Secret Urges
tchortique
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Secret Urges: Chapter 10


E - Words: 4,618 - Last Updated: Feb 14, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 10/10 - Created: Jun 11, 2012 - Updated: Feb 14, 2013
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Author's Notes:

 

Kurt was sitting by the piano in the empty hall. The free dance of his fingers on the white ivory keyboards playing a melodic tune, so familiar and graceful, made him straighten up even more on the stool. He paused before pressing down on several keys in an abrupt staccato, and finished the song.

 

Playing made him think, and some time to think was exactly what he needed right now. The cheerful sunlight of spring streamed through the window, while little sunbeams reflecting from his cufflinks were chasing each other on the polished surface of the piano. He couldn’t gather his thoughts, couldn’t concentrate this time. Flipping through several sheets of music he found a sad song that had a melancholic overtone. His fingers started elegantly, slowly pausing and prolonging their stay on the keys where it seemed necessary. But soon the left hand refused to obey and follow the right’s lead, and Kurt stopped at mid-note.

 

A heavy sigh escaped through his lips. He couldn’t understand what was happening to him.

 

He thought of Blaine, his contagious smile. He thought of music, the purity on the sounds. He thought of sex, now an almost obtainable wish. He thought of spring, its light footprints in his life.

 

With the corner of his eye, he saw late Pavarotti’s empty cage, with its little door wide open, the gateway that sets free. Kurt turned to stare at it, and more thoughts came rushing to his mind, like a sudden unleashed torrent, making him bathe in the freshness and the force.

 

He thought about liberty. He thought about power. He thought about love. And once again, he thought about Blaine.
Kurt’s hands reached the keys without hesitation, and played. The tune was raw but easy, profoundly sincere. He didn’t know where the melody came from, he didn’t know if it was supposed to be sad or happy, but his heart made him continue.

 

He played. Repeating the arpeggios over and over again, getting stuck, and experimenting with keys, brushing off mistakes. He couldn’t stop.

 

When Blaine found him in the hall, Kurt was smiling quietly to himself, and his eyes were shining like they never had before.

 

- Are you ready to practice our duet? –Blaine asked, lowering himself next to Kurt on the stool.

 

- I think I am, - Kurt smiled.

 

* * *

 

In hindsight, Kurt should’ve predicted how awkward it must be. He was blushing furiously, and his nervousness already manifested in the way he was ruthlessly scratching at the sticker of a poor shampoo bottle he has begun mindlessly assaulting as soon as they entered that particular aisle.

 

They had a whole elaborate plan with tiny back-up plans, because they both took this matter rather seriously. They decided to skip the Wednesday morning P.E. class to get here, in part due to the fact that the little corner shop would be practically empty. But now that they were here, Kurt didn’t know how the lack of people could help assuage his roaring mind.

 

Blaine was standing right next to him practically immobile and staring at the same shelf, eyes transfixed, and he clearly wasn’t feeling much calmer. Kurt observed him as he swallowed a lump down his throat, and immediately prohibited himself to think of his boyfriend’s Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. Not here, not now.

 

If the bottle of shampoo were a person, by now it would definitely require medical attention. Kurt breathed out and abruptly returned the bottle back to the shelf.

 

- Just take something, - he whispered, voice breaking mid-word.

 

- Uhm, - Blaine let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and took the bright red box.

 

Ribbed for extra pleasure. Kurt’s face flushed as red as the box itself, and he felt himself getting dizzy.

 

- Oh god, - Kurt squeaked loudly, making Blaine jump up, - I think we need something more simple for now.

 

- For now, - Blaine echoed, his voice uncharacteristically high.

 

- Yes, - Kurt nodded, turning slightly to look Blaine in the eyes, to catch some substantial proof that they actually had a previous discussion and mutual agreement on the topic. Blaine’s eyes were pleading and searching, and he was blushing too. He looked so strangely adorable, shy and overwhelmed, completely mirroring Kurt’s own state of mind. At that, Kurt couldn’t help but smile a little, half-hysterical half-amused. Blaine smiled too, and shook his head. They truly were a couple of silly fumbling virgins.

 

- For our first time, - Blaine whispered again, still smiling softly, though his tone was now much more calm. More serious. They have discussed it, they talked about it at length, but Kurt still felt his stomach do a somersault. The prospect was within reach now, and Kurt was losing it with every passing second.

 

His heart was beating wildly, as he stretched his arms clearly aiming at the light-blue box.

 

- Kurt, - Blaine croaked, covering his hand with his own in an attempt to stop him.

 

- It says sensual, why can’t we take sensual? I like sensual, – Kurt blabbered back at him, on the verge of losing his mind. Though they were completely alone, and the cashier desk wasn’t even visible from here, he felt as if a whole crowd of people was staring at him.

 

- The size, - Blaine giggled, indicating the sticker in the corner of the box.

 

And yes, XXL was definitely an exaggeration.

 

- Please pretend that right now I’m my uncool identical twin, - Kurt covered his face with his hands. He’d rather switch places with that non-existent twin this very second, if this whole mission of buying condoms continued in the same manner. Suddenly, he felt Blaine’s reassuring hand pat gently on his back.

 

- Come on, Kurt… Actually, I don’t know if you’re flattering or making fun of me, but I think, uhm, medium would be fitting alright… for me, - his eyes widened momentarily, - But I don’t know for you though…

 

Blaine had the discretion of not glancing down, for which Kurt was immensely grateful. But in that exact moment there was no doubt that he was thinking about the size of Kurt’s dick, and Kurt was a millisecond away from collapsing. He realized too late that Blaine was still producing sounds that resembled very much to the act of talking.

 

- Maybe we should start with the large ones first, I don’t know if… I’ve only ever, uhm, seen you that one time, but judging from… - he was scarlet-red in the face, and probably sweating under that uniform, - Oh god, Kurt, help me out here.

 

- Stop talking, Blaine, please, – Kurt’s voice was verging on Mickey Mouse level of high-pitched, and in a sudden panic attack, he randomly grabbed seven different boxes and all but shoved them in the basket, simultaneously turning on his heels.

 

The cashier didn’t say anything. What she did do, was raise her left eyebrow uncharacteristically high, and stare at both of them with an unblinking gaze. Kurt wondered if she’s like one of those people depicted on famous paintings, who seem to follow you judgingly with their eyes even if you walk away. Only the electric fan was buzzing too loudly in the silence of the shop.

 

- That’d be all? – the cashier suddenly asked, with unmasked amusement.

 

Blaine tentatively and impossibly slow reached to grab a pack of Twix, and carefully put it on the counter next to the seven boxes, all this time staring transfixed at the cashier in the eye, as if checking that he was doing everything right. Bizarrely, Kurt thought of lion-tamers. One wrong movement and you’re dead. He swallowed a lump down his throat.

 

The moment didn’t get any less tense as they paid and received their embarrassing receipt and put the items in a bag and exited the shop as silently as they could.

 

- Well, we survived that, - Blaine stated a little bit too joyfully for it to be sincere, on the way to the car, just as Kurt frantically fumbled in his pockets for the keys. He couldn’t find them anywhere, they were not in his back pockets, not in the jacket, where the hell did he put them? In the haste of it all he suddenly dropped the bag. It fell with a dull thud between them, and the vanilla fragrance yellow box fell out and landed almost on Kurt’s boots.

 

As ridiculous as the whole situation actually was, somehow the tension suddenly snapped like a string cut by sharp scissors and Blaine started laughing so hard, that Kurt couldn’t help but laugh too. It wasn’t funny at all, but they continued laughing for a good five minutes, and by the time they were done, they were breathless and Blaine had his arms around Kurt’s waist, as much for fondness as for support.

 

- We’re a complete and utter mess at this, - Kurt stated, still laughing and wiping tears from the corner of his eye.

 

- We’re gonna get better, love, - Blaine whispered, eyes shining, as he pressed a fleeting kiss to his cheek, - So much better.

 

* * *

 

It was the evening before Prom night. Kurt was laying on the bed, with his head resting gently on Blaine’s lap. He had been intently fabricating two elaborate matching boutonnieres. The process would probably speed up if he were sitting by the table like a serious crafter, but Kurt had no intention of ever leaving the heaven on earth that was the little nest that he had weaved for himself in Blaine’s warmth.

 

Kurt still had one question that insistently nibbled at his conscience. He definitely needed to know the answer, but he didn’t want to upset Blaine by reminding him of something he strived so hard to forget. He looked up at his boyfriend, who was reading and simultaneously chewing a Twix bar as gracefully as only he could. The preppy Dalton boy.

 

- Are you really okay with going to Prom?

 

It took a moment for Blaine to understand Kurt’s concern. He closed the book and put it on the nightstand. The bright red boutonniere suddenly felt heavy in Kurt’s hand.

 

- Yes, - Blaine said after what felt like an eternity, - It’s Dalton, after all. We’ll be completely safe. To tell you the truth, I’ve had some concerns about triggering memories, but…

 

He sighed, passing a hand through his hair, ungelling it a little bit. He was looking at Kurt, his eyes sincere and deep.

 

- I don’t care. Because I’m going with you, Kurt, and you make me so much stronger. It’s going to be brand new memories for the two of us, and we’re going to have so much fun.

 

There was unmistakable conviction in Blaine’s voice, and Kurt couldn’t help but relax against him. Smiling softly, Blaine offered him half a bar of Twix, which Kurt took carefully between his lips. It was all chocolaty deliciousness that made him momentarily close his eyes, savoring, until he felt that Blaine has moved his head closer to him. His steady warm breathing against the sensitive spots of his neck sent a sudden shiver down Kurt’s spine.

 

- Plus, I know that this time after Prom nothing bad will happen, - Blaine murmured in that low voice that always made Kurt’s toes curl, - Only good things planned.

 

Kurt could only blush at that, the beat of his heart deafening in the private galaxy of his existence.

 

* * *

 

The evening had the best start Blaine could’ve ever imagined. Kurt descended the staircase like an angel descending from heaven, all rosy cheeks and deep blue eyes, suit tailored to perfection. With slightly trembling hands he pinned his chic handmade boutonniere to Blaine’s breast pocket. Blaine offered Kurt his hand and asked, with the last words left from how speechless Kurt made him:

 

- Shall we?

 

- We shall, - Kurt responded breathlessly, and took ahold of Blaine’s hand, the same way he did all those months ago.

 

* * *

 

They stumble back in their room in the wee hours in the morning.

 

Kurt doesn’t even remember the title of the duet they sang. He’s tired and his muscles are sore from the dancing. Blaine’s bow tie is untied and askew, also his hair is a total mess. They didn’t drink much, but even a few glasses of champagne for both of them, as they knew perfectly well from past misgivings, could turn into trouble.

 

Blaine can’t stop touching Kurt’s waist all their ridiculous side-stepping way to the bed. He’s there, right there, so strong and warm against him. The shoes and the jackets are gone, and the shirts get untucked.

 

- Kiss me, - Kurt whispers against his mouth, and then suddenly hiccups.

 

Blaine giggles, and pushes him gently on the bed, falling on top of him.

 

- Oh my god, that was so unsexy, - Kurt manages to say with his mind still a little bit foggy, and hiccups again, this time even louder.

 

- No, no, so sexy, Kurt, so sexy, - Blaine mumbles, smooching Kurt’s face with more enthusiasm than class. Kurt struggles to kiss him back, yes, they should be doing this, they wanted, tonight… The last thing he remembers is the fluttering of Blaine’s eyelashes against his cheek, before they both drift off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Even though they wake up during the night for bathroom breaks and taking-off-the-uncomfortable-clothes-breaks and painkillers-breaks and tooth-brushing breaks, when Kurt opens his eyes in the late afternoon he immediately feels his heart flutter, simply because Blaine is there. Pressed so close to him, as if they’re part of an inseparable whole, an entity that has always been one, tangled within each other. It’s incredibly wonderful, and Kurt briefly thinks he’ll never get used to this feeling.

 

Blaine scrunches his face adorably, then opens his eyes to take in the surroundings.

 

- Hi, - he says, voice rough.

 

- You snore, - Kurt blurts out, instead of saying something nice, picking a pleasant thought out of the swarm of buzzing feelings inside of his head.

 

- I do not, - Blaine replies, indignant, though he’s smiling a little bit.

 

- Oh, you so do, - Kurt giggles, he actually does, because Blaine snores, not too loud, but he totally does. And plus it’s accompanied by little puffs of breath, so it’s actually adorable. The fact is unquestionable though.

 

- Not even a bit, - Blaine shakes his head, and tries to wrap his hands around Kurt’s shoulders, shaking him playfully, as if trying to prove a point.

 

- You do! Don’t even start arguing with me, - Kurt insists, rolling on top of Blaine to try and stop Blaine’s hands from kneading at him. He doesn’t try too hard though.

 

- I should know better, I’m the one who has been sleeping in the same room with myself for as long as I can remember, - Blaine grunts, placing his hands on Kurt’s hips, keeping him steady.

 

- You’re ridiculous, - Kurt breathes, and sprawls himself on top of Blaine, failing to keep on fighting.

 

- But you know what? – Blaine asks, a hand wandering to Kurt’s back, - If I hypothetically, let’s say, did suffer from snoring… You know what would be the cure for it?

 

- What?

 

- Kisses.

 

Kurt’s face heats up. He only now realizes that he’s basically lying on top of Blaine, and there are very few layers of clothing between them. Somehow the whole scenario is not terrifying at all.

 

He stares a little bit at Blaine, meeting his hungry gaze and feels butterflies flurrying in his belly. Oh god, just from that look, those dark eyes piercing so deep inside him, Kurt can feel himself twitching in his sweatpants.

 

- Kisses you say? – Kurt manages to ask, voice breathy.

 

- Yeah, - Blaine’s voice breaks too, and he leans forward, propping himself on his elbows, to kiss Kurt’s cheek, just gently. It’s sweet and barely-there and entirely not enough.

 

Unable to resist, Kurt surges to meet Blaine’s lips, claiming him and kissing harder with a soft moan of relief. Lips move on lips, tongue presses against tongue, it’s such a simple movement, really, but at the same time it’s everything. Kurt feels empowered; he doesn’t want to stop, not now, not ever. He just wants to spend an eternity tasting Blaine’s lips, as sweet as ripe peaches. Even though it’s irresistible, after a couple of minutes, Kurt parts away from Blaine, making him groan a little bit in protest, then presses a finger to his lips.

 

- Feel less snore-y? – he asks, tone of voice mischievous.

 

- God, Kurt, - Blaine manages, before kissing Kurt’s finger, and then suddenly enveloping it all and sucking obscenely. It makes something snap inside of Kurt. Blaine’s tongue is doing wonders, and his cheek hollow around Kurt’s finger. Just from the sight of it, all of Kurt’s blood rushes south, his reaction getting more prominent by second. Because, yes, he can’t deny it, he’s already getting hard, and desperately trying to resist the urge to just rub against Blaine like a wild animal.

 

The deep longing he has for the boy in front of him wakes from its lethargy, and suddenly all of Kurt’s caution dissipates like dew in the morning sun. There are pleasant shocks of want, tiny fireworks exploding all through his body, and suddenly Kurt wonders why it took them so long. He doesn’t feel anxious, or scared, only impatient. There’s only one thought in his mind, as he kisses Blaine hungrily, only one thought.

 

- Blaine, Blaine, can I… - He whispers between frantic kisses, between the obscene wet noises they’re making. His hand rests on the taut muscles of Blaine’s stomach, not daring to move down, but desperately wanting it, - Can I? Blaine…

 

Blaine doesn’t seem to hear Kurt’s pleading, he doesn’t reply, kissing at the palm of Kurt’s other hand, then suddenly moves to suck on his wrist. It’s something that Kurt would have never thought in a million years could turn him on, but somehow it does, it’s sinful and beautiful and makes his whole body grow hot and tense. His hand on Blaine’s stomach involuntarily digs its nails deep into his skin, making Blaine shiver in shock and arousal.

 

- Can I? – Kurt repeats, high and clear and on the edge of breaking.

 

- Yeah, yeah, sure, - Blaine babbles, and Kurt isn’t sure if he understood, isn’t sure that Blaine wouldn’t agree to anything at this point.

 

It’s something that he wanted for so long, from that first time he caught Blaine jerking off, to the shower and for all those times when he saw the outline of it in his sweatpants, for all those times when he imagined how Blaine touched himself to dirty movies, dirty magazines, he needed to bring Blaine the same pleasure, even more, with his hand.

 

He kisses Blaine deep, and lets his hand wander below the waistband of his pajama pants, barely brushing over the line of hair that leads him down, down. He cups Blaine’s hot raised length in his hand, and even though there’s that annoying layer of boxer briefs in between, it still makes them both moan into the kiss.

 

Kurt feels bold, he feels breathless and drunk on power. His heart is beating wildly, and it’s hard to coordinate his hand and his mouth, but he doesn’t care, he just wants to have Blaine as close to him as possible. He wants it to be good for Blaine…

 

- Where’s the…? – he pants against Blaine’s ear, and somehow Blaine gets what Kurt’s trying to say and swiftly reaches for the little bottle of lube in his nightstand.

 

It’s probably the same lube that Blaine uses when he masturbates, whenever he’s sure Kurt won’t walk in on him. The thought makes Kurt dizzy with arousal and he involuntarily thrusts against Blaine’s hips. Suddenly he realizes that he’s incredibly hard too.

 

- Stop, - Blaine says suddenly and hoarsely, and with that tiny word Kurt’s whole world crushes. Kurt’s eyes shoot up to meet Blaine’s, and his brain is jumping to conclusions faster than a bolt of lightning. Oh god, he misunderstood everything. Blaine didn’t want this, he changed his mind… Kurt urges himself to roll away a little bit, anxiety already gnawing inside of him. He feels cold all over. Blaine looks at him with a strange gaze he can’t decipher, and it only makes him fear more.

 

- I just imagined… This would be more mutual, - he whispers in Kurt’s ear, insecure and wanting and Kurt’s brain takes a moment to catch up. When it finally does, his eyes widen and he nods, lost for words.

 

And in a few seconds there’s Blaine’s hand coated with lube on his cock, and it feels better than anything Kurt has ever dared to imagine in those nights when he let his imagination run wild. Blaine’s hand envelops him closely, stroking surely but slowly, and Kurt wants to fuck in that tight wet heat of Blaine’s palm, wants to soak his whole hand in his come.

 

It takes all of his strength to concentrate and smear some of the lube on his trembling hand too, and return it to Blaine’s cock. He wants Blaine to feel as good, wants his heart to speed up its beats, wants him to sweat. It’s overwhelming, just touching him, feeling him there, a throbbing shaft and precome dripping from the tip. But then he gets distracted by the rhythmic up-and-down movements of Blaine’s strong hand, and his own hand gets awkwardly trapped in Blaine’s layers.

 

Impatiently, Blaine whines at the sudden stop, and then lowers down his pajama pants and underwear down to mid-thigh and his cock juts free, purpling-red and hard. Kurt’s mind goes hazy with lust, his mouth waters. He wants to take Blaine in his mouth, he wants Blaine’s mouth on himself, he wants Blaine’s straining cock pressing close, wants everything all at once, caution and baby-steps be damned.

 

And then Blaine starts whispering hotly in his ear, quick and debauched, just as the movement of his hand.

 

- Want you, god, want you so much right now, - and Kurt gets it, he knows that Blaine is ready to burst into flames in any second, just as himself.

 

- Please, please, Blaine, - he blurts incoherently, not knowing what exactly he’s begging for.

 

- Need your cock, I need it, want it fucking me so deep, oh god yes please – Blaine groans, and in two more bold strokes from Kurt’s hand, his eyebrows furrow and his mouth drops open, as he starts to come, hot white streaks shooting on Kurt’s hand, on Blaine’s own belly and the mess of their sheets. It’s mesmerizing, and Kurt gasps for every second of it, and just seeing Blaine come so undone under his own hand makes his hips stutter and he spills too, with an unrestrained moan, the streaks of his come mixing with Blaine’s.

 

He surges to kiss Blaine immediately, wet and hot, and slumps a little bit against him. Blaine is too undone to really kiss back, and focuses only on catching avid breaths.

 

As he tries to breathe too, Kurt realizes that there are tears in his eyes. He rolls on his back, staring at the ceiling. He’s overwhelmed, of course he is, he finally crossed something off his list of long-awaited things, he’s had sex with Blaine, and it wasn’t awkward or scary, but just one of the most amazing experiences of his entire life.

 

But at the same time Kurt’s mind is blown because of how natural it had felt, so light-hearted and expected, because it all happened so spontaneously and quickly, just on a lazy morning. After all the preparation and planning and scheduling and setting dates and buying condoms, everything was born for them out of easy banter. He burns with how much he wants to do it again, and again, and again. So much, that he’s physically trembling.

 

- Kurt, are you okay? – Blaine’s voice comes to him a little bit muffled, through what seems like hundreds of layers of thoughts.

 

- I’m… fantastic, - Kurt says, high and panting still. He turns his head slightly to see tears in Blaine’s eyes too, and somehow his heart skips a bit.

 

- We’re no longer virgins, - Blaine states with a tiny, intimate smile, and presses closer to nuzzle at the side of Kurt’s cheek.

 

They don’t say anything for a long time, cuddled against each other in sweat and dried come and listening to the sound of each other’s heartbeat subdue.

 

- Shame we didn’t get to use the condoms though, - Kurt whispers, eyes suddenly widening at the realization that he said it out loud. Blaine laughs, one of those sharp laughs that he often lets out after Kurt’s witty one-liners, especially during practice, when all their fellow Warblers collectively don’t catch Kurt’s humor, but Blaine does, and bursts with pride for his amazing boyfriend and everything he says.

 

- I solemnly promise you they won’t go to waste, not with all the effort it took us to buy them, - Blaine licks his lips, and this promise makes Kurt shiver. There’s a whole world of possibilities open for them now, and they’ve only peeked inside one tiny door. Before his brain gets flooded with thoughts, he says.

 

- We need to clean ourselves up.

 

Blaine tries to untangle himself a little bit from Kurt. He doesn’t put in much effort.

 

- Okay… Even though right now, my love, I’m craving your grilled cheese and garlic sandwiches, or maybe raspberry jam and butter on hot toasts, - Blaine’s voice gets equally dreamy and pleading, and Kurt smiles at him.

 

- I’ll make both for you, but only if you make us coffee, - Kurt presses a sweet kiss to Blaine’s swollen lips.

 

Kurt has no idea how they reached that point, but after a quick shower and the most amazing breakfast in bed, they end up blowing the larger condoms into balloons and having a pillow fight over the last condom in the box, and giggling hysterically all through the process. Kurt has once again tears in his eyes, due to all the laughing, but in part, he admits to himself, is because he’s overwhelmed. Maybe one day he’ll get to tell Blaine just how much their ongoing emotional rollercoaster of a journey has meant to him up to this point. Maybe Blaine already understood everything with only a look.

 

They end up making out, and this time it’s slower and gentler, the steady and insistent rutting of hips, the tender touches and shy kisses. They get to undress each other properly, and hold each other close, discover the secrets of their bodies. Kurt arches his back whenever Blaine kisses his neck, and Blaine whimpers at the flicking of Kurt’s tongue against one of Blaine’s peaked nipples. There’s no rush, just the steady build to relief. And it’s exhilarating.

 

Within several hours of complete and utter silliness that transform into gentle love-making, Kurt’s cuddled up close to Blaine, facing him. He’s sleepy again, his hair sticking funny and watching how Blaine’s long eyelashes flutter against his cheeks, observes the hazel sparks in Blaine’s eyes. Suddenly he feels Blaine’s heart speed up its beats under his palm.

 

- What are you thinking about? – Kurt whispers, even though they’re alone, and feeling as if they’re the only two people left on the whole planet.

 

- You, - Blaine says simply, and Kurt’s breath hitches, making his own heart speed up too.

 

He has found the perfect person to make love to and laugh with, to support and accept, a precious boy who sometimes wants a lot and makes mistakes, an oblivious boy with an generous heart and honest soul. And his heart swells because of how Blaine looks at him, like he’s Blaine’s entire universe. It’s scary, but Kurt is sure that he found the one.

 

The person who loves him the way he is, and who Kurt will love for better and for worse.

 

And this is only the beginning.

 

 

Kurt was sitting by the piano in the empty hall. The free dance of his fingers on the white ivory keyboards playing a melodic tune, so familiar and graceful, made him straighten up even more on the stool. He paused before pressing down on several keys in an abrupt staccato, and finished the song.

 

Playing made him think, and some time to think was exactly what he needed right now. The cheerful sunlight of spring streamed through the window, while little sunbeams reflecting from his cufflinks were chasing each other on the polished surface of the piano. He couldn’t gather his thoughts, couldn’t concentrate this time. Flipping through several sheets of music he found a sad song that had a melancholic overtone. His fingers started elegantly, slowly pausing and prolonging their stay on the keys where it seemed necessary. But soon the left hand refused to obey and follow the right’s lead, and Kurt stopped at mid-note.

 

A heavy sigh escaped through his lips. He couldn’t understand what was happening to him.

 

He thought of Blaine, his contagious smile. He thought of music, the purity on the sounds. He thought of sex, now an almost obtainable wish. He thought of spring, its light footprints in his life.

 

With the corner of his eye, he saw late Pavarotti’s empty cage, with its little door wide open, the gateway that sets free. Kurt turned to stare at it, and more thoughts came rushing to his mind, like a sudden unleashed torrent, making him bathe in the freshness and the force.

 

He thought about liberty. He thought about power. He thought about love. And once again, he thought about Blaine.
Kurt’s hands reached the keys without hesitation, and played. The tune was raw but easy, profoundly sincere. He didn’t know where the melody came from, he didn’t know if it was supposed to be sad or happy, but his heart made him continue.

 

He played. Repeating the arpeggios over and over again, getting stuck, and experimenting with keys, brushing off mistakes. He couldn’t stop.

 

When Blaine found him in the hall, Kurt was smiling quietly to himself, and his eyes were shining like they never had before.

 

- Are you ready to practice our duet? –Blaine asked, lowering himself next to Kurt on the stool.

 

- I think I am, - Kurt smiled.

 

* * *

 

In hindsight, Kurt should’ve predicted how awkward it must be. He was blushing furiously, and his nervousness already manifested in the way he was ruthlessly scratching at the sticker of a poor shampoo bottle he has begun mindlessly assaulting as soon as they entered that particular aisle.

 

They had a whole elaborate plan with tiny back-up plans, because they both took this matter rather seriously. They decided to skip the Wednesday morning P.E. class to get here, in part due to the fact that the little corner shop would be practically empty. But now that they were here, Kurt didn’t know how the lack of people could help assuage his roaring mind.

 

Blaine was standing right next to him practically immobile and staring at the same shelf, eyes transfixed, and he clearly wasn’t feeling much calmer. Kurt observed him as he swallowed a lump down his throat, and immediately prohibited himself to think of his boyfriend’s Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. Not here, not now.

 

If the bottle of shampoo were a person, by now it would definitely require medical attention. Kurt breathed out and abruptly returned the bottle back to the shelf.

 

- Just take something, - he whispered, voice breaking mid-word.

 

- Uhm, - Blaine let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and took the bright red box.

 

Ribbed for extra pleasure. Kurt’s face flushed as red as the box itself, and he felt himself getting dizzy.

 

- Oh god, - Kurt squeaked loudly, making Blaine jump up, - I think we need something more simple for now.

 

- For now, - Blaine echoed, his voice uncharacteristically high.

 

- Yes, - Kurt nodded, turning slightly to look Blaine in the eyes, to catch some substantial proof that they actually had a previous discussion and mutual agreement on the topic. Blaine’s eyes were pleading and searching, and he was blushing too. He looked so strangely adorable, shy and overwhelmed, completely mirroring Kurt’s own state of mind. At that, Kurt couldn’t help but smile a little, half-hysterical half-amused. Blaine smiled too, and shook his head. They truly were a couple of silly fumbling virgins.

 

- For our first time, - Blaine whispered again, still smiling softly, though his tone was now much more calm. More serious. They have discussed it, they talked about it at length, but Kurt still felt his stomach do a somersault. The prospect was within reach now, and Kurt was losing it with every passing second.

 

His heart was beating wildly, as he stretched his arms clearly aiming at the light-blue box.

 

- Kurt, - Blaine croaked, covering his hand with his own in an attempt to stop him.

 

- It says sensual, why can’t we take sensual? I like sensual, – Kurt blabbered back at him, on the verge of losing his mind. Though they were completely alone, and the cashier desk wasn’t even visible from here, he felt as if a whole crowd of people was staring at him.

 

- The size, - Blaine giggled, indicating the sticker in the corner of the box.

 

And yes, XXL was definitely an exaggeration.

 

- Please pretend that right now I’m my uncool identical twin, - Kurt covered his face with his hands. He’d rather switch places with that non-existent twin this very second, if this whole mission of buying condoms continued in the same manner. Suddenly, he felt Blaine’s reassuring hand pat gently on his back.

 

- Come on, Kurt… Actually, I don’t know if you’re flattering or making fun of me, but I think, uhm, medium would be fitting alright… for me, - his eyes widened momentarily, - But I don’t know for you though…

 

Blaine had the discretion of not glancing down, for which Kurt was immensely grateful. But in that exact moment there was no doubt that he was thinking about the size of Kurt’s dick, and Kurt was a millisecond away from collapsing. He realized too late that Blaine was still producing sounds that resembled very much to the act of talking.

 

- Maybe we should start with the large ones first, I don’t know if… I’ve only ever, uhm, seen you that one time, but judging from… - he was scarlet-red in the face, and probably sweating under that uniform, - Oh god, Kurt, help me out here.

 

- Stop talking, Blaine, please, – Kurt’s voice was verging on Mickey Mouse level of high-pitched, and in a sudden panic attack, he randomly grabbed seven different boxes and all but shoved them in the basket, simultaneously turning on his heels.

 

The cashier didn’t say anything. What she did do, was raise her left eyebrow uncharacteristically high, and stare at both of them with an unblinking gaze. Kurt wondered if she’s like one of those people depicted on famous paintings, who seem to follow you judgingly with their eyes even if you walk away. Only the electric fan was buzzing too loudly in the silence of the shop.

 

- That’d be all? – the cashier suddenly asked, with unmasked amusement.

 

Blaine tentatively and impossibly slow reached to grab a pack of Twix, and carefully put it on the counter next to the seven boxes, all this time staring transfixed at the cashier in the eye, as if checking that he was doing everything right. Bizarrely, Kurt thought of lion-tamers. One wrong movement and you’re dead. He swallowed a lump down his throat.

 

The moment didn’t get any less tense as they paid and received their embarrassing receipt and put the items in a bag and exited the shop as silently as they could.

 

- Well, we survived that, - Blaine stated a little bit too joyfully for it to be sincere, on the way to the car, just as Kurt frantically fumbled in his pockets for the keys. He couldn’t find them anywhere, they were not in his back pockets, not in the jacket, where the hell did he put them? In the haste of it all he suddenly dropped the bag. It fell with a dull thud between them, and the vanilla fragrance yellow box fell out and landed almost on Kurt’s boots.

 

As ridiculous as the whole situation actually was, somehow the tension suddenly snapped like a string cut by sharp scissors and Blaine started laughing so hard, that Kurt couldn’t help but laugh too. It wasn’t funny at all, but they continued laughing for a good five minutes, and by the time they were done, they were breathless and Blaine had his arms around Kurt’s waist, as much for fondness as for support.

 

- We’re a complete and utter mess at this, - Kurt stated, still laughing and wiping tears from the corner of his eye.

 

- We’re gonna get better, love, - Blaine whispered, eyes shining, as he pressed a fleeting kiss to his cheek, - So much better.

 

* * *

 

It was the evening before Prom night. Kurt was laying on the bed, with his head resting gently on Blaine’s lap. He had been intently fabricating two elaborate matching boutonnieres. The process would probably speed up if he were sitting by the table like a serious crafter, but Kurt had no intention of ever leaving the heaven on earth that was the little nest that he had weaved for himself in Blaine’s warmth.

 

Kurt still had one question that insistently nibbled at his conscience. He definitely needed to know the answer, but he didn’t want to upset Blaine by reminding him of something he strived so hard to forget. He looked up at his boyfriend, who was reading and simultaneously chewing a Twix bar as gracefully as only he could. The preppy Dalton boy.

 

- Are you really okay with going to Prom?

 

It took a moment for Blaine to understand Kurt’s concern. He closed the book and put it on the nightstand. The bright red boutonniere suddenly felt heavy in Kurt’s hand.

 

- Yes, - Blaine said after what felt like an eternity, - It’s Dalton, after all. We’ll be completely safe. To tell you the truth, I’ve had some concerns about triggering memories, but…

 

He sighed, passing a hand through his hair, ungelling it a little bit. He was looking at Kurt, his eyes sincere and deep.

 

- I don’t care. Because I’m going with you, Kurt, and you make me so much stronger. It’s going to be brand new memories for the two of us, and we’re going to have so much fun.

 

There was unmistakable conviction in Blaine’s voice, and Kurt couldn’t help but relax against him. Smiling softly, Blaine offered him half a bar of Twix, which Kurt took carefully between his lips. It was all chocolaty deliciousness that made him momentarily close his eyes, savoring, until he felt that Blaine has moved his head closer to him. His steady warm breathing against the sensitive spots of his neck sent a sudden shiver down Kurt’s spine.

 

- Plus, I know that this time after Prom nothing bad will happen, - Blaine murmured in that low voice that always made Kurt’s toes curl, - Only good things planned.

 

Kurt could only blush at that, the beat of his heart deafening in the private galaxy of his existence.

 

* * *

 

The evening had the best start Blaine could’ve ever imagined. Kurt descended the staircase like an angel descending from heaven, all rosy cheeks and deep blue eyes, suit tailored to perfection. With slightly trembling hands he pinned his chic handmade boutonniere to Blaine’s breast pocket. Blaine offered Kurt his hand and asked, with the last words left from how speechless Kurt made him:

 

- Shall we?

 

- We shall, - Kurt responded breathlessly, and took ahold of Blaine’s hand, the same way he did all those months ago.

 

* * *

 

They stumble back in their room in the wee hours in the morning.

 

Kurt doesn’t even remember the title of the duet they sang. He’s tired and his muscles are sore from the dancing. Blaine’s bow tie is untied and askew, also his hair is a total mess. They didn’t drink much, but even a few glasses of champagne for both of them, as they knew perfectly well from past misgivings, could turn into trouble.

 

Blaine can’t stop touching Kurt’s waist all their ridiculous side-stepping way to the bed. He’s there, right there, so strong and warm against him. The shoes and the jackets are gone, and the shirts get untucked.

 

- Kiss me, - Kurt whispers against his mouth, and then suddenly hiccups.

 

Blaine giggles, and pushes him gently on the bed, falling on top of him.

 

- Oh my god, that was so unsexy, - Kurt manages to say with his mind still a little bit foggy, and hiccups again, this time even louder.

 

- No, no, so sexy, Kurt, so sexy, - Blaine mumbles, smooching Kurt’s face with more enthusiasm than class. Kurt struggles to kiss him back, yes, they should be doing this, they wanted, tonight… The last thing he remembers is the fluttering of Blaine’s eyelashes against his cheek, before they both drift off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Even though they wake up during the night for bathroom breaks and taking-off-the-uncomfortable-clothes-breaks and painkillers-breaks and tooth-brushing breaks, when Kurt opens his eyes in the late afternoon he immediately feels his heart flutter, simply because Blaine is there. Pressed so close to him, as if they’re part of an inseparable whole, an entity that has always been one, tangled within each other. It’s incredibly wonderful, and Kurt briefly thinks he’ll never get used to this feeling.

 

Blaine scrunches his face adorably, then opens his eyes to take in the surroundings.

 

- Hi, - he says, voice rough.

 

- You snore, - Kurt blurts out, instead of saying something nice, picking a pleasant thought out of the swarm of buzzing feelings inside of his head.

 

- I do not, - Blaine replies, indignant, though he’s smiling a little bit.

 

- Oh, you so do, - Kurt giggles, he actually does, because Blaine snores, not too loud, but he totally does. And plus it’s accompanied by little puffs of breath, so it’s actually adorable. The fact is unquestionable though.

 

- Not even a bit, - Blaine shakes his head, and tries to wrap his hands around Kurt’s shoulders, shaking him playfully, as if trying to prove a point.

 

- You do! Don’t even start arguing with me, - Kurt insists, rolling on top of Blaine to try and stop Blaine’s hands from kneading at him. He doesn’t try too hard though.

 

- I should know better, I’m the one who has been sleeping in the same room with myself for as long as I can remember, - Blaine grunts, placing his hands on Kurt’s hips, keeping him steady.

 

- You’re ridiculous, - Kurt breathes, and sprawls himself on top of Blaine, failing to keep on fighting.

 

- But you know what? – Blaine asks, a hand wandering to Kurt’s back, - If I hypothetically, let’s say, did suffer from snoring… You know what would be the cure for it?

 

- What?

 

- Kisses.

 

Kurt’s face heats up. He only now realizes that he’s basically lying on top of Blaine, and there are very few layers of clothing between them. Somehow the whole scenario is not terrifying at all.

 

He stares a little bit at Blaine, meeting his hungry gaze and feels butterflies flurrying in his belly. Oh god, just from that look, those dark eyes piercing so deep inside him, Kurt can feel himself twitching in his sweatpants.

 

- Kisses you say? – Kurt manages to ask, voice breathy.

 

- Yeah, - Blaine’s voice breaks too, and he leans forward, propping himself on his elbows, to kiss Kurt’s cheek, just gently. It’s sweet and barely-there and entirely not enough.

 

Unable to resist, Kurt surges to meet Blaine’s lips, claiming him and kissing harder with a soft moan of relief. Lips move on lips, tongue presses against tongue, it’s such a simple movement, really, but at the same time it’s everything. Kurt feels empowered; he doesn’t want to stop, not now, not ever. He just wants to spend an eternity tasting Blaine’s lips, as sweet as ripe peaches. Even though it’s irresistible, after a couple of minutes, Kurt parts away from Blaine, making him groan a little bit in protest, then presses a finger to his lips.

 

- Feel less snore-y? – he asks, tone of voice mischievous.

 

- God, Kurt, - Blaine manages, before kissing Kurt’s finger, and then suddenly enveloping it all and sucking obscenely. It makes something snap inside of Kurt. Blaine’s tongue is doing wonders, and his cheek hollow around Kurt’s finger. Just from the sight of it, all of Kurt’s blood rushes south, his reaction getting more prominent by second. Because, yes, he can’t deny it, he’s already getting hard, and desperately trying to resist the urge to just rub against Blaine like a wild animal.

 

The deep longing he has for the boy in front of him wakes from its lethargy, and suddenly all of Kurt’s caution dissipates like dew in the morning sun. There are pleasant shocks of want, tiny fireworks exploding all through his body, and suddenly Kurt wonders why it took them so long. He doesn’t feel anxious, or scared, only impatient. There’s only one thought in his mind, as he kisses Blaine hungrily, only one thought.

 

- Blaine, Blaine, can I… - He whispers between frantic kisses, between the obscene wet noises they’re making. His hand rests on the taut muscles of Blaine’s stomach, not daring to move down, but desperately wanting it, - Can I? Blaine…

 

Blaine doesn’t seem to hear Kurt’s pleading, he doesn’t reply, kissing at the palm of Kurt’s other hand, then suddenly moves to suck on his wrist. It’s something that Kurt would have never thought in a million years could turn him on, but somehow it does, it’s sinful and beautiful and makes his whole body grow hot and tense. His hand on Blaine’s stomach involuntarily digs its nails deep into his skin, making Blaine shiver in shock and arousal.

 

- Can I? – Kurt repeats, high and clear and on the edge of breaking.

 

- Yeah, yeah, sure, - Blaine babbles, and Kurt isn’t sure if he understood, isn’t sure that Blaine wouldn’t agree to anything at this point.

 

It’s something that he wanted for so long, from that first time he caught Blaine jerking off, to the shower and for all those times when he saw the outline of it in his sweatpants, for all those times when he imagined how Blaine touched himself to dirty movies, dirty magazines, he needed to bring Blaine the same pleasure, even more, with his hand.

 

He kisses Blaine deep, and lets his hand wander below the waistband of his pajama pants, barely brushing over the line of hair that leads him down, down. He cups Blaine’s hot raised length in his hand, and even though there’s that annoying layer of boxer briefs in between, it still makes them both moan into the kiss.

 

Kurt feels bold, he feels breathless and drunk on power. His heart is beating wildly, and it’s hard to coordinate his hand and his mouth, but he doesn’t care, he just wants to have Blaine as close to him as possible. He wants it to be good for Blaine…

 

- Where’s the…? – he pants against Blaine’s ear, and somehow Blaine gets what Kurt’s trying to say and swiftly reaches for the little bottle of lube in his nightstand.

 

It’s probably the same lube that Blaine uses when he masturbates, whenever he’s sure Kurt won’t walk in on him. The thought makes Kurt dizzy with arousal and he involuntarily thrusts against Blaine’s hips. Suddenly he realizes that he’s incredibly hard too.

 

- Stop, - Blaine says suddenly and hoarsely, and with that tiny word Kurt’s whole world crushes. Kurt’s eyes shoot up to meet Blaine’s, and his brain is jumping to conclusions faster than a bolt of lightning. Oh god, he misunderstood everything. Blaine didn’t want this, he changed his mind… Kurt urges himself to roll away a little bit, anxiety already gnawing inside of him. He feels cold all over. Blaine looks at him with a strange gaze he can’t decipher, and it only makes him fear more.

 

- I just imagined… This would be more mutual, - he whispers in Kurt’s ear, insecure and wanting and Kurt’s brain takes a moment to catch up. When it finally does, his eyes widen and he nods, lost for words.

 

And in a few seconds there’s Blaine’s hand coated with lube on his cock, and it feels better than anything Kurt has ever dared to imagine in those nights when he let his imagination run wild. Blaine’s hand envelops him closely, stroking surely but slowly, and Kurt wants to fuck in that tight wet heat of Blaine’s palm, wants to soak his whole hand in his come.

 

It takes all of his strength to concentrate and smear some of the lube on his trembling hand too, and return it to Blaine’s cock. He wants Blaine to feel as good, wants his heart to speed up its beats, wants him to sweat. It’s overwhelming, just touching him, feeling him there, a throbbing shaft and precome dripping from the tip. But then he gets distracted by the rhythmic up-and-down movements of Blaine’s strong hand, and his own hand gets awkwardly trapped in Blaine’s layers.

 

Impatiently, Blaine whines at the sudden stop, and then lowers down his pajama pants and underwear down to mid-thigh and his cock juts free, purpling-red and hard. Kurt’s mind goes hazy with lust, his mouth waters. He wants to take Blaine in his mouth, he wants Blaine’s mouth on himself, he wants Blaine’s straining cock pressing close, wants everything all at once, caution and baby-steps be damned.

 

And then Blaine starts whispering hotly in his ear, quick and debauched, just as the movement of his hand.

 

- Want you, god, want you so much right now, - and Kurt gets it, he knows that Blaine is ready to burst into flames in any second, just as himself.

 

- Please, please, Blaine, - he blurts incoherently, not knowing what exactly he’s begging for.

 

- Need your cock, I need it, want it fucking me so deep, oh god yes please – Blaine groans, and in two more bold strokes from Kurt’s hand, his eyebrows furrow and his mouth drops open, as he starts to come, hot white streaks shooting on Kurt’s hand, on Blaine’s own belly and the mess of their sheets. It’s mesmerizing, and Kurt gasps for every second of it, and just seeing Blaine come so undone under his own hand makes his hips stutter and he spills too, with an unrestrained moan, the streaks of his come mixing with Blaine’s.

 

He surges to kiss Blaine immediately, wet and hot, and slumps a little bit against him. Blaine is too undone to really kiss back, and focuses only on catching avid breaths.

 

As he tries to breathe too, Kurt realizes that there are tears in his eyes. He rolls on his back, staring at the ceiling. He’s overwhelmed, of course he is, he finally crossed something off his list of long-awaited things, he’s had sex with Blaine, and it wasn’t awkward or scary, but just one of the most amazing experiences of his entire life.

 

But at the same time Kurt’s mind is blown because of how natural it had felt, so light-hearted and expected, because it all happened so spontaneously and quickly, just on a lazy morning. After all the preparation and planning and scheduling and setting dates and buying condoms, everything was born for them out of easy banter. He burns with how much he wants to do it again, and again, and again. So much, that he’s physically trembling.

 

- Kurt, are you okay? – Blaine’s voice comes to him a little bit muffled, through what seems like hundreds of layers of thoughts.

 

- I’m… fantastic, - Kurt says, high and panting still. He turns his head slightly to see tears in Blaine’s eyes too, and somehow his heart skips a bit.

 

- We’re no longer virgins, - Blaine states with a tiny, intimate smile, and presses closer to nuzzle at the side of Kurt’s cheek.

 

They don’t say anything for a long time, cuddled against each other in sweat and dried come and listening to the sound of each other’s heartbeat subdue.

 

- Shame we didn’t get to use the condoms though, - Kurt whispers, eyes suddenly widening at the realization that he said it out loud. Blaine laughs, one of those sharp laughs that he often lets out after Kurt’s witty one-liners, especially during practice, when all their fellow Warblers collectively don’t catch Kurt’s humor, but Blaine does, and bursts with pride for his amazing boyfriend and everything he says.

 

- I solemnly promise you they won’t go to waste, not with all the effort it took us to buy them, - Blaine licks his lips, and this promise makes Kurt shiver. There’s a whole world of possibilities open for them now, and they’ve only peeked inside one tiny door. Before his brain gets flooded with thoughts, he says.

 

- We need to clean ourselves up.

 

Blaine tries to untangle himself a little bit from Kurt. He doesn’t put in much effort.

 

- Okay… Even though right now, my love, I’m craving your grilled cheese and garlic sandwiches, or maybe raspberry jam and butter on hot toasts, - Blaine’s voice gets equally dreamy and pleading, and Kurt smiles at him.

 

- I’ll make both for you, but only if you make us coffee, - Kurt presses a sweet kiss to Blaine’s swollen lips.

 

Kurt has no idea how they reached that point, but after a quick shower and the most amazing breakfast in bed, they end up blowing the larger condoms into balloons and having a pillow fight over the last condom in the box, and giggling hysterically all through the process. Kurt has once again tears in his eyes, due to all the laughing, but in part, he admits to himself, is because he’s overwhelmed. Maybe one day he’ll get to tell Blaine just how much their ongoing emotional rollercoaster of a journey has meant to him up to this point. Maybe Blaine already understood everything with only a look.

 

They end up making out, and this time it’s slower and gentler, the steady and insistent rutting of hips, the tender touches and shy kisses. They get to undress each other properly, and hold each other close, discover the secrets of their bodies. Kurt arches his back whenever Blaine kisses his neck, and Blaine whimpers at the flicking of Kurt’s tongue against one of Blaine’s peaked nipples. There’s no rush, just the steady build to relief. And it’s exhilarating.

 

Within several hours of complete and utter silliness that transform into gentle love-making, Kurt’s cuddled up close to Blaine, facing him. He’s sleepy again, his hair sticking funny and watching how Blaine’s long eyelashes flutter against his cheeks, observes the hazel sparks in Blaine’s eyes. Suddenly he feels Blaine’s heart speed up its beats under his palm.

 

- What are you thinking about? – Kurt whispers, even though they’re alone, and feeling as if they’re the only two people left on the whole planet.

 

- You, - Blaine says simply, and Kurt’s breath hitches, making his own heart speed up too.

 

He has found the perfect person to make love to and laugh with, to support and accept, a precious boy who sometimes wants a lot and makes mistakes, an oblivious boy with an generous heart and honest soul. And his heart swells because of how Blaine looks at him, like he’s Blaine’s entire universe. It’s scary, but Kurt is sure that he found the one.

 

The person who loves him the way he is, and who Kurt will love for better and for worse.

 

And this is only the beginning.

 


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