October. Tuesday, lunch.

Santana: Please tell me that any of you have learned something in Health class?

Mike: I learned that there is not enough mental bleach in the world to remove pictures of genital warts from my mind.

Rachel: Ew! Eating over here.

Artie: The man has a point. They drive the STDs angle so hard, it’s a wonder how anyone manages to avoid contracting something or walk around without a limp.

Puck: Not that you’d know much about limping.

Artie: Low blow, bro.

Santana: Sexual innuendoes aside, I was not referring to the nauseating section of Health class. I was referring to the section that was supposed to teach us about sexuality.

Tina: Everything that I learned in Sex Ed, I already knew from Mean Girls.

Santana: Exactly. I honestly don’t know who they think they are fooling if they think that we’re stupid enough to simply leave it at “boys and girls have urges”. Also, there was nothing in there about any sexuality other than hetero.

Quinn: Something you feel like sharing, Santana?

Santana: No, I’m just saying that they’re being narrow-minded and exclusive.

Kurt: Welcome to America!

Quinn: You know, that’s not fair. America takes in a lot of immigrants every year.

Kurt: We’re also supposed to follow a separation of Church and State policy in politics, and yet every single one of our presidential candidates specifically mentions what religion they are. And unsurprisingly, there isn’t a single atheist.

Quinn: Maybe that’s because there are less-

Puck: Weren’t we talking about sex?

Santana: That’s what I was going for.

Quinn: There are topics other than sex that we can talk about.

Santana: Not when I started this conversation.

Mercedes: Only after you cut across me and Tina talking about Halloween.

Santana: Whatever, Halloween is ages away. I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I think Health Class should be replaced with a tutorial on how to navigate the internet.

Artie: How would that help?

Santana: Think about it. The internet is filled with all kinds of information, from the deeply religious to the pot-smoking-bare-footed-asexual-vegan-liberal kind. You can find anybody’s point of view.

Rachel: I’m not sure how reliable most people’s information would be then.

Mike: No, I think Santana has a point.

Artie: Whaaaaat?

Blaine: Yeah, but that’s also the problem: anybody can post on the internet. How would we know what’s true and not?

Mike: Um, by using our brains.

Santana: Granted, not a lot of people were blessed with those.

Mike: No, but, people don’t give teenagers enough credit. I don’t know about you, but I don’t blindly trust what I read on the internet. In fact, the internet has helped me to more closely analyse what I’ve read and question it’s validity.

Santana: And just think about it, if we had access to the internet during Health Class, we could, theoretically, educate ourselves on anything and then discuss it in class with a teacher present. It would be like… guided reading and research.

Quinn: Sounds like something for college.

Blaine: I think I’m starting to see Santana’s point too. Most kids stumble upon all sorts of things on the internet anyway. Why not harness that limitless resource and direct it into something that’s actually educational?

Puck: You are all also assuming that we live in a world where people believe teenagers should be educated.

Mercedes: Yeah. Remember, we’re too delicate to read certain books because we could turn into psychotic-sex-machine-killers incapable of telling right from wrong.

Santana: Ugh, you guys are such buzz kills. Think about what an awesome sex education we could all have if we spent a little more time on the internet.

Kurt: Not all of us want to look at porn, though.

Santana: How would you know, have you ever tried?

Kurt: That is none of your business.

Santana: So, no.

Puck: What? Not, like, ever?

Finn: Dude. Please don’t answer this question.

Kurt: I most definitely was not planning on it.

Blaine: Never?

Kurt: Wha-? No, Okay!

Blaine: Oh… Ooooooh.

Kurt: What?

Puck: What?

Kurt: Stay out of this, Puckerman.

Blaine: Nothing.

Santana: No, you definitely had a moment of clarity back there.

Blaine: No, I didn’t.

Santana: Listen here, Bow Tie Queen, if you’re going to make it a habit of sitting with us at lunch, you had better learn two things. One, people wear socks with their shoes. You’re scaring small children with your creepy bare ankles. Two, any epiphany regarding sex, porn or teenage hormones needz to be shared with the class immediately. Aunty Tana doesn’t warn twice.

Blaine: … Aunty Tana?

Kurt: Don’t listen to her, she’s seeing someone for her crazy.

Mike: Can we get back to our curriculum-changing, ground-breaking discussion of awesome. I really think we were on to something back there.

* * *

Tuesday, after school. Hudmel residence.

Two boys stumble into a large bedroom. They awkwardly sway on the spot, hands grabbing, mouths tasting. The taller of the two boys drops his shoulder bag by the foot of the bed and slams the door shut with his foot. The shorter boy grabs him around the waist and pulls them both backwards. They flop onto a large bed.

Kurt: Hold on- *kiss* -I need to take- *kiss* -my boots off.

Blaine: Mmmpf- noooo. Don’t leave me.

Kurt: You should take those shoes off too, if you want to get any further onto my bed.

Blaine: Bad shoes gone.

Kurt: *laughs* I’ve never seen shoes fly that fast before.

Blaine: You said get rid of them, they’re gone.

Both boys crawl onto the bed. They don’t have much time alone at the Hudmel house before the rest of the clan shows up and dinner gets under way. Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt and flips the two of them until he’s pinning Kurt down on the bed. He carefully lowers himself onto his boyfriend until they are lying, chest to chest.

Blaine: You Okay? I don’t want to crush you.

Kurt: You’re way too tiny to do that.

Blaine: Hey! No height jokes when we’re making out. You’re damaging my manly ego.

Kurt: *laughs* Oh, god. We can’t have that. Manly egos are such fragile things.

Blaine: *glare* Alright, Hummel. I didn’t want to do this, but you’ve left me with no choice.

Kurt: You’re going to do The Smoulder again, aren’t you?

Blaine: Not today-

Blaine leans in and kisses Kurt. He grabs both of Kurt’s arms and pins them down above Kurt’s head.

Kurt: Hey-mmpf-nng-

The rest of his words are swallowed up by Blaine’s mouth, pressing down insistently on Kurt’s. His tongue dips gently into Kurt’s mouth, licking across Kurt’s mouth with one sweeping motion. Kurt moans at the action and draws Blaine’s bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it gently. He tries to free his arms from Blaine, but the younger boy doesn’t let go. Kurt struggles just a little bit before he simply gives up and enjoys the sensation of being taken advantage of. Several minutes pass in a blur until Blaine’s draws back just enough to smile at Kurt, both of them breathing heavily.

Blaine: Hi.

Kurt: Hi.

Blaine: How are you?

Kurt: Pretty good. Yourself?

Blaine: Eh.

Kurt: Hey!

Blaine: *laughs*

Kurt: I should put on some music.

Blaine: What? Noooo, we don’t need music.

Kurt: Well, the rest of my family could come home at any moment. Won’t it be suspicious if we were just hanging in my room without anything on in the background?

Blaine: I don’t think playing music will fool anyone.

Kurt: Shush you. Hmm… What should I put on?

A couple of moments pass.

Blaine: What? Roxy music? I love Roxy music!

Kurt: *smiles* I know.

Blaine: Argh, look what you’ve done. Now I have to get up and dance.

Kurt watches Blaine spazz around his room for a moment, enjoying the way Blaine’s shoulders bob in time with the beat.

Kurt: Do you think I’m boring?

Blaine: What?

Kurt: Do you think I’m boring?

Blaine: Are you crazy? You’re the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio.

Kurt: I mean like, sexually. We are playing it very safe by not granting our hands visas to travel south of the equator.

Blaine: Oh. I, uh, thought that’s what we wanted?

Kurt: It is. I’m just wondering. You really seemed to have a moment earlier in the cafeteria when, ah, we were discussing, um, porn.

Blaine: Oh, well.. *blushes* This is going to sound bad.

Kurt: Oh, god. I am boring you, aren’t I?

Blaine: What? No! Not at all! You’ve been… the making out… it’s been… Good. I like what we’ve done.

Kurt: But…?

Blaine: No but. I was going to say- *cough* -that, uh, knowing you don’t really look at porn, but you’re still, um, super enthusiastic with me, when we… do stuff, it was… It’s areallybigturnonokay?

Kurt: … What?

Blaine: It was a really big turn on, for me. *blushes* That you… aren’t knowledgeable about anything. You aren’t even tainted by weird porn fantasies or supposed techniques or… or… I don’t know.

Kurt: … Oh.

Blaine: Yeah.

Kurt: *swallows* Right. So we’re good?

Blaine: Definitely.

Kurt: And sometimes you feel the urge to rip each other’s clothes off and get dirty?

Blaine: Uh, yeah. But that’s why they invented masturbation.

Kurt: It’s really hot in this room, should I open a window?

Blaine: Hey, don’t worry about it. We’re young. We’re in high school. Yeah, we have “urges”, just like Health Class said, but whatever we do, I want to make sure you’re comfortable, so that I can be comfortable. And besides, tearing off all your clothes is sort of a tall order.

Kurt: Because of the layers?

Blaine: Because of the layers.

Kurt laughs and Blaine clambers back onto the bed, grabbing Kurt and kissing him fiercely. They fall into a tangle of limbs quickly, unsure of where the one starts and the other one ends. They stay like this, hands careful and slow, until they hear the front door close. Faintly they can hear Carol putting things down and moving through the house.

Blaine: I can feel your heartbeat.

Kurt: Even through all my layers?

Blaine: Even through all your layers.

Kurt: I guess they’re not so bad after all.