Healing Hearts
Starsleeper
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Healing Hearts: Then it fell apart


E - Words: 2,931 - Last Updated: Aug 12, 2013
Story: Closed - Chapters: 35/? - Created: Sep 12, 2011 - Updated: Aug 12, 2013
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Author's Notes: Thank you for all your lovely reviews and messages! (granted, some of them were strictly key smashing, hehehe)I stabbed quite a few of you in the soul with the end of the last chapter, didn't I? I'm sorry.Terrible things happen when you least expect it. Live today 'cause nobody promised you tomorrow. But even when the worst happens, even if you think you can't go on... trust me, you can. Even if it means you have to crawl. Our boys already know that; they have been through some rough times in their life.Still, this time it's different, because it's not really about them. It's about Lily losing her mom. And seeing a loved one suffer is worse than having to go through the pain yourself. So it's pretty safe to say that this isn't going to be easy on any of them.But Kurt and Blaine = Klaine, and as you know, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts! Don't lose hope, it'll get better for all of them.Now about this chapter: This has without a doubt been the most delicate chapter I've written so far, because I - luckily - don't have any experience with how small children cope with death (and I hope I'll never have that kind of experience). However, I did do some research on the topic, and I talked to some people who - sadly - know more about it. So I've taken everything I learnt into consideration as I wrote this.Chapter title + first lines of the chapter are inspired by the song "Extreme Ways" by Moby. As always, a link will be up on the fic's tumblr (This fic is well on its way to having an extensive soundtrack! Anybody want to do the artwork for the cd cover? No? Okay)
I had to close down everything
I had to close down my mind
Too many things could cut me
Too much can make me blind


Blaine felt the blood drain from his face, the realization hitting him like a ton of bricks in the chest. Staggering back against the wall, he pressed his clasped hands against his mouth, in an attempt to steady his breath. "Lizzy…" He whispered in disbelief.

"It was a car crash." Julian said softly. "They're not sure how it happened exactly… Liz was dead on impact. Paul has been rushed to the hospital and is undergoing surgery, but it isn't looking good…" Pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes, he took a shuddering breath. "I just… I can't believe she gone, Blaine. My baby sister… she's gone…"

Shaking his head, Blaine blinked his tears away and let out a small whimper. "Please tell me it's not true... This can't be happening."

"It's true, Blaine." Julian sobbed quietly. "It's fucked up but it's true."

"Oh God…" Blaine breathed, barely audible, his eyes falling shut and his head dropping back against the wall.

I don't want this. I can't do this.

Somebody help me. Please.

Julian sniffed loudly as he wiped his tears away. "Blaine… everybody's heading towards my parents' house right now. They would like you and Lily and Kurt to come as well. They want to gather the children and grandchildren to make the necessary arrangements, and also just… to be together, I guess."

Blaine nodded dazedly as his eyes once again clouded over with grief. "I… I have to tell Lily… I need to tell her first…"

The thought of what he had to do was enough to knock the wind right out of him. Both Kurt and he were used to talk to small children about illness and death. It was part of the job, after all. But he'd never imagined he'd have to break such devastating news to his own child.

Nothing could've ever prepared him for this. He had to tell his own sweet, little three year old girl that her mommy was gone.

"Are you sure you should tell her right away?" Julian asked. "She's so young, Blaine…"

"Yeah." Blaine answered hoarsely. "She needs to know the truth. Or else she won't understand why everybody is acting all strange and then she'll get scared... She needs to feel safe right now, and the only way we can give her that is by being completely honest and open."

His shoulders shook as he held back a bitter laugh. "Just listen to me, reciting theory like a true professional… I don't even know how to face her right now… But I have no choice, have I?"

Julian sighed. "It's so unfair… Blaine... I'm sorry for your loss too. I know you loved Liz with all your heart… and no matter what happened, I never stopped considering you my brother, you know that, right?"

"I know. Me too, Julian." Blaine nodded sadly. "Tell your parents we'll be over as soon as possible. I'm going to talk to Kurt and Lily first, and then we'll be on our way."

"Yeah sure, take your time. Be strong." Julian said, taking a step forward while Blaine pushed himself from the wall.

No words were needed as they fell into a heartfelt hug.


Kurt cried when Blaine told him.

He cried for Liz and Paul, for their baby, for Blaine… but most of all, he cried for Lily.

He wept for the small child who would grow up without a mother. And somewhere deep down, he cried for himself as well.

Blaine's eyes remained dry, as he held Kurt in his arms and rubbed his back soothingly, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Blaine wanted to cry. He needed to.

But the tears refused to come.

"We need to go back into the living room and tell Lily…" he said in a dull voice.

Kurt nodded against his shoulder and lifted his head while wiping at his eyes. "This is a nightmare…" He whispered brokenly. "How could this have happened?" He stifled a new sob that threatened to escape, while fisting his hands into Blaine's shirt. "I'm… I'm so sorry, Blaine."

"Kurt…" Blaine pleaded numbly. "Please help me tell Lily…"

Sniffing loudly, Kurt took a deep, steadying breath and nodded. "Yeah… of course." He took Blaine's hands into his own and squeezed them lightly. "I'm going to help you through this, honey. We are going to be okay, I promise."

Dropping his gaze, Blaine swallowed the lump in his throat. "How?" He whispered brokenly. "How is it ever going to be okay again?"

Kurt gave no answer.

He didn't have one.


Despite the fact that his heart was crushed with grief, Blaine still found the strength to go to Lily and kneel in front of her. The only things that kept him from breaking down were the love and protectiveness he felt towards her.

Lily swayed sideways to continue watching TV, as her father was blocking the view.

"Kurt?" Blaine said softly. Without need for further explanation, Kurt grabbed the remote and turned it off.

"Thanks." Blaine breathed.

"Daddy I want to watch!" Lily pouted. She glanced at him. "Daddy? Are you sad?" Then she saw Kurt, who went to sit down next to her. "Kurtie? Why are you crying?"

Blaine took Lily's hands into his, suddenly noticing how small they actually looked. She was so tiny.

So delicate.

"Honey…" He tried to steady his quivering voice. "Kurt and I… we're sad because something bad just happened."

"Really?" Lily perked up with innocent curiosity.

Blaine closed his eyes for a second, as he sought to find the right words. "Lily… remember last week, when I dropped my mug, and it was so broken that I couldn't fix it anymore?"

"Yes daddy!" She nodded vigorously. "It was a very pretty mug! It was green."

"Yeah… and remember when you asked me why I had broken it, and I told you it was an accident?" He continued. "An accident is when you don't want something bad to happen, but it does anyway. It's nobody's fault. It just happens."

Lily blinked in confusion, not saying a word.

"Sweetie…" Blaine's voice broke, but he quickly regained his balance as Kurt grabbed his hand, giving him a sympathetic look. "Something really bad happened to your mommy. She had an accident. She… she won't be coming home."

"But why isn't she coming home?" Lily asked, almost whiningly.

Blaine shook his head in defeat, as he tried to gather all his courage to utter the next words.

"Because… she's dead, honey."

Again staying silent, Lily frowned.

Blaine could almost see the wheels turn inside her mind. It was agonizing to watch. What he wouldn't give to erase this moment and take the devastation away.

But he knew there was no mercy to be found. There were no miracles about to happen.

This was it… they had to face the truth.

Together.

"Lily… it means your mommy doesn't breathe anymore, or feel, or think… she can't move anymore… she can't see or hear… and we won't see or hear her anymore…" He choked back a sob. "But she will never, never stop loving you, honey. She always will, and so do we, and everybody else. You're not alone, and we're all here to take care of you… you're safe with us."

Lily nodded, still clearly bewildered. "But… will she be coming tomorrow then?"

Seeing that Blaine was too overcome to speak, Kurt took over. "No Lily. She won't be coming back at all. Never again." He said gently. "You know, my mommy had an accident too when I was little. She died too."

"Why?" Lily asked again.

Kurt shook his head. "I don't know why, honey. There's no reason. Accidents happen." He stroked her back in a comforting gesture. "But it's okay to be sad about it, sweetie. If you need to cry, or talk, or if you want a hug, we're here." He smiled as another tear rolled down his cheek.

Lily nodded, then turned back to Blaine, and threw her arms around him. "Don't be sad, daddy."

Blaine hugged her back tightly and buried his face in her shoulder.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, honey?" Blaine sniffed, now desperately fighting to keep his tears at bay.

"Can I watch more My Little Pony?"

"Sure, sweetie…" He chuckled hoarsely, as Kurt took the cue to turn the TV back on.

Lily promptly untangled herself from his grasp and scampered off to sit in front of the screen.

Lacking the willpower to move, Blaine remained in his kneeling position, staring blindly at the floor. He slumped when Kurt took hold of him and gently urged him to sit on the couch, next to him.

Blaine could feel the tremors coursing through him, like the beginnings of an earthquake. His wall was cracking at a frightening speed.

Acting on pure instinct, he lunged toward Kurt and sought refuge in his arms.

Any second now.

Kurt pulled him closely against his chest. "It's okay, baby…" He murmured. "It's okay to be sad… It's okay to cry…"

Now.

That was it.

No turning back.

It all came crumbling down.

A piercing wail burst from Blaine's lips, as he held onto Kurt for dear life, his frantic cries muffled against his chest.

It was enough to make Kurt burst into tears again.

He kept crying as he held a sobbing, shaking, howling Blaine. There was nothing else Kurt could do to comfort him, besides holding him, and crying together.

So that's what he did, until eventually Blaine's sobs subsided.

With a loud sniff Blaine pulled back, wiping his tears away with the heel of his hand before he turned his grief-stricken eyes to Lily, who was still wrapped up in her cartoons.

Kurt's arms were still loosely draped around his boyfriend's waist. "Blaine…" His voice sounded weak and worn. "I love you and Lily so much… and I don't know when… or even how… but I promise you it's going to be okay. We'll get through this. I promise. Please believe me." He lowered his head against Blaine's shoulder.

Blaine heaved a ragged sigh as he brought his hand up to cradle the back of Kurt's head and kissed his temple. "You're so amazing…" he croaked.

There was nothing in the world Blaine wanted more than to believe Kurt. And at that moment in time, it was really the only thing he could hope for.

They weren't all right today. And they wouldn't be tomorrow. Or next week.

But maybe someday… they would be.

They had to be.


About an hour later, they found themselves standing in front of the Campbell mansion. Liz's family home. Kurt probably would've felt intimidated by their apparent wealth, if he'd had the energy to dwell on it. For now however, he couldn't care less.

Julian opened the door and smiled wearily at Blaine, who was carrying Lily, and then at Kurt. "I'm glad you're here… Hey Lily…" He said softly, reaching out to ruffle her curls lovingly.

Lily gaped at him, almost comically. "My mommy is dead." She said, as if making a simple announcement.

A shudder ran through Kurt's body.

Wow.

Just like that.

Taken aback by his niece's blunt statement, Julian nodded uneasily. "I… yes… yes, she is." He scratched the back of his neck and gestured for them to follow him. "Everybody's gathered in the sitting room." He said, turning around to lead the way through the grand foyer, his footsteps resounding sharply on the white marble floor tiles.

The sitting room was as impressive as could be expected, but again, Kurt couldn't be bothered to pay any attention to his surroundings.

The only thing he could focus on were the people in that room. The many unknown, yet vaguely familiar looking faces were all turned in their general direction. Some of them wore a sad smile while others were contorted in grief and concern, but all of them, without exception, were tear streaked.

An older man eased himself up from his chair, and came towards them. Reaching out, he took Blaine's hand and enclosed it within both of his. "Thank you for coming, Blaine… for being here with us tonight." He pressed his lips into a painful grin. "It's just so unreal. My little girl... gone."

"I know…" Blaine breathed, as he lowered Lily to the ground. She quickly darted towards her cousins, who were sitting on the floor, huddled around what appeared to be an iPad.

"You must be Kurt." The man said, letting go of Blaine and extending his hand to Kurt. "I'm Jack Campbell, Lizzy's father."

"Nice to meet you." Kurt smiled wanly, as he shook his hand. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Sir."

Jack sighed. "Yes… good to meet you as well, Kurt. Shame it has to be under these horrible circumstances. I'd like you to call me Jack, by the way."

Kurt nodded. "Thank you, Jack."

"Come… I'll introduce you to everybody. That's my wife, Karen." He pointed to Blaine, who was hugging a short, grey-haired woman. Kurt couldn't see her face, as it was buried into Blaine's shoulder, but he could hear her stifled sobs.

Jack led Kurt around the room, introducing him to Liz's sisters Abigail – "You can call me Abby, Kurt", Margaret – "I'm Maggie" – and Charlotte, who unsurprisingly preferred to be called Charlie instead.

He also met the various aunts, uncles and cousins of Liz, each of them doing their utter best to be cordial and forthcoming, even if they were overcome with sorrow.

Kurt couldn't help but think that this was what it truly meant to have class. It wasn't defined by status, wealth or power, but by the gracefulness and the thoughtfulness with which the Campbells carried themselves, especially during times like these.

They probably could teach that boor of a Bruce Anderson a thing or two.

"…and this is Karen's mother, Anne." Jack interrupted Kurt's thoughts, as they halted in front of a loveseat in the back of the room.

"I'm Lizzy's Nana." The woman said, offering her hand and shaking Kurt's in an unexpectedly firm way.

What was she… eighty-five? Maybe ninety years old?

"I'm ninety-two, in case you're wondering… which I know you are." She said with a tiny wink.

"Kurt Hummel." He said under his breath, as he felt inexplicably drawn to Anne's piercing blue eyes.

"I know." She simply answered, as she tugged him slightly forward, patting the spot next to her with her other hand. "Come sit with me, Kurt Hummel."

Without a second thought, Kurt did as he was told.

He studied her hand, still linked with his. Anne had those typical old-lady hands with wrinkled, parchment-like skin that felt cool to the touch.

"I'm terribly sorry about Liz…" Kurt said uneasily, his gaze still trained downward.

"Thank you." Anne answered quietly. "You know… it's a tragedy I hoped I'd never have to come across in my lifetime. Unfortunately, one doesn't make it to become my age without a dose of heartbreak and hardship…" She shifted in her seat, before carrying on. "It has come to my understanding that you've already suffered through some adversities of your own, my dear?"

Kurt raised his eyes to find that Anne was giving him a kind, sympathetic look. "I… yeah, I have…" He stammered. "I've lost… loved ones…"

Anne squeezed his hand. "Lizzy has told me about you. She's… was very fond of you, you know?"

"Oh… um… wow." Kurt breathed. "I mean, we've only met twice…"

"My Lizzy has always been excellent at reading people. She got that from me." A fresh wave of grief briefly clouded her eyes, before she straightened her back and gave him a knowing smile. "Besides… Blaine wouldn't choose anybody that wasn't absolutely wonderful." Anne averted her gaze to where Blaine was still talking to his former mother-in-law.

"He's so in love with you." She continued after a few moments. "Even as he's talking to Karen, he keeps glancing in your direction, every so often. It's beautiful to watch…"

Kurt felt the corners of his mouth tilt upward as he saw that Anne was right.

Blaine locked eyes with him for a second.

"See that look?" Anne pointed out. "I've only ever seen him look at Lizzy that way. You have his heart Kurt…" She turned to look back at him. "Now tell me… does he have yours?"

It took a few seconds for Anne's words to sink in, but as soon as Kurt realized what she had asked, his eyes snapped back to hers. "Yes…" He said breathlessly. "Of course he has. I love him so much! I can't imagine my life without him…"

"Good… good." Anne hushed him. "There was no doubt in my mind that you did, but I needed to hear it from you."

Kurt frowned. "But… why?"

Why was this lady so interested in his and Blaine's relationship?

Anne's expression turned solemn, borderline imposing, but strangely enough without losing its kindness. "Because, Kurt, I wish nothing more than for my great-granddaughter to grow up in a stable home, with loving parents and surrounded by an atmosphere of warmth, affection and support."

Seeing that Kurt still hadn't caught on, she continued patiently. "Kurt, now that Lizzy's gone… it's up to you and Blaine to provide that home to Lily."

Kurt's breath hitched in his throat.

Oh shit.

Of all the things that had crossed his mind during these last crazy hours… that hadn't been one of them.

Anne was right… Lily was going to have to live with them from now on. Suddenly, out of the blue, the three of them were a real family.

His eyes flitted over to where Lily was lying on the floor. She had managed to hog the iPad all to herself and was now playing some kind of game that involved a lot of tapping on the screen, while her cousins were looking on in amusement.

Kurt bit back a grimace as he thought about the immense repercussions of Liz's death on all of them. He shook his head in disbelief.

Well then.

Once again, fate had decided to play a trick on him, and turn his life around in the blink of an eye.

And once again, he would have no other choice but to roll with the punches.

End Notes: I decided to end the chapter here, because I want to dedicate a separate chapter to the funeral. I promise you it won't be as depressing as you might expect it to be. The Campbells like to do things their own way. So that will be what's up next in chapter 27.Reviews?

Comments

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awww Lily it's so cute

My heart was breaking.

So very sad having to watch Kurt and Blaine tell Lily. It is never easy trying to explain such topics to young children. I loved this chapter because we got to see Liz's family with Kurt. I LOVE how much they already love Kurt. I am glad the Liz had talked about Kurt and that they notice how much Blaine loves him. I see sadness on the horizon but the potential for something beautiful to emerge from it.

oh my lord. this was a rough chapter to read. i cried along with blaine and kurt. i loved how the campbells are so willing to accept kurt into their family even though kurt really has no ties to them (yet). and i like nana anne. she is a very shrewd and observant woman. she's the pillar of the family. i just wonder how lily's going to react to her mom's death–when she finally understands that her mom's gone. one question–did the baby survive? or did he die as well?

Thank you for your review!Sadly, no, the baby didn't make it. Liz was only five months along when she died, so the baby didn't stand a chance.

That was a hard chapter to get through - but it was very well written. And I like how you incorporated Liz's Grandmother into the conversation with Kurt. Thank you for updating.