March 18, 2012, 9:52 p.m.
Twisting the Teleidoscope: Chapter 5
E - Words: 6,083 - Last Updated: Mar 18, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 5/? - Created: Jan 28, 2012 - Updated: Apr 13, 2022 204 0 1 0 0
It was amazing what little effort it took to transform the dreary downtown square into a charming display of Christmas spirit. Trees lining the streets were clocked in white lights. Wreaths hung loosely from lampposts, each tied by red bows and golden bells. Tornado sirens had been rigged to broadcast Christmas carols throughout the day, and the shops framing the streets were all adorned with whimsical paintings of snowflakes on their windows.
All the lights and decorations paved a trail to City Hall, which was perhaps the most festive of all. Where there had only been a pavilion before, a skating rink now sat in its courtyard, the lights above it strung in half-hazard crisscrosses that hung loosely in odd places. Floodlit ice-sculptures branched out from an enormous evergreen tree that twinkled silently at the head of the rink. The tree itself was nothing too extravagant; its lopsided lights serving as an evident reminder of the rush whoever was unlucky enough to hang them was in to escape the brisk November weather, but it was charming nonetheless.
It was here that Kurt leaned against the railing of the ice rink, examining his fingernails coolly. Julian was over an hour late. Frankly Kurt was surprised he waited around this long for him; had it been anyone else he would have stormed away long ago instead of subjecting his pristinely kept skin to the frigid wind, but his curiosity kept him anchored. Why exactly had Julian sought out him of all people to help with his project? True, there weren't many actors around Lima, and the few there were probably weren't holding their breath for a chance to star in some measly college film, but surely there had to be someone more enticing and qualified to play whatever role Julian had in mind, so why him?
"Let's just say no one else can compare."
A chill ran down Kurt's spine that had nothing to do with the weather. With an exhausted sigh he turned his gaze to the clock tower behind him. 11:04. That gave him forty five minutes with Julian at the most. Normally Kurt didn't mind his curfew; Burt's shift at GM started at midnight and he liked knowing his son was safe at home before he left for the night, but that didn't keep Kurt from becoming disgruntled about it from time to time. Earlier he figured meeting Julian at ten would have given them too much time together, but now it didn't seem like he had enough. If he was going to be a part of this project he wanted to go over everything from scheduling to costumes so he'd have a very clear idea of what exactly he had agreed to sign up for.
Just then a roar of familiar laughter caught Kurt's attention. To his left he saw Finn and Rachel walking arm in arm across the courtyard, Finn leading the way and Rachel laughing hysterically on her cell phone. Rachel waved excitedly when she caught sight of him, yanking Finn unexpectedly off course and dragging him to the ice rink.
"Hey Rach-" Kurt began, but was silenced with a smile and a raise of her finger.
"Hey," Finn sighed, rubbing his hand through his hair while his girlfriend continued to drabble animatedly on her phone.
"What are you two doing out so late?" Kurt asked.
Finn held up a handful of shopping bags. "I was duped into Christmas shopping. Rachel promised dinner afterwards."
"But you already ate dinner."
"No offense dude, but those heart-healthy meals just don't hit the spot like a burger from Breadsticks. Just… don't tell Burt or my mom. I don't want to hurt their feelings."
Kurt smiled. If anything his dad would have asked why Finn hadn't picked him up something too. "None taken, but if Rachel keeps running her mouth with the velocity of a motorboat I don't see how she'll ever manage to get her lips to calm down enough to ever eat again. Who's she talking to anyway?"
Finn shrugged. "Beats me, she's been on the phone for the last hour. I tried to keep up with the conversation but she lost me when she started talking about Hanukkah and stuff. Anyway, what are you doing out here?"
Kurt hesitated. If he didn't think Finn would tell Rachel about Julian's film he might have told him the truth, or at least part of it, but Finn was notoriously bad at keeping secrets. Rachel would freak if she discovered Kurt was doing any sort of production without her, even if it was just some stupid college film. What if she insisted on being a part of it too? Would Julian allow it? Kurt didn't think so, but Rachel's ambition could often turn persuasive, and then what would happen? He didn't think he'd be able to handle both Julian and Rachel at the same time.
"I'm on a date," he lied, praying Finn wouldn't pry for too many details.
"Date. Right, that's cool. Where's Blaine?"
"Blaine? Oh he's just over there… grabbing ice-skates. We're going skating."
Finn squinted at the rink behind them. "That's cool I guess," he said slowly, sparing a fleeting glance at Rachel before leaning closer to Kurt and dropping his voice. "Hey uh, do you mind holding off until we leave? Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with ice skating but Rachel might want to join you guys and I, uh, I can't skate. Plus I'm really looking forward to that burger. Just tell Blaine to hang back until we leave, okay?"
Kurt nodded and pressed his lips into a tight smile. "No problem."
He was spared the embarrassment of pretending to text Blaine when Rachel hung up with a loud sigh and smiled. "Well, that went well!"
"What went well?" Finn asked.
"Well Finn, while you've been busy throwing your money away on presents as a token of your gratitude for your loved ones this Christmas, I believe I've found something that truly embodies the meaning of love and the spirit of giving for the holidays. I'd rather not give away too many details until I clear everything with my dads, with us being Jewish and all, but let's just say that this Christmas Eve is going to be absolutely unforgettable!"
"Wait a minute," Finn frowned. "Weren't you the one who asked me to take you shopping?"
Rachel dismissed him with a wave of her hand and continued as if she hadn't heard him. "Out of everyone I'm inviting I think you're going to enjoy it the most Kurt, since you're the only one of my peers who even comes close to appreciating my impeccable taste in music. I know you don't have any idea of what I'm talking about, but I can only imagine the excitement you must be feeling," she clapped, sparing a glance at the skating rink before smiling broadly. "Oh and don't worry, Blaine can come too. I was debating on only inviting the members of our glee club to keep tradition, but I'm willing to make an exception in your case. Anyway, we really should be heading off. Don't worry, I'll keep you both posted on the big surprise; trust me it's to die for!"
"To die for?" a cool voice purred from somewhere close behind. "That's an awfully serious promise coming from such a frivolous girl, don't you think?"
Kurt turned to find Julian leaning against the railing of the rink, camera in hand, and suddenly the world around him froze. Maybe the stunned state Karofsky's invite had left him in before was to blame, or maybe it was because having Finn and Rachel in his presence somehow made him more real, but there was something about the way Julian looked right now that made Kurt feel as if he were seeing him for the very first time… and it took his breath away.
What few snowflakes there were seemed to hang loosely in mid-air around him, their magnificent sparkle painting his dark features in a captivating shimmer. He stared pointedly passed Kurt at Rachel, his blistering eyes gleaming with the soft reflection of the Christmas lights above, and Kurt made a promise to himself never to stare into them too long for fear of catching fire. His dark hair glistened as well, each glossy strand sticking out playfully from a beanie that slouched too far from his hairline. Kurt wondered briefly if he was late because he had taken a shower, but the mud on his skinny jeans and jacket proved otherwise. Still, Julian practically glittered with water and fire and something else Kurt couldn't quite put his finger on because it was hard to tell if the squirming sensation in the pit of his stomach was the batting of butterfly wings or the scuttling of spiders.
Rachel's face thawed of excitement and crumbled itself in confusion. "I'm sorry, I-"
"Well Rachel I think we better get going if you wanna grab a bite to eat." Finn said loudly, clapping a hand on her shoulder and glancing uneasily between Kurt and Julian. "It's uh… it's almost twelve dude so don't stay out too much longer, your dad gets pretty upset when you get home late. Um yeah so… see ya later."
Kurt swallowed hard as he watched Finn and Rachel disappear across the courtyard, both sparing curious glances at Julian over their shoulders and talking lowly with their heads together. Once he was positive they were out of earshot Kurt crossed his arms and turned back to Julian. "You're late," he scoffed.
A smile crept across Julian's face that set the hair on the back of Kurt's neck on end. "And you waited."
"Look Julian, if you're going to make this a habit then you can count me out right now. I have better things to do with my time than to sit around and wait for you."
"I assure you, you don't." Julian smiled, holding out a pair of worn skates. "Here, put these on. The pickings were slim but we can exchange them if you need a smaller size," he cooed, cocking an eyebrow at Kurt's crotch.
"I'm not going skating with you," Kurt cringed, more at the thought of doing something recreational with Julian than how many sweaty feet had been inside the skates before they were offered to him.
"Come now Kurt, I already paid for the both of us. This date won't work very well if I'm stuck skating around in there while you're sitting out here."
"Who said anything about this being a date?"
"You did, just now to your friend. Unless you lied to him, which wasn't a very nice thing to do. You're not the type of guy who lies to his friends, are you Kurt?"
With a hard stare Kurt swiped the skates from his hands and sat at a nearby picnic table. "I have to be home by midnight," he sneered, tossing the skates onto the table and scooting slightly to the left when Julian took the seat opposite of him.
"Tsk tsk… And here I was under the impression that Blaine had actually found a man of royalty. What are you really wearing under all that silk and rhinestones Cinderella? Overalls?"
Kurt glared at him and set to work unlacing his skates.
"Were your friends a ruse as well? You don't seem the type to talk to mice, so I have to assume that the boy is an artificial tree. And who was the girl, your fairy godmother? Seeing how she speaks with such nonsense I can't imagine her being anything else-"
"I don't want you talking to my friends anymore," Kurt snapped.
Julian folded his arms on the table and rested his chin on the back of his hands. "Because you're ashamed of me?" he pouted, peering up at Kurt innocently through his lashes.
Kurt grounded his teeth. "No, because it's confusing. They don't know who you are and I'd like to keep it that way."
"So you admit you're a liar?"
"There's a difference between lying and keeping something a secret," Kurt sighed impatiently.
Julian's pout slid from his lips, his eyes racking intently over Kurt's face. "I'll have to keep that in mind," he said lowly.
Kurt stopped messing with his laces and caught Julian's eye. "I didn't come here to talk about my friends, Julian. I came here to talk about your project."
With a quick furrow of his eyebrows Julian sat up and spit onto the ground beside him. "What do you want to know?"
"Considering I know next to nothing I think everything would be a good place to start."
Julian took his own skates from around his neck and placed them onto the table next to his camera. Kurt watched as he began fiddling with the laces. "We all have dreams, don't you agree? Something we aspire to be when we get older, something we think will give us some sort of sense of accomplishment in this mundane excuse for a world. Until Blaine left I didn't realize I had a dream… but I do. For your sake let's call it directing. I'm not saying I'm good at it, or even good enough to make it for that matter, but if I don't try I'm doomed to live a life of what ifs." He pulled one end of the lace from its hole and spun it between his index finger and his thumb, admiring the aglet diligently as it flailed above his fingertips. "I'm a man of many phrases Kurt, but I refuse to let those words be one of them. I'm not going to languish beneath them like the rest of the people in this godforsaken state, settling on minimum wage and plasma TVs and ungrateful children with a wife who's fucked her way into plastic surgery for the man she's cheating on you with. What ifs are for the weak, Kurt. They're the two words nearly every man around here dies with hidden under their tongue. It's the I tried's that make living worth your while."
Kurt hung onto his every word, captivated against his will. It was like staring intently into a bonfire and realizing there was so much more to it than just the flames. There were dark cracks and crevasses and the pieces of wood that glowed like faces in between. There were blankets of grey ash and pulsing embers that cracked away from time to time, flying high above the reach of the flames like fireflies, and before you know it you're in a trance that you can't recall slipping into but don't really care to come out of.
"The project is a demo reel. Nothing spectacular, just forty five minutes… but every minute has to count. It's due in three weeks so I don't have much time for filming, what with the editing and all, and I need an actor who's on top of their game; no reshoots, no rewrites, and no questions. You at least seem punctual enough to rely on."
"So I'm the only actor?" Kurt asked, although he had a feeling he already knew the answer.
Julian mused over the laces of his skates as he pulled them from their holes and began weaving them back inside. "The story only calls for one."
Kurt swallowed hard. "And what's the story?"
The question hung between them like a fog and it wasn't until he began to feel light headed that Kurt found he was holding his breath. Without any auditions or any idea of his persona Julian insisted that he was the only person there was to play the leading role. What was the story behind the role, and what made him so perfect for it?
Kurt could feel a mist of sweat forming on his brow as he studied the smirk that danced on the corner of Julian's lips, the scratch of cotton and polyester against tiny metal grommets feeding his tension.
Maybe he didn't want to know the answer. Maybe it would be best to back out now while he still had a fragment of a chance. Because with the story came Julian's intentions. Even without voicing it Kurt could tell he was less than pleased that Blaine had found a boyfriend… What if the role was subjecting or demeaning? Could Julian have strung his story together in such a way that he could get a decent demo reel while humiliating Kurt at the same time?
"Just a modern twist on a classic," Julian said with a click of his tongue, jolting Kurt from his thoughts.
"And what classic might that be?" he asked, returning his fingers to his own laces in an effort to look as nonchalant as Julian.
"Jekyll and Hyde."
Kurt's head snapped up. Surely he must have heard him wrong. Doctor Jekyll was one of the most demanding characters to ever graze the silver screen. The role called for a powerful display of masculinity and a cunning ability to make his deranged counterpart believable as his own character. Julian was crazy to think he could pull it off.
"Jekyll and Hyde?"
"I see you've picked up on some of Blaine's more irritating habits," Julian said with another click of his tongue. "Yes, Jekyll and Hyde… Surely you've heard of it?"
"Of course I have," Kurt spat hysterically. "That doesn't explain why you want me to lead."
Julian looked up from his laces. "I wasn't aware there was any explaining to be done," he said, the expression on his face teetering on the border of confusion and amusement. "Such a profound role would throw any respectable actor to their knees just begging for a chance to take it. If anything I assumed you'd be excited."
"Have you even seen Jekyll and Hyde? Or read it for that matter? How can you possibly approach someone like me with a straight face and insist that I play the lead?"
Julian shrugged. "Because you'll be perfect," he said simply, returning to his skates.
"You're crazy."
"Never said I wasn't, puddin."
Kurt gaped at him in disbelief. "You can't throw such a demanding role in my face and expect me to pull it off perfectly," he snapped. "It'll take weeks for me to get the pitch of my voice right for Jekyll alone, months for Hyde."
"Well luckily for both of us the role is silent."
Kurt frowned. "I don't follow."
"That's the beauty of adaptations Kurt; you can make them into whatever you want them to be." Julian peered up at him regally. "In this case the role is silent. The whole film is actually, save a running of scores that'll compliment the story arc. All I need is your pretty face... Your ugly one would help too," he winked.
Kurt closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, his frenzied nerves eroding into a headache. "Why me?" he asked.
"Why not?"
"I don't think I'm what you're looking for, Julian."
"What makes you think you have any idea what I'm looking for?"
"If you're doing Jekyll and Hyde I have a pretty good idea. You need someone who will at least look the part of a brooding nineteenth century bachelor," Kurt plopped his elbow on the table and leaned his head onto his hand with a weighted sigh. "If anything I'd make for a better Lucy. Why don't you ask someone from the football team? I'm sure they'll be way more capable of pulling off a deranged madman than I will."
Julian shook his head with a chuckle. "My god Kurt, how many times have you've been told no?"
"What do you mean?"
"How many plays have you auditioned for?"
Kurt narrowed his eyes. "One," he said suspiciously. "West Side Story, earlier this year."
"And who did you want to play?" Julian sing-songed.
"Tony," Kurt said slowly.
"And who did you end up playing?" Julian sang again.
Kurt hesitated. "Officer Krupke."
Julian set down his skate and folded his hands, his leisured demeanor suddenly turning serious. "Did they tell you why you didn't get Tony?"
"They said I wasn't masculine enough… A friend of my stepbrother's got the role instead."
"And how did that make you feel?"
Kurt's jaw laxed in disbelief. Just twenty minutes ago he figured he and Julian would be at each other's throats by now, not having a therapy session over shoelaces.
"How do you think it made me feel?" he snapped.
"Judging by your startling lack of self-confidence I assume it left you belittled, which is pretty pathetic."
"Pathetic?" Kurt sputtered. "Well how would you feel if someone told you-"
"So you have a pretty face and a high voice," Julian spoke sternly. "That doesn't mean you're doomed to play feminine roles for the rest of your life; it just means you have to put in more effort. If you want a role then go for it. Own it, work hard at it… twist it to make it yours. It shouldn't matter if you aspire to be Louis de Pointe du Lac or Mr. T; if you feel like you have it in you to pull something off then do it. Fuck what everyone else says."
"It's not that simple…" Kurt began, but Julian cut him off.
"Unless you honestly mean to tell me that you don't think you're talented enough to do this, I don't see what the big deal is, Kurt. Don't start making excuses about the way you look either. Your innocent features will make for a heart wrenching Jekyll and I can tell by the way you look at me that you'll be more than capable of pulling off Hyde."
Kurt's shoulders stiffened in an effort to keep himself from shooting Julian another pointed glare.
"We've taken away your only endeavor… what's left to hold you back?"
Kurt chewed on his bottom lip as he considered this. Without having to worry about manipulating his voice he might be able to pull it off. In fact he was almost certain he could. Still…
"Jesus, look around you Kurt. You're stuck in some no-name town in the middle of an even poorer excuse for a state. Nothing you've been handed here can challenge your potential more than this. Think of it as an opportunity… Not just for my future but for yours. You want to be a star someday, don't you? Where else are you going to get this sort of practice if not right here, right now, with me?"
Julian's words struck Kurt like a slap across the face. He was right. About everything. Nothing here challenged him in the slightest. Not glee club, not theater, not even his classes. If he wanted to prove he was worthy of being accepted into NYADA and getting out of this poor excuse for a town then this was his best option. No, it wasn't a typical piece to include in his resume, but it was unique, and if he could pull it off then he'd be set far above the rest of the applicants.
With a hard swallow Kurt nodded. "Fine… I'll do it. But I have conditions."
Julian turned his head and spat. "I had a feeling you might."
"Filming… can't get in the way of school or glee. I have rehearsal until four and homework after, so I can only work with you from six to eleven, midnight at the latest."
Julian propped his foot up on the bench and slid off his shoe. "Go on."
"If there's anything in the script that makes me uncomfortable I want the right to refuse it… or to request a compromise at least."
"I'm sure you'll find the script to your liking. You can read over it tonight and point out any concerns when we get together tomorrow. Next condition?"
"Let me be in charge of costumes and make-up."
"That won't be necessary," Julian chuckled. "This is a modern retelling, or have you forgotten?"
"You want a believable Hyde, don't you? My face expressions alone aren't going to pull it off. I'm going to need shadows and liners to emphasize his features. Not to mention the long standing art of presenting a character's personality through his wardrobe… be it hoodies or suits it has to be well thought out."
Julian spat again. "As long as you understand that I retain full control over this project then I don't see why not."
"Of course," Kurt breathed, a trickle of excitement running down his spine as a million possibilities flashed through his head.
"Anything else?"
Kurt lifted his gaze to the swirl of lights above the rink, his excitement dwindling. Earlier it seemed as if he had an entire novel of conditions. Now he could barely come up with four.
"I don't want to tell anyone about this," he muttered finally. "Not my friends or my family… I want you to promise you'll keep this between us."
Skate intact, Julian set down his foot with a thud. "If you insist. What about Blaine?"
Kurt narrowed his eyes. "Would he find out regardless?"
"Depends."
"On what?"
"Why it matters."
Kurt let out a deep sigh. "The last time we were together Blaine was under the impression that I thought he was going to cheat on me… with you."
Julian cocked his head to the side. "Did he now?"
"I wasn't of course," Kurt said stiffly. "But he said something else that caught me off guard."
"And what might that have been?" Julian asked lowly.
If anything, I'm the one who should be worried about you running off with him.
Although Kurt was sure the thought was nothing more than a feeble attempt on Blaine's part to reassure him that he wasn't going to cheat on him with Julian, it unnerved him nonetheless. If Julian let it slip that they were working on something as time consuming as a film together before Kurt mustered up the courage to tell Blaine himself, he was sure his boyfriend would become suspicious… and then what would he say? That he's only doing this to get rid of Julian as fast as possible, and the only reason he never told Blaine was because he didn't want him to interfere?
Even if he could convince Blaine to believe him, his feelings would get hurt either way.
"It's just… If Blaine has to know that we're working together I want to be the one to tell him. He deserves that much."
Julian studied him with amusement, his dark eyes flickering with thoughts Kurt didn't care for him to make known. "Fine, you have my word. Anything else?"
Kurt shook his head.
"Then what are you waiting for?" Julian asked, throwing his sneakers onto the table and making his way to the rink.
It was only with great effort that Kurt replaced his designer boots with the droopy ice skates. He walked carefully to the rink, the weight of Julian's stare making him question his balance more than the uneven concrete beneath his blades.
"Careful now," Julian called when he stepped onto the ice. "I wouldn't want to worry about you falling and cracking that fragile skin of yours."
Kurt tilted his nose high into the air and sailed passed him with long, confident strides. "Please. Coming from someone who ranked number one in Allen County's junior male figure skating division four years in a row, I think the only thing you should be worrying about is keeping up," he sneered over his shoulder.
Julian watched him skate past with reserve before chuckling lowly and taking off to catch up with him.
The two glided in silence alongside each other, the scraping of their blades stimulating Kurt's tension. As they looped around the edge of the rink he became acutely aware of how alone they were. There was no one else in the rink apart from him and Julian and the earlier sea of shoppers had thinned out to only a few late night stragglers. Somewhere above them a speaker began playing a scratchy male cover of 'Once Upon a Dream.' If he were with Blaine right now the faint glow of the sagging lights above and the echoed lullaby may have been romantic, but Kurt wasn't with Blaine, he was with Julian, and any amorous air the ice rink may have held was now nothing short of eerie.
"I'm waiting." Julian purred.
"For what?"
"For you to tell me about your day."
"I wasn't aware I was expected to." Kurt said with a quirk of his eyebrow.
"Well if you're going to tell me anything about yourself I figure it'd be a good place to start."
"Why would I tell you anything about myself?" the question slipped out too quickly and with too much desperation. Julian examined Kurt with tremendous amusement.
"Is it a crime to want to know the people you work with?" he asked.
"I just assumed-"
"That you would be exempt? Dating Blaine doesn't give you any more merit than anyone else I may have asked to do this, you know. I don't know how other directors you've worked under did things, but I can assure you that my methods will be completely different."
Kurt studied him from the corner of his eye, "Different how?"
"Well I need you to be open with me for starters. If I don't know anything about you then how can I know what to expect from your performance? Besides, for all I know you could be a child molester or something."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Please. Do I look like a child molester?"
"Oh puddin," Julian chuckled, swiping his beanie from his head and running a hand through his hair. "You know just as well as I do how deceiving looks can be."
Kurt swallowed hard, willing himself not to lose his composure. He knew Julian was purposely trying to make him nervous and that he should just ignore him, but simply knowing better didn't keep his lungs from constricting whenever he caught his eye or his skin from crawling every time he spoke.
"Fine," he breathed. "I went to school and did some homework. Nothing noteworthy."
"You're right, it's not. What else?"
"Apart from waiting around in the blistering cold for you? Nothing." Kurt snapped.
A slow smile crept over Julian's face. "You don't trust me."
For lack of a better response Kurt cleared his throat. "What makes you say that?"
"I can sense it in the way you hold yourself. You're guarded. A little too guarded for someone who shouldn't know anything about me."
Kurt turned his gaze to the glowing trees outside the courtyard, hoping against odds that keeping his focus on anything but Julian might somehow make this more bearable.
"I know about Eric," he muttered.
"Then you should know that what happened to him was an accident."
"Oh really? And I suppose Misha was an accident too?"
"Misha got what was coming to him. Damn yorkie always did like to weasel itself under the gate."
"It's neck was snapped in half," Kurt said sharply.
"The rat drowned. It got caught on a branch in the river and the current broke its neck. There was nothing we could do to save him."
"What about Cottingham? All the fights you got Blaine into?"
"Fucking Patricia," Julian chuckled with a shake of his head. "Let me make something very clear to you. Being at Cottingham wasn't easy for Blaine. Frankly I don't see how he survived his first year. Any fights you may have heard of all boiled down to self-defense. If someone was giving Blaine problems I brought it upon myself to step in and correct them. Lord knows Blaine wasn't going to do anything about it. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, and yeah I'll even go so far as to admit that sometimes I went a little overboard, but you can't possibly judge me for protecting my best friend in the only way I knew how."
Kurt studied him suspiciously. "If you're telling the truth, and it was all to protect Blaine, then why did you break his arm before he transferred? Why did he come home with bruises every day?"
Julian spat onto the rink. "Friends get into fights all the time."
"I don't believe you."
"Have I given any reason not to?" Julian asked, his voice a little unsteady, and Kurt wondered if he had struck some sort of nerve.
It was a while before Julian spoke again. When he did it was with such a quiet sincerity that Kurt found it hard to believe that it was still Julian he was talking to.
"Being close to me… used to come with a price. I had a hard time controlling my emotions, and Blaine tended to get the short end of the stick. Never because I hated him… no it was never out of hate. It was because I cared for him too much. He just knew how to get under my skin without even realizing it. Always full of questions but never questioning the things that mattered." Julian sneered. "Like people. He was too eager to make friends, too quick to trust someone without questioning their motives… He got hurt a lot. I tried to be there as much as possible but there were times when I'd come around and he'd just be so quiet and I knew something was wrong. Someone stole my lunch money, I lent my new headphones to so and so and they sold them to another student, someone tripped me on the track field and I sprung my ankle. Oh I'd get so mad. At the time I figured hurting him would toughen him up but it wasn't tuff love he needed… it was yours."
Julian peered up at Kurt with such a startling mixture of regret and affirmation that Kurt nearly lost his balance.
"Mine?" he asked breathlessly.
"Yes, yours," Julian spat onto the ice again, reverting slowly to his casual disposition. "He's changed so much since the last time I saw him. Too much for my liking… but I have to admit it's for the better. You've been seeing him for what, roughly a year? How is it that in such a short amount of time you've been able to give him the strength I never could?"
Kurt bit his lip. "I didn't realize I had," he whispered.
"So modest about it too… I think I'm starting to understand what Blaine sees in you."
Kurt slowed his momentum. There was so much about Blaine he never knew. And how could he? Blaine had never let on that he had been treated so badly before. Even when pressed he would brush it off with a playful nudge of Kurt's shoulder and insist that it was nothing he wasn't able to handle. But he never had to handle it, did he? That's what Julian was for. Julian, with all his secrets and stories and knowledge of everything that Kurt couldn't even pretend to understand.
All at once Kurt felt as if he were dating a complete stranger.
"Julian I… I think I need to head home."
"Did I upset you?" Julian's voice was filled with concern, but there was no denying the shadow of a smirk that lurked on the corner of his lips.
"It's just… it's getting late. I need to be back before my father gets worried."
Julian held out his hand. "Once more around the rink," he said, eyes glittering from the lights above and with something else Kurt couldn't quite place.
Kurt stared warily at his outstretched hand. "I really don't think-"
"Don't make me say please, Kurt. I have a pretty impressive track record to maintain." Julian chuckled. "Think of it as our special way of sealing the deal; not with a handshake but with a dance."
Kurt's lips were just beginning to part in protest when his eyes lit up with a sudden notion. "I have one more condition," he breathed.
Julian cocked his head to the side. "And what might that be?"
"You want me to open up to you, right? Well I want you to open up to me too. About Blaine."
"About Blaine?" Julian cooed, his interest peaking.
"Y-Yes... I want to know everything. About his past I mean."
"Why can't Blaine tell you himself?"
Kurt lowered his eyes, a thousand answers stabbing at his heart like daggers. Because he won't. Because he'll brush it off like it doesn't matter. Because he never feels like talking about it. Because it hurts too much to talk about.
Because he doesn't want me to know.
"I'd just rather hear it from you," Kurt muttered.
Julian studied him closely. "I see," he said slowly, the words dripping like venom from his lips. "Anything else?"
Kurt shook his head, a thick trickle of guilt staining his spine. "Just this."
With a small smile Julian held out his hand again. Slowly Kurt took it.
They stood together, trapped somewhere between the soft glow of the white lights above and the menacing breath of the ice below, with nothing to anchor them to each other but a slippery grip and a trembled agreement, and Kurt had never quite felt the threat of suffocating like this before.
Because now there was no going back. Now he was completely at Julian's mercy. And as the loudspeaker overhead droned out another repeat of 'Once Upon a Dream' and Julian began dragging him across the ice, Kurt felt as if there was a greater part of him being taken with Julian than just his hand.
"Relax," Julian smiled, placing his other hand on the small of Kurt's back. "This'll be fun."
Comments
what is going on... im soo confused.. i don't know if i should like or hate julian... although i am on the hating side for him..