Kurt felt sick to his stomach. He couldnt sleep at all that night after leaving Cure. Partially because he knew what Blaine was doing right then, he could imagine it too vividly; Blaines golden skin and kiss pink lips and someone elses hands all over him. Kurt groaned and rolled to his side on the bed hugging a pillow to his chest.

It was more than just the thought of Blaine with someone else that was tormenting him though; he couldnt help but replay their confrontation over and over in his head. He felt so stupid. Hadnt he just been telling himself not to rock the boat? That things with Blaine were too good to risk? And then hed purposefully gone to that club to see Blaine with another man. Stupid.

Kurts stomach twisted and he pressed his palms against his eyes. No more crying. Crying wasnt going to fix this. Hed talked to Mercedes for a long time, telling her how hed seen Blaine again after that first night, and then again and again and again. He explained how hed fallen in love with a man he felt like he could never have and that he feared hed messed things up and that he was going to lose Blaine all together now.

Mercedes has listened quietly just adding, "Oh Kurt" and "Im so sorry" now and again. At the end he asked her what she thought he should do and of course her answered seemed so simple. "Tell him Kurt. You have to tell him how you feel. Dont you think theres a chance he feels the same way?"

Of course Kurt had started thinking that Blaine might share his feelings, but his hope had wavered when he saw him with that client, Daniel – rich, handsome Daniel. His hands on Blaine's ass and Blaine smiling as he kissed him.  Who was Kurt if that was the kind of guy Blaine was usually with?

And besides, even if he and Blaine were somehow to miraculously get together, how would Kurt survive sharing him with his clients? They weren't even together like that now and the sight of Blaine dancing with another man had torn him up inside. How would he deal with knowing that every night apart meant Blaine was with someone else? It was his heart not just this stomach that twisted now, tight and painful in his chest.

Kurt knew there was something special between them, and he had some proof of that. After hearing the whole story and giving Kurt her advice Mercedes had tentatively asked him a question he hadnt been expecting. "How are you affording this Kurt? Seeing him once a week? I know youre making good money right now, but still…"

Kurt had sighed and rubbed his head. "Its been taking a toll on my paycheck for sure."

"Yeah but Kurt, a five dollars a week?"

Kurt had sat straight up on the couch where hed been laying. Why would Mercedes think he was paying that much?

“That's… not what I'm paying. Is that what you paid?"

“Oh my god Kurt." Mercedes had breathed when she found out how little he was paying in comparison to Blaines initial fee. Kurt had even received another discount when their meet-ups became weekly. "I dont think thats normal Kurt." Mercedes continued. "I think he must have lowered his price because he wanted to see you."

"I just…" Kurt shook his head trying to understand. "That means from the very start he wanted to see me?"

"Kurt now you really have to tell him how you feel, there is obviously something there."

After all of that Kurt was more confused than ever, he lay in bed thinking about how much Blaine meant to him and wondering if hed truly messed things up for good by following him to Cure… or was there a chance? Maybe there was still hope. He would have to be the one to mend fences, he'd been the one out of line last night. He just needed to figure out how. 

Blaine got to Fairytale Press the next morning feeling hung-over and sluggish, even though he wasnt actually hung over at all. It was just that hed hardly slept last night; instead he'd laid next to Daniel between silk sheets and listened to his heavy breathing and doing everything he could to push thoughts of Kurt out of his mind. Even this morning Blaines thoughts werent on the man hed been with last night, instead they were steadfastly on the tear filled blue eyes of the man he had fallen in love with.

He had hurt Kurt and it was the worst feeling he had ever experienced. He had never wanted to hurt him, he did his best not to flaunt what he did for a living and he never would have been out with someone else in front of Kurt on purpose. He'd been a complete imbecile yesterday and told Kurt about his client and where they would be. What had he been thinking? It was just so easy and natural to talk to Kurt and his work as an escort was a normal part of his life… it had just come out. 

Then last night there Kurt was, out of nowhere and looking at him on that dance floor with Daniel as if Blaine had just smashed his heart with a hammer.

Blaine groaned and held his head in his hands, leaning over the front counter. He had to think of what to do; he needed to make this right, but how? Even if Kurt never saw him with another client again hed always have the knowledge of last night. Honestly Blaine was terrified. This very likely meant the end of him and Kurt - Kurt would say hed had enough and that they were over. The thought made Blaine feel ill.

Blaine looked up when he heard the front door chime and put on his customer service smile. His grin wavered though when he saw who had walked into the shop and the fierce expression on her face, lips pursed, eyebrows heavy and eyes all but burning fire.

"Hi Rachel." Blaine said with a weak smile.

She walked right up to the counter and then put her hands on her hips and stared him down. "I dont have much time, I need to get to rehearsal, but we need to talk about last night."

Oh god, had Kurt already told her about that? And if so how much did she know?

"We all saw you with that other guy."

"We… What do you mean?” Blaine said his heart dropping, “Who saw?"

Rachel huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "I think Kurt must have suspected you were there and thats why he changed our plans last minute. Jesse, Elliot, Bryce and I were all there."

"Oh god." Blaines head started to pound.

"And honestly I was livid, especially after seeing how upset Kurt was."

"Believe me Rachel I never wanted-"

Rachel lifted up a hand and talked right over him. "I was livid but Ive had time to think it over and talk to Jesse. Honestly I feel like youve been leading Kurt on-"

"No-"

"AND." Rachel continued. "Thats a horrible thing to do, but Im going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you didnt mean to, or… you didnt know how much Kurt feels things. Anyway, I know the two of you arent actually dating and Jesse kept reminding me that what you did wasnt technically cheating on Kurt, so Im prepared to forgive you."

"Thank you?" Blaine said slowly, still not sure what to make of this.

"That is if you dont see Kurt anymore."

Blaine stood stunned as Rachels words hit him. It took a moment to register their meaning. "You dont want me to see Kurt?" Blaines throat felt dry as he pushed the words out.

"You dont understand." Rachel answered, some of the fierceness in her face replaced with sadness. "Kurt cant get over you if you two are hanging out all the time, he needs to move on. Youre obviously not interested if you are out with other guys, so do this one kindness for Kurt." Rachel leaned forward, her palms against the counter and looking Blaine steadily in the eyes. "Leave him alone."

"But…"

"No Blaine. Leave. Him. Alone."

Blaines heart shrunk in his chest and he couldnt think of anything to say. It seemed he didnt need to respond anyway because Rachel turned on her heel, her hair swinging behind her, as she marched dramatically from the store.

Blaine felt a little shaky and sat down on a stool to get his bearings. Rachel thought Blaine didnt care, that he didnt have strong feelings for Kurt. She didnt know Blaine was in love and that last night had been torture for him. She didnt know what she was asking when she told him to give Kurt up. She thought he was dating around with some other guy oblivious to everything. She didnt know all he wanted was Kurt.

Rachel was protecting her friend and Blaine couldnt be mad at her for that, even if it hurt a little because he thought that hed become friends with Rachel too. All in all he was glad Kurt had friends who stuck up from him. He just wished he could make her understand things werent the way they seemed. In truth everything was utterly and completely screwed up and Blaine didnt know how to fix it.

Besides, did he really know how Kurt felt about him? Yes, they were friends and yes Kurt was jealous and hurt when he saw Blaine with Daniel, but was it really possible that Kurt to felt the same way as Blaine? Rachel seemed to think so, but Rachel didnt have all the facts. What if both he and Rachel were reading too much into Kurts feelings? Kurt could be jealous of another man touching Blaine without actually being in love with Blaine. A mean little voice in the back of Blaines head whispered to him, could Kurt really love you when he knows what you are?

Blaine couldnt sit still anymore, he needed to distract himself so he started dusting shelves and rearranging books and doing anything he could to not think of Kurt. Of course that didnt work. Kurts hurt expression from last night was on constant replay in his mind.

Blaine had just finished up helping a young woman pick out a book for her next book club meeting when the door chime rang and he went up front to check on the new customer. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Kurt.

Kurt looked paler than normal, but his eyes were bright and a little wide as they landed on Blaine. He was carrying a bouquet of flowers and rocking on his heels a little. "Hello Blaine."

Blaine involuntarily smiled at the sound of Kurts sweet voice even as his stomach dropped in apprehension.

"Can I… talk to you for a minute? I know youre working and if this is a bad time-"

"It isnt a bad time." Blaine answered quickly and nodded towards the door behind the counter. "Come with me."

Kurt followed him to the back room and Blaine turned to face him, his heart hammering.

"About last night." Kurt started.

Blaines cut in, scared of what Kurt might say. "Kurt Im so sorry."

"No no." Kurt shook his head. "Im the one that is sorry, you were right, it was completely inappropriate for me to follow you to that club and interrupt your time with… with… your client." Blaine watched as Kurt swallowed deeply. "Im sorry I put you in that position…" Kurt held out the flowers with a nervous glance at Blaines eyes. "These are for you."

Blaine stood stunned for a sort moment. Kurt was apologizing to him? He smiled and reached for the bouquet of yellow roses. "Kurt these are beautiful but you didnt have to do this."

"Yes, I did. I know I messed things up last night and I wanted to show you that Id really want to make things right between us."

Blaine sighed and then held the flowers to his nose, as much to stall for time to think as to smell their sweet scent. "Kurt I really appreciate it." Blaine bit his lip and turned to find something to keep the flowers in, Kurt had brought him flowers, in any other circumstance this would have made him giddy. Things couldn't keep going like this though. He couldn't keep hurting Kurt, or himself. His own heart was aching. 

"I saw Rachel this morning." He said as he put the flowers in a vase. He turned back around to see Kurts surprised expression.

"How?"

"She came by and… suggested that maybe…" Blaine rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his shoes. "That maybe it would be good if we didnt spend time together anymore."

There was a beat of silence and then Kurts voice, just a whisper. "No."

Blaine looked up. "I mean she doesnt know the whole story, but this thing between us, whatever it is…" he gestured helplessly between them. “Its complicated and… I guess I see her point." Blaine sighed and stopped talking as he watched Kurts face go from worried to almost tearful before it took on a steely look of determination.

"No." Kurt repeated his voice strong as he straightened his shoulders. "Rachel does not get to dictate what we do."

"She is just trying to be a good friend."

"I know that. Trust me I know Rachel Berry and she too often well-meaningly sticks her nose in things that are none of her business. But she doesnt get a say in this."

"Kurt-"

Kurt shook his head and took a step forward. "No, this is between you and me. And you… youre my friend Blaine. I dont want to lose you." His voice started to sound scratchy, "Dont listen to Rachel. What… what do you want?" Kurts words wavered a little but his face was still set and resolute.

Blaines heart flipped over in anticipation, he knew what he wanted, but did he have the guts to tell Kurt how he felt? That he loved him? This was his chance to say it and the words were on the tip of his tounge- 

"I want things to go back to the way they were." Kurt said before Blaine had a chance to respond, "Before I messed everything up."

Blaines heart sunk. Oh. That wasnt what hed been hoping for. He took in a deep breath, filling up his lungs and trying to decide what to say – he knew what he had to do. If Kurt didnt feel the same way about him, then no, things couldnt just go back to the way theyd had been. "I cant do that." Blaine said softly.

Kurts face went a little paler.

"I mean… I cant be Escort Blaine and Friend Blaine anymore. I dont think we can keep having sex and maintain our friendship, I think last night proved that."

"But…"

"Im sorry Kurt, I hate ultimatums but you have to decide. Do you want to be friends or do you still want to hire me as an escort? Ill… Ill go with whatever you chose, but I cant do both, not anymore." Blaine could hardly breathe waiting for Kurts answer, because as much as hed miss the sex, the sex was so good, if Kurt picked that over their friendship it was going to crush him.

"I pick you." Kurt said the color returning to his cheeks as his face scrunched up in confusion. "Was there really any doubt about that?"

“You pick me? What… does that mean?"

Kurt sighed and then smiled stepping forward again and reaching for Blaines hand holding it sweetly. "I pick you as my friend Blaine, because I dont know what Id do without you."

Blaine let out a long breath and then couldnt help but laugh with relief. "Okay, good. Good." He ran his free hand though his hair, his heart flooding with relief. “That's really great.” 

"In the words of Rachel Barbara Berry, Im going to hug you now.” Kurt said with a playful smile. “Is that okay?"

In answer Blaine just threw his arms around Kurt sighing into his shoulder as Kurt wrapped him up tight in his arms and they swayed back and forth for a moment.

"So were going to be okay?" Kurt asked quietly.

"Of course." Blaine said even as his heart tugged at him a little bit. This wasnt exactly what he wanted, but it was good, it was so good. This morning he thought hed had lost Kurt, so he could find a way to be satisfied with friendship. He could do that. He buried his face in the curve of Kurts neck and breathed him in – holding the hug longer that was strictly necessary. He could do this if the alternative was losing Kurt all together. 

Since that disastrous night at Cure things with Blaine had found a regular rhythm. Their Friday evening trysts had been canceled, and though Kurt could easily admit he missed that kind of intimacy with Blaine he understood why it had to happen. And at least he still had Blaine in his life. Losing him was not an option. 

Kurt had left Fairytale Press after apologizing to Blaine feeling much lighter than he had when he arrived and that evening he went straight to Rachels apartment when he knew shed be home.

"Dont you ever tell Blaine to stop seeing me again." He said as soon as Rachel answered the door.

She opened her mouth to protest but Kurt just marched in past her. "He did nothing wrong and even if he had it isnt your place! You cant just tell me friends to stay away from me!"

"I was just trying to protect you!" She argued crossing her arms across her chest stubbornly. "I know how you feel about him."

"How I feel isnt your business or his fault." Kurt said trying not to yell at her, not because he was angry really, but because he knew how close hed come to losing Blaines friendship. "It is just something… I have to deal with. And if I lost Blaine as my friend because of it…" Kurts face fell and he let out a shaky sigh.

Rachels shoulders slumped.

"I cant lose him." Kurt said softly all his fight gone.

Rachel rushed forward to hug him. "Im sorry. I was just trying to help."

"I know." Kurt said rubbing her back lightly. "But dont do that anymore."

She pulled back to look Kurt in the eyes. "You are in love with him though, arent you?"

Kurt nodded as his throat tightened. "I am so in love with him Rachel, but he doesn't feel the same way."

Rachel had nodded sadly and dropped the subject from there, both of them knowing there was little else to say.

Kurt was lucky, he saw Blaine almost every day. Hanging out at Fairytale Press or at Kurts apartment watching movies or walking around Central Park coffee in hand. 

Now when they spent time together Blaine resolutely didnt talk about his night job and when Blaine was busy in the evenings Kurt resolutely did not ask him what he was doing. There was still plenty to talk about though, being with Blaine was easy and comfortable and Kurt felt like hed known him for years. 

Every Friday night Kurt's mind would wonder to that hotel room, but he'd cut off those thoughts before they went too far.  The knowledge that Blaine was with other men along with Kurts pent up feelings for him was still an almost constant ache in Kurts chest. 

He just wanted to hold Blaines face and kiss him and tell him that he loved him, but Kurt had already stepped out of bounds once and he was not going to ruin what they had now. Blaine was his best friend and Kurt could be grateful for that, even if he had to admit to himself that he wanted something more.

Another problem was that Kurt had gone his whole life before Blaine without sex and had been fine, but now he knew what he was missing out on. Kurt would wake up some mornings warm and hard like he was a teenager again, dreams of Blaine chased away by his conscious mind. 

It was as if a switch had been flipped inside of him, not that he was some unquenchable sex monster, but god did he want it. And he wanted it with Blaine. He refused to use the thoughts and memories of his friend to get off on though, even if Blaines name was on his lips as he woke in the mornings. He just needed to find another way to get some release.

It would be easy to find someone to sleep with, and Kurt was so much more confident that he used to be. But he didnt know how to have sex just for the sake of sex. He didn't want to have sex just for the sake of halving sex, it didn't appeal to him.  

Even at the beginning of everything with Blaine sex had felt like more. Kurt wasnt sure how to recreate that, and he didnt really have a desire for sex without it. Besides it felt like a betrayal to consider sleeping with someone other than Blaine, but they werent together like that... and it wasnt like Blaine was celibate without him.

Kurt knew he had to do something when he woke up one morning after a dream of Blaines firm hands pulling him in and his soft lips trailing his neck, their hips thrusting together as Kurt gripped Blaines shoulders, he woke up with a cry, his hand pumping himself and his sheets wet.

"Oh god." Kurt moaned his breathing still heavy from his dream. He may be keeping himself from doing this when he was awake but his unconscious mind was a traitor. Kurt got up and took a long cold shower wondering if maybe he should ask Nick out and try that again. His heart wasnt in it though.

He needed to find something that could be used as a distraction, not only physically, but emotionally as well. He couldnt keep holding on to the hope that things with Blaine would someday turn romantic, and he didnt want to end up all alone. He had to do something.

Kurt was sitting in a coffee shop one afternoon looking over some drawings for work when an unfamiliar voice interrupted his thoughts. "Is anyone using this chair?"

Kurt looked up to see a tall young man with flashing green eyes and a great smile.

"No you can use it." Kurt answered.

The mans smile brightened as he sat down across the table from Kurt. Okay, that wasnt what Kurt had thought the guy meant…

"Whats a guy like you doing sitting here all alone?" He asked with a sly look and a lifted eyebrow. Kurt felt his cheeks heat up with the way the strangers eyes were roaming up his body.

"I just…" Kurt cleared his throat. "Im just working."

The man leaned forward, his chin cupped in his hand. "Youre so serious, but I bet I could loosen you up." His eyes lingered on Kurts lips and Kurt swallowed deeply. Nothing this man was saying was exactly inappropriate, but his body language and tone told another story. Kurt was about to brush him off when he stopped. This guy was cute, and sure he was a little forward, but that didnt have to be a bad thing. And Kurt really needed to get over Blaine and learn to just be his friend.

The guy watched Kurts face closely and he smiled when he saw what must have been interest in Kurts expression. "How about we get out of here? I could make you forget all about work."

Okay he was really forward. 

Kurt smiled and shook his head. "Or how about we start with names?" Kurt held out his hand. "Im Kurt."

The man bit his lip, somehow seductively, and then took Kurts hand. "My name is Sebastian and its a pleasure to meet you."