Blaine

“When did you start using prescription drugs?” Kendra Marshall asked me. At that moment I don't know why I agreed to do this interview. A few weeks after I got out of rehab my agent called me up and asked if I wanted to do any interviews on the whole ordeal. At the time I thought it was a good idea to share everything that's been happening over the past two years, but right now I'm starting to think differently.

“Two years ago in March,”

“And what made you start? What was so appealing about them?”

“It started off when I broke my ankle during rehearsals. The doctor prescribed me painkillers and it just progressed from there. For me, they were like the steroids of the stage. I felt better when I took them, I did better, so I didn't stop.” She nodded her head and looked at me empathetically.

“And you started off with, what, 2 per day?”

I nodded. “Yeah, and it progressed pretty quickly. Uh, at the peak of my addiction I was taking probably 70 or 80 per day.”

“And were they difficult to obtain?”

“Not at all. You could just call into the doctor's office and say you lost them or you could get them off the street. You could easily, easily track them down.”

“And were you mixing medications at all?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I was taking Valium, Xanax, and Demerol, plus, on top of that, I was heavily drinking.”

“Uh, huh.” She looked through her papers for a minute. “At the peak of your addiction, you were on tour. What was that like?”

“At the beginning of the tour, I was already taking Valium. Two weeks in, I amped up the dosage and when that wasn't enough, I added in Xanax and Demerol-”

“And did you go on stage medicated?”

“I don't think there was a day that went by that summer that I wasn't taking at least one of those drugs. All I would ever think about was the prescriptions. I would wake up and take a couple. I would always run out every couple days, so I would have someone go out and get me more. It was a constant thing.”

“So, the last night of the tour, you were in New York, tell me about that.”

I took a deep breath and remembered that day clearly. “Right before the show, Kurt called and said he knew about everything, the prescriptions, the alcohol, everything. He told me that until I went to rehab and sobered up I wouldn't get to see Madison. After that phone call, I went to the trailer and loaded up on everything. I ended up passing out and woke up in the hospital, a day later.”

“What happened in the hours that you were unconscious?”

“One of the crew members found me, in time, thank god, and called the ambulance when he saw all the pill bottles and alcohol.”

“What went through your mind when you found out you could've died?”

I thought for a minute and a few tears dripped down my face. “I was just so glad I wasn't the next celebrity that overdosed. It was a huge wakeup call and I was so thankful that I could walk again, I could see my daughter again, I could sing, you know. I was, honestly, just so happy that I was still alive.”

Kendra smiled. “So now, you're 2 months sober,” I nodded and smiled back. “How is everything?”

“Honestly, it's still a constant struggle. I still constantly think about it, but I try not to tempt myself or put myself in stupid situations where it could be an issue.” I paused for a minute. “Uh, I already lost a relationship that was really important to me and I'm not about to let one stupid mistake cost me my daughter as well.”

We wrapped up the interview and I walked out to my car with my agent. “Do you think they believed it?” I asked.

“Trust me,” She started. “As long as no one finds out what really happened that summer, you've got nothing to worry about.”