Maria's POV

Ok, so I'm supposed to tell you my story or something right? That's what Blaine does isn't it? Umm...I guess I should introduce myself? I'm Maria (you probably already know that) Young, I'm 22 years old and I was with my ex-boyfriend Tommy ever since high school and yeah he slapped me around pretty much the whole time we were together but he always said he was sorry and he never beat me really badly until that last time. He's the reason I became a surrogate, he thought it would be a great way to make a shit load of money, on top of all the money I was already being paid he figured I could then refuse to give the couple the baby unless they gave me even more, I never liked that idea but I went along with it until I got to know Kurt and Blaine and I realised I couldn't do that to them...and well I think you know what happened next.

Honestly I probably shouldn't ever made it past the screening process for becoming a surrogate but Tommy taught me how to lie. So I did, I told them I wanted to be a surrogate because of my brother and his husband (I don't even have a brother), I told them everything they wanted to hear including that it wouldn't bother me to give up any rights to the baby. Although at the time I meant it, at the time I had never been pregnant and I didn't know how hard I'd fall for the baby inside of me, how much I'd wish it was mine. I didn't know my first pregnancy would end in such a horrible manner and I didn't know how much it would hurt me when it did, and I don't mean the physical pain for the beating but the psychological pain from losing Kyle. I didn't know how much I would hate myself for bringing that pain into Blaine and Kurt's lives. I was glad that they still wanted me to be their surrogate, I felt like I owed it to them to bring a healthy happy baby into their lives but it kills me to know she'll never call me mom, it kills me that she isn't mine. I mean biologically she is and technically right now I have more rights to her than Blaine does but she's not mine, she'll never be mine, she's his and Kurt's and I know that even though right now at this moment I love her that love will eventually fade but their love for her will only get stronger because they are her parents not me. Which is good as I'm not cut out to be a mom, at least not right now but those two, god those two are meant to be dads.

I try not to let them see how hard this is for me, I don't want them to feel guilty but when they invite me to go shopping for baby clothes or ask my opinion on cloth diapers versus disposable ones it hurts me and I know they don't mean it to but when I picture the baby's life I know I'm not going to be a part of it, we agreed to that from the start and I fully intend to disappear from their lives once she's born it will be better that way for all of us. I know I'm not part of their family so when things happen like when they felt her kick for the first time I sit back and let them have their moment and try to pretend like I'm not there, I'm not involved which is kind of easy as they get so wrapped up in each other and in the baby that they forget other people exist. I don't mean it to sound like I'm saying they are self-centered or anything they aren't any more than any expectant parents are, it's just with them there is a third unrelated person involved in their pregnancy.

I don't know I think my hormones are just messing with my head. I really understand how there are women who do this over and over again after this I'm quitting, I'm never going to be anyone's surrogate again, I'm not cut out for this. I'm just going to move to I don't know Seattle or somewhere and forget all of this ever happened, forget about Tommy and Blaine and Kurt and their little girl and Kyle and all of it. I don't regret being Kurt and Blaine's surrogate, I see how happy this makes them and I can tell they love the baby so much already and from the way she kicks whenever they are around I know she loves them too so of course I can't regret it, I know this was the right thing for me to do just like I know the fact she doesn't kick when I talk to her means she knows I'm not her mommy, ok fine a baby in the uterus can't actually know who its parents are but I don't know I feel like there's a connection between the three of them that I'm not a part of. God, I sound pathetic and depressed. I'm not, honestly I'm not. For the most part I'm extremely happy to be part of this, to be the person who gives these two wonderful men their baby but there are times that are hard, big moments and some not so big ones that mean so much to them but leave me feeling like the outsider I am no matter how hard they try to include me and I know if I told them they would try harder, hell they'd probably let me the baby's Auntie Maria but I can't do that so instead I keep my mouth shut and let them think everything is fine. I close my eyes and think of all the things I'll do once I have my body back and living far away from here, while they plan their future I plan mine.