Blaine lay in the bed, holding the blankets tighter around him. He had been pretending to be asleep for a better part of the morning. Kurt had slipped out of the room around five, and Blaine hadn't slept since. He had listened to Kurt move around the giant loft, without even seeing him Blaine could picture Kurt's face. His eyes would be red from crying with bags under them too. His blue eyes clouded over, whenever Kurt was sad or scared somehow his captivating blue eyes were dull to Blaine. It was like all the love and life in them died temporarily. Blaine hated to see them like this, when exspecially Kurt was sad. It killed him even more when he knew he was the one causing it. Usually when Kurt woke up first, Blaine could hear him humming along to a song. Anything from Wicked was his favorite, but today Kurt was silent. Blaine wanted to stay in bed and pretend last night was a dream, that Kurt didn’t hate him or that Eli never happened. Blaine listened to Kurt talk to Finn in the living room.

"Are you guys okay?" He heard Finn ask. It was silent for a moment before Kurt spoke with a broken voice," I kind of feel like I'm going to die.”


A person on the outside would say Kurt was just being dramatic, that we all lost our first loves at some point in time but Blaine knew it was more than that. Not only had he broken the trust he had with the love of his life, he destroyed the relationship he had with his best friend.


Finn left finally and Blaine stayed in the bed counting the minutes. He didn’t want to approach Kurt while Rachel was still home. Rachel came out about an hour later and spoke in hushed whispers with Kurt in the living room. One of them, Blaine couldn't tell which, let out a deep sigh and sounded like they were trying to hold back tears. Rachel went back to her room and then told Kurt she would be back later. She mentioned on her way out she would call him tonight to let him know she was okay. After the large sliding door closed the loft was silent.


Blaine knew it was time to face reality. He pulled on his clothes and did his best to re gel his hair without a sink. He knew Kurt knew he was awake now. He caught a glance of himself in the mirror, he looked like crap. He just wanted to curl in a ball and everything to go back to normal.


He came out from the curtain to see Kurt standing by the coffee pot brewing another cup. He looked at the time, nearly nine so Kurt had to be on his third or fourth cup.


"Hi" Blaine whispered.


Kurt strummed his fingers on the counter ignoring him.


"My flight leaves at one..." Blaine continued as he stood by Kurt’s “room”.


The coffee pot timer went off as Kurt poured himself a coffee. He moved back and forth to the refrigerator without a word. Minutes passed and still nothing.


Blaine finally cleared the silence, "Are we going to talk about this?"


Kurt moved past him to grab his laptop off the coffee table. "Nothing to talk about." He got the computer and walked back past Blaine to the kitchen table.


"Kurt...I should at least explain..."


"Save your breath." Kurt said icily. He opened his computer and started typing away, ignoring Blaine again. Another couple of minutes passed.


"Can you..." Blaine threw his hands up in the air. "Dammit Kurt, will you just listen to me for like five seconds?”


Kurt stopped typing and peered over the computer with narrowed eyes," What do you want to explain Blaine? How you completely ruined what we had? How selfish you acted? Or do you want to talk about the asshole move you made last night by kissing me?"


"That's not fair. You kissed me. I...I'm trying to talk to you Kurt…”

“I distinctly believe YOU kissed me. You knew I was vulnerable last night.” Kurt protested.

“It doesn’t matter who kissed who Kurt, I want to talk about this.” Blaine said.

“It’s always what you want right?” Kurt mumbled as he went back to his laptop.

“Okay what’s that supposed to mean?” Blaine argued.

“It means you didn’t care how I would feel in this situation at all. You just cared how you felt Blaine.”

“That’s not true! I’m sorry! I can’t even begin to explain to you how sorry I am. But you’re twisting my words around to be a bad person…I'm just...I feel like I’m not the only one at fault here...” Blaine stood silent. He instantly regretted his choice of words. “That didn’t come out right.”


Kurt slammed his computer screen down raising his voice," You really can't be serious. How the hell is this MY fault?"


"I called you Kurt. I told you I was lonely. You were too busy with work and I didn't have anyone else!" Blaine yelled back.


"Oh my god! How many times are we going to argue about this!? Okay I'm so sorry that I have a CAREER. I’m sorry I have to support myself out here.” Kurt said sarcastically. “I can’t call home every day Blaine, and yes I’ll admit I missed a few phone and Skype dates but…”

“A few Kurt?” Try like ten. I WAITED for you to call…”

 “You knew that with me moving out here meant I would be busy!” Kurt threw his hands up in the air in frustration, tears coming from his eyes. “You’re the one who TOLD me to go!” Kurt yelled at him.



"We'll then maybe I shouldn't have told you to go okay?" Blaine choked out. Tears fell down his face. "I...I should have told you to stay. God...I..." He threw his hands up in the air. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been with that guy but I was lonely Kurt. I didn't have anybody, you were gone and..."


Kurt's face read no emotion as he said coldly, "Well I was lonely too, but I didn't slut around with the first guy who looked my way.” He reopened his computer as he said to Blaine, “I want you to leave Blaine. Don't call, don't text. Just go."

Blaine stood frozen for a moment, and then he bowed his head in defeat. "I understand if you don't love me anymore." He walked into the room collected his stuff and came back into the living room. Kurt was tucked away behind the computer.


Blaine slid open the door, he heard Kurt before he left. "I still love you Blaine. I can't just turn that off in a day. I want time okay? You hurt me to the point of...I just don't know but I can't just turn around and take you back. I was serious about last night, what I said. I need to take life into my own hands and if that means...if that means I have to do it alone then so be it."


Blaine didn’t say anything, he just slid the door shut and walked numbly to the subway. He had nothing left in him, no tears, no anger. But he wouldst give up. He needed Kurt and refused to go down without a fight.