Chapter 21: Final Chapter!!!!!

 Kurt lay staring at his ceiling, watching the fan circling rhythmically above his head and failing miserably to sleep. Blaine's words repeated over and over again in time to the twirling blades and he groaned in frustration. He wanted so badly to be able to welcome the curly haired man into his life; back into his life if the story was to be believed, but he didn't want to do it based on half-truths and broken memories. Blaine deserved more than that. Blaine wanted all of him and right now Kurt wasn't able to give him that.

 Blaine loved him.

 Kurt knew that. Even if he hadn't heard the words himself in the repeated account of his ‘death' in the hospital room, he would have seen it in the man's eyes, open and utterly vulnerable in the darkened alleyway, silently appealing for Kurt to remember him. Blaine loved him. A beautiful, apparently wonderful man loved him; something Kurt had spent a lifetime longing for.

 And it terrified him.

 He didn't know how to love anyone in that way. He'd obviously been with men before; a fumbled one night stand and a few meaningless dates at college, but he'd never loved any of them. They'd never let him. But Blaine had. Blaine had opened himself up to Kurt and laid himself bare, had taken on Kurt even though it had seemed hopeless, even though he owed him nothing, had wanted to fix him, to love him and Kurt didn't know how to reciprocate.

 He sighed, letting his eyes drift closed and focus on the face always present in the darkness now. Absently his fingers started to redraw the words he'd etched on to Blaine's soft skin, in to the bed sheet, refusing to acknowledge the real reason he'd walked away. It hovered at the edge of his mind, buzzing irritatingly and smothering the warmth that occasionally settled in his heart. He knew now that it was the reason he'd gone. Knew it plagued each positive flash of borrowed memories. The one thing he wasn't able to overcome. Couldn't remember.

 Had he loved him back?

**** 

Blaine stared forlornly into the now cold liquid sloshing around his coffee cup. The clock once again grated against his brain as it recorded another hour of restlessness and the building sat silent in the still dark hours of morning. He hadn't even tried to go to bed. Dirt from the alleyway still clung to his t-shirt and his skin was sticky with grime and sweat from the hours before, but he couldn't even bring himself to care. He didn't want to shower; didn't want to wash off the invisible goodbye that was branded on his skin and finally admit that it was over. He'd tried. He'd told his side. Admitted his love. And still Kurt had walked away. 

 He rubbed absently at the counter, his eyes heavy, his stomach churning emptily. Dragging a shaky breath in though his nose and exhaling deeply, Blaine tried to expel all of the bitterness, the anger and the aching sadness out of his body and when he opened his eyes again, they were focussed a little more clearly.

 Enough now. Enough.

 The words were spoken aloud, quietly and softly but in full resignation. Blaine would get over this. He would move forward and fight against the pain and he would recover.

 He just had to do one last thing.

**** 

The trail was dusty and cool as the sun gently began to rise over the city and Kurt welcomed the soft breeze that danced across his sticky, overwrought skin. A bird skittered somewhere in the trees above him and the soft morning light filtered through the leaves dappling the path ahead.

 Pausing in the slight clearing that had naturally formed part way up the hill, Kurt allowed his breath to steady from his exertions, looking back down across the city that sprawled beneath him. An almost delirious feeling washed over him as his tired body bent and swayed with the cool air wafting around him, relaxing him entirely into the humming energy of the space.

 His legs crumpled beneath him and he sank to the ground, grateful for the stability of the hard earth. The sounds of rustling leaves and the intermittent calls of nature lulled him into a half-waking trance and he succumbed completely to the wave of fatigue that washed over his body, laying back against the sandy earth and closing his eyes to the world.

 Lights coursed like water through him, spiralling, bouncing, tumbling; connecting tiny images and senses and feelings into a string of intricate patterns and codes. His skin trembled as the links flowed through his veins, running from the tiny nerves in his fingertips and toes into every crevice of his body; dancing through organs and muscles and tissue until they reached only one central destination. Electricity jolted into his heart sending his eyes flying open, mouth dragging air into his screaming lungs.

 Kurt lay utterly still, panting as the clearing spun around him and a warm afterglow eventually settled over his twitching skin. He breathed shallowly, blinking against the sunlight that had slashed through the canopy and bathed him, willing his throbbing chest to ease and release. A flush spread through his body, wrapping him in its folds. 

 He remembered.

**** 

The water was cool and comforting as Blaine trailed his toes through it, watching as it distorted and blurred his reflection. Hitching his pants up a little further to avoid splashes; he leant back against the bank of the lake and closed his eyes, breathing in the crisp morning. The tension of the last few weeks eased out of him, flowing from his body in his final acknowledgment of closure and release. To Blaine, this was the place where he needed to say goodbye.

 It had still been dark when he'd started the journey, his bed long abandoned, and the city still sleeping. Now though, the sun had risen slightly and was gently warming his skin as he stretched out against the dusty shore, time unimportant and forgotten. His mind was starting to feel clearer, his heart lighter as he allowed everything to drain out of him into the water at his feet and just surrender to it.

 His fingers began to tap out a rhythm against the ground and he thought back to the excitement that had fluttered once again inside him when he'd begun to play the night before. Music had always been the relief in the darkness. After the school attack, Blaine had been terrified that he might not have been able to play again, the tendons in his arm having been so badly damaged. But he'd defied the injury; doggedly plucking at single notes and chords as the physical wounds healed before finally being able to strum away some of the mental scars. Music had brought him back then and last night it seemed as if maybe it could do it again.

 He might not have Kurt but there was a way to feel alive again and Blaine finally felt like there might be a way forward.

 Easing himself up in to a sitting position, Blaine stirred the water again, enjoying the way it rippled and changed his reflection. He stared down into his own face, tired eyes and unruly hair greeting him back before the water shifted again.

 Blaine froze.

 Pale blue eyes stared back at him.

 The air crackled and a strange hum seemed to reverberate around the two men who paused in their frozen tableau, one stood behind, peering over the seated man's shoulder into the reservoir below.

 Kurt moved silently and sat down carefully beside him, neither man looking up from their own images floating on the surface of the water. Blaine remained immobile, stunned by the other man's now visible reflection; he traced every outline of Kurt's cheeks, running his eyes over every ruffled hair, every contour of his face before finally bringing them to rest on Kurt's own eyes. They were vivid and startlingly clear.

 A hand reached down between them and laced their fingers together, the sensation making Blaine's eyes flutter closed briefly and he inhaled shakily, squeezing back gently. His heart twisted and swelled as he held on to the breath, not quite allowing the hope to claw its way back in.

 Kurt's reflection sought out Blaine; his face open and vulnerable and unmistakably filled with love. The voice was quiet, a gentle whisper that rippled across the water.

 "There you are. I've been looking for you forever."

The End