Kurt entered the gay bar, eyes still damp from the tears over his shattered marriage. He took the only available seat at the bar and ordered a pint of Heineken. Kurt never usually drank or went to gay bars, but he needed to go somewhere to numb the pain of his heartbreak … somewhere where he could openly discuss his marriage without being harassed.

Kurt sat at the bar for an hour or so. He was on to his third beer when a blonde guy came and sat next to him. Being hit on was the last thing Kurt needed right now.

“Hey.” The man said. He was short and had shaggy hair that just covered his ears. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Kurt turned, wiggled his wedding-ring finger at him and went back to drinking his beer. The guy turned his attention to the slender redhead on the dance floor.

“You know what I hate?” said Kurt to no-one in particular, fixing his stare on his beer bottle.

“Enlighten me.” said the guy who was still sitting next to him, taking a swig from his bottle.

“Men who don’t keep promises.”

“Oh?” said the other guy, suddenly more interested in this conversation as he turned to look at Kurt. If he was lucky he might get to take this broken boy home…

“I mean, we stood up and vowed to be faithful to each other and he goes and does that … and with him. I just … ugh - I hate Smythe, I fucking hate him!” said Kurt clenching his fists, hot tears falling down his face.

“My name’s Jeremiah.”

“I’m Kurt, Kurt Hummel.” said Kurt extending his hand to Jeremiah.

“Wait - Kurt Hummel as in the Kurt Hummel, fashion editor for Runway magazine?”

“Yes. That’s me - Kurt Hummel, fashion editor for Runway Magazine, with a cheating husband.” Kurt responded, sounding bored.

“Well Mr Hummel, this guy’s a jerk, and he doesn’t deserve you or your talents. I love your designs and outfit compositions.” the other guy said, lighting up as he gushed about Kurt and his talent.

“He’s not just a guy, He’s my fucking husband!” Kurt snapped, fighting the urge to punch something as the anger boiled in his stomach. “He used to deserve me, he was nice. I never thought he’d cheat on me though … ever. But thanks … I work hard on the designs …” continued Kurt in a quieter voice.

“Well, he sounds like a jerk. How about I take you back to my place and I could show you a good time? It seems like you’ve had a pretty bad night” said Jeremiah suggestively.

“Three things Jeremy, was it? Whatever - one, I am married and unlike me for my husband, he is enough for me. Two, you’re not my type, and three I don’t do one night stands.” Kurt said scathingly.

Jeremiah looked positively livid and slightly taken aback by Kurt’s tone; it was almost as if he’d never been turned down. His expression hardened, no-one spoke to him like that.

“Fuck you, Kurt! I could have been good for you but hey, you’re happy in your marriage.” said the other guy, walking off to join the redhead on the dance floor, storming past Nick as he went.

“Kurt?” asked Nick, walking over towards him. “What’s going on? What did that guy want? And you’re drinking - you never drink!”

“I don’t want to talk about it; being an ass; and I do when I’m angry and upset, Nick.” Kurt snapped. Great - Nick was here. He’d probably want to take him back to Blaine, and be on Blaine's side … after all he and Jeff were Blaine's friends first.

“Come on, Kurt - I’m taking you home.” Nick said, trying to pull Kurt away.

“No! Not back to my place, I can’t look at him right now.”

“Okay, back to mine and Jeff’s then … come on I think you’ve had enough to drink.”

With that Kurt allowed Nick to direct him out of the bar, and into a cab. Nick was confused as to why Kurt was drinking and why he couldn’t even look at Blaine. What had he done?

***

“Hey honey” said Nick, half-walking, half-carrying Kurt into their apartment “Look who I found, out drinking at the bar.”

“What? Kurt’s been drinking? What happened? He never drinks.” Jeff sounded really concerned.

“I think he and Blaine have had a fight … when I found him he was talking to this other guy who was hitting on him. Kurt yelled at him. When I tried to take him home, he said he couldn’t look at Blaine right now.” He answered, pulling Kurt over and sitting him on the couch.

Nick and Jeff had a nice studio apartment overlooking Central Park. It was small but homey - Kurt had helped them decorate, as neither of them had the same eye for interior design that Kurt had. A sophisticated glass coffee table sat in the middle of the main room in front of the soft white leather couch, and the hard wooden floors had been sanded and varnished so it gave a warm glow to the room in the summer months. The walls … the walls were a soft blue colour … Kurt and Blaine had picked that out together - Blaine knew them better, but Kurt had the designer’s eye.

“Kurt, Are you okay?” said Jeff, setting a mug of coffee on the table

“No, ihmnot okay …” Kurt slurred, sighing as he relived the past 2 hours. “Can I use your bathroom?” he said with urgency.

Jeff nodded and Kurt sprinted to the bathroom. When he arrived in the aqua room he leant over the white rim of the toilet seat and threw up what felt like the entire contents of his stomach and then some. When he returned to Nick and Jeff he was very pale, small beads of sweat gathered along his hairline.

“Kurt, do you want to talk about what happened?” asked Nick cautiously.

“Not really – sorry, Nick. Sorry. I’ve thought it over way, way too much for one evening … I think all I really need is some sleep. We can talk about it in the morning.” said Kurt, stifling a fake yawn.

“Okay Kurt, you can take the guest room. The bed linens are all set up … you have a nice sleep.”

Kurt walked down the narrow hall to the small, deep purple guest room; he sat down on the crisp white linens and began to sob again. Why would Blaine do such a thing to him? Yes, he hadn’t been around as much as he’d have liked, but he had more than made up for it at the weekends. There were some days when they’d never left their room.

Kurt lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. After about five minutes he woke up with a start, as he saw Blaine repeatedly thrusting into Sebastian; he heard the soft moans tumbling over his lips, and Blaine's ragged breathing. He was covered in a cold sweat, and glanced over at clock which clearly displayed 03:04am. Kurt tried to fall back to sleep but every time he closed his eyes he kept seeing Sebastian and Blaine together, in different compromising positions. Eventually he gave up on sleep and took a nice long shower, taking his mind off his troubles by sketching some new designs for the fall line.

By the time the clock struck 7am, when Nick and Jeff’s alarm went off, Kurt was well and truly putting his pent-up aggression to good use.

“Kurt, what are you doing?” asked Jeff groggily.

“I couldn’t sleep, so I drew some sketches, straightened up at little, made a pot of coffee and now I’m making you guys some pancakes.”

“Yum! Pancakes!” said Nick excitedly.

“So, I guess you guys would like to know what happened last night that was so bad I had to drink, huh?” said Kurt, turning to his friends and cocking an eyebrow.

“Only if you want to tell us, Kurt.” Jeff replied, looking apologetic. He poured himself a cup of coffee before filling his plate with pancakes.

“Well, Blaine and I had a huge fight last night.” Kurt said, trying not to let any more tears fall, feeling that too many had been shed over this already. “I came home and found him balls deep in Smythe.” his voice was venomous as he spat the name.

“Oh Kurt, honey,” said Jeff sweetly, pulling Kurt to sit down when he saw his legs shaking.

“Yeah, so … I just don’t know what to do. Part of me hates his guts and wants to forget about him – just get him out of my life, but part of me … part of me is still hopelessly in love with him.” said Kurt, breaking down in to tears.

“Kurt, I think maybe you should spend a bit of time figuring out what you want to do, and whatever decision you make, we’ll be here to help you through it, okay?’ said Jeff.

“O-okay, t-thank you guys - you, you always know what to say … but maybe, maybe I should, should call him, just let him know…”

***

Meanwhile…

Blaine rose early the next day. He rolled over as he did every morning to give Kurt a hug, only to fall off the couch … and as he hit the cool wooden floor, the reality of what happened yesterday hit him. He’d ruined everything … he just hoped that Kurt could forgive him. He’d wait forever for Kurt's forgiveness.

He got up, stretching as he moved to switch on the coffee maker… he kept half-hoping that Kurt would walk sleepily into the kitchen, sneak up behind him, loop his arms around his waist and kiss his cheek, or simply start making his amazing pancakes. Blaine missed him.

He had poured himself a bowl of cereal and mug of coffee and was sat down at the breakfast bar when his phone started to play Uptown Girl, Nick and Jeff’s ringtone. Why were Nick and Jeff phoning him? He had no plans with them.

“Hey guys, what’s -”

“Blaine, it’s me.” said Kurt quietly.

“Oh … uh … hi Kurt” said Blaine.

“I need to be away from our apartment, away from you for a while. I’m staying over at Nick and Jeff’s for three or four days. I need … I need to think, okay? Nick and Jeff will be by to pick up some of my clothes.”

“Yeah, yeah … I understand … I miss you” said Blaine softly.

Blaine really did miss Kurt - he missed all the little things he did … everything. He missed Kurt's soft, kind eyes. The last time he’d seen them they were full of hatred, anger, hurt, sadness - it killed Blaine to know he put that there.

“Don’t, Blaine … just don’t!”

The tears started to fall down Kurt’s cheeks. He missed Blaine too - he missed feeling his warmth against him at night; Blaine's arms felt like safety - Kurt's own little cocoon of protection. He missed Blaine’s eyes, the ones that had transfixed him from the moment he saw them, the only ones that could undo him, the ones that comforted him - the ones that were filled with so much regret last night.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t start with the ‘I miss you’s and the ‘I love you’s. I can’t - I just can’t, Blaine.”

“But, I -”

“No! Blaine, just stop! I don’t want to hear it …”

“I … but, I … okay” Blaine sighed.

“I’ll see you in a few days, Blaine.”

“Yeah, in a few days.”

“I love you.” said Blaine, to the empty kitchen when Kurt had hung up; a pit fell in his stomach. This was going to be a very long three or four days.