The rest of the night was horrible. Everything Blaine had expected and feared came true once he uttered the dreaded words to Kurt. “I was with someone.”

It destroyed Blaine the way Kurt’s face fell, the way his tears came so freely, and the way for that split second Kurt’s face was the same as two years ago when Blaine first met him. Blaine was back to his Dalton days when he met this scared boy who was hurting. Kurt’s face read the same today, he was scared and hurting and this time Blaine wasn’t the one to fix it, he had done it.

Kurt ran away from him and Blaine couldn’t find himself to chase after him. He was like glue and his own tears fell down his face. Kurt was gone and he wasn’t coming back. By the time Blaine’s brain actually caught some logic, he found Kurt at a fountain in the middle of the park. He sat next to him, every part of Blaine’s body ached and he tried to put together a reason, an explanation but nothing came. “You have to understand Kurt…” He started before Kurt stood up and looked at him, “I don’t have to understand anything.” Kurt ran ahead to the apartment and by the time Blaine got there, he was getting ready for bed. Finn and Rachel were there and by the looks of it they were in a fight as well. They went to Rachel's "room" without speaking, and Blaine wondered if he and Kurt looked as broken as they did.

He pushed back the curtain to see Kurt opening his drawers and putting on pajama pants. Kurt unbuttoned his shirt revealing his pale toned chest, one that Blaine hadn’t had the pleasure of running his hands or kissing in a couple of months. Blaine just stood and admired Kurt’s body, his heart hurting even more. Kurt must have sensed him staring because he immediately became self-conscious and put on his shirt quickly. If all of this hadn’t have happened, if Blaine hadn’t have screwed up so bad, they would have collided. They hadn’t been intimate together in months, it would have been just like their first time all over again, exploring and taking the time to get to know each other’s bodies. But Blaine had already chosen their destiny, so all he got from Kurt was a cold shoulder.

Blaine finally cleared his throat, "Should I sleep on the couch or in here....?"


"I don't care."  Kurt said icily. He left the room to go brush his teeth leaving Blaine.

Blaine's stomach churned because Kurt’s tone, his body language showed he actually didn’t care and Kurt had always been the most caring person he had ever met. Blaine changed silently and was putting his things away when Kurt returned. Simultaneously they got into bed together and turned off the light. With the distance between them Blaine might as well have slept on the couch. There was more intimacy the night Blaine was drunk after Rachel's party and slept in Kurt's bed than they had now. It was quiet besides the soft sniffles between the two of them. Blaine didn’t know how long it had been before Kurt spoke into the darkness.


"Did you think of me at all?"


Blaine choked back tears "Of course, I thought about you every day Kurt. You have to understand, I was just alone and..."


"Did you think about me when you were with HIM?" Kurt whispered harshly but Blaine could tell the question was more guarded, more self-conscious. Kurt doubted himself and this killed Blaine.

“Did you love him?” Kurt whispered even lower, so much that Blaine barely even caught it. Blaine choked,

 “I didn’t love him Kurt. It was a random stupid, stupid hookup. I love you and if I could take it all back I would in a heartbeat.”

Kurt didn’t say anything for a while and Blaine couldn’t take it.” Kurt I’m so sorry okay? Please!" He turned to face Kurt with tears streaming down his face. "I love you." Blaine couldn't help it he kissed Kurt's shoulder. "Please." He kissed his cheek. “Please…I’m so sorry.”

Kurt closed his eyes tight, tears streaming. He turned and found Blaine's lips in the dark.

"I'm so sorry." Blaine kept whispering. "I'm so sorry."


They kissed passionately, it wasn't romantic or soft. It was almost painful. Kurt wanted it to hurt as much as he did right then. Blaine's tongue found his and he moved closer nearly, on top of Kurt. Blaine’s brain became clouded, overloaded by lust and he swore he heard Kurt sigh. Kurt kissed his neck and under his chin. Blaine moved his hips closer as Kurt placed one of his hands on Blaine's neck. Kurt ignited another passionate kiss. They kissed again and hands were everywhere, just touching. Kurt whimpered softly as Blaine found his neck again. Things were escalating quickly but it wasn’t until Kurt found his hands on the elastic of Blaine’s pajamas pants trying to pull them down that he froze and pushed back. It was like an electric current flowed through his body, shocking him back to reality. All Kurt thought was, “Had HE touched Blaine like this too?” This was too much. Kurt felt suffocated, it was too many emotions. "No." He moved away from Blaine, pushing back against his chest, fear in his eyes.

"What...?" Blaine tried to reach over and comfort Kurt. Blaine could always comfort Kurt no matter how mad at each other they were. Just Blaine’s arms wrapped around him, always made him feel a little better. So it was instinct for Blaine to reach out, only to be denied by Kurt.

Kurt moved away from him facing the wall, "Tomorrow morning I want you to leave."



"Kurt?" Blaine whispered through the darkness pleadingly.

"I can't do..."


"Please don't finish that sentence. Please." Blaine begged.

Kurt sighed and closed his eyes trying to go to sleep. Tears streamed down his face and after a moment he whispered, “It’s not easy for me Blaine. You’re here and…and you cheated. I’m confused and I can’t…I don’t know….”

“Then talk to me please.” Blaine whispered.

Anger flared in Kurt, “Funny, you said the same thing to me last year over the Chandler situation. You made me feel so bad and embarrassed me in front of everyone.”

“I know Kurt and I’m sorry. If you let me explain…”

“No more Blaine. No more explanation. You hurt me more than anyone ever has. It’s like when can I ever getting a break? I got bullied, threated, my dad had a heart attack, didn’t get into the school I dreamed of…all of it and I just let it all happen. I’m not doing that anymore. I’m so sick of being the victim, of having life knock me down.”

“So what does that mean for us?” Blaine whispered.

Moments passed and Kurt didn’t say anything. Eventually Blaine turned to the side and cried himself to sleep.