Kurt cuddled next to Blaine on the floor, Carole and Burt on the sofa, and Finn in the arm chair. The group watched the second half together and talked happily during the commercials.

All except for Kurt, he kept silent the entire time.

He was too lost in his thoughts to focus. His mind kept returning to that knife and what he could do with that knife.

He knew he shouldn’t even be thinking about it, but oh how he wondered.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Blaine addressed him. He looked at the television screen and saw that the game had ended before looking back to Blaine.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear what you just said.” Kurt replied.

“It’s fine. I said I’m about to leave, walk me out?” Blaine answered.

“Oh okay.” Kurt shook his head standing up.

Blaine hugged Carole goodbye and said his goodbyes to Burt and Finn before walking out the door with Kurt.

Kurt closed the door behind him and immediately attacked Blaine’s lips with his.

“Slow down there, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Blaine said breathlessly breaking away from the unexpectedly passionate kiss. “What time do you have glee rehearsal?” he asked.

“3:15 to 4ish, why?” Kurt replied.

“Because I’ll sit in and then when you’re done we can go to the Lima Bean or wherever.” Blaine said cheerfully.

“Oh okay! Sounds good.”

“So I’ll see you then.” Blaine said pulling Kurt into a slow openmouthed kiss, “Bye Kurt.” Blaine said as he began to pull away and hug Kurt firmly.

“I said I’ll never say goodbye to you, no matter what.” Kurt replied. Knowing it could have meant more than just goodbye for now.

“Okay, see you tomorrow. I love you.”

“Love you to babe.” Kurt said with a wave as Blaine stepped into his car and pulled away.

When Kurt entered his house it had appeared that everyone already went to bed. He locked the door behind him and went into the kitchen to turn off the only light left on downstairs.

The first thing he laid his eyes on was that drawer, sitting there, mocking him.

He breathed in deeply.

Opened the drawer.

Pulled out the knife.

And he held it in his hand as he closed the drawer behind him.

He turned around to flip the light switch off and stumbled backwards when he saw Finn sitting at the kitchen table having Oreos and a glass of milk.

“Whattcha doing with that knife?” Finn asked seriously.

“Hmm?” Was all Kurt could say and he placed the knife behind his back and backed up into the counter.

“Kurt, I’ve been sitting right here the entire time, I saw you take the knife out, and I can still see it behind your back. So I’m going to ask again, what are you doing with that knife.” Finn said again, not even making it a question.

Kurt quickly thought up an excuse, “Oh um I was sewing and I needed something to cut the thread but the scissors were too dull. And I was staring at it for a long time because I was seeing if the blade was sharp enough?” Kurt lied.

“Oh okay.” Finn bought it.

Kurt thanked the lord he didn’t believe in for all the practice with lies and quick thinking he had done when confronted by bullies.

“Yeah, I’ll be going now.” Kurt said backing out of the kitchen.

He had almost completely exited when Finn had stopped him.

“Hey Kurt?”

Kurt’s heart stopped.

“Y-yess?” Kurt said shakily.

“Do you want an Oreo?” Finn asked cheerfully.

Kurt sighed in relief. “Oh, no thanks Finn.” Kurt said politely before exiting.

Well that was awkward. But he did it, he was in the sanctity of his own room now. He had the knife. And he was alone.

He knew he probably shouldn’t be doing this, but he actually really wanted to.

He took the knife in his hand and drew the knife to his skin and traced it across his arm with a quick slicing motion and red blood began to pour out and the cut began to sting.

The sting felt kind of good.

He knew that sounded pretty creepy in his head, but he couldn’t lie it felt kind of good.

He had been so depressed, so down, and this simply act made him feel again.

Kurt had been numb for months, he felt nothing. And he thought maybe that’s why he liked the pain, he liked feeling something. Anything really.

He took the knife and sliced his arm again this time closer to his wrist and much deeper.

More blood gushed out and his room began to smell of the rusty tang of blood.

This time the sting was stronger.

He cut again.

And again.

And again.

Until his entire left arm was covered in gashes and blood dripping all over the place.

He felt so alive. So relieved.

All his anger, all his fear, all his sadness, had escaped his body when the pleasure of the knife pierced his skin.

He knew this was wrong, but sometimes things that are wrong can just feel so right.

He wanted to try the other arm too. Even though right was his dominant hand he decided to switch it up.

The cuts weren’t done with such precision, they were more painful and the knife drug jaggedly across the skin.

He continued cutting until there was no longer an untouched surface of his arm left to cut.

He felt so good. Like a weight had been lifted.

He bled for what felt like hours, and probably was, and he began feeling dizzy.

He went into the bathroom and washed some of the surplus of blood away.

The cold water stung the cuts and all this just felt so good to Kurt.

He laid a towel on his bed so the blood wouldn’t stain his sheets and he slid into bed. Letting the dizziness and drowsiness take over.

He slept peacefully that night, better than he had slept in a very long time. He felt renewed.

His alarm clock woke him up and he got out of bed to hop in the shower. When he began to lather his body wash over himself he noticed the bright red cuts covering both his arms.

Last night was such a hazy memory, but boy did it feel good.

He got out of the shower and dressed quickly, making sure to wear a long sleeved shirt to cover his arms.

He made his way downstairs to have breakfast and got a ride to school with Finn.

He was in such a good mood the slushie facial he received upon reaching his locker didn’t even bother him.

He had extra clothes, he had a date with Blaine later this afternoon, he still had twenty minutes before the first bell to go wash the colored ice off, and he felt good.

This was shattered a bit when he opened his bag of spare clothes to find only a short sleeved t-shirt.

He went into panic mode; this wouldn’t cover up his arms at all. He was doomed.

Oh well, he thought as he slid into the bathroom and began rising his hair and changing his clothes.

He just decided not to raise his hand or anything that would draw attention to his arms.

Okay, he was still on top. He had easy classes today, glee club this afternoon, a date with Blaine; things were pretty good as of now.

He had a smile on his face and he was ready to start his day.