I didn’t wake up at the normal time the next day. I hadn’t really slept well, and I thought Jeff had switched off my alarm since I didn’t wake up properly. Since it was a Saturday, it didn’t really matter: we didn’t have classes and the Warblers hadn’t scheduled a rehearsal. But there was one appointment I vowed to myself I’d never miss: Coffee at seven.
So when I woke up at 7:17am from the sound of knocking on the door, I was horrified. Shocked. Guilty. I was late for coffee with Kurt and considering how understanding and supportive he’d been through the Josh debacle I felt terrible for having missed the one thing I was able to do for Kurt in return.
I flew out of bed and found myself at the door in record time. Jeff, being the heavy sleeper he is, was sound asleep, completely unaware that anything was happening. I opened the door to find Kurt holding a tray containing two coffees and two breakfast muffins.
“Coffee at seven is our thing, so let’s pretend that it’s seventeen minutes earlier than it actually is,” Kurt greeted me, pushing past me to place the breakfast on the small coffee table in front of the sofa.
“Hey, I’m so sorry, I slept right through my alarm and I just-“
“It’s okay, baby. Given the way our phone conversation ended last night I kinda figured you wouldn’t be up for an early morning start,” Kurt said understandingly, placing napkins on the table and dividing up the goods.
“God. It’s just been so... eugh.”
“I know what you mean. Come here.” Kurt came over to me and pulled me into a warm, tight hug. We stayed that way for a while, just in each others arms, until Kurt finally pulled away and said, “Come on, we don’t want the coffee to get cold.”
We sat next to each other on the sofa and ate and drank in silence. I was still in my uniform from the previous school day, since I’d fallen asleep wearing it. Thankfully, my tie was long gone, otherwise I would’ve strangled myself in my sleep. It wasn’t until Kurt and I had finished our breakfast muffins and were onto the last of our coffees that we noticed how many of my shirt buttons were undone.
“Whoa, Blaine! Hel-lo, chest!”
“What do you- oh...” I said awkwardly, moving to button up my shirt.
“You don’t have to do that, it’s just me.”
“But I can’t just sit here with an exposed chest, that’s weird.”
“Blaine. I’m your BOYFRIEND. You know. That guy that you can talk to about anything, do anything in front of and never be judged.”
“I know, but... it’s my chest, you know? I don’t want it to seem like I’m some creepy lothario guy perving on the younger man.”
“...kinky.”
“Hush, you.”
“But seriously, I just mean that... it’s me. You never ever have to feel embarrassed around me, okay? Besides... you’re kinda hot with your shirt unbuttoned...”
“...oh really?”
“Yeah. Really.”
I sensed that Kurt was trying to take the conversation in a different direction, but after just having revisited my past with Josh I couldn’t even think about doing anything, even with Kurt. I knew that I had to actually tell Kurt the whole story, because it would come up again. And Kurt, being my everything just had to know.
“Kurt,” I said, trying to sound as serious yet as ‘fine’ as possible, “I have to fill you in on some stuff...”
Kurt’s expression immediately changed. He suddenly looked concerned and slightly disconcerted by the quick change of subject, especially considering where the conversation was headed.
“Blaine? Is everything okay?”
I shifted around on the couch to face Kurt entirely. It was going to be hard, I knew that. But I also felt slightly comforted by the fact that Kurt was there, right in front of me, willing to support me in anything. That made it slightly easier to go on.
“I’m... alright. I just have to... uhm. I have to talk to you about Josh.”
Kurt’s expression changed yet again to a more pained look.
“What? What about him? He hasn’t come back, has he?”
“No, he hasn’t... but I need to fill you in on the past...”
“You told me everything when we were walking around the school that day... didn’t you?”
I hung my head in shame, feeling bad that I hadn’t told Kurt sooner. He was closest to me, he had been my everything since the day I met him yet I’d neglected to tell him about the day that changed who I am.
“There’s more to it than that...”
We sat there for hours going over every single detail. As much as it killed me – especially when the tears started falling – I knew I had to power through. I had to tell Kurt absolutely everything. And with every single sentence I spoke, Kurt was there for me. He’d taken my hand, held it there, squeezed it when I needed to be reminded of his presence and just been there.
When I’d finally finished, Kurt’s face was stricken with horror, distaste and just general shock. He still held my hands tightly in his yet I sensed that he was somewhat detached.
“Blaine, why didn’t you tell me this before?”
I sighed, not really knowing the answer to the question but doing the best I could to respond.
“I guess... I’ve never really had anyone to open up to... and it’s hard for me to even think about what happened. It hurts, Kurt. It makes my physically ill and I can’t... I can’t deal with it. I didn’t want to make you have to deal with it to, I suppose...”
Kurt pulled me in so that I was laying on his lap. He began stroking my hair with one hand and just holding his other hand, intertwined with mine, over my heart.
“I know it’s hard and it’s not something you ever want to deal with... but I’m always here. I’m someone you can always count on. I love you, Blaine Anderson, and nothing anyone says or does can ever change that.”
“I love you too, Kurt.”
“And I want you to remember that you need to tell me these things. You make me sick with worry when I can see you’re holding back something that is really affecting you, you know?”
“Yeah,” I said, tightening my grip on Kurt’s hand, “I know.”
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kurt had decided to spend the rest of the day at Dalton with me, calling his dad under the pretence of French revision. Jeff eventually woke up, but upon seeing us on the sofa crying and just holding onto each other, he quickly changed, put his keys and phone in his pocket and left, telling us that if we needed anything all we had to do was text him. Kurt occasionally stood up to browse through our mini-fridge to get the odd snack or drink we’d need, but we spent most of the day on the sofa watching Disney movies and just being with each other.
Before we knew it, it was 4:00pm and that meant that if Kurt was going to be back in Lima on time for dinner, he’d have to leave straight away.
“Baby, you’re gonna have to go...” I said softly, not really wanting Kurt to leave at all.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here.”
I felt an instant burst of warmth when Kurt said that, though I knew it wouldn’t go down with Burt too well if he knew that his son was staying with his boyfriend for the night.
“But, your dad...”
“Is going to understand completely once I talk to him on the phone,” Kurt smiled at me warmly before disentangling himself from the pretzel that we had become and somehow managing to get his phone out of his seriously tight pants. He dialled his father’s number and spoke to him, strolling around the room in doing so. I loved how Kurt didn’t leave the room – it felt as though he was comfortable enough to virtually live there with myself and Jeff. He was part of us.
Kurt had somehow managed to get his dad’s approval (though the one stipulation was that Jeff would be in the room the entire night and Burt WOULD find a way to check) and kissed me on the cheek as he hung up the phone.
“Looks like I’m rooming with you tonight,” he said with a smile.
I moved to get up and go to my dresser to find some spare clothes for Kurt, saying, “It may not be Alexander McQueen, but maybe I can find something for you here.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got a bag packed in my car.”
“...you brought a bag?”
“Of course I did. I heard the way you were talking on the phone last night, and... I don’t know. I just remember feeling like I so badly wanted to be there with you... to be there for you...”
“I’m glad,” I said honestly, eyes locking with Kurt’s as he took a step forward, tilted my chin towards him and pressed our lips together in a gentle, soft kiss.
“I’ll be back in a minute, I’ll just go get my bag, okay?”
“Sure thing. I’ll have a quick shower.”
“Sounds good,” Kurt said, kissing me again before sprinting out the door.
I gathered everything I needed to clean up, except my hair gel, knowing that Kurt liked it better with my unruly curls. I, too, sprinted towards my destination, very much aware of the fact that Kurt could be ridiculously fast when he wanted to be. I didn’t lock the door so that if Kurt beat me back to the room Jeff and I shared then Kurt could get in and make himself at home without any trouble. Jeff wouldn’t mind at all about Kurt staying. Jeff worshipped Kurt.
After the quickest shower known to man, I managed to get myself all scrubbed up and into my Dalton sweatpants and hoodie within two minutes. I then began the journey back towards my room, running into Jeff on the way.
“Hey man, how’re you doing?” he asked me as we walked together down the halls.
“I’m holding up. Kurt’s been... way too good to me.”
Jeff clapped my back. “He’s a good man. He really loves you. I can see it in the way you guys talk, man. It’s amazing.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I wanna find that one day.”
All I could do was smile in response. I knew what Jeff was saying – Kurt was unique, and I know he truly loved me. When we reached the door of our room, I couldn’t wait to get back inside and feel Kurt’s arms around mine.
Jeff tried to turn the doorknob without success.
“Did you lock it?” he asked me.
“No, I left it unlocked because Kurt was coming back to stay the night...”
Jeff took his keys out of his pocket with a furrowed eyebrow and unlocked the door, cautiously stepping inside. I heard shuffling, a muffled voice and what seemed like a plea for help. What the hell is going on?
“BLAINE! HELP!” I heard Kurt’s clear voice scared and panicked.
“SHUT UP, YOU!”
I recognised that voice.
It was the same voice saying the exact same words that had been echoing in my head since the first time I heard them used that way in a Dalton bathroom on graduation day the previous year.
It was Josh.