Aug. 12, 2013, 12:34 p.m.
Healing Hearts: Damage control
E - Words: 2,170 - Last Updated: Aug 12, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 35/? - Created: Sep 12, 2011 - Updated: Aug 12, 2013 1,432 0 0 0 0
"Come oooooon, pick up the phone!" he whined into his cell.
"Come on pick-up-pick-up-pick-up-pick-up-pick- Mercedes?"
He heard a groan at the other side of the line.
"Kurt Hummel... what the hell are you doing...?" Mercedes grunted.
"I'm calling you, what does it sound like? You asked me to call today, right?" Kurt retorted.
"Yes! But I didn't mean at 7 AM! Gods, Kurt, I only went to sleep at 2 AM, the guys left way after midnight and-"
"Look, I'm sorry I've disturbed your sleep, but I couldn't wait any longer, I've been up all night and I really need someone to talk to, so please..." Kurt pleaded.
"Well, that doesn't sound good," Mercedes was very awake now, "what happened? How did things go with Blaine?"
Kurt sighed. He was now lying on his back, on the couch, still wearing his clothes from last night.
"I think I screwed everything up. I mean, I know I have."
"Huh? What do you mean, screwed up?" Mercedes asked.
"Blaine, he told me some personal stuff, and I... I sort of... freaked out about it..." Kurt admitted.
"What? Why? What did he tell you? Kurt, please tell me what went on last night!"
"Well... everything went well, first I told him about Sam and everything, and he was really nice and understanding about it. And then, he told me why he left New York... Mercedes?"
"Yes?"
"He has a daughter."
"Oh. Damn."
"Yeah, damn. And that's not all..."
"Your daughter?" Kurt gasped.
That tattoo. The other flower. A lily. A daisy and a lily. And Chloe Turner, Blaine had said she looked like Lily...
"I- I don't understand... how?" Kurt was so shocked he couldn't speak coherently.
"I'm divorced, Kurt. My ex-wife Liz and I, we separated shortly after Lily was born. She moved to London with Lily, about a year ago. That's why I came back here." Blaine explained, looking worriedly at Kurt, who was as pale as a ghost.
"Are you okay, Kurt?"
"Yes- No- What? How? You were married to a woman? But you're gay!" Kurt whispered sharply, careful not to attract attention from the people who were sitting nearby.
Blaine shook his head softly. "I'm not gay Kurt. I'm bisexual."
Shit. Oh, shit.
This couldn't be happening. Here he was, about to fall for this amazing man, just to be bitch-slapped in the face with this crap. He really didn't need this.
Kurt's shock must have been written all over his face, because Blaine continued. "Look, Kurt, I understand this must be a bit of a surprise -"
"Are you sure?" Kurt asked, not letting Blaine finish his sentence.
"Am I- Excuse me?" Blaine's eyebrows went up.
"Are you sure?" Kurt repeated, "I mean, are you sure this isn't some kind of phase you're going through? Or maybe you've been gay all along and you just thought you were straight- Wait! Is this why you divorced your wife?"
"Gods, I don't know Kurt, tell me, do people still ask YOU if you're sure you're gay?" Blaine snapped back, glaring at Kurt.
Kurt immediately shut his mouth and sank back in his seat, realizing he had pushed it too far. He felt his cheeks turn red.
Blaine's gaze softened as he let out a shuddering sigh.
"Let me be very clear about this, Kurt. I have pretty much known I was bisexual since I was fifteen. I've had three boyfriends in high school, and I was married to my wife for nine years. And I have loved each one of them. My feelings towards men or women are the same. I fall in love with people regardless of their gender. But before you ask, or even think it, that does NOT mean I'm attracted to every person I see, nor does it mean I want to jump into bed with every person that catches my eye. I've never cheated on anybody. I'm not some kind of floozy! And as for my marriage... it was actually my wife, who ran off with another man," Blaine said, with hurt in his voice.
Kurt just stared at him, gaping like a goldfish.
"Blaine... I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have said that-"
"That's okay. I'm quite used to it by now. People tend to give me more crap about being bisexual than about being gay. They seem to think I'm just out to experiment, or that I don't know what I want, or that I just don't want to pick a side. Bisexuals aren't on any side really, we belong nowhere," Blaine said bitterly, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to use the restroom." He threw his napkin on the table and stalked away from the table.
Kurt was positive it was just an excuse for Blaine to go cool down a bit. The man was clearly very upset.
Hiding his face in his hands, Kurt hunched over the table. This was really fucked up.
Gods. He couldn't handle this. And he'd been such a dick to Blaine. How could he even face him when he came back?
Kurt felt so confused. He was beginning to feel dizzy too. It was just too much. Too much. So Kurt did the only thing he could.
He fled.
"YOU DID WHAT?" Mercedes yelled into the phone.
"I left and took a cab home," Kurt groaned.
"Oh my God, Kurt... Poor Blaine! Why did you have to be such a bitch?"
"I KNOW! I know, okay? I just freaking panicked! He just told me he had a daughter and was bi! Not quite what I was expecting!" Kurt yelled in frustration.
"Oh yeah? You ditched him on the spot after pouring his heart out to you! I'm sure he wasn't expecting that either!"
Kurt huffed, "I know. It's just hard for me."
"Kurt, you listen to me. I'm saying this because I love you, remember? You have to stop acting like you're the only one who has it bad. From what you've just told me, Blaine has lost pretty much everything too. He's been dumped by his wife, his baby daughter lives on the other side of the world, and he has left the city he lived in for the past ten years. Now, you told me yesterday you need somebody to love and to love you back, right? To me it seems Blaine is looking for the exact same thing. So stop acting like an idiot and get your act together. He didn't freak out about Sam, did he?"
"No... he was really compassionate about it," Kurt whispered.
"Well, doesn't he deserve the same from you?"
"He does..." Kurt admitted, after a moment of silence, and then something else dawned onto him.
"Mercedes, what if he's just on the rebound? What if we both are just looking from something to replace what we had?"
"Kurt… the way I see it… it doesn't really matter. It's not the reason why two people get together that counts. It's what you make of it in the end. There really aren't any wrong ways to meet, it's how you build a relationship that matters. Love isn't rational," Mercedes said.
Kurt was stunned; "Wow... Mercedes, when did you get so wise?"
"It's called life, boo. You live, you learn."
Kurt gulped. Apparently he hadn't learned at all from his own misery.
"I'm such a foolish, selfish little bitch, huh..." he choked.
Mercedes sighed.
"No you're not, baby, you only acted like one."
Kurt snorted in spite of himself.
"So how do I solve this mess? I don't want to lose Blaine-"
Wait. Where did that come from? He couldn't lose what he didn't have.
"Get your act together. You have a right to having fears and insecurities, but you can't make them control your life. So go to Blaine, and talk to him. Be honest. You owe him that."
"Yeah... you're right. Mercedes?"
"Hmmm?"
"Thanks. For being my friend; and for giving me a hard time about this. I needed that, I guess," Kurt admitted.
"You're welcome, boo, I'll kick your butt whenever it's needed," she laughed.
"Yeah, well, I might hold you to that. Bye, babe," Kurt said.
Kurt ended the call. He didn't have to work today, so he had the whole day to figure out how to deal with this.
One thing was for sure; there would be some serious groveling involved to make this up to Blaine.
That Monday morning, Blaine was sitting in his office, typing away furiously on his computer. He was wearing his glasses to soothe his tired eyes, and his curls weren't gelled down. He looked like crap, to be honest. Which wasn't really a surprise, considering he hadn't slept much since Saturday night.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Blaine sighed and leaned back into his office chair. He peered out of the window, lost in thought.
Returning from the restroom that night, he had felt like being punched in the stomach when he saw the table had been empty. Kurt had run out on him.
Blaine had spent the rest of the night and the following day at his apartment, trying to figure out what the hell had happened.
He was angry at Kurt for throwing a fit about his sexual orientation, and furious at himself for not having approached the subject a bit more carefully. But he really hadn't thought Kurt would react like that. Gods, but he had been wrong...
Blaine didn't know what to think anymore. Everything was so screwed up. He was pretty sure there wasn't any chance in hell Kurt would want anything more to do with him. His actions had been pretty clear on that matter.
It hurt like hell. Because, as reluctant as Blaine was to admit it, he had already fallen hard for the younger man.
He had been attracted to Kurt from the first moment he'd laid eyes upon him. That slender long body, those narrow hips, his beautiful, beautiful face, his blue eyes, his mouth...
That attraction had grown into something more, as time went on. Blaine spent countless times observing Kurt taking care of his patients, and he was struck by the care and the compassion the nurse showed to the children. He could tell Kurt had a lot of love inside him, and he expressed that love through his work. But there was always a hint of sadness in those beautiful eyes too. Blaine found himself yearning to remove that sadness. He wanted to see those blue orbs sparkle in delight. And he wanted it to be directed at him.
Long story short... Blaine Anderson was in love with Kurt Hummel.
And it was hopeless. Absolutely hopeless.
Blaine must have dosed off, because he was awakened by a tentative knock on his office door. He looked up and saw a vague pink silhouette through the matt glass door.
"Come in..." he offered warily.
The door opened and Kurt entered the room hesitantly. He looked nervous.
"Uhm... Can we talk?" He asked with a trembling voice.
Blaine shrugged, and motioned to the chair in front of his desk.
Kurt closed the door behind him and strode over to the chair, sitting down quickly, putting his hands in his lap. He looked like a schoolboy sitting in the principal's office.
Blaine stayed silent and looked at Kurt, who opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, clearly trying to find the right words, and failing.
The doctor decided to rip the band-aid off quickly, "Look, Kurt," he sighed, "If you're here to tell me this won't work," he gestured between them, "save your breath. I already figured that much, when you left me at the lounge club Saturday night."
Kurt's eyes had grown ridiculously large by now. "What- Wait, no! That wasn't what I was going to say!"
Blaine didn't understand, "Well, then what?"
Kurt fidgeted on his chair.
"I want to tell you how sorry I am about Saturday night. I've been doing a lot of thinking. You've been nothing but nice and wonderful to me, and I was a complete jerk. I'm sorry I freaked out, I'm sorry I insulted you with my inane questions and assumptions. I had no right, and I wish I could take it all back."
Well.
That wasn't what Blaine had expected to hear. Wait, did that mean Kurt was still interested? Or was this just a heartfelt apology followed by a but-I-still-think-it's-better-if-we'd-just-remain-coworkers-speech?
"So, what exactly are you saying then?" Blaine asked, fishing for an answer on the question he was afraid to ask.
"I... I guess I'm saying that I want to make it up to you. I'm sorry I ruined our first date."
Blaine's heart soared with hope when he heard the word "first". First was good. First meant second too, didn't it?
Kurt continued, "So I would like it if... if you'd maybe, want to... come to dinner... at my place Friday night? Is that okay? I mean, I don't mean that in a weird way, inviting you to my place on a second date, I just thought we could talk more easily in a private setting, and I can cook up some-"
"I'd love to," Blaine stopped Kurt's ramblings. He couldn't suppress his smile. This nervous, babbling Kurt was easily the cutest thing he'd ever seen.
"You would?" Kurt sighed in relief.
And then he snorted, "And I didn't even have to chase you for months to get a yes," he said, half-jokingly.
Blaine smirked.
"What can I say, Kurt, maybe I'm just that easy?"
He winked, stood up and left his office, leaving behind a blushing, smiling Kurt.