"So, what is this...?" Kurt steps down the last few stairs to Rachel's basement a little gingerly.

He squints to meet the beaming faces of the Glee Club's girls, scattered around the until then chatter-filled room; because with his entrance, the conversations have abruptly run dry.

Across the room Brittany jumps up immediately, coming over to cling to Kurt's arm and bounce on the balls of her feet, staring up to his face with a fond grin.

He's patting her hand absently out of habit, when Rachel emerges next to them:

"Hello and welcome, Kurt." A smile is plastered on her face, that's maybe a little too vivid for Saturday 10 am. But then again, this is Rachel, Kurt reminds himself.

Still. Something about it...

She leans towards him in a confidential whisper-shout: "Well, to answer your question: Like I have texted you, this here is a little informal girl's brunch, and since you are our glee club's honorary girl, we thought you might want to join as well..."

Kurt narrows his eyes at her chipper tone, and her voice climbs up even higher, never pausing: "What, can't we have a little girl's brunch? Here have a..." Her hand skims haphazardly over the buffet table behind her, "A...miniature pig in blankets ...?"

She tries to stuff it into his mouth, but Kurt beats her to it, taking it delicately between two fingers, studying it shortly, then turning to look back around the room.

"Why, of course we can have a girl's brunch, it's not so much that fact, than rather the way you all are looking at me, that has me a little... suspicious..."

Tina hurries to lower her eyes. She and Mercedes are sitting on the couch, smiles now a little lopsided. A bit to the side there's Quinn as well, hands folded in her lap.

Kurt's look jerks to Santana as she gives a snort. She's draped herself lavishly over the bar stool across the room. That leaves Lauren standing behind Rachel over bowls and plates of snacks. When Kurt's eyes meet hers, she puts something crunchy into her mouth, and stares at Kurt over it with a grin, not minding to disturb the sudden silence with her chewing noises.

Kurt glances at them all respectively, then sets the bite of food in his hand back down on the plate:

"So, what's this about? Is there a special occasion?"

Looks drop to the floor all around the room. Not Santana's, though. She slides off her chair, coming towards him: "Oh, special alright..."

Rachel raises her hand, but Santana ignores it, brushing past her and coming to a halt in front of Kurt, hands on her hips: "They want in on your special inside knowledge... "

There's some huffing out of breaths from several directions, then Rachel jumps to cut in as if to save the subject. Or probably prevent Santana from elaborating herself. She shifts on her feet: "You know, concerning special technical..., theoretical..., well, hypothetical..."

"Blowjobs."

Santana grins at Kurt's blink.

His mouth opens and closes again. At least Rachel has the decency to wince as well, he registers faintly. Thankfully.

Only then... wait, what...? Rachel instantly seems to collect herself, and Kurt's jaw goes completely slack, as she's starting to nod an abashed but hopeful smile at him, and... is that actually a writing pad she pulls out from the table behind...?

"Oooooh, no I won't." Kurt falters and takes a step back, but finds Mercedes has joined Brittany at his side, grabbing his other wrist with a soothing pat, while Kurt spreads his arms stiffly off his body. What is this, a conspiracy? His glance flickers to his best friend and she pushes gently to coax him towards the couch, smiling at him to reassure. Or to at least keep him from turning on his heel and storm out. Kurt's eyebrows are raised up almost to his hairline.

Santana chuckles and speaks again: "Well, I've already told them all I know, so..."

"Yeah, see. So you should be set..." Kurt's nod is a little too emphatic, wide eyes turned at the girls next to him belying his clipped tone.

Rachel whines: "No, that is different..."

Mercedes is now accompanied by Tina, and they pin Kurt loosely between them as sort of an escort, urging him over to the couch, pulling him down to sit between them. Kurt just continues the incessant shaking movement of his head, neck straining with it tautly. "Oh, no, I will not..."

"Pleeeease..." Kurt almost jumps at Rachel's - obviously rehearsed - imploring plea, and she seems to notice, checking herself quickly and toning it down, but Tina joins in, nodding along.

Santana only whistles lightly, still standing aside and watching her nails, in a blatant demonstration of disinterest:

"Pfff, not that I'd care. I for my part certainly have no need for a lesson in that department..."

That actually gets through to Kurt, and he narrows squinting eyes at her, for a moment forgetting to look all flustered and embarrassed:

"You do realize, that coming from you, this is quite an ambiguous statement, right?"

She only grins at him.

Kurt's shoulders slump in only a slight hint of defeat. Then he turns to the rest of them again, willing his blush to recede a little out of his cheeks: "But girls, really... why would you even think... why me, just why should I do that?"

"We're allies!" Rachel pipes up again, backed up by fierce nods all around the room.

Tina helps her out: "And you know both sides. You are technically a guy yourself..." Kurt's brows rise at all the sincere expressions surrounding him. Are they for real? "... So you know what feels good, and ... we figured, that by now, you've probably done it..."

There's a moment of dead silence, when everyone freezes, mirroring Kurt turning to stone in their midst and so obviously not willing to confirm anything, anything, and fearing that at this point even a blink would be a concession.

Impossibly wide eyes meet in a kind of staring competition, shocked and a little desperate on Kurt's side, expectant on the others'. The seconds stretch between them.

It's Santana's dark snicker that breaks the silence: "Yeah, because Blaine always looks so happy..."

Okay, that does it. Kurt reliably bursts out with passion: "I will not tell you how to...to..." His arms flail out of their grip exasperatedly. "No. No way." He falters.

Some looks around him drop down, some glare at Santana and Kurt keeps shaking his head in disbelief at falling faces, at lips pressed and being bitten in disappointment. Mercedes and Brittany's forms to his sides go slack. Kurt feels a pang at the sight.

Oh, come on, now, no. That is so not fair...

A strangled sound escapes Kurt's throat, but then his hands actually sink back into his lap. Not without a show of decided reluctance, though.

He addresses them more softly with a sigh:

"Look. You should be talking this through with your boyfriends! It's the only way to really learn, I mean everyone likes different stuff, I suppose..." He has shrugged at the last part, but looks up to see his small audience inching closer to him, chins raised in rapt attention...

Oh, for the love of...

Kurt lets out a long growl and gives another well-placed rolling of his eyes. He's always known it, he is simply too good for this world. Santana chuckles in the background.

A short resolute breath follows, and then Kurt sits up straighter: "Okay, okay. Fine, then... I'll have you know..." They gather, and Kurt tilts his head to the side. "Well. I might actually really give you some important hints..."

Expressions light up, and Kurt fights down his insistent blush and searches those eyes turned towards him: "Yeah, I guess, I find, I actually want to tell you some things, but... " Kurt points a stern finger at Rachel: "I swear if you start writing down one word I say, I'll stop immediately..."

He let's the threat hang there, only to see Rachel rush to drop the pen she has been clasping onto.

"Okay..." Kurt braces himself. Oh, my. Him of all persons...

"So, firstly..." He leans forward and meets their eyes again: "I know it's called going down on someone, but this is really nothing you perform on someone, but something you do with someone..."

Santana gives a drawn out moan: "Oh, wow, I should have known, now you're preaching..."

"Santana, let the man talk." Mercedes' hiss cuts Santana short, and they all resume their attention towards Kurt.

It actually sends a warm feeling into his stomach, and he speaks on, unbothered by Santana's comment: "It's true, I mean it. This is not random. You're letting someone inside your body, that should be special."

Santana leans her hip onto the back rest of the couch, snorting over Kurt's shoulder: "Come on, it's only your mouth."

Kurt closes his eyes shortly, but doesn't turn:

"Still, have you ever thought about it? It's the inside of a body, and I think that makes up a lot of the appeal and the intimacy." He deliberates for an instant, then finds the perfect way to express his meaning:

"You should really use this as a way to connect to another person."

He smiles inwardly. Yes, those words touched him, back when his dad said them to him. What's more, they are worth passing on, Kurt feels, and decides his friends really needed to hear them.

He leans back a little, taking in a breath, for the following:

"One thing you then have to understand is that you shouldn't be thinking of your boyfriend's...his..." Kurt's voice rises then fails him, and the renewed blush that claims his cheeks is as much annoyance at himself for that as it is actual embarrassment. He gestures desperately as if he could pick the word of the air, the girls still hanging on and following every jerky move, albeit with a bit puzzled expressions by now. "His... you know..."

"Cock?" They all wince again, as Santana has mercy on them and supplies helpfully without looking up from her nails too much.

Kurt lets out a breath: "Yeah, thank you... " Oh, my. Why is it still so hard for him to talk about this? He presses his lips together. With Blaine it has become so much easier to talk...

He skates over it and goes on:

"Well, anyway, you shouldn't think of it as that thing that is attached to your boyfriend's body..."

Santana chuckles: "Yeah, because sometimes it actually feels like it's the other way around, the guy becomes that brain-dead thing that seems kind of pathetically attached to that cock in your hands..."

Kurt slumps then shifts in his seat, and covering up the slight shock at her words, makes his voice the strained epitome of patience: "No, that was not what I was saying..."

Tina actually tilts her chin up: "Santana, shut up, or he won't tell us anything!"

Kurt's lips twitch in a small smile. "So. What I wanted to get at is that they're actually one. It's a part of him. You'll have to understand the connection..."

"How new age..."

"Santana!" Several voices unite against Santana's wry comment, but Rachel's is the one that stands out as usual. Santana brings up her hand at the force of the protest with a shrug and a grin: "No, no, I get it, what you do to the little guy, you do to the big guy as well, right?"

Kurt considers for a moment if she is for real, or only mocking him, then decides to simply ignore the comment:

"I mean, so of course, you're doing this to please the person you're doing it with, but if you are only on some level even the slightest bit disgusted by it, then you shouldn't probably be doing this, at all." His voice settles at the end, making a point, and he looks up to them to check if it's come across.

Most faces around him are carefully blank. Some are thoughtful.

Then Rachel pipes up again: "So, won't you give us some hints on a technique, or something?"

Kurt palms his forehead, vehemence returning to his tone: "No. I will surely not. This was the important stuff, the stuff you should really be thinking about." He adds more softly: "The rest will follow." Mercedes' look drops as he meets it, but Brittany just keeps staring at him in her usual oblivious but adoring kind of way.

Kurt concludes with a sigh: "And you should really try to see this as a social thing, after all, something to figure out together between a couple, and not a performance to be rehearsed." He adds as an after thought, a little under his breath: "Although practice does make better..." Louder again: "With the right feedback."

He looks at the lot of them once more one after the other, pressing his lips together in a shy smile. Well, that might have actually sunk...

"Come on Kurt, give us something!" Kurt gasps and raises his hands and shoulders defensively at Rachel:

"Rachel, you..." Then his mind sort of short circuits in exasperation and he hears himself spilling, at the same time regretting it already: "Use all you have to work with, mouth, hands... don't forget the rest of him, over concentrating too much on technique..."

He frowns at the stumble of his own words, and closes his eyes shortly in an impulse. Then he collects himself, calmer again:

"After all it's like a good conversation... it's about timing and paying attention to one another, dropping a hint, coming back to that hint, making a point taking up that hint... It only works if you listen..." Kurt looks up.

And there. Slowly, some lopsided smiles among his friends actually encourage Kurt to hope, that he might be getting some of his meaning across. At last.

Just to be on the safe side, he glowers at Rachel, silently daring, daring her to speak up again.

But she finally seems to retreat with a shrug and doesn't raise her voice this time.

Instead, it's her phone that rings, making them all jump.

Rachel blushes crimson as she checks the caller ID, but she still answers.

She turns away from them a little, but they can still hear her hushed whisper: "Hey, Blaine..." Kurt's eyebrows shoot up. "Yeah, that was about... listen, you were actually plan B, because we thought Kurt might probably be a little uncooperative..."

Kurt's jaw drops, but Rachel keeps going: "Listen, Blaine, could you actually come here in about..."

Okay, enough is enough. Kurt jumps up and snatches the phone out of her hand, ignoring her squeal of protest. He uses his height to keep her at bay, leaning away, while he puts the cell to his ear:

"Blaine? Yeah, no, listen, don't come here. Trust me, just don't." Kurt hears his boyfriend give an amused snort, and keeps a bouncing Rachel down and silent, by pressing his hand right into her face and over her mouth. Huh. Doubly effective, Kurt notes down in some corner of his mind.

Then he's addressing Blaine again: "Listen, just go straight to my place, I'll meet you there in half an hour." And then he actually hangs up, before Rachel gets a grip on her phone again, clutching it possessively to her chest with a glare: "You, Kurt Hummel, are such a spoil sport...!"

Kurt mouths 'whatever' at her and already fumbles in his pocket for his car keys.

He squints at the grinning girls with a mock look of offended dignity, and turns to leave.

"Kurt!" Santana's voice stops him short, and with a grumble he faces her once more. She takes a slow step forward, then cocks her head at him, cooing: "God, Kurt, I hope you know, that after today, I will never look at your mouth again the same way..." Kurt actually swallows, "... with all those deep..." His eyebrows rise even higher, "... deep, meaningful things that have come out of it this morning."

She lets it trail off in a chuckle, and Kurt snorts at her, hands coming up in defeat.

"You're all mental cases, you know that..."

He glowers again around the room, but like before there's no real heat to it, and he makes sure everyone knows by adding a half-grin, before he turns again for the stairs.

Mercedes' voice reaches him from behind: "We love you too, baby!" And the rest join her in her snicker.

"Yeah, yeah." Kurt's gut squirms with suppressed laughter, but he waves them off with his best take at an air of severe annoyance, and walks on.

God, the nerve of those girls...

He huffs, but involuntarily stops at the buffet in passing, look catching on the pigs in blankets again and frowning. Lauren grunts from behind: "I've brought these, they're delicious..."

Kurt blows out his breath and murmurs: "I bet...", but then decides on a salmon bite instead. He puts it into his mouth and chews around a grin, while he climbs up the stairs.

Oh, Blaine will just love this story.