The first weeks were the adapting period of Kurt’s life in the dormitory. Blaine was polite and funny, he constantly wanted to introduce him to someone, tell a story or just ask questions regarding Kurt’s well-being. Kurt’s heart couldn’t take so much attention at once. So he fell deep and without remorse. His passion bordered with insanity. Blaine was Kurt’s knight in shining armor, a wise guide, and a savior all at once. Every day he couldn’t wait for classes to finish so they could go to the Lima Bean together. Kurt was patiently waiting for Blaine to start calling their coffee rendezvous “dates”. They certainly felt like dates. But because their personal space could go undisturbed by noisy customers, Kurt enjoyed the meetings outside the Lima Bean the most.

Once after Blaine showed him the pompous gardens of Dalton, they spent an entire afternoon there, just sitting under a tree, talking. The next time Kurt met with Mercedes, he told her that in his mind the scenario resembled a romantic picnic, one he had always dreamed of having, though there wasn’t any food. Mercedes noted the small changes in Kurt: his words about Dalton barely had any snarky comments and he was always in a happy mood, his outfits even more elaborate and flamboyant. She was a little bit worried for her best friend’s crazy crush on a guy that seemed a little oblivious. She advised Kurt to show some romantic initiative in his newfound friendship, otherwise the boy might get deluded and leave as quickly as he came into Kurt’s life. Kurt indignantly responded that he was perfectly fine with the pace, it was something he didn’t even dare dream of, and he wouldn’t want to ruin everything by rushing into things. What he didn’t say was that it already seemed too much too soon and he was slightly afraid of how it made him feel, vulnerable and giddy all at once.

But most of all he loved how charming and innocent-like Blaine was. He was certainly very different from the other boys, who always told dirty jokes, talked freely about the porn they’d watched or even bragged about sneaking in girls into their rooms to do god knows what. Kurt’s ears momentarily turned pink during conversations like that, and he was immensely thankful to Blaine, as he managed with great difficulty to change the topic to Warbler’s songs or upcoming movies. Kurt was sure that Blaine had the exact same views on sex, marriage and love as he had, and it made him strangely happy.

A few weeks before Christmas, Kurt was reading his history book at the desk, while Blaine furiously typed an essay on his laptop, headphones on. The sound of raindrops against the glass of the heavy window made Kurt lose focus on the topic and he thought about how much he loved quietly spending his evenings just being in the same room with Blaine. What if they were 20 years older, sitting in a cozy room together, just like now, but happily married? Kurt would be reading the latest issue of a fashion magazine and Blaine would be writing his new book…

A loud knock on the door snapped him out of his daydream, and suddenly David walked in.

- Hey guys! Blaine, could you come to my room? Wes wants you to listen to that new arrangement.

- Yeah, sure, - said Blaine, hopping from the bed.

As the door closed behind them, Kurt saw Blaine’s laptop still open, with the headphones on. Surely it wouldn’t do any harm to take a look at his iTunes library? Blaine’s taste in music was a great mystery to Kurt. Blaine seemed to like just about everything, from top-40s to musicals to disco and Kurt just wanted to find out his all-time favorite album, so he might get it as a present for Christmas. Surely, he could’ve just asked, but that would ruin the surprise. Plus, presenting Blaine with his favorite album without prior notice would make him fall madly with Kurt and they could escape into the sunset on that very same day.

He slowly moved to Blaine’s bed, still internally debating the pros and cons. He sat on the bed and moved the laptop to face him. There were two tabs in the browser. One, currently opened, displayed an article about the French revolution. Kurt moved the cursor to minimize the page, but the other tab caught his eye. “Hot gay guys…” doing what? His heart pumped faster, curiosity overtook him and he nervously clicked on the tab only to discover a blog full of porn. There was a video paused of a young blond man blowing a muscular guy on a bed. He quickly switched tabs and all but launched himself back to his desk. The timing was perfect, as Blaine decided to walk in that very second.

Kurt didn’t want to look in his direction. He felt mortified, and frankly a little betrayed. Obviously Blaine was just as interested in cheap porn as the other guys, if he dared watch a video like that with Kurt still in the room. Wait, does this mean that he does much more than stare at videos when Kurt’s not in the room? A wave of nausea washed over Kurt and he breathed heavily. It was all his fault, anyway. He shouldn’t have invaded his roommate’s personal space.

- Are you fine, Kurt? You’re breathing kind of fast. – Blaine asked.

- Fine, I’m fine, - Kurt’s high-pitched voice echoed in the room, and he wished to run away, - I’m going to take a shower!

The hot water fell on his shoulders as Kurt lost himself in deep thought. Why was he so afraid of sex? The intimacy of the act was surely frightening. Exposing your body for someone to take it, your flaws for someone to see and judge. It must be a display of deep trust, powerful and overwhelming, when you’re in love. It shouldn’t exist in the form of porn, acted and sold for money. He scrubbed absentmindedly at his chest. On the other side, masturbation is something completely different. It does no harm. It’s a tension-reliever. He shouldn’t be so scared of that. And of course he’d done it, he just didn’t feel the constant urge to wrap a hand around his dick. He shouldn’t judge anyone because they felt it, right? Even Blaine liked it, so it shouldn’t be so bad? His head felt heavy with buzzing thoughts.

Coating his fingers with body lotion, Kurt observed it dripping on his wrist and down his hands. He felt his cheeks heat up with a question in his mind. What if Blaine is doing it right now? Kurt’s chest tightened, and breath hitched. Blaine may be sitting on the bed right now, with a hand in his sweatpants, and watching that video with wide eyes. And the only thing separating the two of them is a wall.  He felt hot blood swirl through his veins down to his crotch, felt himself growing hard fast. Maybe he’s pumping quickly, hips thrusting wildly, eager to come, afraid to be caught? Kurt’s hand is moving on its own accord when he reaches down and strokes his cock. Maybe he’s hearing the loud moans and gasps of the two men right in his ears and softly whimpers himself? Kurt felt the heat pool in his belly, his rhythm quickening, and eyes closed, intense guiltless thoughts of Blaine’s imagined arms, chest, ass, cock flashing behind his eyelids. Maybe he’s thinking of me when he comes? That tiny thought pushes him over the edge and Kurt comes all over his hand. Breathing heavily, he presses his forehead to the cool wall of the shower and takes a few moments to calm down.

What the hell has happened? He just came fantasizing over Blaine. He had never had an orgasm that intense, as he had never thought of any boy in particular before. How will he be able to watch Blaine in the eyes now? Everything’s going to be awkward and that will jeopardize and later completely ruin his friendship with Blaine. The best thing to do would be putting his mind under strict control, keeping his intentions and ideas one hundred percent pure from now on. He thoroughly washed away the splashes of come, as if by removing the result he could pretend that nothing happened. Kurt felt ashamed and embarrassed thinking of his only true friend here at Dalton in such an offensive way. But, he admitted to himself in a tiny voice in the deep corner of his mind, it had indeed felt truly amazing.