Kurt left the auditorium and headed towards Ms. Pillsbury’s office. So many thoughts were racing through his head, he could hardly focus on walking and he had to remind himself to breathe.

Okay so everyone had just found out, this was bad, wasn’t it.

How could he be so stupid to let everyone see his arms? He thought.

Well the damage was done, everyone knew.

He froze, everyone knew.

What was he going to do? Surely Karofsky would come after him, right?

Maybe people knowing wasn’t such a bad thing.

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

Whatever.

He shook it off as he entered the tiny office.

“Hi, Kurt.” Ms. Pillsbury greeted him.

“Hey.” He sighed.

“So I think I need some counseling.” He admitted.

“Well that’s what I’m here for Kurt.” She said cheerfully as she slid him a silly pamphlet  about cutting and depression.

“So, what made you want to do this to yourself?” She asked calmly.

He shrugged.

“It’s okay to tell me Kurt.” She said reassuringly.

So Kurt filled her in and she asked questions like well how did that make you feel?

Kurt began to slowly tell her all his thoughts and feelings and worries.

She comforted him and asked if this was the first time he had ever done any act of self harm.

He told her all about how he was clinically diagnosed with depression after his mother died, and that he tried to kill himself, and how he once had an eating disorder, and how he now takes anti-depression medication. Damn, he was fucked up, he thought to himself.

“Kurt, I had no clue you struggled with all this, you should have come to me. It’s not healthy to bottle up all your emotions.”

“I know.” He said dryly. “That’s partially the reason I turned to cutting, it was away to express myself, away to relieve myself of all the worry and fear, the pain helped me to escape the gloominess of life, if only for a few minutes. It was my outlet.” He explained to her.

“We need to find a more positive outlet for you.” She began

He shook his head.

“You’re in glee club right?” she asked

And he nodded.

“Why don’t you try singing about it.” She said cheerfully.

“I guess I could give it a try.” He said weekly.

“You do that.” She said. “And Kurt?”

“Yes?”

“I really think you have some pretty serious problems, and I think you should also see a specialist. I could refer you to one if you want.” She said.

“Thanks, I might need that.” He sighed.

“And Kurt? About the whole Karofsky thing, Will and I are going to meet with Figgin’s and now that we know what we know we’ll be able to put an end to this. We’re here to help you Kurt. Don’t worry about him or the bullies or anything, we’ll take care of them, you worry about yourself. Your wellbeing is all that matters now.” She said.

“Thank you.” he replied.

She pulled him into a hug and sent him on his way.

As he exited her room he got to thinking.

Maybe he would give this whole singing it out thing a try.

And he had a good song in mind.

He walked back to the auditorium but was stopped short when he could hear his fellow glee club members talking about him. Finn rambling on about his prior life issues and hiss so called friends gasping in disbelief.

“They don’t know me at all.” He said under his breath as he began to walk away.

  For no reason in particular her felt that now would be a good time to try his singing it out therapy.

A tear slid down his face as he started to sing.

“All day, staring at the ceiling making friends with shadows on my wall. All night, hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good or something.

Hold on, I’m feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown and I don’t know why. Well I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell. I know, right now you can’t tell but stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see a different side of me.

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired. I know, right now you don’t care But soon enough you’re gonna think of me and how I used to be me.

Talking to myself in public, dodging glances on the train. I know, I know they’ve all been talking ‘bout me, I can hear them whisper and it makes me think there must be something wrong with me.”

Kurt sang his song, knowing the words really spoke something about his life. Right now he was after all, a little unwell.

His thoughts and song were pushed aside when he was slammed to the ground and pinned down.

“shit.” He breathed out as a fist collided with his face.

He was held down and beaten, he felt like some animal being abused.

“Why?” he found himself mumbling.

“You know why.” His attacker barked out.

Kurt coughed a little, tasting blood in his mouth.

His eye was already swollen shut and he could barely make out the red letterman jacket his attacker was wearing.

“You fucking told them all! Didn’t you! What did I tell you? You’re going to get it now.” His attacker said as he pounded his fists harder into Kurt’s body.

Kurt was weak at this point, his vision was going fuzzy, and everything sounded incredibly far away, but he had finally realized who was beating him.

“Karofsky.” He said breathlessly.

“Why couldn’t you have kept your mouth shut? Why couldn’t you have been normal? Why couldn’t you have loved me?” he cried.

The last sentence rally stood out to Kurt and he was brought out of his haze and managed to speak. “I-I would n-never love y-you.” he laughed. “I hate y-you!” He cried out as Karofsky punched him once more.

Karofsky forced himself onto Kurt, attaching their lips and moving his body over him.

Kurt tried to scream but was muffled. Karofsky wrapped a hand around his throat and slowly Kurt’s air flow was cut off.

“Why can’t you love me?” Karofsky said once more before loosening his grip and moving aside.

He sat against the row of lockers and started crying.

Karofsky was crying.

Kurt gasped for air and slowly calmed down.

After a few minutes he was able to sit up, but lifting his head made him dizzy and just everything ached.

He looked over to a now sobbing Karofsky.

“I didn’t tell.” Kurt lied. This seemed to comfort Karofsky.

He knew he shouldn’t feel anything towards his repeated attacker but he kind of felt sorry for him in a way.

“I saw you leaving the guidance counselors office, I’m not stupid, and I know you told.” He spat back.

“That was for something unrelated” he said extending his arms for Karofsky to see, “I didn’t tell.” He lied again.

“What are those from?” Karofsky asked looking over his cuts.

Kurt wanted to say “you! You made me do this! I’d rather kill myself than go on living like this! And it’s all because of you!” but he knew shouldn’t upset him.

He ended up saying, “life’s not that good lately, and I’ve been harming myself as a means of copping.”

“Oh.” Was all Karofsky said before standing up. He looked back down at Kurt, he knew deep down that he was the reason Kurt had done that, but he was too relieved that Kurt didn’t tell to care.

He walked away.

After he left he began to cry, and after a few minutes of crying he got up, hugged his torso, and made his way to the bathroom to wipe off some of the blood, before heading back to the auditorium.