To:  Kurt.Hummel@Vogue.com

From:  Coopersbrother@gmail.com

Dear Kurt:

I realized today that its been more than ten years since the last time I saw you. Where does the time go?  Of course, its been a while since the last time I wrote, too.  I would have written sooner, but the bar is keeping me really busy, and I guess thats a good thing. 

I bet you never thought Id chuck in all my dreams of performing to be a lowly tavern owner.  I can hardly believe it myself.  When Uncle Charlie died and left me his neighborhood bar in Brooklyn right after I graduated from Julliard, I thought I would sell it, maybe buy an apartment, live on the money while I tried to make it as a pianist.  But, somehow, the bar called to me.  Sorry if youve heard all of this before.  I can no longer keep track of what Ive told you and what I havent.  Anyhow, the bars been really busy, and thats a good thing, since you know I have to keep up my bowtie collection. 

Okay, I actually never wear bowties anymore.  They look weird with the sweatshirts and jeans that have become my wardrobe staple. I dont gel my hair any more, either, and its gotten kind of wild.  And I have a beard.  You wouldnt approve of any of it.  Its just that when you own your own business you work all the time, and you dont have time for anything else.  I guess personal grooming is one of those things that went by the wayside a long time ago.   I bet you still always look nice, though.  You always had higher standards than me. 

Anyhow, Im writing because I have news:  I finally broke up with Matt.  I assume youre happy about that, since I just know youve never approved of him.  Two years with an accountant is clearly two years too many.  What was I thinking?  Sam says that gay guys are too eager to get into a relationship with anyone who comes along because we fear that theres nobody else out there for us.  Hes probably right.  Why cant I find another you?  Surely theres another man in New York City whos just as talented, just as stylish, just as handsome.  Of course, even if I met him, what are the odds hed like me?  

Maybe I should rethink my lack of grooming and my frat boy wardrobe. 

Anyhow, Ive decided to take a break from dating for a while and just enjoy my own company.  (Thats code, by the way, for all of the good guys are married or straight, and no one has asked me out in ages.) 

Oh yeah, and I finally saw Rachel in that new play she has on Broadway.  I thought I glimpsed you in the audience, but that was probably wishful thinking.  I left as soon as the play was over, and I didnt talk to Rachel afterward, although I thought about it for a few minutes.  Maybe one of the worst things about a break up is that you end up splitting up your friends, too.  You got Rachel and Santana.  I got Sam, Mike, and Tina.  We both got Finn for a while, and then neither of us had him.  I still miss that guy so much.  I really wanted to go to the funeral, but I wasnt sure how youd take it.  I didnt want to add to your misery. 

Of course, I know I already told you that in a previous email. 

And speaking of previous emails, you know that as soon as I finish writing this one I will delete it, just like I do every time I write to you.  Its kind of a weird thing, right?  To write emails all the time and then delete them.  God, Ive been doing it for twelve years now.  But, somehow, I cant seem to stop writing.  Its like as long as Im putting words on the screen, Im talking to YOU, and I dont ever want to stop.  Probably I would benefit from therapy.  

I still miss you, even after all this time.  Is that crazy?  Maybe I just miss the idea of you, since everything we once had is so fuzzy with age that its almost like it belonged to someone else.  And surely were both very different people now then we were in high school.  Or maybe I just miss the fact that what we had--love, intimacy, newness, friendship--is something Ive never been able to find with anyone else.  (And, believe me, Ive tried.)

I guess I better stop; I fear Ive gone a little maudlin. 

I hope this letter finds you well.  I still think of you, and I love you. 

I expect that I always will.

XO, Blaine