May 18, 2012, 4:38 p.m.
Everything Changes: Chapter 4
T - Words: 1,360 - Last Updated: May 18, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 4/? - Created: Jan 19, 2012 - Updated: May 18, 2012 597 0 0 0 0
"You never gave me an answer," Kurt said after Blaine had reluctantly picked up the call with nothing by a hello.
"I don't recall a question," Blaine responded not bothering to hide the fact that he was still upset with Kurt.
"Why do you care?"
"About what?"
"About me not telling Joshua about us."
"It doesn't matter Kurt. You said it yourself, it's for the best."
"But it does matter."
"Why did you call Kurt?" Blaine questioned the agitation thick in his voice. Kurt was contradicting himself and it was doing nothing but pushing Blaine's buttons. Kurt wanted nothing to do with Blaine, so why was he calling, why did he care so much about what Blaine thought.
"I don't know. Goodbye."
Kurt hung up the phone before Blaine could say another word.
"He's sorry," Rachel told Blaine during a break from rehearsal. They were both sitting on the floor center stage.
"I don't care."
"Yes, you do."
Blaine sighed ignoring her.
"Look, Blaine. He has his reasons."
"I don't care," Blaine said. He sounded angry and hurt and the truth was, he was. But it was over, it was done. Kurt didn't want anything to do with him, so Blaine was going to give up trying.
"Do you still love him?" Rachel asked.
Blaine didn't answer. The truth was, he wasn't sure. He'd spent so much time just trying to get Kurt to talk to him that he didn't even stop to think about where his feelings for Kurt really landed. They'd barely spoken in five years, it had to be love right?
Two weeks went by and due to some planning on Kurt's (and with probably a little help from Rachel) Blaine managed to stay clear of anything that involved Kurt. Instead, he put all of his energy into the show that he and Rachel were staring it. Opening night was coming up quickly and he needed be focused. He couldn't be distracted by Kurt when there were more important things to worry about.
But even though Blaine could see Kurt in the second row of the tiny theatre, opening night went off without even the tiniest hiccup. Immediately after he'd changed back into his street clothes, Rachel had him by the arm dragging him by the arm to the Italian restaurant down the street for the after party.
Hours later, Blaine was exhausted as he walked into his apartment, the silent a stark contrast to the laughter at the party and the everyday bustle of the streets. He moved quietly as if there was something or someone, in his empty apartment to disturb.
By the time he hit the sheets, the accomplishments of opening night finally being over washed over him, lulling him to sleep.
A sleep he was pulled from suddenly by a rather obnoxious rapping at the front door. It was long after midnight; who could have possibly gotten into his building and be knocking at his door. The knocking got louder, more fevered than before and Blaine, frustrated, pulled himself from his bed.
"Jesus, I'm coming," Blaine muttered still more than half asleep as he shuffled towards the door. Turning the lock and pulling the door open, Blaine was suddenly completely awake as his gaze was brought upon the appearance of Kurt on the other side of his door.
"Kurt," Blaine said.
Kurt stood, leaning against the door frame, not looking at Blaine, his eyes staring unfocused on something inside the apartment.
"Come in?" Blaine offered stepping back to allow Kurt to enter. But Kurt didn't come inside, he didn't move. After a minute, Blaine expected that Kurt would just walk away. That he would forget his reason for coming over and would leave as if he'd never even seen Blaine. He may have only been a few feet from Blaine, but Kurt seemed a million miles away.
Blaine was about to call out to him again before Kurt silently stepped into the apartment and Blaine closed the door behind him.
"Kurt, are you drunk?" Blaine questioned.
"Not as much as I wish I was."
Blaine remained silent.
"New York had always been your dream too. I should have known you'd show up here eventually. I just never planned on you being here again," Kurt said holding his hands close to his chest.
Blaine wondered if Kurt was actually referring to his presence in Kurt's heart or his life. Blaine didn't comment so Kurt continued.
"I don't want you here, Blaine. I don't want you in my life. Rachel and I left Lima and we tried so hard to make sure only the pieces we Okayed came here with us. I didn't okay you, Blaine. You weren't supposed to follow me here. "
"You made a promise to me once. You said you'd never say goodbye to me."
"I did. But you left me Blaine. As far as I'm concerned the moment you pulled out of my driveway, I was under no obligation to keep that promise. I don't owe you anything, Blaine Anderson."
"You're right. But we promised to work on us."
"Neither of us were able to live up to that. Why don't we just call it even and move on Blaine? "
"I don't want to," Blaine said, "not without you."
And there it was. That was where Blaine's feelings landed. He didn't have to say the words but he knew deep down, even though right now Kurt was infuriating, that thing that drew Blaine to Kurt, yeah, that was love.
The words felt like a punch to Kurt's gut, knocking all the wind out of him. He'd spent years waiting to hear those words, years waiting for fate to bring Blaine and him together again. But then Joshua walked through the door at Rachel's party and he stopped waiting. Blaine was out of sight and out of mind; well most of the time.
But now that Blaine was here, physically here. He wasn't a thousand miles away. He wasn't leading him into a rainstorm before jumping into his car and disappearing, he wasn't making a promise to get back in touch in front of the tree that was so much more than bark and wood to them before disappearing once again.
"We've tried this Blaine," Kurt said gesturing between the two of them, "We couldn't make it work. I'm not going to leave the person I'm with, the person that I love, and have it blow up in my face."
"It won't, I promise."
"We've made a lot of promises to each other in our lives. And we've done a terrible job of keeping them. So we should just stop so we can stop hurting each other."
It's the truth, so Blaine doesn't even comment.
"I don't even know why I came here," Kurt said annoyed.
"Why did you Kurt?" Blaine asked, no longer frustrated but suddenly furious. "Because all you've said since you got here, since I got to New York, is how much you wished I'd never shown up again. That I'd stayed out of her your life. So walk away Kurt! Go! I deserve it. If it makes you feel better, if you can, be the one that walks away this time. If you think it'll change something by all means, go!"
Blaine watched as Kurt stood motionless, his eyes focused on Blaine only. Maybe he couldn't do it. Maybe Kurt couldn't just turn around and take the steps away from Blaine and back to Joshua. Blaine looked back at Kurt. He looked him square in the eyes, daring him. Once upon a time they could have entire conversations with little to no actual words being spoken. No Blaine's eyes taunted Kurt's. 'Do it' they whispered, 'Do it.'
And then Kurt did. He turned around and had cleared the threshold before Blaine could even find his voice.
"Goodbye Kurt," Blaine said his voice calmer than he'd imagined it would be at this moment. The moment he always thought would come, but dreaded more than anything else. Kurt froze. He didn't move he didn't turn around; Hell, Blaine couldn't tell if he was even breathing.
And then there was a sharp breath escaping Kurt's lungs. Then the sharp intake of oxygen you take when you're finally giving in to the overwhelming emotions and starting to cry. But Kurt still didn't turn around. He took another step out the door, leaving Blaine's apartment as the door slammed shut behind him.