It was 9:20am Saturday morning and Blaine was lingering over his second cup of coffee in the Dalton dinning lounge while reading “The book of Negros” for his African American history class. He was lost in a particularly heart-wrenching passage when he was quickly pulled back to reality by the vibration of his cell phone. He checked the display window to see that he had received a text message from Kurt. Kurt? At this time? He thought that odd but never the less, realized that he always felt a hint of excitement whenever he saw his friend’s name.

XXX On my way. B there in 20 min. Meet me in rehearsal rm. ALONE XXX

Blaine was perplexed. What on earth was Kurt doing coming back to Dalton this early on a Saturday morning that couldn’t wait until their plans later this afternoon? And why was his message so cryptic –and so brief? Kurt was generally anything but brief in his texts. Blaine moved his thumb to tap the “reply” button but quickly changed his mind. He didn’t want Kurt distracted trying to read his phone while driving. Obviously Kurt was going to be here soon enough so he would just wait to see what was up. Maybe Kurt had another adventure planned for them; Blaine never knew what was coming from Kurt and the thought of this made him smile. Blaine downed his last mouthful of coffee, marked the page in his book and rose to return to his room to brush his teeth and freshen up before his friend’s arrival.
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He’d better be there! He’d better have his phone turned on or I’m going to explode if I get there and he’s not waiting for me!! Kurt’s thoughts had been tormenting him ever since he left Lima. Actually, his thoughts had been tormenting him ever since last night when he opened that first pamphlet. Grrrr! Red light! Come ON! Who comes across this intersection in the middle of almost nowhere on a Saturday morning except for the odd Mennonite on their buggy?!
As Kurt sat there, the only vehicle for what was likely miles around, he realized that he was totally out of control. He didn’t care though, he had a right to be unhinged and he was focused on reaching the only person he knew would understand his horror and support him. Thank Gaga for Blaine!
Kurt arrived at Dalton in record time, barely acknowledging the fact that he had been lucky to escape a speeding ticket. He tore into an empty parking space close to the entrance that was nearest the rehearsal room and threw it into park without even righting his less than straight wheels. As Kurt ran up the walkway, his normally coiffed hair blew wildly in the breeze that his swift movements were making. He could hear in his head the overture that played in the Wizard of Oz when the Wicked Witch was bicycling through the air in the black and white dream sequence. Humph! How fitting! Kurt crashed through the doors causing the brass knobs to knock into the frescoed walls and continued on his way without so much as pausing to see if any damage had been done. He felt frantic now to reach his friend, knowing that in a matter of moments, he wouldn’t have to bare this burden alone any longer.
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Blaine sat comfortably on a sofa at the side of the rehearsal room. He had changed into his weekend clothes; a pair of dark washed jeans and an oatmeal cable-knit sweater. Hands interlaced across his mid-section, head leaned against the back of the couch and eyes closed; Blaine savoured the few quiet moments to contemplate what his very talented but somewhat erratic friend had in store for them. Maybe it was a shopping trip to the fabric store; Kurt always liked to get there early when the new shipments arrived and he had been talking about introducing “Jazzier” vests and ties for the Warblers public appearances. Or maybe he wanted to wait in-line for tickets to some obscure local theatre production that knowing Kurt, were not due to go on sale until midnight tonight, or maybe –
The door burst open.
Blaine‘s eyes flew open and he sat up with a start. His initial smile at the sight of Kurt quickly faded when he realized that something was terribly wrong.

Kurt – What’s happened?” deep concern was etched on Blaine’s face.

“You won’t believe it! You seriously won’t believe it!” Kurt was obviously agitated as he flailed his hands and paced across the floor.

“Kurt, what’s wrong? Tell me!”

“It was bad enough when it was YOU, but my father? My father! I - Am - LIVID! At first I was just plain mortified; but then I could see how difficult it was for him and that he was trying to do something -I don’t know, parental and he said all these really sweet things, and for my father, I knew how much of an effort that took for him to talk to me, and then, THEN he offered to make me toast! Can you believe it? TOAST! So I took my pathetic toasted peace offering to my room and I read them –or at least I tried to, but I was just so, so, LIVID!” Kurt was rambling on, his face reddening more by the moment, his gestures more exaggerated and frantic.

Blaine was lost, he rose from the sofa grabbed his friend by the shoulders saying, “Kurt, you have to slow down, I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

With venom coming through his clenched teeth Kurt spat out, “This! This is what I’m talking about!” Reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket, Kurt withdrew the pamphlets and threw them down on the side table next to Blaine.

Blaine’s eyes perused the titles, the first of which was “Boys With Boys” and he felt a sick twisting in the pit of his stomach. “Oh...” He knew this was not going to be good.

“Who does that?! I mean, what father gives his teenage son an instructional manual on how to, how to – Uhgg!”

Blaine sat back down on the couch; just staring at his hands folded in his lap.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? You’ve read this stuff, don’t you think it’s inappropriate for this information to come from my father?!” Kurt’s tone demanded not only a response but quite obviously one that would align with his currently skewed and ranting perspective.

Hesitantly, Blaine opened his mouth, “Kurt…” before thinking better of it and terminating his intended sentence.

“What?! What were you going to say Blaine?” Blaine just shook his head and looked down.

“Since when do you not have an opinion on something Blaine? Is the ‘Okay, I’m a gay sage’ maybe not as knowledgeable as he likes to think he is?”

“Hey now, be fair; I never claimed to be an expert on anything!” Blaine fired back somewhat wounded. “I’ve just made an effort to inform myself because I think that’s the responsible thing to do. AND I think what your dad did was pretty cool and took a lot of courage. I wasn’t saying anything because I more than learned my lesson last week when you bit my head off in your room when we were talking about sex! Well, I was trying to talk to you about sex and you were just burying your head in the sand! Why do you think I went to talk to your dad?”

Kurt gasped and from the look of horror and betrayal on his face, Blaine realized that Kurt hadn’t known about his conversation with his father. Damn.

“How dare you! You, you spoke to my father? About me? About.... That?” Kurt, utterly flabbergasted, growled, clenched his fists at his sides and started to stomp across the room.

“Kurt – Stop!” But he wouldn’t. Blaine stumbled as he tried to scramble to catch up to Kurt before he left the room. Stretching out a hand and grasping Kurt’s shoulder, Blaine tried again, “Kurt! I’m Sor- Stop already!” Blaine dug his fingers into Kurt’s flesh to ensure that he had a decent grip then spun him around. “Stop for a second, Please!”

Kurt complied but the look on his face was like a shard of ice piercing Blaine’s heart. Kurt shook Blaine’s hand off of his shoulder and folded his arms tightly across his chest and started tapping a foot against the tiled floor in defiance.

“I don’t – I’m so sorry Kurt. Honest I am. I don’t blame you for being upset –” Kurt’s eyes flared and he cut Blaine off.

“Upset? Oh, you think that this is upset?!! Try Irate!”

“I know! I know!” Blaine jumped in quickly before his friend could escalate even more. “I crossed a line, I get that. I didn’t mean to hurt you though. I just, I was worried about you Kurt. You may not be with anyone right now, but eventually you will be and you need to know how to protect yourself! If you didn’t want to hear it from me, the only other person I could think of that you respect enough to listen to is your father. I was trying to be a friend to you! Please tell me you see that?”

Kurt was starting to tremble, “FRIEND??! FRIENDS don’t betray you. FRIENDS don’t go behind your back. FRIENDS don’t force things on you that you’re not ready for!”

Blaine could see that this was so not the time to try and explain himself to Kurt or to dare try and challenge him...but he couldn’t help himself.

“Not ready for? Come on Kurt, you’re 17 years old. You should have had this information when you were 12 –younger even! No one’s forcing anything on you. No one is saying that you should run out now that you know how to protect yourself and start having sex with random guys, least of all not your father! I mean, aside from the part about STD’s, weren’t you kind of glad to learn a bit about what guys can do together and how? I mean, weren’t you a little curious? I know Iwas!” Blaine thought he was finally making a connection with Kurt. Apparently he thought wrong.

“No Blaine! I was NOT ‘kind of glad’ to learn about any of this nor was I ‘curious’ because unlike you, I am not a pervert!”

Blaine was losing his patience more so because he knew that Kurt was not being honest. “Oh come on Kurt, don’t give me that! You expect me to believe that you don’t fantasize about these very things when you take care of yourself at night? That when you had a crush on Finn you didn’t use to think about what his cock would taste like or how it would feel in your ass?!”

Kurt gasped. “You’re disgusting! How can you suggest that I would even think about having – about doing those things with anyone?!”

Blaine was beyond irritated now and whether Kurt liked it or not, he wasn’t going to hold his tongue any longer.
“See Kurt?! You can’t even say the word! Come on Kurt, say it: Sex. I can say it, why can’t you? Just three little letters try it, Sex!”

Kurt unhitched his arms and threw them down to his sides in exasperation, “You are such a Jerk!”

“Jerk? Oh, I’m just getting started. SEX – say it Kurt; how about Gay SEX – Oooh, even better, Hot, Sweaty, Steamy Man on Man SEX!” He knew he shouldn’t taunt Kurt but he couldn’t help himself. “Now me, I personally haven’t had SEX yet but I look forward to having SEX one day and hopefully soon! I’ve read about SEX and I’ve watched videos with people having SEX in them, Oh, and here’s one for you that should make steam come out of your virginal ears, I fantasize about having SEX with naked guys who have giant dicks while I masturbate!”

Kurt was trembling now, “You are vile! Absolutely disgusting Blaine Anderson! ” As the angry tears started streaming down Kurt’s cheeks, Blaine’s heart collapsed in on itself and he was filled with shame. Kurt turned abruptly and started to flee.

“Aw, Man! Kurt!...” but it was too late. Kurt was already running out of the room.
Blaine flopped down on the couch and lay back for a moment; raising a forearm to cover his eyes. “Shit”
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Blaine had no idea how long he had laid on that sofa in the rehearsal room, but it had to be long enough because he was finally starting to run out of names, insults and mental punishments to berate himself with. He was nauseous with shame for the way that he had behaved. How could he have allowed himself to speak to Kurt like that? How could he have had so little self-control that he could hurt his best friend so deeply? And why? What did he hope to accomplish by being such an asshole?

Blaine forced himself to look honestly at his motivations and realized that this had become about so much more than just ensuring that Kurt had some basic information. Wow, he really did owe Kurt an apology and maybe a year’s subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine as a peace offering. Just then, Blaine’s watch beeped – 1:00 PM. Hmmm, Kurt should be home by now. He steeled his courage and decided that he would call – no, text Kurt...

XXX UR right. Caling me a Jrk was kind... Im far worse. U canot imagine HOW SORRY I M. Pls let me no when I can call U... want 2 beg 4 UR 4giveness. Im so ashamed 4 upsetting U, 4 hurting U. Pls Blieve me. I don’t want 2 lose UR friendship. So text me ok? When UR ready. Im sorry. Blaine. XXX

Well, that was all he could do for now. He would just have to wait... patiently; or at least until Sunday night. There’s no way he could get through classes on Monday with this between them if he hadn’t heard from Kurt by Sunday night. Then for sure he would have to call him, although Kurt could always hang up on him. No, that wouldn’t do. He would just have to drive down to Lima in person and camp out on Kurt’s front porch if necessary.

Blaine was formulating his plan as he walked back to his dorm room when his foot stepped on something small and hard causing him to slip a bit on the tiled floor. He bent down to pick up the offending item, plaster? As he rose, his eyes scanned the wall until he noticed the distinct knob-shaped indent behind the exterior door. Well someone’s been overdoing their Wheaties. He made a mental note to notify maintenance of the damage on Monday morning. Blaine turned to continue on his way when his eye was caught by a familiar sight out in the parking lot – Kurt’s car! He hadn’t left yet!

Blaine raced at breakneck speed to his dorm room, taking the stairs two at a time. He paused for only a moment in front of his door to gather himself before entering and saying, “Kurt, I’m so sorry, I’m glad you -“ But Kurt was not there. It didn’t take Blaine long to eliminate all the places that Kurt wouldn’t be; essentially, anywhere where any of the other students would be. Blaine knew exactly where he’d find him.
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Kurt was reading Blaine’s text message for the 20th time while sitting on the ground, leaning against the trunk of the giant weeping willow tree at the far end of the Dalton Academy property. He didn’t even care that he hadn’t brought a blanket with him today and that his slacks were getting dirty. This had become his new favourite place. He often came to this tree when he needed to think or to be alone. He felt comforted by the blanket of long, thin, chartreuse branches raining down all around him; he felt protected, embraced. He knew he should have gone home a long time ago but each time that he thought he was calm enough to drive, he would remember Blaine’s harsh words or the look in his eyes and the tears would start cascading down Kurt’s face again. He looked up at the weeping willow and thought to himself, huh, how apropos.

As wickedly as he had gone about it, Kurt knew that Blaine was right; he really should know some basics about sex and protection. He should be able to say the word sex with no more discomfort than if he said the word, moisturizer. After all, they were both a part of everyday life. And Blaine was also right that he wouldn’t have listened to anyone else other than to his father. Although he was still furious that Blaine had gone and talked to his Dad behind his back, he was also impressed - after all, his father could be an intimidating man. Even still, Kurt was furious none the less. But why? Why was he so angry? And so sad?

Well, sad was easy enough to figure out. He was in love with Blaine and had been since the first time he saw him perform. He was everything Kurt had always imagined his perfect fantasy boyfriend to be: gorgeous in a non-arrogant way, talented and as passionate about music and performance as Kurt was, intelligent, supportive, kind-hearted....Darn it! The tears were coming again. He knew Blaine didn’t feel the same way and so Kurt was resigned that Blaine would only ever be a friend; it was better than not having Blaine in his life at all.

Kurt thought that it must be an emotion induced mirage when he saw what he believed to be Blaine coming towards him in the distance. Uhgg, pathetic! But as the figure drew closer, he realized that he wasn’t hallucinating. Oh gawd! He was NOT prepared to deal with this! Quickly he turned away to wipe the tears from his face.
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Just as he thought, Kurt was at the willow tree. He knew Kurt loved this place and smiled to himself for a moment, forgetting the seriousness of the situation as he considered what a gentle soul Kurt was. His smile quickly faded though when he noticed that Kurt had spotted his approach and turned away, wiping his eyes and dragging his shirtsleeve under his nose. Once again, Blaine felt that his chest had sunken in, to realize that Kurt had still been crying; to understand that Kurt was obviously still so hurt. Blaine approached the tree; hands in his pocket, head bent down humbly.

“Uh, Hi. Would it be okay if I sat down?” Blaine asked tentatively.

Kurt sniffed his still running nose and kept his eyes focused forward before answering, “It’s a free tree Blaine, I can’t stop you.”

Blaine sighed heavily, “No, I know you can’t, but if you would prefer for me not to be here then I’ll respect your wishes and I’ll leave.”

“There’s a novel idea.” Kurt huffed.

“I – I just really wanted to apologize to you Kurt. The way I behaved; well, it was absolutely vulgar and I’m ashamed. Worst of all, I upset you and if you had any idea how much your friendship means to me, well then you would know just how racked I am with guilt and remorse.”

Kurt was silent as he considered Blaine’s words. If I had any idea? More like if he had any idea! The water started trickling from Kurt’s eyes once again.

When Blaine saw the tears, he knew he had to do what was right for Kurt, not what was right for himself. “I’m uh, I’m gonna let you be now. I think I’ve been enough of a self-serving ass for one day. Just please, consider forgiving me? Or at least talking to me again at some point? I truly am sorry Kurt”. Blaine took one slow step backwards before turning, hanging his head and walking away. He made it three steps before he barely heard Kurt’s child-like voice over the sound of the branches rustling in the light breeze.

“Self-serving how?”

Blaine froze mid stride, looking up to the sky he took a deep breath and mouthed a silent Thank You! Kurt was giving him an opening, not that he deserved it, but an opening none-the-less and he had no intentions on wasting it. Blaine made his way back to the majestic tree, Kurt’s tree, each step slow and deliberate as if he were actually traversing on a pond of thin ice towards the safety of the shore. He stood beside Kurt whose legs were pulled up into his chest, chin resting on his knees.

“May I?” Blaine asked, gesturing with one hand to the patch of earth on the left side of Kurt. Kurt rocked his head in a pseudo nod as if his chin were hinged on either side to his inner knees.

“Thank you...” Blaine took a seat on the ground close to Kurt but minding a respectful distance. He sat crossed legged and picked up a small twig in front of him; peeling off tiny strips of bark while he considered what he was going to say to his friend, how he was going to say it. He took a deep breath and began.

“When you left the rehearsal room I stayed behind and, and I thought about why I had made it my duty to share this information with you in spite of your protest.” Blaine paused for a moment and risked a glance towards Kurt whose face was still buried in his knees. Blaine continued.

“I realized that if I was being really honest with myself, it was just as much about what my wants were as it was about ensuring that you had accurate information. I know you look up to me – looked up to me anyway, and I certainly didn’t do anything to discourage it, but I’m all new to this being gay and being out as you are. You already know I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve never kissed a guy or even held one’s hand. I’m not proud to admit it, but I think the real reason I wanted you to know about sex and to have a level of comfort with the conversation is because I wanted someone to talk to about this stuff.” Blaine paused, and tilted his head towards Kurt just in time to see Kurt raise his eyes up and glance towards Blaine from under his lashes. Okay, good, he’s listening.

“You’re the first gay friend I’ve ever had. I’ve made some great friends here at Dalton but, it’s not like I have much to contribute when the guys are sitting around talking about the girls they have the hots for or sharing their ‘never fail’ foreplay tips or sexual positions to try. And I certainly can’t tell them when I’m crushing on a guy –” Blaine saw Kurt’s mouth open to correct him from the corner of his eye and beat him to it, “Okay, I did tell them about gap guy but only because I needed their help to pull off the performance. I wonder about stuff and I wonder if other gay guys wonder about the same stuff; there are just some things, some personal things that I wish I could talk about with my best friend... my gay best friend. Does that make any sense?”

Kurt’s heart was pounding. Best Friend. Blaine had called him his best friend; his best friend that he wanted to confide in and seek solace in and talk to about sex ...with other guys...Uhgg. He didn’t know if he should feel flattered or defeated. Kurt lifted his face from his knees and leaned back against the tree.

“When you explain it like that then yeah, I guess it makes sense. I know that before I met you, I had no one to talk to about being gay, or coming out, and while the other glee clubbers knew about the bullying, no one could really understand because no one else had ever gone through what I had, as a gay, male student. And while I appreciate that apparently you feel the need to have someone to talk to about the birds an-” Kurt caught himself and thought moisturizer, “Er, sex, I don’t think that I’m the one you should be talking to about this.”

Blaine gave a half smile, leaning back against the trunk of the willow as well and turning his face towards Kurt.

“Well, I disagree. You are my best friend which makes you perfectly qualified! Thank you Kurt. Thank you for hearing me out and giving me the chance to explain even though it was completely selfish of me. I am so sorry, if nothing else, I hope you believe that.” Those gorgeous full eyebrows furled down, his hazel eyes remorseful and pleading.

Kurt sighed, “I do. We’ve been through too much to let this get in the way of ....of our friendship.” It was like vinegar on his tongue to say that word and yet, Kurt already knew that even if he had to spend the rest of his high school years pinning for Blaine silently with a perpetual broken heart, the one thing he would never sacrifice was their friendship. “But I won’t lie when I tell you that I’m not likely to be so understanding if something like this happens again. You really hurt me Blaine; I can’t even think when I have ever been so upset, so incredibly angry with someone that I care about!”

“I get that Kurt, and I wouldn’t even think to ask for another chance if I ever behaved so poorly again. Not that I ever will!” It wasn’t enough for Blaine though; he needed to know that no permanent damage had been done. “Are, are we okay then?”

Kurt rolled his eyes, “Yes Blaine, we’re okay”. Blaine’s smile burst from his face and upon seeing this, Kurt couldn’t help but let a grin escape.

“So now that we’re talking again, can I ask you one more question?” Blaine knew he was pushing his luck but the worst Kurt could say was no and in that case, Blaine would simply move on.

Kurt sighed – heavily and with some annoyance in his voice when he prompted, “What is it Blaine?”

“Well, I know you were upset with me, and I get that; but you were so angry. I’ve never seen you like that before and I guess I just don’t understand why? I mean, most teenage guys, straight or gay are an embarrassing pool of hormones and all they can think of or talk about is sex; but you were absolutely enraged.... I, I just wondered if there was a reason that it struck you that way?”

Kurt was getting nervous. He could feel his stomach begin to tighten and the slight sting returning behind his eyes. His voice hardened again when he spoke, “Look Blaine, it’s my problem. Okay?”

“Okay....” Blaine initially hesitated but didn’t want to leave things without at least trying to help his friend. “But whatever the problem is, you don’t have to deal with it all alone. I mean if it’s something like you’re questioning the extent of your gayness that would be totally normal. Or if you’re finding that you aren’t yet really having sexual feelings that could be nothing more than the fact that you’re a late bloomer, or still getting comfortable with your orientation, or it could be something hormonal and a doctor –”

“Stop it Blaine! You’re not helping!” Kurt was almost yelling and Blaine was taken aback.

“I, I’m sorry....I just thought that if there was something we could identify then –”

“Grrrr! It’s not my hormones Blaine and I’m not a late bloomer! I have PLENTY of sexual feelings, more than I care to admit to! I’m Scared! Okay Blaine? I’m so angry because I’m So Freakin’ Scared! Are you happy?” The tears started to fall once again. Blaine was frozen in shock and couldn’t react before Kurt started again.

“I’m afraid that I will never meet anyone and that I will spend my life alone, that I will die alone! I’m afraid that I will meet someone and I won’t know what to do or I will know what to do but I’ll be really bad at it and they’ll leave me! Or what if I find this amazing boyfriend and we start to become intimate and I don’t like it or even worse, what if I’m repulsed by it?! Where does that leave me?!” Kurt was full out sobbing now. He slumped further down the trunk of the tree, giving in to the weight of the emotion that was crushing him. His arms limp at his side, hands hanging in the dirt.

Blaine reached over placing a hand on Kurt’s shoulder to comfort him, “Hey, easy Kurt.... Shhhh, it’s gonna be okay.” Blaine cooed at Kurt as if he was soothing a child. “You don’t think I’ve had those same fears? That I still have some of those fears? They suck but I think it’s normal to have those feelings. We’re treading water here. This is unknown territory for us and it’s not like there’s a Homosexual’s Handbook we can read or a Gay Relationships 101 course that we can take. Hell, I didn’t even get my toaster oven when I joined!” Blaine was hoping that the Ellen reference would at the very least twitch the corners of Kurt’s mouth up just a bit, but no luck. The salty water still flowed over Kurt’s now puffy red cheeks and it was breaking Blaine’s heart. He hated to see his friend in so much pain and feeling so insecure.

“You know, this is a good example of why it could be really great to have each other to talk to about these things. We can take turns fishing each other back down to Earth when one of us spins out of control about something. How great would it be to have someone that you trust and that truly understands what you’re going through to unleash all these shitty feelings out on and know that they will be there no matter what? AND, since you quite clearly know that you are all the way gay and suffering those hormones like the rest of us, how cool would it be to hang out and talk guys?! Think about it...we could be scandalous and tell each other all the things that we only ever dared think about in our heads like, who we think is a closet case at school or what Hollywood Star we think has a hot body or about the guys we’re crushing on!” Blaine was trying so hard to ease Kurt’s anguish and in the process, he was getting excited about the prospect of getting from Kurt the very thing he had been hoping for before this fiasco began – a comrade, a confidant, a fellow guy in gayness! But Kurt was not seeing it this way.

“My god Blaine! How obtuse can you be? Can’t you even think of a single reason why I wouldn’t want to talk to you of all people about these things? Why I don’t want to talk to you about whom, as you so ineloquently put it, I am ‘crushing on’? Think about it Blaine, it doesn’t take a freakin’ genius!”

Blaine stared at Kurt, mouth agape. He was at a loss, what was he missing? He had upset Kurt all over again and this time he had no clue how or why? He considered Kurt’s question; why would he not want to talk to me about his fears, his questions about sex, about the person he has a crush on?... we’re best friends, I’d tell him who I have a crush on – Kurt could practically see the light bulb illuminate over Blaine’s head as realization sunk in.

“Uh..., Oh” Unconsciously, Blaine’s hand fell away from Kurt’s shoulder.

Kurt knew this would happen, he knew that his feelings for Blaine would eventually ruin everything that they already had together. Being with Blaine had always been so effortless, so easy; like putting on a worn pair of slippers that were perfectly moulded to you, that felt like home when you slipped them on.

“God Blaine! Couldn’t you just leave well enough alone?!” Kurt rose to his feet stomping a few steps away and reaching up to clench his hair in his hands in exasperation. He turned to face Blaine again, staring straight into his eyes, “You want me to share my feelings with you, my romantic interests? Fine. You asked for it. I’ve been avoiding these conversations with you because I have been ‘crushing’ on you since the first day I met you! And the more we got to know each other, the more time we spent together, the more I realized that you were exactly the type of man I wanted in my life. But I knew you didn’t feel the same and that was fine, I had accepted that. So, I tried so hard not to think of you in that way but when I tried not think about you, then the dreams came; and not the G-Rated Disney kind of dreams; the I wake up ashamed of myself kind of dreams!

Don’t you see? Boyfriends will come and go but friendships are enduring. More than anything else I didn’t want to lose your friendship by professing my pathetic adoration like a love-sick puppy knowing you couldn’t return the feelings. So, I kept my mouth shut. There was no reason to make you feel uncomfortable, to make you think that anytime I called you or invited you out for coffee that there was some ulterior motive on my part. But now, now that’s ruined because I can see that you’re freaking out which is so messed up because really, nothing has changed between us except that now you know whereas 10 minutes ago you didn’t!”

Blaine’s head was racing; it was too much information to process. Kurt has a crush on me? He’s been having sexual dreams about me? Innocent, naive Kurt?! Oh god, he’s staring at me, say something! Dammit Blaine, say something!

“Kurt, I...uh,-” Blaine was grasping for words but his brain wouldn’t work quickly enough. Or maybe it was his mouth that shut down in protest for all the stupid things he had already said today.

“Uhgg! Forget it Blaine. You don’t have to say anything. Just – forget it!” Kurt moved to the opposite side of the tree and flopped back down on the ground, resuming his former position but this time with his arms crossed over his knees so that he could bury his face in them and delude himself into believing that Blaine wouldn’t be able to tell that he was crying again.

Blaine followed him and leaned against the trunk of the tree. “Kurt, honestly I’m not sure how to respond to that... that information just yet. And it deserves a response... but not a hurried one. You’ve had a long time to think about all of this and I’m just finding this out. I just need a little time to process this, to figure out my own feelings and then I promise we’ll talk, because we should talk. But I do want to thank you Kurt.” Kurt raised his head in response to the unexpected comment, giving Blaine a look that begged, What are you talking about?

Blaine continued, “I want to thank you for being honest with me; for having the courage to tell me something that I know was not easy for you and that from your perspective, could have impacted our friendship. If there is one thing I can promise you right now, it’s that nothing and I mean nothing could ever ruin our friendship. I just simply won’t allow it!” Blaine gave Kurt a warm smile and while Kurt’s stomach still felt like he was hosting the Running of the Bulls, at least he felt that he could finally breathe again. He knew he would regret what he had told Blaine later, but at least for the moment, Blaine was smiling at him and had promised to maintain their friendship. If that was true, then Kurt would eventually learn to survive the rest. Kurt gave a sheepish smile and a subtle nod of the head.

“How ‘bout I walk you back to your car? Your Dad’s gonna be wondering where you are soon.”

Kurt stood, avoiding Blaine’s eyes and made to take a step in the direction of the parking lot when Blaine asked,
“Can I have a hug?” It was not such an odd question considering what they had been through today and in light of the fact that Blaine was unfortunately (or fortunately) one of those touchy-feely people when he was emotional. It was too much for Kurt to deal with right now though, so he speculated,

“Self-Indulgent?”

Blaine quickly looked down then back up to Kurt for a moment as his cheeks began to flush, “Yeah, good point. Thanks...”

The boys walked back to Kurt’s car in silence, slowly crossing the long grasses that blew gently in the cool autumn breeze. They certainly hadn’t solved the World Debt Crisis, but they had in their own right taken an important step today. For better or for worse, they had each touched their truth and owned it by speaking it allowed. There would be many more conversations to be had in the coming days, but for now, even with fear and uncertainty lingering, they had each committed to their friendship; and at least, that was something!