March 29, 2013, 7:19 p.m.
One In Four: Wagon Wheel
E - Words: 2,468 - Last Updated: Mar 29, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 94/94 - Created: Jun 10, 2012 - Updated: Mar 29, 2013 325 0 0 0 0
Tina could honestly say that there wasn't much that scared her. She'd had a lot of problems with fears up until sophomore year (okay, so, not that long ago), but she must have had some kind of intellectual growth spurt between then and now, because she didn't find herself panicking over anything any more. She no longer stayed awake for hours at night worrying about a solo Mr. Schue was forcing her to sing, and now readily volunteered to sing in front of the group. She didn't have to duck her head while walking through the school corridors, and could even make eye contact with the cheerleader and jock population without reallybeing scared of their slushies. Plus, she'd always been able to handle scary movies without so much as a flinch.
Scary movies were one thing, though. This hurricane surrounding Kurt was another.
She wasn't sure if the idea of Kurt being splintered into so many people was scary, per se, but it was hard for her to fully absorb and so she was having a difficult time feeling anything distinguishable about it. She couldn't quite wrap her head around it despite the fact that she'd been there with Mike, Artie, Rachel, and Puck, standing outside the choir room while Kurt tore himself apart. Mostly it was just hard to reconcile this new version of Kurt with Kurt. She didn't know what exactly had made Kurt break, so she didn't know if she had a right to be mad at it.
And, to be honest, she didn't know that she even believed he was broken. Maybe just bent. It didn't make any sense for someone to be that damaged.
She supposed she was a little angry at Kurt for not telling them what was going on – she could see where Blaine was coming from, though she'd never say that out loud with Rachel, Finn, or Mercedes in the room. She didn't blame Blaine for being pissed off – she probably would have done the same with Mike, if that were the case – and even though she thought he could and shouldhave dealt with it better, she wasn't about to jump down his throat about it. It would only make things worse.
As for Finn (and Kurt's dad and Finn's mom), Tina felt bad. She liked to think she had a pretty good handle on Finn's character after spending three years in a mutual social circle, and more than anything Finn was naïve. Too naïve to be forced into handling a brother who screamed at nothing and cut off his own hair and supposedly morphed into different people at random intervals. Was it really any wonder that Finn hadn't been planning for the next year when he was so occupied with keeping Kurt from falling apart?
For the most part, Tina kept her opinions to herself. The biggest reason for this was that she wanted no part in the repeated clashing between Quinn and Finn, and she didn't want to do anything to incur the combined wrath of Rachel and Mercedes.
Considering this, it might have been a little strange for Tina to be spending Wednesday study hall at a library table with those exact people (except for Finn, who had Spanish class), but Tina made a point to not be dramatic about it. So rather than purposefully taking a seat on the other side of the room and silently brooding over her history homework, she sat next to Quinn on one side of the table while Rachel and Mercedes sat opposite, and they all worked quietly under an unspoken truce.
Of course, Rachel was never one to let the elephant in the room slide, nor was she the type of person who glossed over drama, so naturally it was Rachel who spoke up and broke the truce.
"Mercedes, why haven't you visited Kurt?"
Mercedes frowned, lifting her head up from her Advanced Algebra textbook. Tina and Quinn both paused as well, all three of them surprised by the abrupt question.
"I… have," said Mercedes slowly.
"Not recently, though," Rachel clarified, keeping her voice somewhat low so as not to attract the attention of the librarian. "You didn't come with me when he was in the hospital. Finn says you're avoiding him."
Mercedes' face hardened and she dropped her pencil onto her notebook. "Why would I be avoiding him?" she demanded. "That's ridiculous."
Tina decided not to comment on how Mercedes was being a little too defensive.
"Actually, it's not," Quinn cut in, and Mercedes' eyes snapped over to glare at her. "After everything that's happened, it's understandable that you'd be afraid of him."
"I'm not afraid of him!" Mercedes insisted. "I've just been… busy."
"Rachel's been busy too but she made time," Tina interjected.
"You're one to talk," Mercedes scoffed.
Tina sighed. "I'm not as close to him as you are," she said carefully. "I don't want him to feel crowded, and he'd prefer you over me any day."
"I haven't been avoiding him," Mercedes repeated.
"Fine," Tina said calmly, backing out of the debate. One thing she was good at: not pushing buttons. She turned her attention to Rachel, hoping to save Mercedes from some of the scrutiny. "Have you heard anything? When's Kurt going into the hospital?"
Rachel took the bait, and Tina didn't miss how Mercedes visibly relaxed once the focus was shifted. "His interview is today, so they'll know by tonight. I'll talk to Finn later and find out how it went."
"Why does he need an interview?" Tina asked, genuinely curious. "Don't they just admit people who need it?"
"Well, there are always people who are faking for attention," Rachel shrugged, running a bright pink Hi-Liter over her textbook. "And once they determine that Kurt actually has a problem, they have to make sure that they offer the specific services he needs."
"Really? I thought mental hospitals were more of a one-size-fits-all thing."
Rachel shot Tina an almost-scathingly judgmental glance. "Tina," she said patiently. "There's such a massive spectrum of mental illness that one hospital, no matter how large and well-funded, could never be able to treat everything. How can you be so narrow-minded?"
Tina raised her hands placatingly. "Okay, sorry. My mistake."
Rachel let out a little hmph and went back to highlighting her book. "Plus," she added. "The admission doctor has to make sure that Kurt won't be a danger to the other patients. Or at least not so bad that they won't be able to handle—"
Mercedes lurched to her feet, not even bothering to pack up her things before she crossed her arms over her chest and quickly walked away, disappearing in between the bookshelves. They heard the library door swing open and shut a moment later.
"I'll go talk to her," Rachel said, already getting up.
"No, you stay," Tina stopped her, knowing that Mercedes would be more likely to lash out at an abrasive personality like Rachel. Before Rachel could protest, Tina was on her feet and exiting the library. Outside in the corridor, Tina caught Mercedes just turning around a corner to another hallway, heading in the direction of the auditorium. "Mercedes!" she called. "Wait up!"
Mercedes didn't stop walking, even though Tina was certain Mercedes could hear her. Tina followed her down three different hallways before Mercedes yanked open the stage door to the auditorium, letting it clunk shut behind her. Tina pulled it open and walked into the dimly lit backstage, easily navigating the short path past the rear curtain. She found Mercedes pacing the sleek black floor of the stage, arms still crossed tightly over her chest.
"You okay?"
"I'll be fine so long as you don't tell me to sing." Mercedes didn't even look up, studying her shoes as she turned and continued walking back and forth.
Tina sank onto the piano bench, her back to the keyboard. "I wasn't going to," she said.
Mercedes didn't respond, her shoes beginning to wear a mark into the floor. Tina sat silently, allowing Mercedes time to calm down. If she wanted to talk, she could talk, and if not, Tina would be there anyways.
"What are we supposed to do?" Mercedes demanded hoarsely after she'd paced the same line at least twenty times over. She didn't give Tina a chance to answer. "How the hell are we supposed to deal with this? It doesn't make sense."
"None of us figured it out, Mercedes," Tina said softly. "You don't have to beat yourself up."
"Yes, I do."
Tina clamped her lips together, pressing them into a thin line.
Mercedes finally stopped pacing, running a palm over her forehead and shaking her head. "Things like this aren't supposed to happen."
Tina didn't know what to say to that, so she said nothing, waiting for Mercedes to continue.
"I saw it."
Tina frowned. "Saw what?"
"Kurt," Mercedes replied, her voice cracking as she looked out over the empty chairs in the audience. "I mean… it wasn't Kurt. But I saw it." Tina blinked, and Mercedes' chest shuddered as she hid her face in her hands.
"You saw one of his…?" Tina started, still not quite sure what Mercedes was trying to say.
Apparently Tina had hit the nail on the head, though, since Mercedes let out a small choked-off sob and nodded.
"Wh-when?"
Mercedes sniffed, wiping her face and finally turning towards Tina, keeping her eyes on the floor. "Last year," she hiccoughed. "We were having a sleepover at Rachel's house."
"Did Rachel see it?"
Mercedes shook her head, her lower lip trembling. "She was asleep. It was the middle of the night and I woke up and Kurt was just—" She was cut off by another sob. "He was s-sitting up and kinda r-rocking himself, and he – he had one of Rachel's stupid stuffed animals, but I just thought— I thought he was s-sleeping; I didn't—"
Tina stood up quickly. "Mercedes, it's okay," she said, drawing Mercedes into a hug. "Anyone would have thought the same thing."
Mercedes was shaking now, leaning heavily against Tina for support as she cried. Tina brushed her hand over Mercedes' hair. "I want Kurt back," Mercedes said wetly into Tina's shoulder. "I want him back."
As soon as Finn got home from school, he could tell something was wrong. There was no screaming or yelling or smashing objects, but the moment he walked into the house, the air felt stretched like the inside of a vacuum tube. "Hello?" he called, hanging up his coat and backpack on the rack by the door. "Anyone home?"
He could hear Burt's voice talking heatedly to someone, but he didn't hear a second voice talking back so he figured that Burt had to be on the phone. He went to the living room to see Burt sitting on the couch, phone in one hand and so absorbed in the argument that he didn't notice Finn's presence.
"—don't care what your schedule is! He needs to see you now!" Burt was shouting, his finger jabbing accusingly at the empty air. "We were supposed to take him to Appalachian today but I had to push the appointment to tomorrow because I couldn't even get him in the car!"
Finn tensed. He didn't have to hear the rest of the conversation to know who and what Burt was referring to. He turned and climbed the stairs two at a time, not bothering to hear any more. Kurt was probably in his room, and judging by Burt's words, Schism was most likely the one currently conscious.
Kurt's door was tied shut.
Finn's heart dropped. Not Schism, then.
Taking a deep breath, Finn approached the door and pressed his ear against the wood, listening for any sounds to indicate who was in control in place of his stepbrother. It was quiet on the other side.
"Kurt?" he called softly. "Are you—"
He jumped when something big slammed into the door, rattling it in its frame. The handle turned back and forth, the rope holding it shut going taut. Finn swallowed and stepped back.
He sighed, sinking down to sit and lean against the wall opposite Kurt's door. Guard duty was quickly becoming something too familiar. He briefly thought that getting his homework from downstairs might be a good idea, just to have something to do besides staring at the wall, but his brain was too tired to solve math equations and try to make something out of his history assignment. Instead, Finn crossed his legs, making himself comfortable, and pulled out his phone to text Rachel.
hey r u home yet?
Kurt's door rattled again, then there was a shuffling sound like dragging feet, and it was quiet again.
Finn's phone buzzed in his hands, and Rachel's reply popped up on the screen. No, I'm in the auditorium. Trying to come up with ideas for Regionals. I don't know why Mr. Schue insists on doing these things at the last minute, so I always prepare some backup numbers. How about you?
yeah just got home
What are you doing? I wish you were here to help me. It'd be so much easier with two people.
Finn knew Rachel well enough by this point to be able to tell that Rachel was not-so-subtly asking him to drive back to school.sorry, can't. issues at home.
The next reply showed up more quickly than the previous texts. Oh no… Is Kurt all right?
not sure. its hard to tell.
Do you want me to come over?
He really did want her to come over, just to have someone other than his mom and Burt to keep an eye on Kurt, but even with Kurt's door tied shut it wasn't a good idea. Kurt could be physically dangerous, but having friends over when he was in a state like this was also dangerous to his relationship with them, and Kurt needed to keep all the friends he could. Mercedes had been avoiding him even though she wouldn't admit it, and Blaine… well.
nah i think were good. thx.
Give him a kiss for me.
uhh no, not gonna do that. but ill tell him u sent one.
Fair enough. Okay, I have to get back to work, but you call if you need me. I love you.
Finn shoved his phone back into his pocket and leaned his head back against the wall, staring at the ceiling and keeping one ear open for any sounds inside Kurt's room that might be worrisome. It was odd, guarding his stepbrother when there was no sound at all. Usually he could hear Kurt dragging or throwing things, but the only indication that Kurt wasn't asleep was that he'd been hitting the door only a few moments ago. Finn considered opening the door to see what he was doing, but he knew he couldn't untie the rope until Kurt was back.
There was a quiet scraping sound, like a needle against a chalkboard, and Finn raised his head with a frown. He swallowed, trying not to flinch as his stomach twisted.
Kurt's fingers had threaded themselves through the crack below the door, curling up around the wood like the pale legs of a spider. The nails dragged slowly over the grain, and Finn thought he could hear Kurt's breath hissing on the other side.
Finn drew his knees up to his chest and stayed where he was.