Kurt and Blaine spent the rest of the night in each others’ arms trading sweet kisses.

“So do you think you’re ready to tell me what happened?” Blaine questioned softly when their lips broke apart.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. Not right now at least. I’m not ready.” Kurt said sadly. He really was sorry, but he really just wasn’t ready to talk about it.

“I understand.” Blaine said simply.

“Thank you.” Kurt whispered.

“Whenever you are ready I will be here for you. I’ll always be here for you Kurt.” Blaine said fondly.

“Thank you.” Kurt said again only this time meeting Blaine’s gaze.

Blaine’s hazel eyes were simply beautiful. You could read any expression through them; they were like gateways to his emotions. And right now they were filled with love.

“I love you Blaine.” Kurt whispered.

“I love you too.” Blaine said kissing Kurt once again for emphasis.

The boys fell asleep in each others’ arms.

It had been a long time since both had slept peacefully and the rest was much needed.

That morning they were awakened by soft voices from the other side of the room.

Burt and Carole were talking quietly to one of the nurses while Finn stood in the corner on the phone.

“Yeah Rach, they’re both fine.” He spoke into his phone.

Kurt yawned and everyone looked over.

“Hey Rach, I gotta go. Kurt just woke up.” He explained before promptly hanging up and pocketing his phone.

“Hi guys.” Kurt said sadly. “I’m sorry.” He sighed.

He kind of meant it, he was sorry for the trouble caused them, not sorry that he did it.

It was these dark thoughts that reminded him of Blaine.

Sweet, lovable, Blaine. His Blaine. The Blaine that saved his life. How could he even think about stuff like that when there was Blaine? He couldn’t do that to Blaine.

“It’s okay sweetie.” Carole said softly moving over to hug Kurt.

“We’re just glad your okay.” Burt added.

“Yeah dude, everyone’s happy to see you alive.” Finn said. “Oh Rachel wanted to know if you were up for visitors?” Finn added as an afterthought.

“Sure. Why not.” Kurt shrugged.

“Okay good because they’re on their way.” Finn said.

Everyone just laughed.

“Ugghh. Can I at least shower before they get here?” he asked.

“I don’t see why not. As long as you’re up for it.” The nurse said extending a hand to help him up.

Blaine whined when Kurt left his side, immediately waking up. “No Kurt, where’ya goin’?” he asked.

“It’s okay love. I’m going to go shower. I’ll be back.” Kurt explained.

“Oh God showering sounds nice right about now.” Blaine laughed.

“There is a bathroom behind that door if you want to freshen up.” The nurse told Blaine. “I’m going to help Kurt get out of all these bandages and he can use the other bathroom.” She explained.

Although Kurt wished he could have been showering with Blaine, he knew now was not the time.

The nurse handed him clothes his family had brought along with a few towels.

She helped him turn on the shower and removed his bandages and wrappings.

“Let me know if you need anything.” She called before exiting.

He weakly stepped into the shower grabbing the hand rail for support.

God he was weak.

He was recovering but he was weak.

Not only was he still sore from the incident he now was sluggish and felt drained from his internal organs trying to work properly again.

It’d be awhile before he would heal but for now at least he could shower.

As he began to rinse himself off and saw the filth washing off of him he began to think of the last time he properly showered.

He doubted that the hospital had even fully scrubbed him clean.

He still had dried blood on him; there was no way they had.

He continued to wash his body, rubbing gently over sensitive areas.

He froze when he noticed it.

A streak of dried cum on his leg.

He hoped out of the shower quickly and leaned over the toilet just in time to vomit.

He had never felt so sick in his life.

He watched as all the contents of his stomach poured out of him.

Contents of his stomach?

He hadn’t eaten a single thing since the incident.

That wasn’t the contents of his stomach it was vile mixed with blood.

Gross.

He continued to dry heave for a few minutes before he washed his mouth and got back into the shower.

He was disgusting.

He hated himself for what Karofsky did to him.

After scrubbing prefusively for a good ten minutes he got out and walked to the sink where he had placed the towels and fresh articles of clothing on the counter.

He quickly dried off and got dressed.

He was feeling light headed; he shook it off as not having stood up for so long in a while. But he knew the reality behind it was from lack of food.

But he didn’t want to eat.

He didn’t think he’d ever be able to eat again.

Everything disgusted him, especially himself.

He ran a comb through his hair before padding it dry.

Always pad it dry, never rub, rubbing damages it.

Even after all this he was still trying to make himself look good.

He had a reason; his friends from the New Directions were coming over.

He had to look good for them.

Didn’t he?

Or was he just really self conscious?

His thoughts slowed when he saw the razor on the edge of the sink.

He barely had stubble so it’s not like he needed it.

What was it doing there?

He couldn’t resist picking it up.

He took out one of the blades and examined it in his hands.

He knew what he wanted to do.

He knew what he shouldn’t do.

But he knew what he shouldn’t do and what he wanted to do was exactly what he was going to do.

He needed to be careful.

No one could know.

Especially Blaine.

He removed his shirt.

He took the razorblade in his hand.

 And he slid it against the flat skin on his stomach.

Here no one would notice it.

He could hide this much easier.

Why hadn’t he thought of this all along?

It could have saved him some trouble in the long run.

Had he done this, he wouldn’t have been caught, he wouldn’t have told, he wouldn’t be here.”

Oh how the feeling of the blade on his skin made everything feel good.

It made him stronger.

Such a relief.

It just felt so good.

He needed this.

He needed it more than anything else.

He kept cutting.

Deeper and deeper.

He only stopped when he saw he was covered in blood.

He quickly rinsed off and found band aids in the cabinet underneath.

He could hide it for now.

He buttoned up his shirt, took a look in the mirror, and exited the bathroom.

He would pretend everything was normal.

Pretending seemed like the best thing to do right now.

He put on a smile that said everything would be okay.

Even though he knew it was far from it.

“You look good.” Blaine said eying up Kurt.

“Thanks, so do you. But then again you always do.” Kurt smiled pulling Blaine into a hug.

Things looked normal.

They weren’t.

But at least they looked that way.

He could hide.

For now.