in amused shame. "That may have been a bit rude," I say.

"Just a bit," he replies, and pulls a stool up in front of me, shuffling it close so that his knees alternate mine.

"I meant it though," I whisper, and I look up into his face as I reach out of take his hands in mine. "I feel like I'm home with you."

He takes our hands and raises them to his lips, pressing a firm kiss into the backs of my hands before closing his eyes and pressing his nose into them with a smile on his lips. "You haven't changed a bit, you know that?" he says, "Just as effortlessly romantic as always."

I smile, pulling our hands back into my lap, and lean forward, capturing his lips with mine. We're both smiling when we pull back.

"Have you figured out what you're going to do?" he asks, his smile dropping slightly but still so gracefully filled with calmness.

I quirk my eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

He shuffles a bit on his seat, "Well, you have all this new information. What are you going to do with it?"

I look off to the side and ponder this. I'm not sure if there are many things for me to do with this information except learn and rebuild the years I lost. Move forward with the real knowledge. "I guess I'll try to get in contact with some of the people I knew. Let them know I'm okay. I could use your help with that."

He's silent and I look back into his eyes, bright blue searching across my face. I can see the small layer of fear hiding in them, carefully masked after years of hiding his pain.

I can't help but smile fondly. "I'm not going anywhere, you know," I express, and his eyes widen slightly before the corner of his lips turn up. "I still want you here. Home, remember?"

"I know," he says, "I just thought that… that after learning all this…" He's nervous, and I realize that this is it. This is that moment that was waiting every time the words were on my tongue and I forced them back. I pull our hands up to my chest and make sure to catch his gaze and keep it.

"Kurt, I… I love you," I express, and his face slowly but surely lights up, the sun couldn't look as bright as his eyes, "Not because I did before, but because I love you now."

He's grinning and he only bares his teeth when he's really happy. He ducks his head down and replies shyly, "I still love you from before."

My heart flutters a few times, knowing that he never stopped. Knowing that I'm someone worthy of deserving love all these years, of not being given up on. "I think that I would too," I say, and he looks back up at me, "if I could remember any of it. Maybe that's why I always felt so different around you. I always knew there was something about you."

He leans in and kisses me quick, pulling back and gazing at me fondly. "But I love you from now, as well," Kurt adds softly.

"Then please return the favour," I plead, "Tell me you're not going anywhere."

He laughs lightly and I realize in every fibre of my being how in love with him I am. It spreads through my veins and runs from the ends of my hair through to my toes. He slides forward off the stool and stands between my legs. "I'm not going anywhere," he assures, "Not without you."

I laugh out a "good" and slide off my stool to join him. I had wished earlier for another moment with Kurt where it was just us and none of the stress and complications of all the news that's come out today. I think I found it.

He runs his hands up my back and smirks when I reach out and wrap my arms around his waist. He swoops down, brushing past my ear and whispering, "I love you, Blaine," before he's back up again, his eyes flicking to mine as he bites his bottom lip through a smile.

I reach my hand up and smooth it over his cheek, "I love you, too, Kurt." I dart in for a kiss that we're both smiling into and this is it. This is love and now all the things that I've lost don't mean so much anymore with him here. I saw it in his eyes the first day, the window opening to the sky, and I wasn't expecting it to be so true, but by exposing me to my past, he's making my future possible. I hadn't known what I was waiting for, but it was him all along.

"Guess it's some kind of fate, huh?" I ask as he pulls back, grasping my hand and pulling me away from the kitchen bar and walking me out into the hall.

"I don't care what it is," Kurt says, "as long as I get to keep you around this time." And then he's spinning around and kissing me while we both giggle over how good it feels to be in love, dragging me willingly into the bedroom.

 


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Ok... Wonderful, I loved it... But can we please see AT LEAST when Kurt brings his "new boyfriend" home to Burt an Carole? Please please please?! Pretty Please with Chris Colfer in Alexander McQueen on top?

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.Hmm... I'll think about maybe a small one-shot. I'm thinking of writing a companion piece from Kurt's POV for this story anyways, so his thoughts on that subject may just make its way into that piece, or come along with it. We'll have to see. But you make a good offer with Chris there.

*sigh* That was beautiful. I feel all warm and fuzzy now. I love how nothing can keep them apart and that they would fall in love no matter where or when they met. It's very well written; emotional and gripping. It made me cry, but not enough to turn me into a wreck. So, thank you!

I cried. This is SO BEAUTIFUL :')It's sad & happy & so beautifully written!You're really talented btw <3So thanks for the aweseome story xDyou're awesome :D<3