Beep Beep Beep

Blaine took a deep breath and felt relief spread warm over his body when the act of breathing didnt hurt. He laid still for a moment not even thinking until he was struck with the realization that breathing shouldnt hurt. Why did he think it would? Blaine opened his eyes and then shut them again immediately as the bright light hurt.

Beep Beep Beep

Was he hungover? His body ached and he felt tired down to his bones. Not a hangover. Maybe hed been sick? He tried opening his eyes again but this time just a slit. He glanced around at the unfamiliar surroundings. Someone was in a chair near him, but he didnt focus on them, he wanted to know where he was. There was a comforting tingling, buzzing sensation under his skin and as his brain began to stir memories rushed back to him.

Voices all around. Yelling and shouting orders. Soft hands against his skin. Trees rushing past him. More voices. Sam maybe… yelling? Strangers and lights and pain. So much pain.

Beep Beep Beep

It was coming back to him now. Hed woken up a few times before, but never long enough to think about where he was. He turned to look at the heart monitor hooked nearby and beeping steadily. White walls and the smell of disinfectant. He was in a hospital and the last thing he clearly remembered was…

I love you Blaine. I love you.

Kurts sweet voice calling out his love and Blaine had wanted to answer him. Why hadnt Blaine answered him? There were too many questions and Blaines head felt like it was full of cotton and his stomach felt a little queasy, he needed answers. His eyes fluttered back to the person in the chair. Sam? No not Sam, someone sat with his head in his hands and a thick head of dark hair. Definitely not Sam.

Blaine tried to call out but his throat was dry and instead of words he just let out a kind of low rough groan. The mans head snapped up in response. Blaine knew him. His face was pale and tired, and there were uncharacteristic dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a mess like someone continually running their hands through it. But Blaine knew this person.

"Coop?"

Coopers blue eyes brightened and he leaned forward grabbing Blaines hand. He smiled down at Blaine, but also looked like he was about to cry. The only time Blaine remembered seeing Cooper like this was years ago when Blaine was recovering from some High School bullies beating him up because he brought another guy to the Sadie Hawkins dance.

"Hey Squirt." Cooper called his smile growing. "Youre awake."

"W-where am I?" Blaine asked, but it hurt his throat to talk.

"Youre in the hospital… do you remember what happened to you?" Cooper asked, his eyes worriedly scanning Blaines face.

Blaine knew he was in the hospital, but he was too tired to rephrase the question. "Um… I…" Blaine closed his eyes; did he remember what had happened to him? He remembered a lot of shouting. Someone was angry and they had… they had a gun. Blaines eyes snapped back open. "Is Sam okay?"

Coopers eyebrows raised and then he started to laugh. That was frustrating, Blaine asked a question and he needed an answer.

"You took a bullet to the stomach." Cooper said as he gasped for breath. "You lost a ton of blood and have been in and out of consciousness for a week now, and the first thing you ask is about someone else?" His hysterical laughter was dying down now and he just looked pained.

"He was…" Blaine started coughing and Cooper was out of his chair in an instant filling a cup with water and putting a straw in and then bringing the straw to Blaines lips. The water was cool on Blaines rough throat and he felt immensely better.

"Sam is fine." Cooper answered as Blaine finished the drink. "I made him go back to the hotel for some rest. Hes been here every day with you."

Blaine sighed in relief and then closed his eyes again. His eyelids were so heavy.

"You can go back to sleep Squirt." Cooper said but his voice was sounding far away.

When Blaine woke up again he felt much better than he had before, the room was darker, the sun outside the windows had gone down. He tried to sit up in the bed but firm hands were quickly on his shoulders.

"I dont think so."

Blaine smiled as he looked up at Sam.

"You dont get to sit up yet." Sam ordered sternly.

"Sam." Blaine said happily as he let himself settle back down in the bed. "I feel okay."

"Im glad to hear that." Sam said sitting down in the chair Cooper had been in earlier. "But you still have to lay down."

Blaine nodded. "So you finally met my brother."

Sam frowned a little, "Not exactly how I wanted to meet the infamous Cooper Anderson. Calling him from thousands miles away to tell him his little brother had been shot."

"Im so sorry you had to do that." Blaine said softly.

Sam raised his hands and shook his head. "No way. No way, man. You dont have to apologize about anything to me for like… ever. You took a bullet for me. Youre an idiot to have done it, but still."

"What was I suppose to do Sam, let him shoot you?"

"Yeah, something like that." Sam said with a smile.

Blaine grimaced, not evening liking the idea of his friend hurt, or worse. "Wait, wheres Cooper now?" Blaine asked scanning the room.

"When I got back from the hotel to find out you were awake and doing better I told him it was his turn to go rest. He wouldnt leave the hospital though. He is probably sleeping in the nurses lounge or something. They like him."

Blaine chuckled at that. Everyone liked Cooper. There was a more pressing matter on his mind though. "What does Cooper know?"

All Blaine really wanted to ask about was Kurt, but he knew he needed to know what was happening here first.

"Well, I wasnt sure how much you were going to want to tell him. He got the version the cops got. Wed been camping out of town and were exploring the forest when you were shot out of the middle of nowhere. I said I thought it might have been a hunter. Ballistics showed the bullet wasnt right for that but I just pretended I was as ignorant about what happened as they were. Which Im pretty good at as it turns out."

Blaine raised his eyebrows at Sams story. "And they… believed that?"

"I know. I know… but it was the best explanation I could come up with when my best friend was in extreme danger. And yeah they seemed to buy it. "

"What about those two men?" Blaine asked. "They didnt get stuck in Folaigh did they?"

Sam sighed, "You were really out of it werent you? No, they helped me get you out. Turns out, pretty nice guys. And to think we only found Folaigh because we were scared of them."

"They saw Folaigh though." Blaine said resisting the urge to sit up again as he started to feel antsy.

"Yeah, but they went along with my hunter-bullet-in-the-woods story. I dont know why. Decided not to ask. Maybe because of magic? Maybe because they didnt want to sound crazy about a town that is no longer there? I didnt focus on it much. You were… you were…" Sam cleared his throat. "You know you almost died?"

Blaine closed his eyes remembering the calm they had come over him when he knew what he had to do to protect Sam. And the the burning pain that filled his body when hed been shot. He opened his eyes even as they filled with tears, "Thank you for getting me to safety." Blaine said since he wasnt allowed to apologize anymore and that was what he wanted to do looking at Sams worried face.

"Well, youre doing better now, if you were wondering. Healing much faster than could have been expected" Sam said making air quotes. "I chose not to tell the doctor that was because of the magic you have pumping through you. Still they are calling it a miracle."

"Oh." Blaine said feeling the tingling of his skin. "I can still feel it, feel him, its almost like hes here but…" He stopped talking his throat feeling tight. As soon as he woke up next to Cooper his brain had started telling him what that meant.

He was in the real world, he was where Kurt couldnt be.

Sam sighed. "Kurt gave you as much magic as he could and figured out a way to get you help as soon as possible. Kurt saved you."

Blaine nodded and closed his eyes to fight back tears. He and Sam were quiet for a long moment, Blaine thinking back on that horrible meeting at the church in Folaigh, how everything thing hed had hoped for changed in an instant.

"Hes gone. Isnt he?" Blaine asked after a while, remembering what Cooper had said when he woke up earlier, about having been in the hospital for a week. "I mean Folaigh is gone?"

"It only had four more days left." Sam said quietly. "I went out to the meadow yesterday, but I was too late it was gone. I just… I didnt even think about going back sooner than that. I was… well frankly Blaine Ive been worried sick about you."

"Im sor-"

"No!" Sam brought his hand over Blaines mouth and smiled. "No apologies from you." He moved his hand and Blaine tried to smile back at him, but his chest was starting to hurt and it had nothing to do with his bullet wound.

"Ten years." Blaine said tears leaking from his eyes. "Oh god, and I was so close. They voted to let us stay… I, I really thought I was going to be able to stay. And now Kurt is gone for the next decade." Blaine wiped at his eyes and tried to calm his breathing, the beeping of the heart monitor was picking up and he didnt want a nurse to come in right now, but he couldnt seem to calm himself down. "Ive lost him."

Sam just held onto his hand. "Im sorry Blaine. Im so sorry."

Blaine let himself have a moment, not holding back his tears, his body shook and his heart ached and the tingling under his skin just made him cry harder. He only gave himself a moment though. Sam had spent a week worried about him, Blaine could mourn for what hed lost later. He gulped down a deep breath and forced himself to control his emotions, he hadnt done that in a long time, but there had been a time when walling up the way he felt was the norm. He could do that again if it made things easier on Sam.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked once Blaine had quieted down.

"I will be." Blaine said, but he wasnt sure if that was true. He went back to sleep again shortly after that. He felt pretty good, but apparently his body was still exhausted.

Over the next few days Blaine started to feel stronger and stronger, the doctors were amazed at his quick recovery. Blaine knew he should be grateful, happy to be alive, and he was; It was just that he couldnt help but grieve for what hed lost, how he and Kurt were so close to having a future together just to have it all torn away.

Both Cooper and Sam were by his side constantly so he had very little chance to even talk to Sam about Kurt or Folaigh or what had really been going on with them the past few weeks. It might have been a blessing though, because even though all he wanted to do was talk about Kurt he knew that would just make it hurt all the more.

"Its a good thing I have that big apartment, huh?" Cooper said the afternoon before Blaines hospital release. "The guest room is great, youll love it."

"Guest room?" Blaine asked sitting up in bed, something he was finally allowed to do. "Coop, I know I said Id come visit you, but school starts soon and I need to head back to New York."

Cooper bunched up his eyebrows and looked at him like hed lost his mind. "Uh... no Squirt." He said firmly. "This isnt about me trying to milk a visit out of you. This is about me taking care of you while you recover."

"But Cooper I feel fi-"

"Besides." Cooper interrupted him. "NAYDAs fall semester started today Blaine."

Blaines mouth dropped open, had he really lost track of time that badly? "Oh my god! Cooper! I have to be a school. Im on a scholarship! I cant just… I cant just be in Ireland!"

"Whoa Blaine calm down. Im on top of it. I already called your school I even talked to Mrs. Tidedo."

"Madame Tibideaux." Blaine corrected.

"Exactly. And it is all good. They are going to give you some grace seeing as you were shot." Cooper said the word like it disgusted him. "You dont have to be there for another week and a half. You can spend a week recovering with me and then well fly out to New York together and get you all set up for the school year."

"Cooper."

"No. No Blaine. Youre staying with me for a week. You try getting a call in the middle of the night, telling you that your brother is dying and then youll understand."

Blaine worried his lip and then nodded. "Okay."

Before they left Ireland Blaine wanted to go back to the field where Folaigh should be, but he couldnt get away from Cooper.

"Theres nothing there." Sam told him sadly. "I went and looked. It is just the field, big and empty. I found our bags, someone must have left them for us outside the border. But Folaigh… Folaigh is gone."

The words felt like nails being driven into Blaines coffin, but there was nothing he could do to change it.

Cooper and Blaine said goodbye to Sam at LaGuardia airport in New York. Blaine would see him again in a week and they would finally have a chance to really talk about all that had happened. Until then he had a connecting flight to catch to Los Angeles. He felt like he could rest and recover just as well in his own apartment in New York, but Cooper was insistent and Blaine was going do this for him. Hed never meant to worry his brother so much.

The sunshine of California usually lifted Blaines spirit. Coopers place was big and immaculately decorated and clean, Coop had a maid service. It was all fresh and new and modern, but made Blaine homesick for the Hummels cottage. Small and cozy and smelling like flowers and wood. He was going to try to be cheerful for Cooper sake, by his heart ached for Kurt. He kept thinking of that last night theyd had together and how perfect it had been. He thought about the times they spend in the meadow, and the beauty of Kurts magic, the festivals in the evening and Kurts lovely singing voice.

He just wanted to go back. He wanted another chance.

Blaine sat on the bed in the guest room his duffel bag next to him.

"Hey Squirt Im ordering in, what do you want?" Cooper asked poking his head around the corner; he must have caught Blaines forlorn expression before he had a chance to plaster on a smile. "Whats wrong Blaine?" He asked stepping into the room. "You feel okay? Is your side hurting?"

"Im okay Cooper." Blaine said with a weak smile. "And whatever you want for dinner is fine."

"Huh. Yeah. Okay Squirt." Cooper said, but he hovered by the door.

"What is it?"

"You know how many times Ive called you Squirt in the past few days? And you havent corrected me or gotten all huffy about it once."

Blaine smile again at this time it almost felt real. "You know what? It doesnt bother me."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Blaine thought back to talking to Kurt about Cooper and how Kurt had said that he wouldnt turn down a big brother that supported him. And Cooper had always supported him, even when Blaine had the big falling out with their parents, Cooper never gave up on him. "Im okay with Squirt as long as youre the only one using it."

Cooper beamed at him. "Pizza. I just want a big greasy pepperoni pizza." He said leaving the room.

Blaine sighed and got up from the bed, he still felt listless and heartsick, but he was going to try to be better with Cooper. Kurt would like that.

He unzipped his duffle bag and dumped it on the bed, everything here needed to be washed. He started to sort through it when he found the outfit Kurt had made for him. His heart shuddered in his chest and he lifted it to his face and breathed it in, somehow it seemed to smell like Kurt. Maybe he wouldnt wash this piece just yet. He also came across the flower wreath Kurt had made him. The flowers had finally died, but the wreath was still beautiful even if it was dried out. Blaine placed it down on the nightstand near his bed, his hands shaking; He felt a sob start to bubble in his chest and pushed it down.

He knew he needed to let himself grieve, but that seemed like letting go and he wasnt ready for that.

"I could always go back in ten years." He said to himself. "Folaigh is coming back. I… I could wait. For Kurt I could wait. Id do anything for him."

Blaine took a shower before dinner, fingers flitting over the ugly pink scar on his side. It likely wouldnt ever go away, but it already look much better than it had when he first woke in in the hospital. He still felt the buzz of Kurts magic when he touched it. "Thank you Kurt." He whispered.

Blaine had been in California for three days, before Cooper brought up Ireland. Blaine knew hed been quiet and morose, even though he meant to be cheerful for Coopers sake. Cooper mostly let it slide, he probably thought Blaine was still just healing. But Cooper had always been more intuitive than people gave him credit for.

"So when are you going to tell me?" Cooper said as he muted the television from whatever program theyd been watching. Blaine wasnt even sure what it was, he wasnt really paying attention.

"Tell you… what?"

"What really happened on your vacation."

"I dont know what you mean." Blaine said even though he hated lying to Cooper. Hed promised not to tell anyone about Folaigh.

Cooper flipped off the TV and leaned forward looking at Blaine. "Okay, Ill get the ball rolling by telling you what I know. You call me out of the blue needing money, which I was more than happy to provide, and saying youd be heading home soon. Days pass, I dont hear from you so I call your hotel only to find out youve checked out and left town. I figure youll contact me eventually and that you and Sam are just being a little irresponsible the way college kids on vacation will be sometimes.

"Cooper Im sorry we didnt-"

"Let me finish. Cut to nearly a month later. I get a midnight call from a frantic Sam talking about a girl and her dad maybe? And mostly about how my little brother is in a hospital in Ireland because hed been shot."

Blaine swallowed feeling a little sick.

"So of course I hightail to Ireland to sit at your side and nurse you back to health. And what do I find out happened to you? You and Sam went camping. With nothing but your duffel bags no less. Oh! And I happen to know, little brother. you havent been camping a day of your life. And while you and Sam are Bear Grylls-ing it with your polo shirts and your boat shoes you get shot. By a hunter. Oh but no! The police come back and say it was a bullet from some fancy pants gun that hasnt even been made in the past hundred years! So obviously Sam is lying. Okay, I like the kid already; he is deeply concerned about you so that makes him alright in my book. If he is lying to the cops he has a reason.

So I wait. You wake up. You get better. And I wait. We come back to my home in California and I think surely now Blaine is going to tell me what the hell happened! So I wait. But you know what? Im tired of waiting and I think I deserve and explanation."

Blaine sat listening to Cooper get more and more upset and he starting feeling worse and worse. Cooper did deserve the truth, but even if Blaine was allowed to tell it there is no way Cooper would find the truth anymore believable than the story hed already been fed.

But Blaine had told Kurt once that even though he wouldnt tell anyone about Folaigh he couldnt imagine never talking about Kurt again. So, he would tell Cooper as much of the truth as he could. He and Sam found this little secluded town and stayed there... and Blaine was shot because… because he didnt belong. He could tell Cooper almost everything. He could actually do what hed been aching to do since he woke up. He could talk about the man he fell in love with.

"Hes name is Kurt." Blaine said softly, his voice already catching in his throat. "And if youll listen without interruption Ill tell you all about him."

By all appearances Blaines life had gone back to normal. After the week he spent in California recovering Blaine had expected getting back to New York would have felt like coming home. It didnt really. He was grateful to get back to his apartment and to see Sam and once Cooper left it was nice to get back to school because if nothing else it was a distraction. He tried to think of other things, to not focus on a man he couldnt see again for another ten years, but almost every thought was consumed with Kurt. He just missed him.

Telling Cooper about Kurt, of at least as much as he could tell, had been a relief. Cooper had been livid when he found out about Russell who had purposefully shot at him, but Blaine assured him the local authorities would take care of it. He had no idea if that was true. Folaigh had no prison; Blaine had spent enough time in that dark cellar to know that. He wasnt sure what the council would have done with Russell Fabray.

Blaine found he surprisingly didnt care either. As long as Kurt was safe that was what mattered. The problem was he had no way of knowing how Kurt was doing. Was he thinking of Blaine? Was Kurt missing him too? Did his chest ache all the time just because they couldnt be together? Blaine had no way of knowing. He also had no way of knowing how Kurt would react if Blaine waited ten years for him and came back to Folaigh. Kurt would be a year older. Only 22, and Blaine would be in his thirties by then. Would Kurt care?

The best part of being back in New York was Sam, because Sam understood. He was missing Mercedes, and though the two of them had always treated what they had as a summer fling, and didnt think about a future together the way Blaine had with Kurt, Sam still understood better than anyone else could what Blaine was going through. Even weeks after coming back to New York he let Blaine talk about Kurt as much as he liked, he never acted annoyed by it at all.

"I even miss the food there." Blaine said one evening as they were eating Chinese takeout and watching a movie. "I mean. The vegetables from Kurts garden, and everything was just so simple."

"Yeah…" Sam said thinking. "I mean the food wasnt bad Blaine, but I think you are remembering it better than it was just because-" He stopped.

"Because?"

"Because most of your meals were made by Kurt or you made them with Kurt. I bet youd like this takeout just as much if Kurt was here eating with you."

Blaines stomach grew tight and a lump formed in his throat just thinking about what it would be like to have Kurt sitting here with him in his apartment in New York. "Youre probably right." Blaine said putting down his order of orange chicken, suddenly he wasnt hungry anymore.

"I mean, Folaigh was charming and everything, but I wouldnt trade my running water and my Xbox for it." Sam smiled at him trying to bring the conversation back to a lighter place.

Blaine nodded. "I would. To be with Kurt I would,"

Sam sighed and put his food down as well. "I know man, but there isnt anything we can do to change what happened. And youve been… I dont want to say moping because that sounds mean, but you havent been yourself since we got back. Im worried about you. You go to classes and work, and you get your assignments done, but what have you done for fun recently? You never go out with me anymore. I havent heard you sing or play an instrument. You just… youre just getting by, its like youve stop being you."

"Sam." Blaine sighed rubbing his hands down his face in frustration. "I dont know what to do. I can just snap out of it."

"Im not staying that."

"I love him Sam, I wanted to be with him. And now Im here and life goes on like normal and it just feels wrong. I miss Kurt."

"I know, and if you arent done grieving yet or whatever, thats fine. Eventually though, you have to find a way to move on."

Blaine shook his head. "Im going to wait for him."

Sam looked at him for a moment, bunched his brows together and then opened his mouth to say something before closing it again.

"Folaigh is coming back Sam." Blaine continued. "And when it does, Im going to be there."

"Thats in ten years." Sam said incredulously. "You cant give up ten years of your life for a guy you spent a month with!"

Blaine clenched his jaw and took a deep breath; he really didnt want to snap at his best friend, and the only person he could talk to about Folaigh. "Sam… I… I dont know what else to do."

Sam got up from his chair and sat next to Blaine. "Okay, okay man. Ill support you no matter what, I just dont like the thought of you being miserable for so long. At least try to go out with friends and do the things you love to do. Wouldnt Kurt want that?"

Blaine smiled ruefully and nodded. Sam was right, he knew Sam was right, but that didnt make this any easier.

It was a month after they got back that Blaine finally played the piano outside of his classes again. It was longer than that before Blaine started singing with the radio or thought about writing songs. When he did start to write again he knew they were all melancholy love songs, but at least he was trying to work through it all.

He still dreamt of Folaigh. Nightmares too about being shot, of Sam getting shot or Kurt getting shot. But the pleasant dreams where the worst. Dreams where hed be lying side by side with Kurt in his bed. Or kissing him sweetly among glowing purple flowers. Or sitting in the sunshine coming through a church window and playing Kurt a song. When he woke up from those dreams his stomach would lurch and his throat would go dry as reality came back to him. Hed lost all of that. Hed lost Kurt.

Hed turn over and flip on the little lamp by his bed and gently run a finger over the dried up flower wreath still kept by his bedside. Hed close his eyes and breathed in the flowers and try to pretend it was the sweet flowery scent of Kurt. Or hed press his hand against the scar on his side trying to feel the tingling of Kurts magic, but it had already faded. He didnt have anywhere to wear the whole outfit Kurt made him, but he found on days he was missing Kurt the most hed put on the brocade vest and pretend it was Kurts arms around him.

These things helped, but nothing ever quenched the constant dull ache in his chest from missing Kurt. It had only been a few months, but he began to wonder if hed ever start to feel better.

"Youre my lightning bolt" Kurt had told him once. Blaine wasnt sure what Kurt had meant by that and wished hed asked him, he wished he and Kurt had talked about so many things… but somehow the lightning bolt idea almost made sense. Kurt was Blaines lightning bolt too, something that hit him, if even just for a brief time, and left him forever changed.

One afternoon after class one of the schools administration assistants found him. "Mr. Anderson? After classes today Madame Tibideaux would like to speak with you. You can find her in her office."

"Carmen Tibideaux wants to talk to me?" Blaine asked, feeling nervous, outside of critiques students didnt really talk to Madame Tibideaux very often. So when Blaines school day was over he anxiously went to the administration offices, it felt like walking to his execution. The same girl who found him earlier greeted him with a smile and let him to Madame Tibideaux office.

It was big and spacious and decorated in rich colors, old fashioned and intimidating. Carmen Tibideaux waited with her hands folded on her desk as Blaine shrugged off his book bag and sat in on the floor next to his chair.

"Mr. Anderson." She began her voice a monotone. "Ive been looking over your school records and I have to tell you Im a little disappointed."

"Madame Tibideaux ." Blaine started but she raised her eyebrows in a way that instantly let Blaine know she wasnt done talking.

"Youve been an exceptional student, here on a rather prestigious scholarship, and one of the top students in all of your classes… until this semester at least."

Blaine wanted to say something, but he wasnt sure Carmen was done yet.

"I heard from your brother at the beginning of the school year and I understand you sustained a dramatic injury and I wonder if that is what is impeding your studies this year?"

Blaine waited again.

"You may answer." Carmen said with only the slightest of smiles.

"I was injured, but I assure you Ive made full recovery."

"Then why, pray tell, have I been getting notes like these from your teachers?" Carmen said sliding an open folder towards him. "Seems lackluster in his performance, Does the bare minimum to get by, disappointingly average she read. Your teachers are very fond of you and are all concerned by your lack of academic excellence."

"I- just…" Blaine swallowed. He thought hed been doing well this year, he thought hed been keeping his feelings about Kurt in check enough to do well in school. He didnt know how much hed let this change him. "I lost someone close to me." Blaine said looking up from the file to Madame Tibideaux. "I though it was coping with it better than I apparently am."

Madame Tibideaux slid the folder back a nodded. "You have two choices young man, the New York Academy of Performing Arts doesnt allow sloppiness, or its students being average. However, I do understand that life can make things hard at times. I would suggest taking the rest of the school year off-"

"I cant do that!" Blaine said, upset enough to forget that he shouldnt interrupt. "Id lose my scholarship. This is my last year."

Carmen continued like Blaine hadnt said anything. "Take the rest of the school year off and apply for a new scholarship next year, your teachers see a lot of promise in you and I could help with the scholarship if needed. Or…" She paused and looked at him squarely in the face. "Take this pain you are in and use it for you art. That is part of being an artist Mr. Anderson. Either way you need to make a change because your last year at NYADA should be anything but uninspiring."

"Yes maam." Blaine said quietly.

"We are out for winter break soon, perhaps you should take this time to think about where it is you are going. Understood?"

"Yes Madame Tibideaux." Blaine said. She waved her hand to dismiss him and Blaine pick up his bag and dragged his feet back out to the hall. He leaned against a wall letting his head fall back and his eyes close. Think about where he was going. Thats what Carmen wanted from him. But where was he going? Was he going to spend the next ten years barely living his life? Or could he spend this time to live his dream of being a performer? Hed chosen once to give his dreams up for Kurt, but now he didnt have Kurt and he was letting go of the things he had always wanted. Thats what Sam had meant about moving on, he still needed to be Blaine, even if it was a grieving Blaine.

He took a deep breath and straightened up from the wall, walking down the hall so he could still get to his shift at work on time.

"Blaine!" He turned to see Adam Crawford jogging to catch up with him. Adam was a T.A. and someone Blaine at one time might have had a small crush on.

"Hey Adam."

"I heard you had a meeting with the Big T."

"Yeah." Blaine answered reluctantly.

"Well, I doubt you want to talk about that." Adam smiled. "You know I feel like I havent even seen you this semester. What do you say you and I go out for drinks this evening?"

Blaine stopped in place, was Adam asking him out? Blaine readjusted his bag on his shoulder and smiled. "I… Adam I…"

"Its okay. Im just a T.A. were allowed to fraternize." He said with a wink and Blaines stomach dropped. If he was really going to start living his life again he should probably say yes to this invitation.

"Adam… I appreciate to offer, but I… cant. Im sorry."

Adam frowned, but nodded. "Okay. Maybe some other time." And he left Blaine with his thoughts.

After work that evening Blaine would ask Sam if he wanted to go out and do something. He needed to get his life back, but that didnt mean giving up on Kurt.

Blaine smiled as he felt warm arms wrap around his waist from behind. He hummed in contentment as someone nuzzled their face against the back of his neck, he could feel little warm puffs of air that made the hairs on his skin stand on end. He put his hands over Kurts hands folded on his stomach and murmured a sleepy, "Good morning."

"Good morning Blaine." A sweet melodic voice called back to him even as Kurt started pressing soft kisses to his neck.

"I missed you." Blaine sighed.

"I miss you. Come back to me."

"Im with you now." Blaine answered, but Kurt didnt reply.

Blaine laid happily in the warmth of Kurts embrace until Kurts kisses to his neck started to increase and Blaine just wanted to see his face and kiss his lips. He turned in the circle of Kurts arms… but he wasnt there. Blaine blinked his eyes and then drew in a sharp breath. As he opened his eyes pale light was streaming in from his window. He wasnt in Kurts room with him; he was back home in New York.

He sat up trying to ignore the cold feeling in his belly. Today was the first day of Blaines winter break; hed been trying harder at school for the past couple of weeks and knew hed do better when school started up again. Blaine had chosen to try to use his pain to help him at school, he didnt want to delay school for a year if his time in New York was limited by Folaighs schedule.

It didnt matter that Blaine was doing better though, these dreams were still constant, and they still hurt.

He got out of bed, the wood floor cold on his bare feet and walked to the window to see light flurries of snow falling down and blanketing the city in early morning sparkling white.

Blaine was flying to California today to spend the Holidays with Cooper; hopefully the snow wouldnt get in the way of that. His parents were also going to visit Cooper for a short while which meant the four Andersons would be together in the same room for the first time in years. Blaine had bowed out of family holidays since his parents had cut him off and hed had the big blow-out with his father, but this year he was really trying again. Not for his parents sake, but for Coopers and the thought that Kurt would be proud of him.

Kurt, who was so sweet and compassionate when Blaine told him about his parents. Kurt who encouraged him to have a relationship with Cooper. Kurt who could make him feel better with just a smile or a kiss or the sound of his laugh. Blaines throat tightened and his eyes stung. He sighed and turned away from the window, wanting to drink in the smell of his dried flower wreath before finishing up his packing and getting on with the day.

He looked towards the nightstand where his flower wreath laid, but instead of moving towards it he was grounded in place. Blaine blinked his eyes and then rubbed them thinking he must be seeing things. He even pinched himself to see if maybe he was still dreaming.

There in place of the dried flowers was a fresh, blooming flower wreath looking just as it had that summer day Kurt had made it and placed in on Blaines head. He rushed over to the night stand, almost tripping over himself in his haste.

He reached out shaky hands, scared that this vision would disappear. He lifted the wreath gently and let out a choked out laugh. The flowers were alive again. This wasnt a dream or his imagination. The flowers were alive and he could feel a gentle buzzing of magic as he held them in his hands.

Blaine burst out laughing joy coursing through him. Sam poked his head in at the commotion Blaine was making.

"What the heck man?" He said sleepily.

Blaine couldnt answer, he just smiled ear to ear and turned towards Sam with the fresh flower wreath in his trembling hands, he lifted it for Sam to see and then laughed out. "Im not going to California today. Im going back to Ireland."