“No, no, no … get off. Leave him alone!” Blaine groaned, pulling back from Kurt and turning away from him.

Blaine often had nightmares when they were younger, dreams of when he was bullied … flashbacks from his first Sadie Hawkins dance, when he and his friend Ethan were badly beaten up. Kurt had been the only one who was able to comfort him and calm him down after he woke up from them. The dreams got him worked up into such an awful state; Kurt was the only person who knew all of the tricks Blaine used to cope.

“Blaine Baby, I’m here.” Kurt cooed, rubbing his back and stroking his sweaty curls.

“P-p-p-p-please, no st-stop ...” Blaine whimpered. “Get off him!”

“Shush, darling ... you need to wake up.”

“No, no, no!” He screamed. “Kuuuuurrrrrrrrttttttttttt. No, please, stop! Hurt me instead -leave him be.”

“Baby, please - you really need to wake up.” Kurt couldn't keep the worry from his voice any longer, and he shook Blaine gently in an attempt to wake him.

“Kurt, Kurt … WHY!? What’s he ever done to you?” Blaine sobbed, waking up with a jolt, his face damp with tears and sweat.

“Baby?” said Kurt slowly.

“K-K-Kurt?” said Blaine sleepily, still sobbing slightly. “... You 'kay?”

“Yes Bee, you just had a nightmare … I’m okay, baby. Are you?”

“I dunno ...”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“S-someone wa-was beating y-you up. He ... he wouldn’t st-stop and you - your head … your hair… blood ...” Blaine stuttered before bursting into tears again.

“Oh, baby … I’m here - look, I’m okay. I’m not hurt, and I’m here.”

Blaine turned and threw his arms around Kurt’s neck, burying his face in his neck and taking in heavy breaths of Kurt’s scent.

“I love you … I - I haven’t had a nightmare in .. in years.” He muttered against Kurt's skin, beginning to calm down in his warm embrace.

“I know sweetie, I know …” sighed Kurt, wondering what had brought this nightmare on.

Blaine stayed snuggled in Kurt's arms for the best part of an hour. They hadn’t done this in a while - Kurt had always had to get up and leave early for meetings, so it was nice when he could stay in bed that little bit longer. Soon their alarm rudely announced that it was 8:30 and they needed to be up.

“I wish I could stay here forever.” said Blaine, nuzzling against Kurt's cheek.

“Me too. But we have to get up to go to work … are you going to be alright?”

“I should be, yeah .... I mean, I hope so … I’ll be okay, I think I will." Blaine sounded unsure of himself. "I have Kelsey and Darren if I have any ... um ... problems.”

Kurt’s face fell. “You can call me too … if you need me, just call - okay? I know how these nightmares affect you… so just call me - I’ll always answer, just like I promised … all those years ago.”

Blaine nodded sadly. “Yes, you did ... and you kept all those promises.” He tried to smile. “I’m just gonna take a shower, that okay?”

Kurt sighed to himself, knowing that something was bothering his husband … and it didn’t take much to guess what. Blaine was upset and mad at himself for breaking the promises he made to Kurt on their wedding day. Kurt could see that Blaine was truly beating himself up over it all. He could see how sorry he was, but that didn’t make it hurt any less - and yet it still killed Kurt to see Blaine suffering so badly over anything at all.

“Yeah - um, of course. I’ll make us some coffee” Kurt smiled lightly, getting up off the bed and walking to the kitchen.

Blaine walked to the bathroom, climbed into the shower cubicle and broke down. He’d broken every promise to Kurt, and Kurt had kept all of his … even when Kurt was working late he’d always pick up the phone and talk to Blaine. He was so faithful and true to Blaine, and Blaine had broken Kurt's heart. Why was Kurt even giving him this second chance? He didn’t deserve it … he’d hurt the one person he loved most in the world, the one person who understood him - the only person who really knew him, and for what? To feel like the biggest asshole in the world and to realise that the love of his life was and had only ever been Kurt.

He climbed out of the shower and tried his best to get rid of any evidence that he’d been crying, and leaving the bathroom to dress and then joining Kurt in the kitchen. Kurt was stood at the breakfast bar cooking some bacon and eggs; he smiled as Blaine entered and pushed a mug of coffee in his direction, Blaine nodding a 'thank you' in response.

“Feeling better, darling?” asked Kurt as he put three strips of bacon and a fried egg on Blaine's plate.

“Yeah, I’m fine ... just remembering how much of an idiot ive been. I’m really grateful you’re giving me this second chance.”

“You have been an idiot. But I love you too much to let this fall to pieces …”

Blaine looked down at his feet again, and the men ate the breakfast in silence after that. Kurt showered and dressed. He stared at the photo on his dresser - his favourite shot of Blaine and himself at their first prom. Kurt smiled at the memory ... they both looked so much older now. They’d both changed so much too - the Blaine in that picture, the one that asked him to dance in front of everyone - that Blaine would never cheat on Kurt … never.

“Okay, babe.” said Blaine from the door. “I’m off to work now - Jordan wants us in early for some reason.”

“Alright ... remember we have counselling at four thirty!” Kurt called after him.

“Yes, I remember Kurt ... I remember.” Blaine answered, a part of him wanting to add ‘I love you’ but realising it was a bad idea. “Have a good day.”

“Likewise ... bye. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Blaine said quietly as he left the apartment and closed the door.

Kurt continued getting ready, lost in memories of their first prom, and headed to work too. When he arrived he was greeted by a sea of apologetic faces, responding to each one with a cold hard stare which seemed to say ‘If you dare to utter one syllable about that article, I’ll gut you like a fish’.

“Woah!” Charlotte exclaimed, taken aback by Kurt's glare.

“I swear to Lucifer, if just one of those freaking clones says so much as two words about that article, I will kill someone.” He snapped. “It is my personal life and they can keep their fucking fake, plastic noses out of it!”

“Okay, okay … fair enough." She held up her hands in resignation. "So how was yesterday?” she asked cautiously.

“Yesterday? Yesterday was perfect … despite the hangover. Blaine was really sweet and pretty amazing … he had this great evening planned, he took me out to dinner… even bought me roses and a corsage. It really reminded me of why I fell for him. It’s encouraged me to stick it out a bit longer … I’m not gonna lie, the idea of a divorce has been lingering over me. But I don’t want to lose him, you know? He was there for me when no-one else was … he’s always been there through it all.”

“I know, Kurt ... and last night sounded amazing.”

“It was.” he sighed. “We’ve got marriage counselling tonight. I’m kinda nervous … I don’t know what they’ll ask or if they’ll be judgemental - what do you think?”

“I’m sure it'll be fine. It might be hard at first, but it’ll help - I’m positive.”

“Yeah … I know.”

Kurt's day dragged slowly after that, the anticipation of the counselling session weighing down on him. What would he and Blaine say? What would they be asked? Kurt had no idea. He was terrified, but he knew if he and Blaine were to get through this mess they would have to work through counselling. He received several calls from Blaine throughout the day.

~~~

Meanwhile

Blaine arrived at work. He was immediately met with looks of bemusement, he guessed because it seemed that finally his apparently oh-so-perfect life had come crashing down around him. All his co-workers had been jealous of him because they though Blaine's life was so easy, so flawless, so amazing. He was the boss's favourite and always got the good stories, he had the beautiful husband - the whole package. But they were wrong ... his life was nowhere near perfect. Okay Kurt was the exception … he was Blaine’s one perfect thing in his messed-up life. No-one other than Kurt knew about his struggles, his nightmares, his depression - not even Kelsey, and Cooper and his parents only knew half of it. He was always so secretive about that part of himself because he wanted it to keep it hidden, and he didn’t want anything else to make him be singled out. He knew already that today was going to be a bad day in itself, and the last thing he needed to be faced with was Sebastian Smythe.

“So, Blainers ...” said Sebastian scathingly. “Marriage over yet? Free to be with a real man ... not that fairy Hummel?“

“Fuck off, Sebastian.” Blaine hissed, shoving past him to join Kelsey at a table.

“Ooh - someone's in a bad mood.”

“Yes I fucking am! You fucked up my fucking marriage, you prick! You're the fucking reason I've made Kurt, the person I love more than anything in the world, hurt!” Blaine yelled, no longer caring about the looks from his co-workers. “You know, while we were doing it I was thinking of him the whole time - you made me feel worse. You're not even that good - you're just fucking deluded!”

“Whatever, Blaine ... you were screaming and begging for it. You love when I'm inside of you, making you feel amazing.”

At that point Blaine lost it; his fist whistled through the air and hit Sebastian squarely on the jaw. He drew back and punched again and again.

“You don’t get to tell me how I felt! You've fucked with my life enough!” He screamed before walking quickly from the coffee lounge - he didn’t want anyone to see him break. He ran and ran, not knowing where he was running to, and soon found himself under his and Kurt's tree in Central Park. He leaned his tired body against it, slid down the trunk and broke down into sobs.

He'd messed up everything, and everyone at his work knew … everyone in New York knew, and it killed him. Once he'd composed himself slightly, he called Kurt.

“K - Kurt?” He stammered, trying to regulate his breathing.

“Blaine? Honey, are you okay?” Kurt couldn't hide his worry.

“Y-yeah, I th-think … it’s just a bad day … I just wanted to-to hear y-y-your v-v-voice”

“Oh Bee, are you going to be okay? Do you need me to come get you?”

“No, I’m f-fine ... I-I should get back t-to work”

“well, okay ... but if it gets worse, you call me. Promise?”

“P-p-promise.”

“Love you, Blaine. I’ll see you later.”

“Love you too. Yeah … later.” Blaine sighed sadly as he hung up.

He composed himself, wiping all traces of tears from his face. He walked back to the office, imagining all the possible consequences and scenarios of what would happen when he returned - would he get fired? Would everyone know? Would he get forced on sabbatical?

When he arrived back at the office everyone was staring, obviously having heard what had happened between him and Sebastian in the coffee lounge that morning. They were all whispering and pointing at him which did nothing to aid his anxiety. When he reached his office, he closed the door and slid down it putting his head in his hands. He hadn’t noticed Kelsey sat at his desk.

"Blaine - care to tell me what that was all about this morning?" She asked, staring at Blaine, her voice harsh and firm.

He didn't hear her. He was on the floor, sobbing hysterically to himself, trying to ignore the voices in his head.

"Blaine, peanut - are you okay?"

"I can't do it." he said to himself, making Kelsey feel as though she was only hearing half a conversation. "I've come so far ... done so well."

"Can't do what?" Kelsey asked, clearly concerned.

"Kurt would be so disappointed if I did ... even more than he already is." Blaine sobbed, still not hearing Kelsey or acknowledging her presence. "But it feels so good ... I deserve the pain. I've been stupid ... I deserve it ... but I can't - no! I can't - I have to stay strong ... it’s been 8 years, and ... and I can't go back... not to that place."

"Go back where? Blaine, please tell me what's wrong?” Kelsey begged, frowning deeply and trying not to panic. Blaine finally looked up and realized she was there.

"Shit! Um ... I'm fine." He lied, his voice higher than usual.

"No. You're not. What's going on?"

"Nothing, okay!?" He snapped. "I'm fine"

"I'm just trying to help, Blaine!" Kelsey yelled in exasperation.

"Yeah ... I know, I'm sorry." Blaine conceded with a slump of his shoulders, immediately regretting his previous tone. "If you do want to help me ... um ... can I ask that you stay with me? Like, don't leave me on my own ... that’d help a lot."

Kelsey nodded quickly. "Yeah, okay - of course ... but why? What's wrong?"

"I'd rather not talk about it to be honest. Let’s just say I'm having a very bad day and leave it at that, okay?"

"Sure. I promise I won't leave you." Kelsey obliged, still unsure what could possibly be causing Blaine so much distress, but keen to help however she could.

Kelsey spent the rest of the day talking with Blaine in his office. He was glad of the company ... it helped him steer his focus from the tingling sensation in his wrists. Blaine made several two minute calls to Kurt's phone, occasionally calling and hanging up as soon as Kurt picked up, having nothing to say and satisfied at hearing his voice. At three forty-five, Blaine left the office to head to his appointment with Kurt.

~~~

The counselling session was long. There were several arguments and a lot of talking, listening and understanding. The two men left the office feeling slightly better about the whole situation and arranged an appointment for the following week at the same time.

~~~

"Hey, Bee?" Kurt said as he cooked dinner. “A friend of mine is having a Christmas party tomorrow. Wanna come with me?"

"I ... um ... I have plans." Blaine lied - he really just wanted a quiet night to himself.

"Plans?" Kurt frowned. "With who?"

"Just some of the guys from work." Blaine shrugged.

"Who?!"

"Just some people from work, okay?!"

"No, its not fucking okay! What's the point in marriage counselling if you're just going to get drunk with the asshole causing all the problems the day after!?" Kurt screamed.

"I'm not going out with him!" Blaine yelled back before sighing and lowering his voice. "I'd never ... I mean, after I hurt you so much doing what I did."

"Then why can't you tell me who you are going out with?" Kurt cried, unable to calm his temper.

Blaine threw his hands up in the air. "It doesn't matter who with, because no matter what I say you'll think I'm going with Sebastian and I'm going to get drunk and fuck him!"

"And I have every fucking reason to!"

“He’s an asshole, Kurt - and I hate him."

“Well, you obviously don't otherwise you wouldn’t have fucked him, for christ’s sake"

“I do! I do I hate him because he made me a cheater!"

"You did that! You slept with him. He didn't force you." Kurt stormed into the living room, stopping at the door. "And the correct term is adulterer."

Blaine collapsed to his knees sobbing, while Kurt ran from the apartment and down the street, keen to get as far away from his husband as possible. Tears streamed down Kurt’s face, and in his haste to get out he realised he’d forgotten his coat. It was a cold December night and he walked aimlessly for a little while before opting to jog the remaining three blocks to Rachel's place. When he arrived his lips were blue, his fingers were numb and he was shivering. He knocked on the door and Rachel answered.

"R-r-Rachel, can - can I stay here to-tonight?"

"Ohmigod - of course, sweetie! Come in, you must be freezing."

He nodded, entered the apartment and slumped down on the couch.

"What happened?" Rachel asked, draping a blanket over Kurt’s shoulders to warm him up.

"I invited Blaine to Jeremiah's party tomorrow and he said he's going out with 'some people from work' ... I know he really means him."

"He wouldn't ..."

"Then why else won't he tell me who he's going out with?"

"I don't know, sweetie ..."

"Exactly - he still wants to be with Smythe even after we started counselling to fix this mess."

"Kurt, honey - what are you gonna do?"

"I-I don’t know." Kurt sobbed. "I think I need to be away from Blaine. I’m going back to Lima this weekend ... I think maybe we should get a divorce - despite what he said and did yesterday. I mean, if after we started counselling he still wants to go out with another guy he obviously isn't happy with me. If he’ll be happier with Smythe then I’ll let him ... I'd do anything to make him happy. The thing that sucks the most ..." He said, his voice breaking, “... is that I still love him with everything I have, and without him I wouldn't be here."

Kurt broke down fully; Rachel comforted him while he cried on her shoulder over his broken marriage.

"Weird question ... can I use your piano?" He sniffed. "Singing helps organize my thoughts."

"Yeah, of course honey. Do you want to be alone?"

Kurt chewed his lip and nodded. "Please."

"Okay." Rachel kissed his cheek and left the room.

Kurt made himself comfortable at the piano, took out his phone and dialled Blaine's number.

~~~
Meanwhile

Blaine sobbed for at least half an hour. He was so stupid - he could've just told Kurt that he wanted a quiet night to himself, but then he would have tried to convince Blaine to go with him. Blaine thought it was easier to lie than to have an argument, even though a lie is what started this whole mess. But they argued anyway. He was about to call Kurt to apologise when his phone rang, the screen clearly displaying My Kurty.

“Kurt? Hi ... I -” He stopped short when greeted by piano chords.

Tears streamed down Kurt's face as he sang to Blaine. He'd already mentally prepared himself for what he was going to say when he finished the song, but it wrenched his heart just thinking about the words. He never thought he’d divorce Blaine; Blaine had been 'the one' … Kurt was sure - or he had been - until last Tuesday.

Blaine cried silently to himself as he listened to his husband sing - he heard the sadness and tears in Kurt's voice and it horrified him to know that he put it there. He really needed to apologize for the lies, and to tell Kurt the real reason he didn't want to go to the party - and he’d tell him he punched Sebastian. But as the song continued he felt like he’d blown his chance - his final chance.

“Kurt?” Blaine choked. “I’m so sorry.”

Kurt was momentarily side-tracked and couldn’t bring himself to begin his divorce speech. He decided to give his husband a chance to explain himself.

“What for?” He asked.

“For lying to you ... I just wanted a quiet night at home tomorrow. I was stupid to lie, but ... I just didn’t want to argue with you about it.”

“But we ended up arguing anyway.” Kurt sighed.

“I know …”

“You really don’t want to come?” Kurt asked, trying to bite back his suspicious tone. He just didn't feel that he could trust what Blaine said anymore.

“Not really, Kurt.”

“So why didn’t you just say that?”

“I don’t know … like I said, I’m a complete idiot.”

“You are …” Kurt sighed again, warming to Blaine's words despite his earlier feelings. “... but you're my idiot.”

Blaine let out a soft, relieved laugh. “Are you coming back tonight?”

“No … I need some space, Blaine.”

“Oh ... uh, okay.” said Blaine. “ I'll miss you. Goodnight.”

“G'night Blaine.”

Kurt hung up. Both men broke down again and set their phones down. They both undressed and settled their exhausted bodies into their respective beds for the night, each one missing having the other man beside him. Blaine felt remorseful - he’d hurt Kurt so much that Kurt couldn’t trust him. Kurt hated that he couldn’t believe a single word that left Blaine's mouth … he needed to sort out his thoughts, and decide once and for all what he wanted to do about Blaine. Both men fell into a restless sleep, wondering what the other was doing.