Chapter Twenty

Kurt stirred sometime in the early hours of the morning to the sound of the shower running, the mattress beside him empty. At some point the curtains had been closed while he had been sleeping. In the darkness, the only light came from the nightstand alarm clock that read four o'clock in the morning, and the thin line that escaped from underneath the bathroom door.

Kurt blinked slowly, adjusting his eyes to the strange shadows in the room as he tried to remember where he was.

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

He sat up quickly, his mind going into a fluster as he was suddenly bombarded with the realization of what had taken place. Everything had happened so fast, like a whirlwind. He sat there dazed, not believing that he had even gone to Blaine let alone had, yet again, the most amazing, mind blowing sex with the man. Who would have thought that Blaine was even more breathtaking as he had lain there below him, taking everything that Kurt could give him?

But now Kurt had no idea what he should do. Only a couple of hours ago he had been preparing to move into a new home with Kevin. Only a couple of hours ago Kurt knew what lay on the horizon. Only a couple of hours ago Kurt had thought he was doing the right thing. Distraught, Kurt sighed. Only a few hours ago Kurt had been squirming over the fact that Kevin had told him that he loved him, and that he, Kurt, didn't have the same feelings to return.

Oh! Oh! Oh! And he had gone and told Blaine that he loved him instead! Kurt cringed. Why had he done that? It had just slipped out. It had to have been a reckless, lust induced reaction to the sight of Blaine. It must have been.

Why then, had it been so easy to say?

Flustered beyond words Kurt dropped back down onto the pillow and kicked his feet into the mattress to try to release some of his embarrassment at his careless words. He stopped and gasped in several breaths. He didn't need to look in a mirror to know that his face was bright red, because really, who was he kidding? Even though he was embarrassed, Kurt had fallen in love with Blaine right from their first encounter, and without a doubt, those feelings were still there. It didn't mean that he had to go and tell Blaine straightaway though! Oh, Oh, Oh! Kurt clutched his pillow and berated himself. He couldn't deny himself those feelings, could he? After all, that's why he was still there, lying amongst the very sheets where they had reunited.

Kurt sat up again, the smell of Blaine's scent on the pillow beside him too intoxicating, his head still in turmoil. His eyes went warily to the bathroom door. Shouldn't he be more rational about the whole matter? Was he really going to change the direction of his life so swiftly? What would the consequences be? Kurt's eyes moved to the hotel room door that only now, he realized, was so far away in Blaine's lavish and large Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Maybe he should flee to the safety of the other side of that door, where his world existed, just so he could breathe, clear his head, and figure out whether he wanted this to continue?

He wanted to hit himself. Why was he panicking? Blaine had said he felt the same way, but it was just so.... Incredible! Blaine really loved him? Kurt gasped for air and tried to stop the looming panic attack before it really set in. The possibility that Kurt could have everything he had always dreamed of suddenly scared him to the core. Because if those dreams were broken again, how on Earth would he put himself back together and recover for a fourth time?

He started to twist so he could place his feet on the floor, but all of a sudden Kurt was out of time. The water was turned off and he heard the soft clang of the shower door open and close. He wouldn't have time to get dressed and walk out the door now. He dropped back down onto the pillow, cursing that he was still naked, and decided that feigning sleep would help him until he managed to get his heart and mind to realign.

The bathroom door opened, the light flicked off and the door quietly closed. Kurt listened acutely to the sound of Blaine's feet padding over the carpet in the darkness. Blaine moved stealthily, but in the stillness, Kurt could determine where he was. He heard what he guessed was a towel being placed over the back of a chair a short distance away, and then more soft footsteps as Blaine moved back towards the bed. The sheets stirred and the mattress dipped slightly as Blaine slid under the sheets, his body rolling slowly to face Kurt.

Kurt's heart beat frantically in his chest. No, he hadn't dreamt the whole encounter. If he rolled over in the bed right now, Blaine would be within an arm's reach away. Kurt tried to ease his fear: the last time they had been in bed together it had been just before everything had fallen apart. He sensed Blaine pause in the darkness as if he wanted to check to see whether Kurt was still sleeping, but not wanting to disturb him if he was, Blaine lowered his head down to the pillow.

Kurt held his breath but it was no good, he was going to have to take a breath sooner or later. And, he chastised himself, if he had really wanted Blaine to think he was still asleep, he should have continued breathing at a steady pace. Gosh, Kurt Hummel you can be so stupid at times! But it was terrifying. He still didn't know what he was going to say to Blaine. How could he speak to the man when he honestly didn't know what he wanted?

No, that wasn't true. How could he speak to Blaine when he was too afraid to admit what he wanted?

He was running out of air, fast. He took a ragged breath and tried to keep it steady, but in his desperation it went down the wrong way and he jolted on his side with several loud, ragged coughs.

"Are you awake?" Blaine asked softly once Kurt had caught his breath.

In any other circumstance Kurt would have laughed, because it was more than obvious that he was awake. He rolled onto his back, his heart still pounding in his chest. He shouldn't be this nervous, not when they had been naked and intimate on several occasions now. Was Blaine still naked? Kurt wouldn't be able to stop himself from having a quick look.

"Yes," he finally answered. He glanced hesitantly at Blaine, and caught his breath at how close the man was lying beside him. And yes, Kurt could tell the man was still very unclothed.

Blaine was on his side, his head resting in his hand, his skin a soft red from the light of the alarm clock. Another tickle was tormenting the back of Kurt's throat, preventing him from saying anything else, and he was worried that if he did speak again, he would be forced into another round of coughing. He pulled himself up to a sitting position and reached for the glass beside his bed.

Blaine scooted himself up as well seemingly unbothered by Kurt's nervous fumbling. He reached out and loosely wrapped his arm around Kurt's waist, his arm so low it grazed the top of Kurt's fine pubic hair. Kurt couldn't help but tense.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked and he rubbed his hands gently over Kurt's side.

"Yes," he croaked.

"Do you want me to get you some more water?"

"No."

Blaine was silent, now hesitant in the midst of Kurt's one-worded responses. They might have held onto each other and cuddled after the sex they had had, but nothing could dispel the closed off facial features that Kurt had possessed. Blaine didn't have any idea of what Kurt was really feeling. Had it been just a onetime encounter? Would he still be too upset about what had happened to allow his real feelings to roam free and let them be together?

Blaine continued to gently rub Kurt's side hoping to ease some of his tension. He cleared his throat uncertainly. "Are you sure you're alright?" This time they both knew that Blaine was not talking about the coughing fit Kurt had just had. "Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Kurt's head instantly turned to Blaine's, and he still believed that if he pinched himself he would wake up and find that he was dreaming. He couldn't believe that those honey eyes were so close to his again. "No," Kurt whispered. "I don't want you to leave me alone."

Feeling happier after his response, Blaine managed to edge even closer. "I'm glad you stayed," he spoke softly. He leaned in daring to place a soft peck on Kurt's lips.

But Kurt wanted more, frantically, confusingly and desperately he wanted more. His lips chased after Blaine's, a soft moan escaping him when Blaine responded. Blaine brought his hand up to Kurt's shoulder pulling him closer, drawing their bodies together once again. Before Kurt knew it, Blaine managed to guide Kurt back down onto the mattress so he was lying flat under Blaine's hold.

Kurt relished in the feel of Blaine's touch as Blaine eased his body gently over Kurt's. He didn't know how his senses had become so heightened. That he was now aware of every inch of Blaine's body against his, or how the smell of Blaine's skin, fresh and slightly damp still from his shower, made Kurt feel like he was drunk. Or, how the touch of Blaine's lips was so soft but firm at the same time.

They broke away and Kurt gazed up into Blaine's eyes that were now so full of calm confidence.

"I'm glad I stayed too," Kurt finally responded, his heart beating fast as his hands came to rest on either side of Blaine's waist.

"Really?"

Another long silence.

"I think so," Kurt whispered ashamedly. How could he still be so unsure when Blaine was holding him securely in his arms?

"Why? What are you worried about, Kurt?" Blaine asked, gently stroking his face. "You have me, you have all of me; and just as importantly, I have you."

"I just," Kurt said and then he swallowed unsteadily, "I just don't know what's next?"

"I know what happens next," Blaine soothed, and taking the way that Kurt had squeezed his sides as a good sign, he continued. "This, right here, this is what's next. This is our new beginning, our new life that, if you're willing, we'll share together. I want us to be together, Kurt," Blaine told him earnestly. "I don't even want us to have to go on dates where we might be building into a relationship. Call me selfish, but I just want to be in a relationship, with you, right now."

Kurt's chest rose and fell rapidly again. It was too good to be true. "What else?" He whispered almost too afraid to ask.

"I want to continue doing my music," Blaine spoke, his tone becoming more and more animated. "I'm going to do it how I want, when I want. And," Blaine paused. "I want you to be happy. I want you to do whatever you want that makes you happy. We'll find your dream again, Kurt."

Kurt was silent, mulling over what Blaine had said.

"Can we try that? Can we try again?" Blaine asked passionately.

Kurt didn't answer and instead lifted his hand to cup Blaine's jaw, enjoying the way the stubble on his chin felt hard on his skin. His hand slid further, and tangled into the curls at the back of Blaine's neck while he still considered what Blaine had told him. He didn't have an answer to Blaine's question yet. He just wanted to feel Blaine again, and take comfort in his touch once more. Kurt's hand put more pressure on Blaine's skin. "Make love to me, Blaine."

Kurt lifted his head the rest of the way and brought their lips together. He urged Blaine's mouth apart, begging for the reassurance. His arms came up around Blaine's shoulders as Blaine brought his full weight down on Kurt's melding them together. Kurt sighed at the feel of Blaine's weight, and then groaned softly at the feel of Blaine's excitement that had started to build again.

This time it was Kurt who quivered under Blaine's gentle, slow gliding thrusts as his body hung over Kurt's. The friction from Blaine's smooth, continuous motions kept Kurt's head far back in the pillow, his eyes closed and lips parted, the room filling with the sound of his soft moans and the creak of the bed below them. Blaine's actions were the complete opposite to the frantic, irritated sexual release that Kurt had sought earlier. This was love-making, filled with gentle kisses, soft caresses and tender murmurings of love over each other's lips as Blaine filled him entirely and brought them both closer again.

"I want every time we make love to be as perfect as this, Kurt," Blaine whispered.

Kurt couldn't answer because it was then that he came, locked in nothing but everything all at the same time. Yes, the two of them connected in this way was perfection.

And later, while Kurt recovered lying wrapped in Blaine's arms, it was exactly what he realized; Blaine was too perfect. Right there, in the now, Kurt couldn't think clearly in all of Blaine's perfection. Blaine had done everything he could to console him, to give him what he needed, but there was so much at stake. Kurt needed to breathe, find the surface of all this madness and allow his thoughts to gather.

As the sky began to lighten, and while he thought Blaine had fallen asleep, Kurt rose from the sheets and stealthily began to search for his clothes. Silently, he found his trousers and placed a shaky hand on his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Blaine called out softly.

Kurt startled and his heart skipped a beat, but he kept his back towards Blaine. "I'm just going to step outside, get some air," he said as he continued to pull up his trousers. "I need to think."

"You're not going are you?" Nothing could hide the fearful edge to Blaine's words.

Kurt stood still; unsure, not wanting to go back over to the bed in case he changed his mind. He couldn't stop himself from glancing over his shoulder at Blaine though. He didn't want to hurt him, but at the same time, Kurt had to be sure that he was brave enough to weather the storm that was sure to happen to his life if he decided to be with Blaine. Sebastian's face flickered in his mind's eye and he blinked it away furiously. Sebastian was someone whom they still needed to deal with.

Kurt focused back on Blaine. It was only now that Kurt could tell that Blaine hadn't managed to close the curtains entirely for he could make him out in the dim light, some of the early morning rays managing to seep through a gap in the curtains. He swallowed uncomfortably. The sight of Blaine Anderson lying in the bed, his ruffled sex hair, wild and fresh from his shower, the bed sheets hanging low at the waist of his body showing the trail of hair that wound low, was making it very hard for Kurt to analyze his options clearly.

Kurt turned away. He was doing the right thing. He really was. He couldn't be expected to decide on this dramatic change in his life in just one night, like the flick of a switch. Where was he going to live? He couldn't afford to pay double rent in Rachel's friend's house. He couldn't move in with Blaine! He had to sort out the mess of his life. Determine what he was going to do with himself. He couldn't let his love life run his entire life the way it had for nearly two years. He glanced at Blaine again. It was another mental image that Kurt would store inside his mind forever, and even when he was old and senile, he was sure he would still remember this.

Suddenly, worried that leaving was just what Kurt intended, Blaine scooted over to the edge of the bed.

"I'll be back shortly," Kurt told him, his voice cracking. He turned away completely, trying his best not to make eye contact for fear of being sucked in so far that he wouldn't be able to breathe. He turned and began to head towards the door.

Blaine leapt out of the bed and followed Kurt to the door worriedly. He was afraid, afraid that Kurt would walk through the door, then into the hallway and vanish altogether. He stood before him and grabbed Kurt's hand. "There's still so much I haven't said," Blaine paused and pulled Kurt in. "You have to know, Kurt," Blaine began again, daring to bring his hands to Kurt's waist. "You have to let me explain. Everything from that weekend we spent together. I took a risk too. I hadn't been able to open up to anyone like I did with you. It was all real."

Kurt rested his head on the door behind him and closed his eyes. Oh, he wished Blaine wouldn't make this so hard for him. But he had to decide now. He couldn't decide later and risk possibly leading Blaine on. He opened his eyes again and found that Blaine had stepped into his space.

"Please don't go. I know you're scared, I know you're worried about getting hurt again," Blaine spoke quickly, his voice deep and husky.

Kurt swallowed unsteadily and finally managed to speak. "Can you blame me?" he whispered. "Of course I'm scared."

"Don't be." Blaine leaned in and tried to make everything better with another kiss. It was soft, tender, searching. "Please don't be scared. I won't hurt you, I promise."

Kurt struggled with his instincts that were telling him to melt into Blaine's lips and his rational side that was telling him it was all too fast.

"Just answer me this," Blaine continued not giving Kurt any time to consider Blaine's previous words, "do you still love me?"

"Blaine...please..."

"Do you love me?!" Blaine asked again.

"Of course I love you, you know that," Kurt gushed. There it was again, so easy to say.

"Then how can you go? If we both love each other Kurt, how can you go?" Blaine pulled away, rubbing his hands over Kurt's arms, their eyes locking fiercely. "Did you hear what I just said?" Blaine asked passionately when Kurt didn't answer. "I just said that I loved you too, Kurt. I love you!" he implored. "I've loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on, from the moment I saw you in the VIP room. I loved you when teased me into following you into my hotel room and you let me fuck you into the mattress. But you know what made me really love you, right from the beginning, why I couldn't forget you. It was when you said I was being a fool because you were so right, and no one had ever been brave enough to tell me that before. I am a fool. I've been a fool for too long! I, I... I just want to be with you forever. You can't go, not now, not when we have just reunited."

Tears came to Kurt's eyes. "I believe you Blaine. I really do believe you love me. It's just, this has happened so fast. I need to think. I need to know you're really serious!"

"You want to know whether I'm serious or not? Stay Kurt, and when we leave this hotel room, we leave together as a couple. Don't leave this room by yourself. If we leave together, it's just you and me, Kurt, no one else."

"Blaine," Kurt begged, there it was again, everything that Kurt wanted to hear. "Let me come back up for air! Please!" He edged closer to the door handle. "Your words, they're too much. I just need some time. Last night my life was heading in one direction, and then all of a sudden I've been hurtled into another." Kurt released his hands and cupped Blaine's face. "We'll meet up, this Friday. I'm not saying goodbye to you, I promise. I just need to think."

Blaine looked frantic. He ran both hands through his curls, squeezing his fingers around the locks while he thought. "Give me your phone," he suddenly demanded.

Kurt gave him a questioning look but reached into his trousers and pulled it free.

"Unlock it," Blaine ordered.

Kurt did and Blaine took it out of his hands. "This is my phone number. This is my home number. This is my email. This is the security code on the gate to my home. This is the security code for my front door. Whenever you want, whenever you're ready, contact me. I'll be waiting no matter how long it takes."

Kurt stared at Blaine in shock and then back down at his phone. Blaine was both madly in love and loving him madly. The power that Kurt now held in his hands was incredible. The level of trust, the level of want, the level of...

Kurt stepped in and placed the most delicate kiss on Blaine's lips. Then he shook his head, their noses touching. Why now, when he was running, did he finally believe Blaine? "I love you, I really do," he murmured as he pulled away. "Just let me think about this, let me wrap my head around what's happened."

Kurt's hand found the handle again but Blaine swept in one last time with an urgent demanding kiss. Kurt couldn't resist and he returned the gesture, his arms going up over Blaine's shoulders taking control over the motion of their lips so he could convey his feelings. Every kiss Kurt initiated represented a note from Blaine's song, every tender caress was worth a line in the lyrics, and every swirl of his tongue signified the swirling emotions that Blaine had expressed. They must have stood at the door for nearly ten minutes.

Finally, they separated and Kurt quietly opened the door. Blaine didn't speak, he just watched and after Kurt stepped through the entrance, it was Kurt who closed the door behind him.

Silence.

It was deafening, lonely and cold.

Kurt took a step to leave, but despite the desolate corridor, he couldn't, not just yet. He leaned against the back of the door, his mind clearing as soon as he stepped outside into the hallway, the hectic overwhelming feelings pouring free from his pores. Kurt didn't know why Blaine made him feel that way, so crazed and out of control and... in love, so incredibly and helplessly in love. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, and from the other side of the door, he heard a soft thump.

Kurt wondered what it had been. Had it been Blaine's head coming to rest on the very same spot on the other side? Kurt turned, placed his head against the door and listened, but the only thing he heard, was his own whirring emotions running through his head.

Kurt hadn't even allowed himself to secretly dream of what their reunion would have been if they had of met up again. That's how much control he had enforced on himself. He hadn't let himself dream, or to even to dare to imagine. He hadn't been whole. He had locked everything away for so long, and maybe, just maybe that was what was even more terrifying to Kurt. Maybe he was more scared of dreaming again, to dream of a life with Blaine. And even if he had dreamed of what would have happened, Kurt would never have been able to conjure a sequence of events like the one that had taken place over the past day.

He remained at the door, something continuing to hold him to the spot. He turned so he could rest his forehead on the wooden surface, gaining comfort in the fact that only an inch through it, on the other side, Blaine was possibly doing the same.

A future with one of the world's most famous rock stars...

Could he really do it? Could he be happy?

Kurt turned again, and began to pace back and forth in front of the door, his arms crossed protectively over his body. Their lives couldn't be more different, couldn't be more opposite. The unknown, the insecurity of it all, oh, Kurt's life would never be the same. It was true, Kurt had always been about control, but maybe, that's just what he had to realize. Choosing to be with Blaine would mean that Kurt wouldn't have that control. To move forward, Kurt had to realize that he couldn't control everything.

Another soft bump came from the other side of the door. Kurt stopped, took a deep breath and allowed himself to dream. He pictured Blaine grabbing a drink from the mini fridge, moving to find the remote and sitting down to watch some early morning sport news. And then, before he could stop himself, Kurt pictured himself lying beside Blaine in those early hours, both of them casually talking, Kurt naked and sprawled out over their tousled sheets, so comfortable and relaxed. But Kurt wasn't interested in the game, he was more concerned with the commentators and sassed about their hair while Blaine dug him in the ribs because he was missing the scores from the game.

Kurt chuckled to himself. The fantasy was soothing, comforting and safe...

And then it hit him.

Like a truck.

The realization of it nearly knocked him to the floor with the force of the blow. The fantasy was just like the one he had envisioned when he had stood under the tree with Kevin and stared at the old couple sitting happily together. He had wanted that safe and warm connection with someone, forever. It had only been a fantasy, but he just envisaged a happy, safe and warm future with Blaine. And the more he thought about it, the more he believed that it could be.

Kurt took a deep breath and turned around, glancing up and down the hallway. It was going to be his last moment before his life changed forever. If he did this, his life was never going to be the same. It was going to be a risk. He was going to have to open himself up completely and trust Blaine. His life was going to be one roller coaster after another. But that, Kurt now knew, was what Blaine's life was going to be all about, and underneath it all, in the privacy of their own space, Kurt would be able to have the relationship that he really wanted. They would be the happy old couple under the tree. He had seen it in Blaine's eyes, and remembered how Blaine had wanted to be romanced all those months ago. There was no doubt about it. Blaine desperately wanted that kind of relationship too.

Kurt lifted his hand, not hesitating any longer, and gently knocked on Blaine's door three times, hoping that Blaine had not fallen asleep. Kurt had been standing outside of his door for nearly an hour contemplating his life.

The door opened instantly. Blaine looking wild on the other side, his eyes like an animal's. They dilated at the sight of Kurt, Blaine's breath sucking in with shock.

"I came up for air," Kurt whispered. "You were still there."

Blaine didn't answer. He simply reached out his hand, clasped his fingers around Kurt's wrist, and pulled him back into his room and straight into his own arms.

"Really?" Blaine asked in disbelief, "Really?"

Kurt smiled nodding his head. He looked back only one last time, just so he could close the door with his foot before he turned back around and wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck.

"Really," he whispered.