The Summer I Didn't Eat
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The Summer I Didn't Eat: I'm Telling You, I'm Telling You


E - Words: 1,829 - Last Updated: Aug 26, 2012
Story: Complete - Chapters: 30/30 - Created: Jul 31, 2012 - Updated: Aug 26, 2012
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Author's Notes: Warnings: self harm, eating disorders, language.So I tried making the chapter longer because I was asked to so nicely :) Anyway I hope you like this chapter.Thanks for reading.

When glee club ended there was nothing Kurt wanted to do more than get home.

He was almost in the clear when he was stopped. Stopped by one Dave Karofsky.

“Sup homo.” He greeted.

“Karofsky.” Kurt said looking down.

“I overheard Berry and some people talking about your little lover boy.” Karofsky snorted.

“My what?” Kurt asked confused.

“Your summer fling. You and him gaying it up all over some camp somewhere.” Karofsky clarified.

“Oh.” Kurt said feeling a pain in his chest at the indirect mention of Blaine.

“What. Am I not good enough for you?” Karofsky asked getting closer to Kurt than Kurt was really comfortable with. “I told you Hummel, I’m the only one who will ever love you. You’re weak and pathetic. No one will ever want you. Ever. And why would they. Just look at yourself. You.are.nothing.” Karofsky said pushing Kurt up against the locker.

“I-I know.” Kurt said sadly.

“Damn right you know. You are nothing, never will be anything. You’ll live out your dull and unfulfilling life and then you’ll come crawling back to me. If you’re lucky I may just take pity on you and take you.” Karofsky laughed.

Kurt didn’t know how to respond to that. Yeah it hurt. It hurt like a bitch. But what do you say to that ‘oh okay thank you for your insight on my future, are you a psychic? Can you read my palms next?’ yeah no he’d probably be better off if he just kept his mouth shut.

He turned to walk away but Karofsky grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“Ow.” Kurt hissed Karofsky’s fingers digging into his fresh cuts in a way that kind of actually felt good. It was like pain squared. Like the initial feeling from cutting and then plus some from the way he grabbed his wrist.

“Oh come on I barely even touched you. I know you’re a girl but you can’t possibly be that much of a wimp.” Karofsky laughed until he noticed red bleeding through Kurt’s sleeve.

“Shit.” Kurt sighed.

“I didn’t do that. I barely touched you.” Karofsky said stepping back and putting his hands up in surrender.

“Yeah I know you didn’t.” Kurt said rolling up his sleeve and wiping his arm with a tissue he had in his pocket.

“W-what are those?” Karofsky asked noticing the cuts covering Kurt’s pale wrist.

“Oh please don’t even act like you care.” Kurt laughed.

“Kurt did you do that to yourself?” Karofsky asked stepping closer to inspect the damage before rolling up Kurt’s other sleeve and finding that arm just as marred.

“No I got a cat that I haven’t gotten declawed.” Kurt deadpanned.

“Oh my God. You’re fucked up. You’re like really really damaged. No wonder your summer boy toy didn’t love you. You’re fucked up.” Karofsky said before turning to leave.

 

Kurt got home even more depressed than before. His main tormentor, partial cause for his acts of self harm, just continued to lie of the insults after he had seen what his words did to Kurt.

Kurt didn’t cut for attention, no, it was nothing like that. It was personal reasons, a need for release and how he found comfort. He never intended for anyone to find out, yet alone Karofsky. But the reaction he had was not what Kurt expected for someone finding out.

He kind of expected to be pushed away, treated like an outcast. But for Karofsky to just keep laying on the insults. That was something else.

Kurt couldn’t shake the look Karofsky had in his eyes when he told him how damaged he was. Was he just saying that? Or was Kurt really damaged? He didn’t think so. He had everything under control. It was something he needed to do and he was going to let someone like Karofsky make him feel even worse about himself.

Cutting was supposed to make him feel better, not worse. Now he felt like a freak as he carved to sharp blade against his rest applying just enough pressure to let his blood flow out quickly, but not so that it would be deep enough to damage his veins or anything scary. Then again what more damage could he do?

Yeah, today was one of those days where cutting just wasn’t enough.

He popped a handful of oxicotins and drifted in to a heavy sleep as everything went numb.

 

Kurt slept through dinner, through the night, through breakfast, and even through first and second period. By the time he finally woke up everything still felt numb but he pushed that to the side as he moved through the motions of getting ready for school.

Yeah he was going to be late. But to be honest, who gives a fuck?

 

When Kurt finally got to school it was lunch time and he joined his friends in the cafeteria. It wasn’t like he was there to eat or anything, he just wanted to catch up on whatever he missed.

“Kurt! Where have you been?!? We have a serious problem!!!!” Rachel announced as he sat down at their table.

“What happened?” Kurt asked ignoring her first question. He didn’t want to talk about himself so he figured prompting Rachel to talk about whatever else would change the subject easily enough.

“David texted Mercedes asking if he and Wes and Blaine could meet us before glee! Clearly there here to spy! David played it off saying Blaine had to talk to you or something like that. But why would he want to talk to you? No offense. But seriously there here to spy on us. There using you as a decoy and there coming to steal our set list!” Rachel said arms flailing like a crazy person.

Okay that stung a little. But Karofsky’s words plus Rachel’s were fresh in his head. Blaine would never want him. He was clearly playing him. And although the idea of spying seems rather foolish, what else would they be doing here. And coming to talk to Kurt? That was even more foolish. He was nobody.

“Oh. So what are we going to do about said spies?” Kurt asked humoring her.

“I have no idea!” Rachel yelled.

“Calm down Berry. Hey Porcelain, auntie ‘tana has a little proposition for you.” Santana said with a wink in Kurt’s direction.

“Should I even ask?” Kurt said not really intrigued. But then again he hardly ever found himself caring any more.

“We’re gonna make this Blaine guy pay for breaking your heart. I hate to admit this but you’re a great friend, I love you to death, you’re even more of a bitch than me and I respect that. But when it comes to payback there’s nothing I’m better at than revenge. We’re going to make that boy pay.” Santana said in all seriousness.

Kurt not usually the payback type, found himself actually liking the idea. “What’s your plan Satan?” He asked.

“Why don’t we go for a walk and I’ll tell you all about it.” She said smiling devilishly.

 

After their talk they skipped the next classes planning everything out and getting things situated.

Now they sat in the choir room and waited as the rest of the members filed in.

 

“Did anyone prepare their song?” Mr. Schue asked.

“I did.” Kurt said raising his hand but self consciously pulling it back down as he felt the fabric of his sleeve move against his cuts. Sure no one could see them through his shirt; he was just a little paranoid after what Karofsky said.

“Okay Kurt please go right ahead.” Mr. Schue said gesturing to the front of the room.

“Okay.” Kurt sighed looking out the door and seeing the familiar dark gelled back curls. He shiver remembering what it was like running his hands through those curls. Okay bad thought. Just sing.

Kurt gestured to the band guy with the guitar to start the song.

 

“I remember when we broke up. The first time. Saying, ‘this is it, I’ve had enough’ cuz like we hadn’t seen each other in a month when you said you needed space. What?” Kurt sang full of emotion.

“Then you come around again and say ‘Baby, I miss you and I swear I’m gonna change, trust me’ remember how that lasted for a day? I say ‘I hate you’ we break up, you call me ‘I love you’.” Kurt sang chancing a look over at where Blaine stood in the door way.

“OooooOoooh we called it off again last night. But oohoohooohoooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you.”

“We are never ever ever getting back together. Weee-eee are never ever ever getting back together. You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me. But we are never ever ever ever getting back together. Like ever…”

“I’m really gonna miss you picking fights. And me, falling for it screaming that I’m right. And you, would hide away and find your piece of mind. With some indie record that’s much cooler than mine.”

“OoooOooo you called me up again tonight. But oohoohooohoooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you.”

“We are never ever ever getting back together. Weee-eee are never ever ever getting back together. You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me. But we are never ever ever ever getting back together.”

“Oooh yeah, ooooh yeah, oooh yeah oh oh oh.”

“I used to think that we were forever. And I used to say ‘never say never…’.”

“Huh, so he calls me up and he’s like, ‘I still love you,’ and I’m like…’I just…I mean this is exhausting, you know, like, we are never getting back together. Like ever…’ No!”

“We are never ever ever getting back together. Weee-eee are never ever ever getting back together. You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me. But we are never ever ever ever getting back together.:

“We are not getting back together. We oh, not getting back together.”

“You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me.”

“But we are never ever ever ever getting back together.” Kurt ended his song and looked over to where Blaine was standing with Wes and David.

Rachel followed his line of vision and stood up with anger.

“SPIES!!!!” Rachel yelled as the trio of Warblers walked in.

 

“Um, not spies.” Blaine said staring at Kurt the whole time. Kurt looked fucking gorgeous. A little broken in some off way, but still gorgeous.

Santana winked at Kurt before walking up to him. “That was amazing Kurt. You’re amazing.” She said flirtatiously. Mission ‘make Blaine jealous for breaking Kurt’s heart by playing a similar game in which makes him think Kurt is straight just like Blaine claims his straightness to all his friends, leaving Kurt heartbroken, destroying Blaine Warbler from with-in’ may now commence. 

End Notes: TBC.*Kurt's song: We Are Never Getting Back Together by: the lovely Taylor Swift. Yeah I just absolutely had to.A few quick things I wanted to say about this chapter...(1)Karofsky's reaction to Kurt's cutting. His reaction touched pretty close to home for me so I figured I'd talk about it some. When I was in sixth grade I was very very depressed. I was constantly bullied verbally and physically. On a daily basis I was told I was nothing and I began believing it. One day, one very bad day, it was just the end. I couldn't take it. My mom walked in on me a second away from attempting to hang myself with my cell phone charger. (Still can't charge my phone with out awful memories. The next day at school my best friend at the time asked me about the weird mark around my neck and why I couldn't come over her house that weekend. She was my best friend, she had always been there for me before, and I trusted her. I told her what had happen and she told me to get away from her. That I was a freak. That what I had done was so messed up she'd never even be able to look at me again. She told me we could bever be friends again and that I shouldn't try talking to her. She said I was weird and she didn't want to be around me. Told me I was like some mental patient and that I was a complete and utter freak. Needless to say, not the comforting answer I had expected. I didn't want smypathy, I didn't want pity. I wanted someone I could talk to. But I lost her. I lost my best friend because she didn;t want to be around some freak. So when writing this chapter I tried portraying how Karofsky's words affected Kurt. To any one who has ever been through something even remotely similar to this I am here for you. No judgement just support. I want you to know you are loved and you can talk to me. If anyone, ever ever needs someone to talk to I am here for you. Don't even hesitate, just shoot me an email and I'll be there for you. Thank you for reading this story, and thank you for reading my own.

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omg omg taylors new song! omfgggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!the end notees: you are Not alone! you can talk to me anyttime :)you aren't nothing! you are really special. do you remember one of my first reviews on baby your not alone? it was this big paragraph to me? omg it like changed my life! :) your an amazing person and an awesome writer! don't let anyone tell you that you aren't! that repsonse to my review was like amazing. i have a different out look on life just because of it. you taught me that! you are an awesome person. throughout the past year, you are probably the best person i have kinda met. like your are so strong and your stories are like life changing. i used to think that being who i was, was wrong. i live in a very racist town. if anyone ever figured out that im bi, i might just get tortured. i came here a year ago and i was sure of who i was. i have doubted myself so much this year. i tried to push away my feelings for girls aside because i wanted to be normal. im never 'normal'. im always gonna be different. i think thats what makes me special, what makes me different. you are the same. don't let people run your life and hold you back from who you truly are. :) oh ya great chapter btw! can't wait to see what happens <3 OH GOD KLAINE NEEDS TO HAPPEN!! :)))

Awwwh not gonna lie just teared up a little. Thank you so much. No one has ever said anything so nice to me before. I've always tried to be there for other people, but unfortunately I've never had anyone to be there for me. I really want to thank you. Even though I don't know you I feel like I do. You are so sure of your self and so brave and I admire that in you. You've helped me a lot too this summer, you have always been here commenting and stuff and I appreciate the little things. But now what you just said, it's pretty inspirational and I want to thank you. You know this website kind of pretty much saved my life. While at the beach things happened and I couldn't take it. I locked myself in the bathroom and sought out the pocket knife I stowed away in my make up bag. I cut and cut and covered it all up with foundation so no one would notice. But for some reason it just wasn't enough. It was like five in the morning and I was the only one awake at the place we were staying. as I was sitting on the balcony I honestly contemplated jumping. In fact I climbed over the rail and everything. I was just standing there and before I did it I was like lemme grab my phone so I can leave a message or something. Scarves and Coffee was opened on my phone and it was comments for Baby You're Not Alone and people were saying things like 'I can't believe you'll be gone for a week' and in my mind I was laughing like I'll be gone for longer. But then I kept scrolling down seeing things other people said about how much they liked the story and then I saw the comment from you and I was like how much of a hypocrit would I be if I told this girl I don't even know to be her self and all this it gets better stuff and then go off and jump off a balcony while I'm on vacation. And then I was ike wait a minute jump of a balcony while on vacation? I mean sure I didn't think people would miss me but still me doing that would probably put a damper on my families vacation. So then I thought it over some more. I stayed there on the other side of the railing for a good two hours just thinking over everything in my life. Yes people had hurt me but I'm strong enough to get by. I didn't have to take my life just because the way other people treat me. I mean fuck other people. But yeah this year hasn't been the best for me but all I know if that this website right here played a part in a very hard descision for me. I am who I am, if people don't accept me I should do them no favors by taking my on life. I'm stronger now. But everyday I'm thankful. So thank you for being so kind and thanks for always commenting on my stories it brightens my day <3333

I'm sorry for everything you've been through

It overwhelms me how so many people I don't even know can offer compassion and comfort. There really are good people out there. And I want to thank you for being one of them. I know saying that to someone you don't even know is like awkward and stuff, but just thank you. Thank you so much.