March 29, 2013, 7:19 p.m.
One In Four: Family Matters
E - Words: 6,295 - Last Updated: Mar 29, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 94/94 - Created: Jun 10, 2012 - Updated: Mar 29, 2013 344 0 0 0 0
In the morning, Burt went into the office to get some work done while Carole drove Kurt to the doctor's office for the required physical exam. Dr. Hallaway, who had been the Hummels' family doctor since Kurt was born, was more than familiar with Kurt's instabilities and barely batted an eye at the burns peppering Kurt's skin, though he seemed more than sympathetic and did ask where they'd come from. Kurt only replied that he didn't know and Dr. Hallaway backed off the subject, carefully working around the still-healing burns for the rest of the examination.
The afternoon approached much too quickly for Kurt, and during lunch he only seemed to grow more and more agitated. Carole kept a careful eye on him while he ate halfheartedly, but thankfully Kurt stayed where he was and none of the alters snatched the reins from him. Carole knew he was anxious about going to a public place with all of his school friends, most of whom hadn't seen him since he'd left McKinley, but she also knew (or at least hoped) that Kurt understood why the party was important. It wasn't even a party, really. They'd all just be hanging out at the community indoor pool for a few hours and nothing more, so it shouldn't be too stressful on anyone's part.
Kurt helped Carole clean up after lunch, clearly deep in thought and not in the mood to talk, but since he'd managed to stay himself all day so far, Carole wasn't about to push him. Burt came home just after one o'clock and quickly changed out of his suit, then the three of them piled into Burt's truck and drove to downtown Lima.
"Finn's meeting us there?" Kurt said halfway through the car ride. It was the first time he'd spoken since the physical exam that morning.
Carole smiled back at him from the front passenger seat. "Don't worry, he'll be there," she assured her stepson, knowing that Kurt probably wouldn't have been willing to go at all if Finn wasn't going too. "He just spent the morning with Rachel."
Kurt nodded and continued to watch the cars pass by outside the window.
Out of everything that they as a makeshift family had gone through together as they dealt with all the complications from Kurt's illness, Carole was the most shocked by and grateful for the fact that Finn had inadvertently become the rock under Kurt's feet. Obviously Finn would never replace Kurt's father in the area of unconditional support, but Kurt's demeanor was strikingly different between the times Finn was there and when he wasn't.
That horrible, gut-wrenching day in late October a year and a half ago when Finn had called her at work, panicking with Kurt's yells in the background echoing off the locker room walls, had unquestionably been the most confusing and terrifying day in both her own life and Finn's. She had immediately called Burt at the shop, told her boss she'd suddenly come down with the flu, and rushed home to help Burt and Finn force a spitting, thrashing, scratching, screaming Kurt into the house from the car. (She didn't even want to know how they'd managed to get him into the car in the first place.)
She and Finn had stood uselessly by while Burt struggled to restrain Kurt and talked to him rapidly and urgently, neither of them understanding anything that was happening. It had been at least an hour before Kurt started to calm down, even though he'd still seemed to be caught in whatever emotional seizure he'd been having, but Burt had at least managed to get him to stop kicking and hitting. Then, Burt had sternly said "Go to your room, Eleanor," and a tiny spark of understanding had ignited in Carole's brain (though Finn had just been confused further).
Once Kurt had left, Burt had sat Carole and Finn down in the living room and explained everything, and later that night (Kurt still hadn't come back, though by the sound of it he'd only gone to sleep) Carole had stayed up three hours past her usual bedtime talking with Finn.
"Honey, I've already made my decision about it, but if you want to leave, that's completely okay," she'd told him while sitting on the edge of his bed near midnight. "I won't put anything on your shoulders that you don't want, and Burt will just have to understand if that's how you feel."
Finn had gone quiet for several minutes before finally speaking up. "I want to leave," he'd said. "But… I kind of figure Kurt's my brother like it or not now, so… I think I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't stay."
It hadn't been until the next afternoon (after Kurt had returned and recovered from the initial embarrassment of learning that Finn and Carole both knew) that Kurt had been able to, with some coaching from Burt, inform them that the Karofsky kid had kissed him out of nowhere.
And, frankly, Finn had seemed a little more shocked by the fact that Karofsky was gay than he'd been by Kurt's illness, though it was a pretty close second.
As they pulled into the parking lot in front of the fitness center, Carole spotted Finn just climbing out of his own truck with Rachel, who waved excitedly and immediately ran up and ambushed Kurt with a crushing hug.
"Oh my God, I've missed you so much!" she cried, her arms latched around his shoulders.
Carole could see that Kurt was startled by the onslaught of affection, but he did his best to smile and hug Rachel back, telling her he missed her too.
"Hey, dude," Finn gave Kurt a brotherly nudge with his elbow, since both his hands were occupied with a large heavy cooler. "We brought sodas."
"Rachel, honey, could you run in and see how many people are here already?" Carole requested, patting Rachel's shoulder.
"Absolutely," Rachel nodded and trotted through the fitness center's double doors. Finn told the three of them he'd see them inside and followed after her.
Carole looped an arm around Kurt's back. "You ready, sweetheart?"
Kurt took a deep breath, his breath fogging in the air in front of his nose. "Yeah," he said. "Let's get this over with."
Burt smiled and clapped Kurt on the shoulder. "Come on, kiddo. Try to have fun with this, okay? You've got a lot of friends; enjoy them."
At the indoor pool, Rachel was glad to see that the only people present were Glee members. The pool area was always kept nice and warm, but during the winter there were fewer people who wanted to swim laps or even just hang out, so it was actually not a bad idea to host the party there. (She used the term 'party' loosely, however. Before Kurt had been forbidden to come back to school, this would've just been a weekend hangout.)
Setting her bag on one of the chairs by the pool at the back, she took off her coat and did a head count. Everyone in the club had been invited (even Quinn, much to her personal chagrin, though that wasn't up to her and Quinn did want to support Kurt), but so far only six had shown up. Tina and Mike, universally known as The Prompt Ones, were already dunking each other in the water and waved at Rachel when she walked in. Quinn was sitting on the pool's edge with Artie at the shallow end, their feet dangling in the water (Artie's wheelchair was sitting unoccupied but attentively beside them). Brittany and Santana were both reclining in their chairs behind Quinn and Artie, Brittany currently complaining that she wasn't getting tanned fast enough.
"Britt, we're inside," Santana reminded her.
Rachel, who had had the foresight to just wear her bathing suit underneath her clothing, quickly stripped down and then went to join the others at the side of the pool.
"Where's Kurt?" asked Artie, leaning back on his hands.
"He's on his way in with Mr. Hummel and Ms. Hudson," she replied, plopping down and dropping her feet into the warm water. Finn banged through the door then, toting the cooler of sodas.
"Yo, Gigantor!" Artie raised a hand in greeting.
"Do you know who else is coming?" Rachel asked, knowing that Artie was probably the most connected with the entirety of the club (he was, after all, the elected manager of the Glee Club phone tree).
Artie nodded. "So far, pretty much everyone. The only ones I was unclear on were Blaine and Rory. It's still early, though."
"Rory didn't come with Brittany?"
"Britt said something along the lines of her mom making him clean up after a dance rehearsal in the living room gone wrong," Artie replied with a shrug. "At least, I think that's what she was talking about. As for Blaine, who knows? He's just been weird about the whole thing."
"I don't really blame him for that," Quinn cut in from Artie's other side. Rachel had to suppress the urge to reach around Artie and smack her.
The door swung open again, and this time Kurt entered, followed by his dad and Finn's mom. For a moment, Rachel was afraid that Brittany, Tina, and Mike (the only ones in the room who hadn't seen Kurt since his breakdown on school grounds) wouldn't recognize him. He was dressed in a plain pair of sweatpants, an olive green t-shirt with a distinct lack of flair, and the same grey hoodie he'd worn when Rachel and Finn had taken him to the Lima Bean only to run into Quinn. Not to mention his hair, which had really only grown about a quarter of an inch since Carole had buzzed it.
But there was only a half a second of silence before Brittany leaped up from her chair, shrieked in excitement, and threw her arms around Kurt's neck. Kurt jumped at the abruptness of her approach, but returned the hug.
"How was your quest?" she asked once she'd stepped back. "Santana told me all about it. I'm sorry the dragon burned off your hair, cause it was really pretty."
Kurt blinked. "It… was fine," he said, casting a confused look in Santana's direction.
Brittany grinned. "I told you, unicorns always win their quests. I'm glad you're back."
By now, Mike and Tina had climbed out of the pool, Quinn and Santana both standing up to greet Kurt. Rachel was helping Artie back into his chair.
"I don't want to get you wet, dude," said Mike. "But I totally want to hug you right now, too."
It was a moment before the smile spread across Kurt's face, but when it did, he looked genuinely happy for the first time that Rachel had seen since early January. It was only a month and a half, but to Rachel (ever the drama queen) it felt like an eternity.
Within the next twenty minutes, the rest of the Glee members (aside from Blaine, who had yet to be heard from) had showed up and were crowding the pool hall. Carole was lounging and monitoring the soda intake while Burt hung out in the shallow end, staying out of the kids' activities and keeping an eye on Kurt. Finn was doing the same while he laughed and splashed with the rest of the kids, repeatedly glancing over at Kurt every few minutes just to make sure that his posture and expression stayed the same.
Finn was glad that Kurt was wearing a shirt on top of his swim trunks. Kurt didn't need to deal with the stress that would've resulted from the Glee kids seeing the cigarette burns. However, it was really only a matter of minutes before someone noticed the fresh burn on his neck behind his ear.
As Santana climbed atop Puck's shoulders and challenged Kurt to knock her into the water, Finn leaned back against the wall of the pool to watch. Kurt clambered up onto Sam's shoulders and as he and Santana battled it out and the rest of the kids cheered, Rachel swam over to stand next to Finn.
"How do you think he's doing?" she asked, watching Kurt laugh and try to keep his balance on his perch (not an easy task, considering that he was just as tall as Sam was).
"I think he's okay," Finn replied, draping an arm over her shoulders. "Thanks for warning everyone about the hair thing; it'd freak him out if they were asking questions to his face."
Rachel smiled up at him and glanced over to where Mercedes was hanging back, watching the battle between Kurt and Santana with an odd expression that was a mix of pride, love, and fear. "How do you think she's doing?"
Finn looked over the top of Rachel's head. "Think I should talk with her?"
"Maybe. I'm just hoping Kurt doesn't switch while we're here."
"I think you just spoke for everyone on that," Finn replied. He let out a whoop and clapped loudly as Kurt finally succeeded in pushing Santana back off of Puck's shoulders and the Latina disappeared underwater with a big splash.
"HA!" Kurt crowed, pumping his fists above his head. Santana resurfaced with a splutter and a few colorful Spanish swears.
"You think Blaine'll show up?" Finn wondered aloud, glancing down at his girlfriend.
Rachel sighed. "I don't know. I love Blaine and I think he really does care about Kurt just as much as he says he does, but… I don't want Kurt to get upset. So, I hope he doesn't come."
Finn nodded in agreement, unsure of how they'd be able to handle it if Kurt was prompted to a transition. The few people who had actually seen one or two alters still had no idea how to react to them, and that included Rachel.
"Still, don't worry about any of that until you have to," Rachel said, squeezing Finn's hand. "Kurt's having a good time; let him."
After Kurt had finally been knocked into the water by Quinn, he threw up his hands and admitted defeat, allowing Brittany to climb up on Sam's shoulders to take his place. Mercedes tensed involuntarily as Kurt waded through the shallow end to come over and stand beside her, still managing to keep his distance.
"Hey, Cedes," he said, a careful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Hi," she replied. "How are you?" She mentally kicked herself for the stupid question.
Kurt took it in stride, though, and only leaned back against the wall to watch Quinn and Brittany push at each other as he spoke. "I'm not going to lie to you; the last few weeks have been hard," he said slowly, as if he were still thinking out what he wanted to say. "But… but I think I'm starting to feel like I could be better."
For the first time since Mercedes had witnessed Kurt screaming and writhing on the floor of the choir room while Finn pinned him down, she didn't have to force a smile for him. "That's great," she said, the relief in her voice almost tangible. "I've really missed you."
"I missed you too." Kurt returned the smile, finally crossing the nearly-palpable boundary between them and yanking Mercedes into a quick but solid hug. "By the way," he said after pulling back. "I love your swimsuit. This shade of blue really compliments your skin tone."
Mercedes involuntarily let out a chuckle. "Yep, you're definitely Kurt," she said.
There was a shriek and a splash and Kurt and Mercedes looked over to where Quinn had just toppled off of Puck's shoulders, accidentally dragging Puck underwater with her. The both of them came up laughing and coughing as Brittany clapped at her own triumph. Kurt whooped, grinning widely as Puck tried to get the water out of his ears.
Something out of the corner of Mercedes' eye caught her attention, and her eyebrows snapped together. "Kurt, what is that?" she asked.
His attention was redirected back to her. "What's what?"
"On your neck," she said, reaching up towards his face to turn his head. "Let me see."
Abruptly, Kurt flinched away, the water splashing a little around his torso. Mercedes yanked her hand back into her own personal space, confused by his reaction. He immediately looked apologetic, avoiding her inquiring gaze and very purposefully turning to the left so that she wasn't able to see the odd-looking mark in the depression behind his ear.
"Um, sorry," he said, seeming to be slightly confused by his own actions. Mercedes frowned, noticing over Kurt's shoulder that Mr. Hummel had seen the odd exchange and was making his way over.
"Are you okay?" she asked. "Did I do something?"
Kurt shook his head, but was still agitated and not meeting her gaze, clearly staying at least three feet back on purpose. "No, no," he said. "Of course not. I just…"
His shoulders slumped and he blinked a few times, then glanced around himself in confusion.
Mr. Hummel finally reached them, worriedly glancing back and forth between Kurt and Mercedes. "Kurt, you alright?"
Kurt blinked again. "Kurt went to sleep," he said, and Mercedes nearly jumped out of her skin at the small, impossibly young voice that came out of Kurt's mouth.
Mr. Hummel calmly placed a firm hand on Kurt's shoulder. "Zack, I need you to do me a favor and bring Kurt back, okay?" he said. "Right now. Think you can do that?"
Kurt shook his head resolutely. "Nope."
He failed to hide a wide smile, and Mercedes tried not to let herself shudder. This particular alter wasn't really threatening, but that didn't make it any less disturbing to see Kurt suddenly revert into a child. Mercedes wanted to scream and shake him to snap the hell out of it.
"Zack—" Burt started.
Kurt shook his head again, giggling. "I want to go swimming."
Blaine really wasn't sure what had made him decide to suck it up and drive to the Lima community pool where he knew the party for Kurt was taking place (and why the hell had they picked a pool, anyways?), but he didn't really want to put much thought into it. He pulled his car into the parking lot and locked it behind him, shivering slightly in the late February chill. He pushed through the double doors and was enveloped by the warm air inside, making his way past the front desk and down the hallway to the locker room and from there to the door marked INDOOR POOL.
He paused for a moment, taking a few slow, deep breaths to try and calm his nerves. He'd attempted several times already to convince himself that he hadn't just been invited as a barely-concealed reluctant courtesy, but that hadn't worked so well.
He swallowed the lump of trepidation that seemed to be lodged in his esophagus and walked through the door, then stopped short. He didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it certainly wasn't this.
There was nothing wrong, but at the same time… everything was wrong.
They were having fun. All of the Glee kids were already there, and everybody (except for Burt and Carole, who were hanging back against the wall and just enjoying the spectacle) was completely engaged in a game of haphazard water polo in the shallow end. They were laughing and swimming as they flailed to keep the ball in the air, and Kurt was fully participating despite the fact it was immediately obvious that Kurt was not there.
Rachel yelped as the ball came whizzing toward her from Mike's direction and quickly swatted it towards Sam, who smacked it back up into the air. Kurt leaped up and caught it, falling back into the water with a splash. He kicked around for a few seconds trying to right himself before Finn, who had been standing attentively next to him, reached down and snatched him back up above the surface. Kurt gave a wide, toothy grin and blinked water out of his eyes.
"You okay?" Blaine heard Finn ask, half concerned and half amused.
Rather than answer, Kurt giggled and tossed the ball playfully at Puck's head. Puck pretended not to see the ball and allowed it to smack him on the ear, letting out an exaggerated "Ow!" quickly followed by "I am so going to get you for that!" Kurt shrieked and darted back, still giggling as Puck chased after him.
Blaine didn't know what was more shocking – the fact that Burt, Carole, and Finn all seemed completely okay with this, or that the rest of the kids were okay with it too.
He must have stood there watching the goings-on in the pool for at least a full minute before Brittany noticed his presence and waved at him. "Hi, Blaine! Come on in!"
Blaine flinched as every head in the pool hall (except for Kurt, for whom Blaine's name currently held no meaning whatsoever) turned towards him in surprise, a few of them glancing back and forth between him and Kurt with an expression not unlike pity.
"You're late, Anderson," Artie called from where he was lounging in an inflatable chair on top of the water, his pale skinny legs stretched out in front of him.
"S-sorry," Blaine replied lamely, keenly aware that Finn was watching him intently (along with Rachel and Mercedes, but the look was much more nerve-wracking coming from Finn).
"ZACK!" Burt barked abruptly, causing everyone to jump. Kurt froze where he was, looking oddly like a mouse. "I told you to splash over there!"
"Okay," Kurt replied simply, immediately turning his attention to Finn. "Finn, can you do the rocket?"
Finn cast one final suspicious look in Blaine's direction before nodding. "Sure," he said. "Come on, you know the drill." He interlocked his fingers and stuck his hands below the water, allowing Kurt to plant a foot on his joint palms. Kurt braced his hands on Finn's shoulders and they counted loudly together, Kurt's mouth stretched to a full grin all the while.
"Five! Four! Three! Two! One! LIFT OFF!"
How Finn managed to launch Kurt's entire weight up and over his shoulder, Blaine would never know.
After today, Tina was pretty sure she deserved to win the Multitasker Of The Year award, should such an award actually exist. Her figurative radar screen had been forced to its limits within the past hour and a half, including not just Kurt and the people closest to him, but everyone else as well. She was constantly on the lookout for anything that held a remote possibility of triggering a switch, and once Zack had taken Kurt's place, Tina was even more alert.
Part of the reason she was having a difficult time keeping an eye on everyone else was that it was so weird seeing Kurt act so childishly. It was Kurt's face and Kurt's body, but it just was not Kurt, and Tina couldn't fathom how Quinn was still maintaining that Kurt was there and aware of what he was doing.
She supposed it could be possible that Quinn was just kind of in denial, not wanting to accept that something this real could be happening inside the head of someone she knew so well, but Tina didn't think that was any excuse.
So, when she heard Quinn speak to Kurt and actually call him Kurt to his face for the fifth time since Zack had shown up, Tina tapped Quinn on the shoulder and asked to talk with her off to the side, making it clear that she was not asking.
"What's wrong?" Quinn said once the two of them had climbed out of the pool and retreated to the wall near the door to the locker room.
"You need to stop," Tina snapped, keeping her voice down so as not to catch the others' attention.
Quinn blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Just stop. Kurt isn't here right now, and talking to Zack the way you are is only going to make things worse."
"What are you talking about?"
Tina gritted her teeth for a second. "You keep calling him Kurt. It's not Kurt; it's Zack."
Quinn's eyebrow quirked. "Actually, that is the same boy who's been in school with us for the past four years."
"It's his body," Tina insisted, her voice dropping to a hiss. "And even if it was Kurt, it's not your place to preach at him about just snapping out of it, okay? It's our job to make sure he knows he's supported – that's it."
Quinn's eyes narrowed at her. "You think I don't support Kurt?"
"Not if you're not willing to back off," Tina replied evenly. "Zack is four. He doesn't know how he's supposed to react when you talk to him like a grown-up. You might trigger another switch."
"Tina, in case you haven't noticed, Kurt is a grown-up," Quinn retorted.
"Have you even seen a four-year-old kid before?" Tina asked incredulously, miraculously managing to keep her voice down. "You can't act this much like one unless you are one."
"For God's sake, Kurt is not four," Quinn spat, exasperated.
"It doesn't matter!" Tina cried. "It's not your job to pry into what he's doing, whether or not he chooses it! So just stop it, or you'll have to leave."
Quinn nearly laughed in disbelief. "You'd kick me out of a Glee party?"
"This isn't a Glee party, and no, I wouldn't. But Mr. Hummel would, and so would Ms. Hudson, and Finn, and everyone else."
Quinn pressed her mouth into a thin line for several seconds, then exhaled heavily, planting her hands on her hips. "Fine. I'll treat my eighteen-year-old friend like a toddler just to make him happy."
Tina shook her head, holding out a hand to stop Quinn from brushing by and heading back to the pool. "No, don't do it to make him happy. Do it to protect yourself, because if he switches again and it's your fault? You don't know what he might do."
After being at the pool for an hour, Blaine still felt like he wasn't quite welcome. The other kids hadn't protested when he joined their games, but he couldn't help feeling like Finn and Burt were watching him the entire time, constantly monitoring his every move to see if he did something that might set Kurt off. So far, Blaine had avoided any direct interaction with Kurt, and Kurt hadn't noticed at all since he was too busy having fun with the other kids.
"Dad, can I go off the diving board?" Kurt called, out of breath from wrestling with Puck and Finn in the shallow end, much to the bemusement of their audience.
Burt frowned for a second in consideration. "Uh, yeah, okay. So long as Finn's there with you," he said.
"Yes!" Kurt cried, already climbing up the ladder and out of the pool. Finn kicked off the wall, swimming towards the deep end.
"Zack, no running!" Burt shouted, but it was too late.
Kurt's feet slipped out from under him and his body crashed onto the tiled floor close to the edge of the pool, skidding for an inch or two. All the girls and a few of the guys collectively gasped, already moving towards where Kurt had landed. Before he even knew what had happened, Blaine had hoisted himself out of the pool and crouched down next to Kurt, who was clutching his head and repeating, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow."
"Ku— Zack?" Blaine prodded, helping Kurt sit up. Burt was already there, kneeling on the floor next to them. "Are you all right?"
"My head hurts," Kurt stated, his features scrunched up as he rubbed at the spot on the back of his skull that had smacked against the floor. He turned his head to the side to allow Blaine to look at it.
Finn finally made it to the edge of the pool, clambering out and dropping to his knees next to Blaine. "Is he okay?" he asked, already checking over Kurt's limbs for visible injuries.
"I think so," Blaine said. "Just hit his head a little."
"Do I have to go to the doctor?" Kurt asked.
Burt patted his leg. "Nah, you're okay. Come on." Kurt grabbed one of Burt's hands and one of Blaine's and let them pull him onto his feet. "Okay, now let's walk to the diving board," said Burt.
Kurt giggled and ducked his head.
"Are you all right?" Rachel appeared by Blaine's elbow as Kurt followed his dad to the diving board. Finn dove back into the water and swam in the same direction, ready to make sure Kurt wouldn't sink after jumping in.
Blaine watched as Kurt climbed up the steps to the board, Burt coaching him all the way. "He doesn't recognize me," he said.
Rachel sighed, reaching down to link her fingers with Blaine's. "Yeah, I know."
Kurt leaped off the edge of the board, plunging straight into the water, and Finn was there to pull him back up.
Zack didn't leave until later that night, during dinner at home. They had all dried off from the pool and were sitting at the table eating meatloaf, listening to Kurt animatedly chatter about the awesome jumps he'd done from the diving board. Mid-sentence, Kurt's fork dropped from his hand and clattered loudly against his plate as his eyelids fluttered for a moment, and Zack was gone.
"Kurt?" said Carole hopefully.
Kurt blinked, dazed but aware of his surroundings. "How long was I out?"
"Five hours, give or take," Burt answered, relieved to hear his son talking.
Finn watched as Kurt's face contorted for a split second. "Wait, did… did we have to cancel the party?"
"Nope," said Burt, taking another bite of food. "Zack showed up, but everyone had a blast. It was a good day."
Kurt frowned. "A good day without me, apparently."
Burt paused. "You know that's not what I meant, Kurt."
Finn held his tongue as Kurt swallowed, exhaled slowly, then calmly stood up from the table.
"I'm not very hungry," he said, striding out of the room.
Burt immediately moved to go after him, but Finn stopped him. "Wait, I'll talk to him," he said, tossing his napkin next to his plate and following his stepbrother down the hall and upstairs.
He found Kurt in his bedroom, lying on his side on top of the covers and facing away from the door. "You still here, dude?"
"Don't call me dude," Kurt replied, and probably would have sounded snappish if Kurt had had the energy.
"Yep, still here," Finn answered himself, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed by Kurt's feet.
Kurt's gaze didn't waver from darkened evening sky outside the window. "Finn, I appreciate the effort, but I'm really not in the mood for a pep talk right now."
"I wasn't planning on giving you one."
Kurt finally glanced back at him, but it was brief.
"Why are you so upset?" Finn asked, genuinely confused. "The party went totally smooth. Nothing bad happened."
Kurt didn't say anything.
After a long, uncomfortable silence, Finn spoke up again. "Okay, the whole silent treatment thing is kinda creeping me out, so can you just talk to me? Please?"
"They all saw me, Finn. All of them."
The admission was so quiet that Finn wasn't sure he'd heard it, but once he'd actually absorbed the information and realized what it meant, his stomach twisted. "Crap, Kurt, I didn't— I didn't even think about that."
"It's fine."
"No, it's— crap. I'm such an idiot."
Finn mentally kicked himself, hard, for not realizing just how much it would mean to Kurt if everyone in their social circle saw even one of the alters. He'd spent too much energy and brainpower worrying over how the others would react to Kurt and hadn't even stopped to think about how that might've gone the other way around.
He sighed, then abruptly stood up.
"Where are you going?" asked Kurt wearily.
"I'll be right back."
Finn strode out of the room and down the hall to his own bedroom, snatched the small-ish package wrapped in recycled Christmas paper off of his desk, and quickly returned to Kurt's room. Plopping back down on the bed, he held the package out.
"…What is this," said Kurt, eyeing it in confusion.
"It's from everyone in the club," Finn replied. "Something to take with you to the hospital, or wherever else you want to bring it. Everyone else wanted to give it to you at the pool today, but since Zack was there I told them I'd give it to you tomorrow. I figured you could use it now, though."
Kurt sat up, still frowning, and hesitantly took the package out of Finn's hands.
"It was Puck's idea, so if you hate it you can blame him," Finn added hastily.
"Good to know."
Kurt pulled at the wrapping paper, ripping it away to reveal plain white cloth. "You got me a shirt?" he said, grabbing the shirt by the shoulder seams and shaking it out. "If it says 'I heart New York' I swear I will—"
He froze, staring at the front of the shirt.
Finn swallowed, unsure of how Kurt might react to it.
Kurt's mouth opened and closed soundlessly for a moment before he was able to utter, "Is this…?"
Finn nodded. "Yeah, to replace your Likes Boys t-shirt. I mean, we all know you're not exactly insecure about that. Not anymore, anyways."
Kurt's eyes were brimming, but Finn couldn't tell if that was good or bad.
"If you hate it, that's totally okay…" he said nervously.
Kurt was still staring at the front of the shirt, which was making Finn more and more anxious by the second.
"Are you—"
Finn's question was cut off as Kurt suddenly turned and threw his arms around him, hugging him tighter than he had in a long time. "Thank you," Kurt choked out, his voice thick. Finn could feel Kurt's ribs shuddering as he returned the embrace.
"You're going to win this, Kurt," Finn said. "I know it."
Kurt sniffed and drew out of the hug, his face wet and blotchy from crying. "You said this was Puck's idea?" he hiccoughed.
Finn grinned. "Yeah. Who would've thought, right?"
Kurt shook his head, smiling shakily and fingering the hem of the shirt in his lap. "Give Puck a hug for me at school on Monday," he said.
"I'm not sure he really does hugs, but I'll pass on a fist bump if you want."
Kurt let out a laugh, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "Deal."
After Finn had gone back down to dinner, Kurt held up the shirt again, fighting a fresh stream of tears as he stared at its front. His heart knocking against his ribcage, he stood up and pulled off the shirt he was already wearing, taking care not to look down at the constellation of burns on his torso.
His breath speeding up and his pulse roaring in his ears, he pulled the new shirt over his head. Zack had destroyed his mirror, so Kurt looked at his reflection in the window.
This was who he was.
A skinny-ish boy/man who looked like he'd been tied to the back of a truck and dragged in every direction possible, standing in front of his own transparent reflection in a darkened glass windowpane, with a solid black 8 emblazoned on his chest.
This was who he was.
Finn was dreaming that he and Rachel were in the park together at night, lying back and watching the stars. It was an awfully sappy dream for an eighteen-year-old guy, but he figured Rachel was rubbing off on him after three years of off-and-on dating. Her tiny frame was curled up against his side with her head resting in the crook of his shoulder, his fingers running absentmindedly through the ends of her hair.
They weren't doing anything, and – again, surprisingly for an eighteen-year-old guy – he was fine with that. But after a little while Dream-Rachel seemed to change her mind and decide she wanted to go a little further, pressing a kiss to his mouth and not-so-subtly draping a leg over his waist.
He smiled against her lips – this was his favorite kind of dream. Where he and Rachel could go all the way, but he wouldn't have to feel guilty about dreaming it because it was still somehow romantic.
Okay, she was rubbing off on him a lot more than he thought.
By this point, Dream-Rachel had climbed over to straddle him, and his heart rate was beginning to pick up. Her hand went between his legs, over his jeans, and the friction caused a pleasant twinge.
"Never thought we'd be doing this outside," he grinned when she pulled away for a moment to take off her shirt.
She smiled back. "Well, I'm always open to new experiences," she said, and something clicked in Finn's head. Her voice was… not right, somehow. The hairs on his arms prickled.
She leaned in for another heated kiss, but he stopped her. "Wait, Rachel—"
Her smile stretched, and Finn suddenly felt pure terror tug at his stomach, though he couldn't exactly figure out where it was coming from.
"Not Rachel," she said, her voice still distorted. Her eyes glinted and her hand returned to his nether region. "Come on, hot stuff. I know you want to fuck."
Finn's eyes opened wide. Rachel Berry did not talk like that, and now he was definitely not in the mood for what she was trying to accomplish. Her fingers were pulling at his jeans, unbuckling the belt and jerking the zipper.
"Rachel, stop!"
Before he could push her off, her hands slammed into his chest and pinned him to the ground. His head hit the hard dirt and he blinked, suddenly staring at his bedroom ceiling, fully awake.
The relief only lasted for a split second. He felt the waistband of his boxers being stretched, and warm skin that did not belong to him was rubbing against him between his legs. Raising his head, his reflexes took over and he yelled, his legs thrashing. The movement threw him roughly off of the bed and he scrabbled back to his feet, breathing hard.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Finn cried, every hair on his body standing on end. He was nauseous and dizzy, pressed back against the wall, and he wanted nothing more than to be sick right then and there. Every nerve cell felt charged with static.
Kurt's lip curled, and he rubbed his chest. "You kicked me, asshole," he said, stepping nimbly off the bed.
"What are you doing?!"
"I was about to get off," Kurt replied, as if it should have been obvious. "But you put a damper on the mood, so fuck you." He turned and left, slamming the door behind him. A moment later, Finn heard Kurt's bedroom door slam as well.
Finn suddenly felt a desperate need to shed his entire skin, just to be rid of this disgusting feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he rushed down the hall to the bathroom to vomit into the toilet. After rinsing out his mouth, he went back to his room and made sure to lock the door.