Kurt was standing on the subway, hanging onto a pole to keep balance, unconsciously smiling. He swayed with the movement of the train as his mind flitted over pleasant images. Blaine's bright eyes, tan skin, his strong hands, and sweet lips. He cleared his throat, and stopped his thoughts there. This wasn't the place to be fantasizing about Blaine's sweet lips.

Kurt's incredible night with Blaine had been over a week ago, and Kurt found that it came up in his thoughts quite often. After Blaine had left the next morning, Kurt just laid in bed for a long time, hands exploring his own skin, somehow expecting to feel different. He didn't. He was still the same person he was before his night with Blaine. Of course he was the same person, what had he expected?

Eventually, he had gotten up and showered and left, grabbing a bagel and coffee before returning to his apartment. Mercedes had been there waiting for him with wide eyes, and when she saw the blissful look on his face, an even wider smile.

“Oh my god Kurt, look at you!”

“What?” Kurt said sitting down next to her, trying to hide his smile by taking a sip of coffee.

“You had a damn good time.” She nudged him with her elbow and winked. “I picked a good one didn't I?”

Kurt grinned and nodded enthusiastically. “Mercedes I don't know how you found him but…” Kurt shook his head and sighed happily. “He was… I mean…”

“Hot?” Mercedes finished for him.

“So hot, but it was more than that, he was a gentleman, and he was... sweet really. I ended up telling him I had never done anything before, and he went out of his way to be gentle, and to make sure I was alright… and it was…” Kurt just sighed again as Mercedes watched him closely, for a moment there was something in her eyes that he couldn't read, but then she wrapped him in a hug, and Kurt had to be careful not to spill his coffee.

“I'm glad for you.” Mercedes said, pulling back. “I was so worried last night, I could hardly sleep, I just keep thinking of all the ways this could go wrong, or that once it was said and done, you'd regret it.”

“I don't regret it. I'd always pictured my first time differently than what it actually was, I mean, I don't even know this guy, but at the same time it was still somehow everything I wanted? I don't know, I'm not making sense. It was really perfect.”

Mercedes had taken the bagel from his hands, and tore it in half, giving him back part of it, “I'm glad.” She smiled and then drove into asking him all kinds of questions, and Kurt spent the rest of the morning talking about the night before. Not all the details, Mercedes didn't need or want to know all that, but discussing how Kurt felt now and how kind Blaine was.

Mercedes had left later that week, and Kurt hadn't told anyone else about it. It hadn't been anything dirty or sordid, and he didn't want anyone to see it that way, so he just kept it to himself.

Kurt didn't really feel any more confident in his day to day life, but he did think that the next time the chance arose for him to do something with someone, he wouldn't shy away. He felt good about that. It felt good not having the pressure of “his first time” looming over him.

He tried to push all thoughts of that night and Blaine out of his head as he exited the train, and continued on to work. At least his job was a distraction.

Nick worked in the same department that Kurt did. He was tall, dark haired, green eyed, and handsome. He often flirted with Kurt, but he flirted with all the gay guys at work, so Kurt had never really thought much of it. That day though, when Nick came and sat on the edge of Kurt's desk and smiled at him, Kurt leaned forward, met his eyes and smiled back. If Nick could flirt so could Kurt.

Nick seemed pleasantly surprised, and let his hand linger on Kurt's arm, before going back to his own desk.  As they were leaving the office at the end of the day, Nick ran up to catch Kurt on his way to the elevator.

“Hey Kurt!” He called smiling. “Some of us from the office are going out for drinks. Want to join us?”

Kurt hesitated for just a moment, before shrugging, “Sure, that could be fun.”

Kurt wasn't surprised that Nick sat next to him at the bar, or that the more he drank, the higher up Kurt's leg Nick's hand traveled. Their other co-workers started trailing off as it got later, and after a while Kurt found himself snugly in a booth at the back of the bar, with Nick's lips on his neck, and his hands pulling at his shirt.

Kurt hadn't had that much to drink, but he was pleasantly buzzed, and Nick's ministrations felt nice. One of his hands tilted Kurt's face towards him, and he pressed their lips together, Kurt kissed him back happy to make-out and even thinking he might be okay with taking the further.

Then one of Nick's wondering hands slipped down the front of Kurt's pants.

Kurt yelped in surprise, and backed up as far as he could in the corner of the booth, the trouble was he was already crammed pretty far back there with Nick pressing him in, so he didn't really have anywhere to go to get away. Kurt's heart panicked in his chest. He knew this is where he and Nick were heading but suddenly it felt like too much for him.

“W- wait Nick.” Nick backed up to look him, but kept his hand where it was. Kurt let out a long breath and calmed himself then very gently moved his hand, and placed it in Nick's lap.

“Yeah you're right babe.” Nick said wetting his pink lips. “We should get out of here, my place is close by.”

Kurt sat still for a moment, considering Nick's proposal, he knew exactly what going back to Nick's place would mean – Nick was fun and nice and extremely attractive. This was the kind of situation he'd been telling himself on the train that very morning he was ready for.

Nick stood, tugging on Kurt's hand, until Kurt got to his feet, only to have Nick pull him into a kiss. A nice kiss, Kurt enjoyed it. He found himself pushing Nick back though.

“Thanks Nick. This was fun, but I'm going to head home.” Kurt said his breath a little short.

Nick looked surprised. “Should I come?”

Kurt shook his head and smiled, the fact that he couldn't go through with this wasn't Nicks fault. “No.”

“Are you seeing someone?”

“No… I just…”

“You're not interested.”

“Nick, it isn't you.” Kurt tried to explain, but Nick just smiled, and shrugged.

“It's fine. If you are ever interested though...” He leaned in to kiss Kurt one more time, “Know that I'm very interested.” And with that he left without any trouble.

Kurt settled his tab, and then headed home as well, kicking himself the whole way. You don't have to have sex just because you have already. He told himself on the way home. Just because you didn't want to with Nick, doesn't mean you'll never want to. The thing was he didn't understand why he hadn't wanted to go back to Nick's place with him. What in the world was stopping him now?

It was disappointing, the whole point of hiring an escort was so that he wouldn't feel so nervous about sex, but the thought of going back to Nick's place had made him freeze up. Why was being with someone he knew and liked a harder thing than having sex with someone he'd never met…? He thought back to being with Blaine, and smiled a little, his heart doing funny like flip-flops in his chest.

Oh no. No no. He wasn't allowed to feel like that.  

It wasn't just the amazing sex he kept thinking about. He couldn't get Blaine out of his head. He tried telling himself that he didn't have a crush on an escort. He couldn't really, because he didn't actually know who Blaine was. Blaine had been perfect for him, and that in itself was suspect. Wasn't it Blaine's job to read what his clients wanted and deliver that? To say he had a crush on Blaine would be foolish, he had no idea who Blaine really was.

Still he had to admit, if Blaine had been in the bar with him that evening, and it had been Blaine to ask him back to his place – the night would have ended differently.  

Kurt got home, shrugged of his jacket, and grabbed his phone to shoot a text off to Rachel. ‘Lunch tomorrow?' He needed to talk this all out with someone.

“Honestly Kurt. I don't understand how she got the part.” Rachel said her elbows leaning on the table, her face expressive as she told her story. “I mean she can dance, I'll give her that, but as my understudy, I would have expected a stronger voice than that!”

“That's probably why she's the understudy.” Kurt replied, pushing pasta around on his plate. “You could be good for her, inspire her to work harder.”

“Mmmm… I guess…” Rachel looked thoughtful for a moment, and then glanced down at Kurt's plate. “Okay spill.” She said and Kurt lifted an eyebrow in question. “You've been pushing your food around for the past half-hour. You texted me late last night asking to meet for lunch, so you obviously have something on your mind.”

Kurt stuck a bite of Capellini in his mouth, just to show Rachel she was wrong, but sighed as he swallowed it. She wasn't wrong.

“Is it work?”

“No.”

“Your dad is okay, right?”

Kurt smiled, “Yes, he's fine. It's actually about… a guy.”

Rachel sat up straighter, banging her palms down on the table in her excitement. “Kurt! Why did you let me go babbling on about my understudy when there's a guy! How long has it been since there was a guy!”

“It isn't like that.” Kurt said stabbing his food now. “It's Nick, from work. We hung out last night, and he asked me back to his place.”

Rachel beamed at him, “And one thing lead to another?”

“No. I turned him down.”

“Oh.” Rachel's face dropped, she seemed disappointed. “Why?”

Kurt ran his hand nervously through his hair. He'd thought about this a lot, he wanted to talk to Rachel about this, but he didn't want to admit as much as he did with Mercedes, so he had to find a way around the whole story. “Because there is someone else… he and I kind of hooked up last week.”

Rachel was quiet for a moment. “You're seeing someone? And you didn't tell me?” Her voice was small, and the excitement on her face had vanished.

“No, Rachel no,” Kurt hurried to explain. “It isn't like that. I'm not seeing this other guy I just- It was a one night stand.”

Rachel's eyebrows flew to her hairline, but she didn't say anything.

“And now, even though I like Nick, I couldn't go back to his place with him, because I can't get this other guy out of my head.”

“You had a one night stand? Kurt Hummel had a one night stand?”

Kurt smashed a grape tomato on his plate with his fork. “Yes Rachel.” He answered though gritted teeth. “I'm not a eunuch you know.”

“I had no idea you did one night stands.” She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “I didn't really think you had sex that much.”

Kurt cleared his throat and shrugged instead of replying.

“So you like this Mr. One Night Stand?”

“I'm not sure I like that name for him, but yes.”

“So much so, that it is stopping you from pursuing someone else?”

“Yes.” Kurt looked away, not able to meet Rachel's gaze. He hated that it was true, but he was a little hung up on Blaine.

“Why can't you just see Mr. One Night Stand Guy again then?”

“I could. I've thought about it, but it would just be for sex.” Kurt could feel his face flush. “There isn't a relationship there.”

“You're sure?”

Kurt nodded, and dropped the fork on his plate, leaning back in his chair. “I'm sure. I could see B- him again. But it would just be another one-night stand.”

“Then do it.” Rachel advised, taking a sip of her drink. “You like him enough that it is keeping you from seeing someone else. Go for it. Maybe the second time will change your mind, or… I don't know, get him out of your head? I wonder if you've built him up in your mind. You know how you do that.”

Kurt chuckled, yeah he built things up in his mind until they were looming over him that was what had set him down this path in the first place. “So I just have sex, no strings attached?”

“I mean not forever. You're like me, we're the kind of people who want a committed relationship. But yeah, if Mr. One Night Stand-”

“Please don't call him that.”

“Then give me another name.” Rachel said with attitude. 

Kurt remained silent. 

“If Mr. One Night Stand.” Rachel continued pointedly, “Is what you want right now, go for it. Booty call him.”

Kurt laughed. “Never say booty call again.”

“Booty call him Kurt!” Rachel said a bit too loud, and then immediately quieted, as they both looked around to see if anyone heard her, before breaking out in laughter.

Kurt sat on his couch later that evening with his phone in hand. Blaine had left a little black and silver card on the table in the hotel room and Kurt was glaring at it angry that he hadn't summoned up the courage to call the number on the back.

Kurt wanted to push call, but he felt like he was crossing a line here. One night with an escort to lose his virginity was one thing, but to keep it up would mean he was a regular, a John… and that felt… not good.

Kurt sighed. Rachel was right though, he needed to get Blaine out of his head – maybe this was the only way to do it?

He took a breath and hit call bringing the phone up to his ear as it rang. 

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