Aug. 12, 2013, 12:34 p.m.
Healing Hearts: The angel closes her eyes
E - Words: 4,562 - Last Updated: Aug 12, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 35/? - Created: Sep 12, 2011 - Updated: Aug 12, 2013 936 0 8 0 0
Blaine shook his head. "No. But it doesn't matter. You were right, I need to know." He plopped down on the piano bench, facing away from the instrument. Resting his elbows on his knees, he buried his face in his hands and sighed deeply. "Isn't it insane how nervous I am about talking to my own mother?" He said, his words muffled.
Kurt snorted wryly. "This whole situation is insane, if you ask me." He said, as he busied himself picking up Lily's toys from the floor. "If you want to, I'll leave you alone in here, Lily's napping so I may just as well-"
"No." Blaine dropped his hands, giving Kurt a pleading look. "Please, stay."
"Okay." Kurt smiled warmly. "No worries, I'm here." He went to sit on the bench, next to Blaine. "Relax..." He cooed, as he rubbed Blaine's back firmly.
"Thanks." Blaine sighed deeply, as he dropped his head against Kurt's shoulder.
"Hey, wanna join me in painting the nursery at Rachel and Finn's next weekend?" Kurt piped, trying to take Blaine's mind of things for a minute.
"Hmmm? Oh, sure." Blaine answered. "Which design did she pick in the end?"
"We've gone with the gray and lime tones. So if it's a girl, we'll add some fuchsia details to it, and if it's a boy, some neon orange ones."
Blaine grinned. "Sounds whacky."
Kurt gasped as he pulled back and softly slapped his arm. "It does not! It's going to look fabulous, just you wait."
"I'm just teasing you, honey." Blaine chuckled, pressing a kiss to Kurt's cheek. "Everybody knows your taste is impeccable. Unusual, but impeccable."
"Why thank you..." Kurt muttered with a sly smirk.
The doorbell rang.
"Here goes nothing." Blaine breathed, getting up to answer the door.
Kurt remained seated on the piano bench, determined to keep his distance. This was between Blaine and his mom, and he didn't want to intrude if he didn't need to, nor did he want to make Mrs. Anderson uncomfortable.
He needn't have worried.
Because it was actually Mrs. Anderson who was making him uncomfortable. After a polite hello to Kurt, accompanied by a stiff handshake, she'd taken a seat on the couch on the other side of the living room, and was now studying him.
Meanwhile, Kurt didn't know where to look. He was about to jump up and rush to the kitchen to see if Blaine needed help with the coffee, when Mrs. Anderson finally spoke.
"You look like a cherub."
Kurt's mouth dropped open. "I'm sorry?"
Mrs. Anderson raised her eyebrows. "I said you look like a cherub." She repeated patiently. "Well, without the chubby cheeks of course." She said, as if it was an obvious observation.
"Um... thanks, I guess?" Kurt shrugged. "Blaine will be right back with the coffee, Mrs. Anderson." He added, not really sure what else to say.
She gave Kurt a slight nod. "Please call me Rebecca."
"Rebecca..." Kurt repeated under his breath, while tapping his fingers against his knee.
Come on Blaine, get in here NOW.
Right on cue, Blaine entered the living room with a tray of coffee and a tin of biscuits. If Kurt didn't know better he'd believe this to be a genuine, friendly family visit. But it wasn't. Not yet anyway.
While Blaine busied himself with the coffee, Kurt snuck a peek at Rebecca, who seemed like a complete different woman without her husband around. Poised, relaxed, maybe even a bit apathetic?
Kurt took in her outfit. Rebecca was wearing a simple yet stunning burgundy knee length dress. He knew that dress, as it had caught his eye a little while ago when he had been leafing through a fashion magazine. It was from Lanvin's fall collection. The woman had style, that much was clear. And she was pretty. Her long dark curls were held back in a pony tail, with a few ringlets framing her face. Kurt couldn't help thinking that she looked quite a bit younger than she actually was. He suspected a face-lift.
"Black?" Blaine asked his mother, as he arranged the tray on the coffee table.
"Yes please." Rebecca said.
Blaine placed one of the cups in front of her, before taking a seat on the chair closest to the couch.
"I asked you to come over because we need to talk, mom." He sighed deeply.
Rebecca nodded slowly. "Okay. Is it about your dad? Because you know I-"
"No. It's about you." Blaine interrupted her.
"Me?" She frowned. "What about me?"
Blaine crossed his arms while taking a deep breath. "I ran into Steve a couple of days ago." He said, looking pointedly at her to gauge her reaction. He wasn't disappointed when he saw a flash of confusion and then apprehension ghost over his mother's face. She quickly hid it behind her usual stony mask of indifference. Blaine was no stranger to it. But now more than ever, he suspected it truly was just a cover. To hide something. But what?
"Steve Kelley?" She asked, although it didn't really sound like a question.
"Yes, Steve Kelley." Blaine said. "We had a nice talk, you know, just catching up on things... then he told me about what happened when he got admitted to Caltech. Between you and him."
"Oh God." Rebecca whispered, as she dropped her gaze to the floor. "I told him not to." She shook her head in defeat and looked back up to meet her son's eyes. "Well, I guess you know everything then."
Blaine barked out a laugh. "Are you serious? I don't know anything! First of all, why don't you start by explaining to me why you did what you did, and second, why the hell didn't you tell me the truth about that scholarship?"
Rebecca averted her eyes once more, her eyebrows knitted together in thought. Then she visibly made up her mind and turned back to face Blaine. "Alright. I'll tell you everything, but only if you promise to hear me out."
With a sharp nod, Blaine gestured for her to continue.
"Okay." She said under her breath. "First of all, Blaine, you need to know that I don't care that you are gay."
"Bisexual, mom." Blaine retorted snappily.
"Yes, bisexual, whatever. It doesn't matter what you call it. It doesn't matter to me." Rebecca pointed at herself, as a rueful smile formed on her lips. "Did I ever tell you about the day you were born, honey?"
Blaine frowned and shook his head. "No."
Rebecca sighed.
"I remember it as if it were yesterday. It was an awful birth. I was in labor for nineteen hours, and when it was time for you to be born... I was so tired, and you were stuck with your little shoulder. Everybody kept yelling at me to push, push... and you just wouldn't come out... You were trapped in there for quite a while, and then they took the forceps and just dragged you out, breaking your clavicle in the process. And then you wouldn't breathe... It took you more than a minute to finally start crying."
Rebecca sniffed as a tiny tear leaked out of the corner of her eye. "It was the worst minute of my life. All I could think about was how I had failed you. That I was such a bad mother, who couldn't even do the most basic thing; give birth to you. But then you finally cried, and when they laid you in my arms, all I could see was this sweet, beautiful little boy. My little baby. I couldn't believe that we had made something so perfect and wonderful. I made a promise that day... I promised to never again fail you as a mother, to always love you and protect you, no matter what." She shook her head in defeat. "Your happiness is the only thing that's important to me, Blaine, and it's what I've been fighting for all along, believe it or not. Your father... let's just say he sees things differently."
"I-" Blaine's voice quivered.
He took a steadying breath. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't you tell me back then?"
"Because I know your father better than anyone else does." She grimaced bitterly. "I know how his mind works, or at least I think I do. Lately I'm not so sure anymore..." She added with a doubtful expression. "I do know that I can only fight one battle at a time. I'm not strong enough to win this war against him. That's why I went behind his back that time with Steve. And on several other occasions."
"You should have told me about Steve." Blaine said softly.
"Should I?" His mother asked, without missing a beat. "What would it have mattered, Blaine? Steve said no to my offer. He really wanted to go to Caltech. If even 100.000 dollar couldn't keep him here, what would it have mattered if you all would've known the truth? It wouldn't have changed a single thing. Think about it, sweetie... you would've been even more miserable in the end. And Steve still would have left. I guess I didn't see the point of upsetting you even more."
"So you decided to keep the peace instead of being truthful." Blaine's words were laced with bitterness.
"Yes." Rebecca said decisively. "Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, but it caused you the least pain."
Blaine snorted in derision.
He ran his hands through his hair and sighed raggedly. "I never knew you were so calculating, mom."
A twinge of sorrow crossed Rebecca's face. Her mask had completely disappeared now. "I have to be, Blaine. I can't let my guard down, not when dealing with someone like your father..." She blinked rapidly against the tears that were pooling in her eyes. "And I don't expect you to be fine with that... I honestly don't. If you want to hate me, go ahead. It would kill me, honey, but it won't stop me from keeping my promise to you. No matter what it takes. Because that's my job, as a mother."
Blaine shook his head furiously, then suddenly gasped for breath. "I'm sorry, I just- I need a minute." He launched out of his chair and stalked out of the living room.
Kurt jumped up from the bench and hurried to follow his boyfriend. As he passed Blaine's mom, he stopped to look at her. She locked eyes with him and for the first time, Kurt recognized a glimmer of Blaine in them. "I'm going to talk to him. Just stay here, okay?"
Rebecca nodded. "Sure. I'm not going unless he tells me to leave."
Kurt found Blaine in the bedroom, standing with his back to the door, his hands fisted in his hair. His shoulders were shaking and muffled sobs escaped his throat. For a split second, Kurt thought he was crying, but as Blaine turned around, it became clear to Kurt that he wasn't.
He was laughing.
And it wasn't the good kind of laughter.
"Blaine..." Kurt said gently, as he took a few steps closer.
"She's insane, Kurt!" Blaine grimaced. "My mom and my dad... they are both fucking crazy! Oh God! What if it's hereditary! What if I have it too? Shit! What if Lily has it?" He moved to sit down on the bed and buried his face in his hands.
Kurt quickly sat down next to him and laid his hand on Blaine's thigh. "Baby, come on. You're overreacting."
Blaine snapped his head up and looked at his boyfriend's worried face. "Am I?" He sputtered incredulously.
"Yes, I think you are." Kurt said carefully. "Look, I'm not gonna lie, your mother seems like a very... eccentric kind of woman, and I honestly thought for a minute that she was on drugs or something when she called me a cherub just now, but-"
"She did WHAT?" Blaine all but shouted.
"Forget it." Kurt shook his head. "I think she meant well."
Blaine snorted. "Yeah, she always does mean well, doesn't she? But that doesn't excuse her for being a cold hearted, manipulative, conniving-"
"Blaine!" Kurt shrieked.
Blaine threw his hands up in the air. "Sorry!"
Kurt sighed deeply and caressed Blaine's thigh in a comforting gesture. "Don't you believe anything she has said then?"
Blaine shrugged, dropping his gaze back to the floor. "I do... I think." He nodded. "Yeah, I believe her. But I don't understand. How can she live like this, with all the lies and deceit?"
Kurt scooted closer and rested his cheek against Blaine's shoulder. "I know honey. I think there's no way we could ever completely understand. We can't possibly know what it's like for her, being torn between trying to deal with your husband and trying to look after your son." He sighed. "It can't be easy."
"No..." Blaine whispered, trying to recall when things had become so complicated.
His mom had always doted on him, ever since he'd been little. And yes, she'd always been overprotective in a way.
He remembered that one time when he was six and Jimmy from next door had thrown mud into his face. Blaine had bolted back home, very upset because his eyes stung and his favorite sweater had been ruined. He'd run straight in to the waiting arms of his mother, who had cleaned him up, hugged and kissed him, given him a plate of cookies and a glass of milk, and then had gone over to Jimmy's house to 'have a little chat' with him. Blaine never found out exactly what she had said to Jimmy, but after that day he never bothered him again, and Blaine could've sworn he saw the boy cower every time his mom came in sight.
Or that time when he was fifteen, and he'd gone on his first date ever with his first boyfriend, Marc. They'd gone to the movie theater, to watch Toy Story. They only got to see the first half of the movie though, because during the intermission the usher and the manager had come up to them and all but ordered them to leave the venue, telling the boys they could not allow their 'indecent behavior', especially not with children present. Blaine and Marc had argued that they'd just been holding hands, and maybe at one point Blaine had rested his head on Marc's shoulder, but that was it. Besides, there hadn't even been any children around except for three kids about their own age. Still, they had been kicked out. Again, Blaine remembered coming home that night, humiliated beyond belief, and questioning everything, not in the least himself. And again, his mom had just hugged him, told him there was nothing wrong with him, that he was her perfect sweet little boy, and that she was going to take care of everything. Two weeks later Blaine got an extensive apology letter from the headquarters of the movie theater chain, including two free movie passes granting them unlimited admission to the theater for an entire year. When he'd shown the letter to his mom, she'd just given him a tight lipped smile and told him to hurry up and go watch Toy Story with Marc... as many times as they liked. And that was exactly what they had done.
Things between him and his mother had started to change when Steve came into his life. She'd grown more distant as his relationship with Steve turned more serious and as they actually started thinking about a possible future together. It all came to a boiling point when they broke up. His mother's idea of comforting her son had been telling him it was probably for the best, and that he should just get over it as soon as possible. Blaine had never felt more alone in his life. Steve had left him, his father had never shown any support of his son's 'personal choices', and even his mother seemed to have withdrawn from him. Deep inside of him, something broke that day.
And all these years he spent trying to convince himself his mother did in fact love him, but there was always a voice in the back of his head, asking him why the hell she didn't care for him anymore the way she had when he was younger. It didn't matter that he was eighteen years old or twenty-five or thirty-one, he still needed his mom to hug him, to tell him he was still perfect to her no matter what, that she loved him and that everything was going to be all right.
But she didn't. He'd never managed to find out what had caused the change in her feelings towards him.
At least, not until now. The more Blaine thought about it, the more the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall into place. If what his mom told him was true, her feelings had never changed, but her attitude towards him had.
Because of his father.
Always him.
Always.
Fucking.
Him.
His mother had been forced to hide behind a mask of indifference, in order to be able to fight a secret guerrilla against his dad. She'd been trying to protect Blaine through everything.
But who was looking after her?
Kurt was right… they couldn't even begin to understand how tough it must have been on her.
He swallowed deeply. "You're right, baby. I guess… she does love me after all. Who would've thought..."
"Yeah." Kurt smiled. "You know… having a mom who loves you in your life is something precious. It's the best thing ever. You need to hold on to that, as long as you can."
"I know." Blaine answered, fully aware that Kurt was thinking of his own mother right now. A fresh wave of love for his boyfriend ran through his veins as he reached out both hands to cup Kurt's face and kissed him, slowly and tenderly. "I love you so much, Kurt" He murmured against his lips. "I love you so much. So much." He repeated over and over again, in between kisses.
"I love you too." Kurt answered breathlessly, delighted but puzzled by Blaine's sudden focus on him. "So... do you think you can make amends with your mother now?"
Blaine exhaled sharply. "Maybe, yeah… do you think I should?"
Kurt shook his head vehemently. "It's your call, Blaine, not mine."
"Not entirely." Blaine flashed him a sly grin. "Chances are she's going to be your mother-in-law one day."
Kurt rolled his eyes and gave Blaine a slight nudge. "Don't joke about that." Then he shrugged. "But I've gotta say, I would love to talk fashion to her some time. That's a Lanvin she's wearing!"
"What the hell is a Lanvin?" Blaine frowned.
"Never mind." Kurt laughed. He took Blaine's hand into his and smiled warmly. "Ready to go back in there?"
"No." Blaine said quietly. "But I don't really have a choice, do I?"
As they reentered the living room, they found Rebecca standing in front of the dresser, staring at the various pictures of her grandchildren. She'd picked up one of the stuffed animals on display, and was now clutching it tightly against her chest. Her eyes were puffy and red, and her cheeks were wet with tears.
"Mom?" Blaine said. He'd seen his mother cry crocodile tears many times, but this was different. These tears were real. This was his mom crying her heart out.
Rebecca turned her tear stained face towards Blaine and choked back a sob. "Blaine, I lied to you!" She blurted out. "I told you to go ahead and hate me if you wanted to… but I don't want that! I don't want you to hate me, I can't-" Her voice broke and she just shook her head furiously, squeezing her eyes shut.
"Mom." Blaine repeated, as he did the only thing that felt right. He wrapped his arms around his mother and drew her against his chest. Her anguished sobs tore at his soul, and pretty soon his shirt was soaked with her tears. "Shhhhhh…" He whispered, aware of the irony of him comforting his mother, instead of the other way around. At last her sobs subdued, and with a shuddering, steadying breath, his mother pulled back.
"Sorry." She said hoarsely, wiping at her eyes. "I must look like a mess right now."
"It doesn't matter." Blaine said, his hand still resting on her upper arms. "Mom, look at me." He said calmly, as Rebecca met his eyes. "I do not hate you, mom. I don't. I never stopped loving you, or needing you." He sighed before continuing. "But you screwed up mom… I know you did what you did because you love me, but still… it was wrong. Wrong. You should've been open and honest with me. I needed a mom to stand by me, not one who was pulling strings behind the scene. I still need you, even now… especially now. Have you ever stopped to think how alone I've felt all this time?" The anger and grief in Blaine's voice was unmistakable.
"I'm sorry." Rebecca whispered.
"I know you are." He nodded. "I know…" He took his mom's hands into his. "You once promised to never fail me… If you want to keep that promise, you need to make a new one, mother."
"What do you mean?"
Blaine looked at her intently. "No more lies, no more deceit, no more hiding. I need you to be there for me, all of you, all the way. If you want to protect me, then protect my heart. Don't break it. That's all I need from you. That's your job as a mom."
This time it was Rebecca who took Blaine into her arms. "I will… I promise." She kissed his temple. "I'll never let you down again, sweetheart."
Letting go of each other, they shared a smile and a look that said more than words.
"I'll just go then." She said softly, directing her gaze at Kurt, who was leaning against the doorframe. "Nice to meet you again, che- I mean Kurt." She corrected herself just in time, quirking a smile at him before walking to the door.
"Mom! Wait…"
Rebecca stopped and twirled around. "Yes?"
Blaine looked at Kurt and then at his mother. "Um… would you like to stay a little longer? Lily's going to wake up soon. You can see her, if you want to…" He offered hesitantly.
"Oh…" His mother's face was a mixture of surprise and joy. "I would love to!"
The next morning, neither Kurt nor Blaine were in a particular good mood.
It was Sunday. Lily was leaving today.
"This blows." Blaine muttered, as he zipped up her small suitcase and placed it on the living room floor, next to the larger one.
"It does." Kurt simply answered, as he tried to cram all of the presents they'd bought her into an additional travel bag. There was no point in denying it, they were going to miss her like crazy.
Meanwhile Lily was bouncing around the apartment, oblivious to the fact that by tonight, she wouldn't be staying with her daddy and Kurtie anymore. Oh yes, they had told her that her mommy would be coming back for her this afternoon, but she was just too young to fully understand what that meant.
Blaine huffed in exasperation and crossed his arms while glancing at Kurt, who was still kneeling on the floor and wrestling with all kinds of toys. "How about we just fly over to New York to spend next weekend there? I don't want to stay in this empty apartment."
Kurt turned his head slowly and raised a skeptical eyebrow. "How about no? We promised to paint the nursery, remember? Also, if I'm going to move in here, we need to actually move my things in here. I come with a lot of stuff."
"Okay, okay… I get it." Blaine shrugged. "Maybe the week after then…" he said under his breath.
"We'll see, Blaine. There's no point in running away, honey." Kurt said matter-of-factly.
Blaine chuckled softly. "Yeah, you're right. As always. I hate it when you do that." He poked out his tongue when Kurt frowned mockingly. "But I am going to talk to Liz about having Lily over again next year. I want her back in my life, even if only for a few weeks a year."
Kurt smiled. "That's a wonderful idea."
A loud buzzing sound emanated from Blaine's pants pocket. "That'll be Liz." He said, as he yanked his phone out and watched the screen. "Yep. They have landed at Dayton. Says they're waiting for their luggage and then they'll come straight here."
"Well, everything's packed." Kurt said, as he got up from the floor. "Maybe we can sit down with Lily and watch some cartoons till Liz and Paul arrive…"
"Yaaay, I wanna watch My Little Pony!" Lily shouted, as she flew by them, heading for the couch.
They both laughed as they followed her and sat down on each side of her, ready to enjoy what little time they had left with her.
About ten minutes later, Kurt's phone beeped. He smirked when he saw the text Rose had sent him.
WE KISSED – R
Oh, this should be fun. Kurt quickly typed a reply and hit 'send'.
No we didn't. Stop texting lies. ) – K
Very funny smarty pants. Barry and I kissed. – R
About time. Congratulations! :) – K
Thanks. So now what? – R
Rose. Seriously. Do you want me to give you directions? I'd say heading south is never a bad idea. – K
I'm not asking for sex advice you idiot. Now what do I DO? – R
What do you want to do? And what does HE want to do? – K
I have no idea! – R
Didn't you guys talk at all in between making out? You maniacs! – K
We didn't have time to talk. It just happened in between shifts. I don't even know how it happened. I'm pretty sure it was an accident. – R
As in he tripped over the file cart and landed headfirst with his tongue down your throat? – K
Well, no, not THAT kind of accident. I'm confused. Yes talking. We should talk about it. – R
You know what they say, communication is the key to success in a relationship! – K
Thank you Dr. Phil! :) – R
I've always considered myself more of an Oprah, to be honest. Ask him out on a date. Worked fine for Blaine and me. Well, the second time around anyway. – K
Will do Oprah. Love U X Back tomorrow? – R
Yep. See you tomorrow morning. Save me a seat and a coffee X – K
"Who is it?" Blaine asked, gesturing towards Kurt's phone.
"Rose. Love is in the air." Kurt giggled.
"That's nice." Blaine smiled good-naturedly, not prying any further.
Three hours and countless episodes of My Little Ponies later, the doorbell rang.
Blaine reluctantly tore himself away from the couch. "That'll be them." He said softly, as he stood up and walked into the hallway, to the front door. He turned the knob and opened it with a flourish, ready to welcome back Liz and Paul.
Much to his surprise, it wasn't them.
"Julian?" Blaine frowned for a second, then smiled. "I was expecting your sister and brother-in-law, not you. How are you?"
"Hi, Blaine." Julian said, as he took a deep breath and looked past Blaine's shoulder. "Um… is Lily in there?" He asked quietly.
Blaine, who had followed Julian's gaze, turned back to meet his eyes. "Yeah, she's watching TV with Kurt. What… what's going on?" He said warily, as he stared at Julian's worn appearance.
"Can you just come outside for a minute?" Julian pleaded.
Blaine's heart started beating faster as he stepped over the threshold, leaving the door open just a crack.
This wasn't good.
This wasn't happening.
Please.
"There's been an accident."
Don't shatter our world.
"Please tell me she's okay."
Don't break our hearts.
"I'm sorry."
Three o'clock in the morning
It's quiet and there's no one around
Just the bang and the clatter
As an angel runs to ground
Just the bang
And the clatter
As an angel
Hits the ground
Comments
ah , I did say few chapters back, I wanted them in an accident :P thanks for making my dream come true , I like the interaction with the mother, it's an interesting angle to approach things , and Kurt is just the perfect boyfriend...why doesn't such a man exist in my life *sigh*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OMG!!! I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!!! Things are about to change, I fear...
oh. my. god. i am absolutely stunned! i don't know how to deal with this :(
OK, I know I already reviewed this chapter but I reviewing it again! How did I not see this coming! I know other people did and I am usually quick to pick up on things but not this time!!! I had to read the chapter again to let it sink in. So many different scenarios are going through my head right now on how this could pan out... I know its angst and its going to cause pain and problems but PLEASE say it is not going to destroy Klaine! After what happened with Sam, I know it could be difficult for Kurt and it will obviously be difficult for Blaine... I have faith that my boys can weather the storm... right?
I'm actually glad not everybody saw it coming, because it would have spoiled the suspense.It will NOT, I repeat, NOT destroy Klaine, but it will set a chain of events off, like you might expect.Klaine is endgame!
WAIT!!!,what happen??
Excuse me for a second, I have to go bawl my eyes out and drown myself in my tears. This chapter was too good.