After all the worrying, cleaning, and redecorating (“Kurt, I don’t think the social worker will read anything untoward in the placement of the chaise.”), their home study had gone off without a hitch. After all, Kurt and Blaine were nothing if not gracious hosts. Even though Kurt had complained about only having had nine months to decorate and furnish their new house, the social worker, Vanessa, had made it a point to comment on the “hominess” of it. They had received their book of potential matches a month later and had spent the entire night shedding tears over the children and their stories. Kurt and Blaine had decided they wanted to adopt from a state agency for precisely this reason—there were so many children who had already endured too much too soon. They deserved loving homes and Kurt and Blaine had one to share. However, actually seeing the little faces was more than they expected. Soon, they would see the children face to face.

It had almost been a year since they had decided they were ready to adopt and Blaine was literally itching with anticipation to finally begin the matching process.

“Blaine, stop that!” Kurt whispered in scandalized tones as he swatted at Blaine’s hand.

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I’m just so nervous.” Blaine said, still lightly scratching the top of his hand. “What if none of them like us? What if my hair gel offends them? I’m not ready,” Blaine declared and turned to leave. Kurt grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him to face the entrance of the adoption agency.

“Don’t be silly, they’re going to love you,” Kurt encouraged, giving Blaine a little push.

Finally, sitting in Vanessa’s office, Kurt held Blaine’s hand, half out of affection, half to keep Blaine from scratching his hand raw.

“Are you nervous?” Vanessa asked. She was a lovely woman and had made their home study seem like an afternoon with a friend spent over drinks. In fact, they had spent the afternoon laughing over drinks—tea of course. Kurt and Blaine liked her, and she liked them.

“A little.” Kurt smiled. Blaine just nodded.

“That’s normal. Don’t worry. We’re just going to do a little tour today and I’ll point out the little ones from your match book.” Vanessa had a cheery disposition that made people want to believe everything she said.

“Can…can we talk to them?” Blaine asked hesitantly.

“Of course! They like people…they don’t get many visitors.” Vanessa paused. “Plus, your little ones are actually little. You saying ‘hi’ won’t be a problem. They’ll just gurgle and smile.” Blaine let out what sounded like a delighted gurgle of his own and they all laughed. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Kurt answered. He and Blaine stood and followed Vanessa out of the office.

First, they met a precocious two-year-old named Jonathan. Little Johnny had taken a liking to Blaine’s hair and grabbed a chunk—hard. Kurt cackled and Blaine gave Jonathan a teary-eyed grin as he sat Jonathan back down. Blaine had decided he would not pick up anymore of the children.

Gina was banging her rattle like it had done something to offend her, so Kurt and Blaine smiled indulgently but gave her a wide berth.

After the third, all the cute, bouncing, crying, sleeping, little ones started to look the same. Yes, they were all undeniably precious and Blaine had found something to love about all of them, but none of them called out to them in the way Kurt thought they should. Kurt had never been and would never be a mother, and he only had grainy memories of his own. But he did remember the way she looked at him—the way his tummy would flip when she held him. Kurt always believed she felt it too. He wanted to feel that when he held his child.

Vanessa had introduced them to all of their potential matches and they were headed back to the office to discuss next steps when Kurt realized Blaine was not beside him.

“Blaine?” He said, looking around.

“What’s her name?” Blaine whispered. He was off in a corner, standing beside a small crib. A baby girl, no older than two months, clad in a pink-footed onesie, lay on her side. Kurt could not see her face, but he could see her head of wild, dark curls that reminded him immediately of Blaine. Kurt smiled.

“Oh…Baby Doe…I hadn’t thought of her.” Vanessa said quietly. She was biting her bottom lip. She seemed worried.

“Baby Doe?” Kurt asked, turning away from Blaine and the crib to face Vanessa.

“Oh, umm, that’s what we call the babies who haven’t been named.” Vanessa would not look Kurt in the eyes. There was something more she was not telling them. As Blaine was still staring longingly into the crib, Kurt had to be the one to ask.

“Why hasn’t she been named?”

“Well, she was never supposed to come here. Hers was a private adoption but…but it fell through…so she came here.” The last part was hurried. Vanessa was uncomfortable, but Kurt pressed on.

“Well, what about her birth parents? Why haven’t they named her?”

“The mother. It’s just the mother. She was…umm…” Vanessa glanced over at Blaine and Kurt followed her eyes. Blaine had taken Baby Doe from the crib and was cradling her in his arms, humming softly. “I shouldn’t be telling you all of this but…”

“But?” Kurt pressed.

“Her mother was assaulted…” Vanessa breathed.

“Oh…” It was barely audible. Kurt was not sure he had managed to make a noise at all. Apparently he had because Vanessa continued.

“She had never planned to keep her…or name her. Her adoptive parents were supposed to take her from the hospital, but when they found out—she hadn’t told them—well…they didn’t want her anymore.”

“No,” Kurt muttered in disbelief.

“Yeah, so you can imagine it’s been really hard on the mother. She’s only visited once…I think it hurts her too much. Ya know?” Kurt just nodded and Vanessa continued, letting it all come out now that she had opened the door. “She loves her, but doesn’t want to get attached. I think that’s ultimately why she hasn’t named her.”

“Kurt.” Blaine’s hoarse whisper drew Kurt’s attention. “Kurt. You have to hold her.” Blaine had not taken his eyes from the infant’s face. Kurt could see that Blaine had that look on his face. The look. Kurt took a few hesitant steps. “Kurt, please.” Blaine beckoned. And then he was beside Blaine and looking down at the chubbiest cheeks he had ever seen. That would have been enough to melt his heart but then there were her eyes—large, brown, deep, and emotive. Looking at her, her fresh, olive skin, her unruly curls--she could have been theirs. She could be theirs. Then suddenly, she was in his arms.

“Vanessa, she’s perfect!” Blaine exclaimed in a whisper. “Can you please send our home study to her case worker?”

“Certainly, Blaine. But you should know, since she’s so young, there is…how should I say this…high demand. We’ve already sent off quite a few. So…it’s not guaranteed.”

“I know. We know,” Blaine nodded frantically.

“And the birth mother…well…she’s been a bit unresponsive. It could be a while before she makes a decision,” Vanessa cautioned.

“Sure, sure. But we have to try. Right, Kurt?” Blaine turned to find Kurt smoothing his vest, Baby Doe back in her crib. Kurt gave him one quick nod. But, Blaine was not to be deterred. He would not allow Kurt’s lack of enthusiasm to damper his hopes. Blaine turned to Vanessa. “So, you’ll send it?”

“Yes, Blaine. I’ll send it.”

“Today?”

“Today,” Vanessa nodded, a wary smile on her lips.

“Come on, Blaine.” Kurt touched Blaine’s shoulder and guided him gently toward the door and away from the crib.

In the car, Blaine would not stop talking about Baby Doe. His head was leaned against the passenger side window, his face fixed in a smile fit only for teenagers glowing with the delight of a first love. “She was so warm, and soft, and sweet, Kurt.”

“Mmm hmm.” Kurt’s eyes did not leave the road.

“I sang to her, Kurt, and I swear she smiled at me.”

“I’m sure.” Kurt chuckled. It was the first hint of a smile since they had left the agency.

“Kurt, you held her, right?” Blaine had finally pulled his love drunk gaze from the window and was now directing it at Kurt.

“Yes, Blaine. I held her.” Blaine did not let Kurt’s exasperated sigh deter him.

“Aaaand?” Blaine implored.

“And what, Blaine?” Kurt sounded slightly annoyed.

“And wasn’t she perfect?”

“She was fine, Blaine. But, we need to keep in mind that there are other kids out there. Other kids we still have to visit next week.”

“Fine? Fine!” Blaine was clearly outraged. “She was perfect, Kurt. She’s perfect.” Kurt could have sworn Blaine literally “humphed” as he crossed his arms and turned his body once more toward the window.

“Blaine, I just don’t think you should get your hopes up.”

“Yeah, yeah. I just think I’m the only one hoping,” Blaine muttered. They were silent the rest of the way home.

~

The following week, Blaine accompanied Kurt to another agency. Vanessa led their tour, pointing out the other potential children whose profiles she had compiled in their match book. Blaine smiled warmly at them, ruffled their hair and pinched their cheeks, but his heart was not in it. His heart was in a crib on the other side of town, without a name and without a home. So, when they returned home, Blaine told Kurt he was going to the gym, and he went to visit his heart instead.

“Mr. Anderson-Hummel?” The front desk worker seemed to recognize him. Perhaps this would be easier than he thought.

“Hi! Julie, right?” Blaine said, flashing his most charming smile.

“Ye-yes, sir,” Julie blushed. Blaine had never understood why women who obviously knew he was as gay as a Christmas tree wrapped in rainbows and sprinkled with sparkles became all stuttery around him, but he was not going to question it now.

“Call me Blaine.” He winked. He was laying it on pretty thick, but he felt he had a good reason.

“Umm, okay.” She was positively beaming now. “How can I help you, Blaine?”

“I was wondering if I could pay a visit to Baby Doe.”

“Oh, Mr. Anderson—“

“Blaine, Julie. Blaine.”

“Sorry, Blaine. I’m sorry but you need to have an appointment.”

“Really? I didn’t know.” Yes, he did. “I just wanted to come see her. She must be so lonely. I can’t bear the thought of her in that crib all by herself. No one to sing to her.” That was true.

“Aww, Blaine.” He was almost there.

“Can I please just see her for a minute?” He flashed his puppy dog eyes and brought his hands together as if in prayer. “Just to sing one song?”

“One song?” Julie asked, glancing around nervously.

“One song.”

“Oh, okay. But make it quick.”

“Thank you!” Blaine nearly jumped on the spot, but instead he grabbed Julie’s hands and kissed them. He left her swooning in her seat and he scurried off to find his heart.

That is how Blaine Anderson came to spend his weekday lunch breaks and Sunday afternoons sitting in a rocking chair, beside an empty crib, cradling a baby in his arms.

It was turning into a long winter. Kurt and Blaine had chosen to send their home study out to seven caseworkers. Well, Kurt had chosen seven. Blaine had chosen one and only one. Regardless, they had not heard any positive news.

“These things take time.” Vanessa had tried to advise, but Kurt and Blaine were inconsolable. Kurt, because he was sure this meant no one thought they were suitable parents and they would die as old cat men buried under a pile of kitty litter. Blaine, because his heart was slipping away and he could feel it breaking. The stress was taking its toll. They were arguing, and they never argued. A little bickering here and there, sure. What married couple did not? But yelling was something Blaine and Kurt did not do. Until now.

They were in the kitchen. They had been cleaning up after dinner when it had started. Blaine had been putting a plate into the dishwasher when he casually mused, “I wonder if she’ll get any Christmas presents?”

“Who?”

“To—Baby Doe.”

“Blaine, you have to stop this.” Kurt exhaled, his exasperation obvious.

“What?”

“You’re fixating. It’s not healthy.”

“Kurt, it’s fine.” Blaine rolled his eyes.

“No. It’s not. What happens when we finally get a child and it’s not her?”

“It will be.”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about, Blaine. You can’t go around pretending that she’s already yours. It’s foolish. You need to be open to other options.”

And the frustration and anxiety that had been building in Blaine for months erupted. “Stop telling me to ‘be open to other options!’” He probably should not have done a high-pitch imitation of Kurt…and those air quotes were definitely going to get him into trouble. “Because, if you haven’t noticed, it’s not like anyone else is banging down our door and saying, ‘Here, take our kid.’”

“You wouldn’t care if they did!” Kurt yelled back, slamming a dish onto the counter. “I’m glad no one has come calling because if they did all they’d see were your goo-goo eyes for some other kid!”

“That’s it.” Blaine threw his hands up in frustrated surrender. “I’m leaving.”

“Blaine, don’t. It’s Christmas Eve.”

“I know what day it is, Kurt. How about you just pretend I’m going to get you another gift, and I’ll pretend that any other kid is going to do. Hell, why don’t I just wrap that lie up and we’ll call it a present too?”

He should not have stormed out. He regretted it immediately--he always did. Still, he did not know how he had gotten there. He was just going to drive around the block a few times to cool off, but his subconscious had led him, again, to the parking lot of the agency. Blaine tightened his scarf around his neck, grabbed the gift he had hurriedly stopped off to get (okay, maybe it had not been so subconscious) and got out of the car. With his head down to evade the cold, he walked briskly to the door.

“Blaine!” Julie nearly screamed in surprise when he walked through the door. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Julie. I’m just here to see Doe.”

“Umm, yes. I figured. But why now?” She looked nervous, and for once it seemed her straight-girl crush on Blaine was not the cause.

Blaine dangled the bag in his hand. “I wanted her to have a Christmas present. Why? Is there a problem?”

“No. Not at all. Umm…you’ll see.” Julie smiled. “Go on in, Blaine.”

It was late, the corridors were lit by night lights and most of the kids were asleep, but Blaine had walked these halls so many times he could do it with his eyes closed. Blaine tiptoed down the hall and then pushed open the door to the room that held the crib that held his heart. There, in the distant, darkened corner, was something for which he could never have been prepared.

“Kurt?” he gasped.

“Blaine?”

Kurt was seated in the rocking chair that Blaine had occupied nearly every weekend for the past two months. What is more, he was cradling a curly haired infant in his arms.

“What are you doing here?” Blaine whispered across the room, shock gluing him to the spot.

“What do you mean what am I doing here? What are you doing here?” Kurt whispered, eyes wild.

“I was coming to see her. I wanted her to have a Christmas…so I got a present,” Blaine said, shrugging and weakly dangling the gift again. “I’ve confessed. Now it’s your turn.”

“You’re going to judge me.” Kurt diverted his eyes.

“Kurt, I’m a grown man, standing in an adoption agency at 10pm on Christmas Eve, carrying a stuffed animal in a decorative bag. I’m in no position to judge.”

Kurt hung his head and chuckled in response. “You were right,” he mumbled.

“What was that?” Blaine asked honestly, crossing the room to Kurt and setting the bag down next to the crib before he dropped to his knees at Kurt’s side.

“I said, you were right,” Kurt said a little stronger, looking down to meet Blaine’s eyes. “She’s ours.”

“Oh, Kurt.” Blaine’s voice nearly broke as he reached out to caress Kurt’s arm—the one where her perfect, curly head was cradled.

“I knew it that first day.” Kurt’s voice quavered. “I saw it when you looked at her. But I wouldn’t let myself admit it.”

“Why not, Kurt?”

“Because I felt it, Blaine. When I held her. I felt it: that feeling in my stomach. That feeling I got when my mom held me. That feeling you’re supposed to have when you hold your child. And it scared me, Blaine—how much I wanted her.”

“I know.”

“No you don’t.” Even in the semi-darkness, Blaine could see the tears begin to slide down the still smooth slope of Kurt’s porcelain cheeks. “I’ve always wanted so much, so hard. And I’m not that guy, Blaine. I’ve never been that guy that gets what he wants. For some reason or another it just never works out. And I just couldn’t. I couldn’t open myself up again just to get hurt. But I did. I came back.”

“So did I,” Blaine soothed, gently stroking Kurt’s thigh and fighting back tears of his own.

“I’ve been coming back, just sitting here, holding her, pretending she’s ours. And every time I have to leave it hurts that much more because I’m terrified it’ll be the last time.”

“I know.”

“I can’t lose her, Blaine. The only other thing I’ve ever wanted this badly was you.”

“And you have me. And we’ll have her. Because she’s ours.”

“She’s ours,” Kurt agreed, intertwining the fingers of his free hand with Blaine’s in the manner that had become customary of their vows.

“You know, Kurt. It’s Christmas Eve.” Blaine smiled through his tears.

“Indeed I do. I think I was just reminding you of that not two hours ago.” They laughed.

“Fair enough. But you know what that means? We each have to open one gift. It’s a family tradition.”

“But, you’re the only one with a gift.”

“No I’m not. You’re holding ours.” Blaine leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“True. So, we have our gift, and you have a gift for her. I’m still empty handed, Blaine.”

“Hmm, I’m sure we can think of something.”

“Wait,” Kurt interjected, “can we name her?”

“Umm...I’ve kind of already did, but I’m sure your name would be a better gift.”

“What have you been calling her?”

“Tori.” Blaine blushed.

“Is that short for Toronto?”

Blaine nodded.

“You remembered?”

“Of course I did. It’s not every day your high school sweetheart lets slip what he wants to name your first child.”

“I love you, Blaine. And I love Tori.”

“I love you both. I love our family.”

A moment like that deserved silence, and they observed it, Kurt rocking their little girl in his arms, Blaine kneeling beside them as if in prayer.

“Well,” Kurt finally breathed, “it’s getting late. We should go.”

“But I haven’t held her yet,” Blaine begged. “And, besides, we owe her a song.”

“You’re right, but, I really can’t stay,” Kurt sang in his soft soprano.

“But baby it’s cold outside,” Blaine chimed, not missing a beat.

Kurt stood, “I’ve got to go away.”

“But baby it’s cold outside,”Blaine crooned as he caressed Tori’s cheek, still cradled in Kurt’s arms.

“This evening has been…”

“Been hoping that you’d drop in.”

“…so very nice.”

“I’ll hold your hands,” Blaine sang as Kurt carefully transferred Tori to his sure and steady arms, “they’re just like ice.”

Kurt, Blaine and Tori danced together in the soft light of the moon and the golden beams seeping in through the open door. Kurt swayed and Blaine even twirled as they shared the duet from their past with what they hoped would be their future. They were so caught up in the nostalgia that they had not noticed the woman standing all that time in the shadow of the doorway.

“Oh!” Kurt jumped at the sight of her. “Oh my god, we’re sorry. Were we too loud? Oh god, we were too loud. We’re so sorry, we’ll just go,” Kurt rushed in one breath, hurriedly reaching for his coat, draped on the back of the rocking chair.

“No,” she whispered, raising a shaky hand. “Stay. It was beautiful. I think she liked it.”

“Oh...well...umm...thank you. But we really should be going. Again, we are so sorry, please don’t hold this against us,” Kurt apologized again and then turned to Blaine who was gently laying Tori back into her crib. “Honey, give Tori her present, so we can get out of this nice lady’s hair before she has us rightly arrested.”

“What did you call her?” The woman’s voice barely carried across the room, but Blaine heard her curiosity and was relieved it was not outrage.

“Umm...Tori,” Blaine offered, placing the large red bear in the corner of Tori’s crib before gently rubbing her belly.

“It’s short for Toronto,” Kurt included. He could not help himself.

“You named her?” Her curiosity was replaced with disbelief.

“Well, it’s not official of course,” Kurt hurried on, “but yes.” Then, realizing what he had said, his panic forced him to add, “Oh, I hope that’s not a problem. Should we not have done that?”

“No...no, it’s fine.” Her voice had a far away quality, as though too confused to come any closer. “What are your names?”

“Oh god, please don’t report us,” Kurt said through his own fingers, now clasped over his mouth. “Blaine she’s going to report us! We’ll never be parents.”

“Kurt, it’s fine,” Blaine said, resting his hand on Kurt’s lower back. “If anyone here was going to report us they would have done it weeks ago.” Blaine crossed the room and extended his had to the woman at the door. “Well, you’ve already heard our names,” he said, glancing back at Kurt and giving him a rueful smile, “but allow me to properly introduce myself. Hi, my name is Blaine. This flailing mess,” he gestured in Kurt’s direction, “is my husband Kurt. He’s actually quite delightful when he’s not panicking.”

“Blaine,” she seemed to be rolling the name around in her mouth, familiarizing herself with it. “And...Kurt?” she said, leaning around Blaine to get a glimpse of Kurt still standing awkwardly by the corner crib.

“Yes.” Blaine nodded. “He really is harmless, I swear. He just thinks we’re in trouble. Are we in trouble?”

“Oh no, I’m nobody. Don’t worry about me,” she blushed and looked away, trying to hide her face.

“Well, okay Nobody. If you’re Nobody, can we be nobody too?” She nodded and laughed a soft, airy laugh that let Blaine know there was nothing to fear. “Thank you so much,” he said, reaching out to take one of her hands in both of his. “We’ll get out of your hair now. I’m sure you’re ready to close down this fort. You don’t need a couple of singing and dancing fools running around.”

“Oh no, I --”

“We really are sorry.” Kurt had apparently gotten his wits about him and had made his way to Blaine’s side.

“Don’t be sorry,” she said seriously, looking directly into Kurt’s eyes. That finally seemed to calm him. They all stood there in the now comfortable silence until Blaine finally spoke.

“Well, thank you again, Nobody.” Blaine winked at her and then, with one final look back at Tori’s crib, he again placed his hand on Kurt’s lower back and the two walked from the room, down the hall, toward home.

~

Blaine awoke the next morning to Kurt’s screams.

“Blaine!” Kurt? Blaine thought, rolling over onto his back, Kurt’s voice drifting into his subconscious and unfortunately, soon to be conscious, mind.

“Oh my god, Blaine!” Why is he screaming? Oh god, is he hurt? Blaine sat bolt upright in bed, eyes still closed.

“Blaine! Wake up!” Okay, definitely not hurt. Blaine collapsed backward. Just excited. He’s so cute on Christmas. Blaine shoved his palms into his eyes, attempting to push away sleep. “Blaaaiiine!” Shit, how did he get to the stairs so fast? If he finds me still in bed...

“I’m up, I’m up...” Blaine mumbled groggily, lifting himself up on his elbows and opening his eyes just in time to see Kurt taking a running leap onto the bed. “What the--umph!” Kurt pounced.

“Oh my god, Blaine! Wake up! Wake up!”

“Babe, I’m up,” Blaine smiled, considering it was impossible for him to still be asleep with Kurt jumping up and down on the bed. “What’s happening?”

“She’s ours, Blaine! She’s ours!” Kurt wailed, waving his cell phone frantically in the air.

“What?” Blaine was definitely awake now. “What are you talking about?” But it was not Kurt who answered. Another, even higher pitched voice (which was an achievement when Kurt was this excited) was bellowing from the phone.

“I don’t know what happened!” The voice was yelling. “Months of nothing and then out of the blue she called late last night and left a message, and oh Kurt, I’m just so happy for you both!”

“Vanessa?” Blaine’s voice was still gruff with sleep.

“Blaine! You’re awake! Congratulations!”

“Is this...is this real?” Blaine’s eyes were wide, but cautious, trying to lock onto the phone, which was quite difficult considering it was clasped in one of Kurt’s flailing hands.

“Yes!” Kurt and Vanessa screamed together.

“But...but how?” Blaine sat shell shocked, his frozen body jostled by Kurt’s bed jumping.

“I don’t know. We don’t know,” Vanessa said. “She just said she wanted it to be Kurt and Blaine.”

“So, she’s really ours?” Blaine said, comprehension finally dawning.

“Yes. She’s really yours.” They could hear her smile. “Merry Christmas you two. Now go celebrate!”

“Thank you, Vanessa,” said Kurt. “We couldn’t have gotten through all of this without you.”

“It was my pleasure. Oh, one last thing.”

“Anything for you,” declared Kurt.

“She said, ‘Give Tori my love.’ I guess she named her after all.”