Even if Kurt didn’t want him like that, he couldn’t lose Kurt from his life. He just couldn’t.

“Thank you for coming,” Blaine said, feeling awkward. Kurt took off his scarf and coat and laid them on the back of the armchair before sitting primly on the sofa. Blaine joined him, keeping a space between them.
Kurt nodded. “Of course I came,” he replied. “I assume I’m here to rework the terms of our agreement since I left?”

Blaine’s heart fell to his stomach in a steep drop and he felt sick. “No.” Blaine shook his head. “No, Kurt. I want you to come home.”

Kurt stared at him for a long moment, something like hope flaring in his eyes, but then it was gone and the mask was in place. Blaine wasn’t even sure he’d seen it; Kurt locked himself away so quickly. “Blaine, I can’t. We can’t keep doing this.”

“I know that things got…” Blaine struggled to find the right words, the ones that would make Kurt stay and not run for the hills again. “Intense, between us.” He paused. “And I’m not saying that was a bad thing, exactly, but Kurt, if you don’t feel that way about me –"

“I don’t,” Kurt spoke softly, his voice sounding strangled. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Blaine challenged before he could stop himself.

“I just can’t, Blaine,” Kurt snapped. “I came here to let you know I’ll get you your money back.” Kurt stood up. “I don’t know when and I don’t know how, but I will.”

“Keep the damn money!” Blaine exclaimed, getting up as well. “I couldn’t give a damn about it. All that matters to me is that you come home.”

“Blaine, I…” Kurt looked shocked.

“Kurt, you’re my best friend,” Blaine told him, taking one of Kurt’s hands. “If nothing else, we’ll always be that. I don’t want to lose you from my life.”

Kurt let out a shaky breath, looking conflicted. Blaine went in for the kill.

“Come home, please,” he urged. “Move back into the other bedroom. If, per our original agreement, at one year you still want to leave, we’ll both walk away from the marriage, but not from each other.”

Kurt stared at him for a long time, Blaine holding tightly to his hand as if he could make Kurt stay that way.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Kurt finally whispered. “I can’t put that kind of pain on anyone.”

“Trust me when I say,” Blaine answered, “that it’ll hurt me more if you go.”

“All right,” Kurt agreed quietly, seeming to debate it to himself for a moment. “I’ll stay.”

*

The days leading up to Christmas were hectic for Kurt. He was winding down his time at Vogue, trying to do his best to finish up all his work and not leave them in a lurch. Isabelle had already promised him an internship spot the following summer, which Kurt had accepted gratefully. He knew there weren’t many bosses like her and it never hurt to have an “in” in the industry.

NYADA classes would resume in January and Kurt would be a student there, alongside Rachel. He stepped up on his workouts and his vocal exercises – he knew he’d be in for long dance classes and vocal training and he would not show up there looking like an idiot.

He lied to himself and told him that all the hard work was just to prepare him for the future. Kurt knew a part of it was really just so he could avoid being home with Blaine. He didn’t know how to act around Blaine anymore. Gone was the casual friendliness between them, the intimacy that came from knowing each other inside and out. Too much time in Blaine’s presence brought up urges, urges Kurt could not act on because they would end up in exactly the same place they were currently. He couldn’t do that Blaine.

Blaine, on the other hand, seemed permanently cheerful, always with a smile on his face. He was bogged down by classes and finals still, and Kurt was glad because it meant Blaine was easier to avoid that way.

He had no idea what he was going to do during Blaine’s Christmas break, when Blaine would be home the whole time. He would be there too, his last day at Vogue being the week before the holiday.

It would be just the two of them, stuck together in the apartment.

Kurt didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the thought, so he did neither. He sighed and went back to stretching his leg out over the barre.

*

“Hi, sweetie!” Carole’s chipper voice sounded in Blaine’s ear. Blaine smiled, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Hi, Carole, how are you?”

“I’m doing well,” Carole replied. “I just wanted to make sure you got the package I sent.”

“We did,” Blaine confirmed. “It arrived yesterday while Kurt was out, so I was able to take his present out before he saw it. He thinks only the ones from you and Finn were in there.”

“Good,” Carole laughed. “It’s such a thoughtful thing you’re doing for him. I’m so glad I could help.”
“I hope he likes it,” Blaine said.

“I’m sure he will, sweetie,” Carole reassured him. “Is he there?”

“No, he’s out at the dance studio with Rachel,” Blaine answered.

“He’s been doing that a lot, hasn’t he?”

“He’s nervous about starting classes,” Blaine replied. And he’s avoiding me. He was worried about Kurt. They barely spoke anymore. It was obvious that Kurt wasn’t sleeping, he was barely eating, and he was working himself to the bone. Blaine had no idea how to get him to stop and relax for even a second. “I’m worried about him.”

“Worried?” Carole repeated, sounding concerned. “Why?”

Blaine went through the list. He probably shouldn't have said anything, but Carole had known Kurt a lot longer than he had, and if she had any suggestions on how to get him to slow down…

“It sounds like something’s bothering him,” Carole finally said. “I don’t know how much he’s told you about high school…”

“Not that much,” Blaine interrupted. “Some. He was bullied.”

“He was,” Carole confirmed. “But it was more than that.”

“More?”

“One of his bullies, a boy name Dave Karofsky, cornered him in the locker room one day and forced a kiss on him.” Blaine gasped. “He threatened to kill Kurt, made it so Kurt would be too scared to tell anyone what happened.”

“Carole, I don’t know if you should be telling me this.”

“Maybe not,” Carole agreed. “But for weeks after, Kurt was like a zombie. He had nightmares, lost his appetite; all the things like you’re talking about now. We all saw it, but the merest mention of it was met with hostility.”

“What happened?” Blaine asked. This was radically different than the story Kurt had told him.

“We tried to get the other kid expelled but there was no proof. Kurt was homeschooled for a while. Finally, his bully came around and apologized and Kurt begged us to let him go back, so we did.”

“I don’t understand why you’re telling me this,” Blaine said, feeling overwhelmed.

“This is what Kurt does when he’s hurting,” Carole explained. “He got like this after his dad died, too, but you would know about that.”

Blaine inhaled and then it was like something snapped. “Actually I wouldn’t.” He knew he shouldn’t have said it the moment the words left his mouth but he was tired of living the lie, at least with Carole. She deserved to know the truth.

“Weren’t you two together then?” Carole asked, sounding confused.

“No,” Blaine replied. “No, we weren’t. Kurt and I met the day before we got married.”

“What are you saying, Blaine?” Carole’s voice had an edge and Blaine knew he was truly screwed.

The entire story spilled out, all of it; right down to how much money Blaine had promised Kurt when their one year together was up.

Carole was crying by the time he was finished and so was Blaine. “Please don’t be upset with us. We did what we thought was the best at the time.”

“Oh, sweetie.” Carole sighed.

“I love him, Carole and I don’t know what to do.”

“Did you tell him?” Carole asked, sniffling.

“He left when I said it, left me, and I got him to come back, but Carole,” Blaine sort of babbled. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll talk to him. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let it go and let him work it out, but every now and then you have to push passed his walls,” Carole said. “Have him call me when he gets in.” Blaine made a noise of agreement, wiping at his eyes. “And Blaine? I could never be mad at you two. I’m not thrilled about it, but I get it.”

“Thanks, Carole.” Blaine let out a shuddery breath. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

Blaine promised to have Kurt call her and Blaine sat on the bed a moment longer, trying to process what had happened during the phone call. He suddenly had a wealth of information on Kurt and but still no real clear idea on how to help.

He blew his nose and tossed the tissue in the trash, turning to the door.

He stopped short, spotting Kurt in the doorway.

Kurt’s icy glare cut what was left of his heart to shreds.

*

“How long have you been standing there?” Blaine asked in a shaking voice.

“Long enough,” Kurt managed to get out. He was so, so angry. He’d come home, gone searching to see if Blaine was around and found him spilling all of their secrets to Carole.

“Kurt, I didn’t mean to tell her, I just…” Blaine hastily explained. “I needed someone to talk to.”

“Carole is my stepmother,” Kurt replied, still angry. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this mad at someone. “Just because your own mother wants nothing to do with you, doesn’t mean you can take away the only parent I have left!”

He regretted the words the moment they slipped out, the look of shock and hurt on Blaine’s face enough to make him feel sick. Blaine looked as if he’d been punched in the stomach.

“Blaine, I…” Kurt trailed off, unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m upset, I…”

“No, you did mean it,” Blaine replied. “God, I am so tired of you running away from your feelings all the damn time!”

Kurt jumped at the loud timbre of Blaine’s voice, startled. Blaine never shouted. Ever. Not even when pizza guy was over an hour late delivering their pizza last week and Kurt was about to eviscerate the delivery guy when he showed up.

“What are you so scared of, Kurt?” Blaine demanded, his eyes flashing as he looked at Kurt. “What did I do that was so terrible?”

Kurt stood there, emotions swirling, biting his lip to try and keep himself together. He didn’t know how to answer that. There was so much Blaine didn’t know.

“I’m not Karofsky,” Blaine continued, and Kurt flinched. “I wouldn’t and could never do something like that to you.” Maybe Blaine knew more than he thought. “So what is my great trespass?”

“You fell in love with me,” Kurt answered, surprising himself. “You fell in love with me and this was supposed to be a business arrangement. Why did you have to bring feelings into it?”

“I’m sorry, excuse me for caring,” Blaine choked out, tears spilling over. “It’s not like you make it easy to love you. You push everyone away, no matter how it affects them. The only thing that matters to you is you.”

“That’s not true,” Kurt muttered in a low voice, shifting uncomfortably.

“Isn’t it?” Blaine demanded. “When things get too hard you pull away from everyone, from the people that love you and want to help you. Well, guess what?” He glared at Kurt through his tears. “You finally got your wish. You want out of this? Fine. I’m done.”

“Blaine!” Kurt exclaimed as Blaine brushed passed him, going to his closet and jerked the door open. Blaine didn’t answer, just pulled out his suitcase and started stuffing clothes into it.

“Blaine, stop it!” Kurt shrieked, feeling panicked. Blaine couldn’t leave. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like, Kurt?” Blaine answered quietly.

“Fine then.” Kurt felt like he was choking, his throat closing and his eyes burning. “Go.”

“You don’t get to do that,” Blaine told him. “You don’t get to be the victim here, Kurt. It’s my heart that’s breaking.” His voice cracked on the last word and Kurt flinched.

He turned to leave the room but Blaine was suddenly there in front of him, blocking the way. “No,” Blaine said. “You don’t get to run away from this. Not anymore.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Kurt gasped. He was losing control and he knew it. He had to get it back but he couldn’t because Blaine kept pushing.

“The difference between me and you, Kurt,” Blaine explained, touching Kurt’s cheek lightly with his hand before moving it away, “is that I would stay if you asked me to.”

“I stayed,” Kurt rasped.

“Physically, maybe,” Blaine agreed, his voice thick. “But emotionally, you’re gone.”

“I don’t – I can’t…” Kurt tried to get out but the words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t speak around the tightness in chest or the lump in his throat.

“You could,” Blaine insisted, “You do, but you let the fear take over.” He shook his head. Kurt felt raw and cut open, unable to move or think or even breathe. “Is it really so hard to let yourself be loved, Kurt? Or to love someone in return?”

A sob burst out of Kurt’s chest, unable to be held back any longer.

“Please,” he choked out through his tears. “Please.”

“Please, what?” Blaine’s shaking voice reached his ears.

“Stay.” Kurt felt Blaine’s hands touching his arms and then Kurt was sagging against him, crying so hard he felt like he might turn inside out. His legs gave out and Blaine stumbled, the two of them sinking to the floor.

*

“No!” Kurt exclaimed, laughing. “Not there. There!”

Blaine turned around, Christmas ornament in hand. They’d finally found time to get a tree and put it up. Kurt had been fastidious with the decorations, directing the whole thing. “Gee, Kurt, can you vague that up for me?”

“Higher and to the right, Blaine,” Kurt replied, with a teasing grin. The last few days had been practically perfect. Their shouting match had been exactly what was needed to cross the divide between them. After crying for what felt like forever, Kurt had finally started talking – everything spilled out. Kurt had admitted his fears and Blaine had done his best to reassure Kurt that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he wouldn’t hurt Kurt if he could help it.

“But you can’t promise me that,” Kurt had whispered, his voice hoarse from hours of crying and then hours of talking.

“No,” Blaine finally agreed. “But if I leave, it’s because it was out of my hands or you wanted me to go.” He sighed. “Love is a risk, Kurt. You have to decide if it’s one worth taking.”

After that, Kurt had slowly opened up to Blaine. They started sleeping in the same bed again. There were suddenly more stories about Kurt’s childhood, which Blaine returned with stories of his own.

Now, here they were, decorating their first tree together.

“And done!” Kurt said, bouncing lightly on his feet and clapping his hands in excitement.

“Finally,” Blaine murmured. He flicked off the lights in the room and pushed the button on the remote for the tree lights. The tree lit up and Blaine gasped. “Beautiful,” he whispered.

“It is, isn’t it?” Kurt nodded.

“I didn’t mean the tree,” Blaine said, staring at Kurt.

“Oh,” Kurt replied, looking embarrassed. “Thank you.”

“So… presents?” Blaine asked.

“You don’t want to do them in the morning?” Kurt questioned, eyebrows raised.

“No,” Blaine answered. “Everyone will be here and you’ll be cooking, and I just… it should be about us.”

Kurt hesitated a second and then nodded. “Yeah.”

“Open yours first,” Blaine insisted, picking up Kurt’s present from where it sat on the couch, waiting to go under the tree.

Kurt took the box from Blaine and Blaine held his breath as Kurt opened it carefully. Kurt let out a gasp when the box lid came off and he saw what was inside.

“Oh, Blaine.”

“Do you like it?” Blaine wanted to know, nervous.

“It’s amazing,” Kurt replied, tears in his eyes. “How did you find the pictures?”

“Carole helped me,” Blaine answered.

“Why is there an empty spot?” Kurt asked, brushing the glass on the frame over it. The empty place was nestled between the pictures of his parents on their wedding day, and his dad, Carole, Finn and himself on their wedding day.

“It’s for ours.” Blaine told him, feeling breathless. He’d slipped down onto one knee while Kurt was distracted, Kurt’s wedding ring in his outstretched hand. “Marry me, Kurt, for real this time.”

Kurt was staring at him, openmouthed.

“Take a risk,” Blaine continued. “Just say yes. Marry me and I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

“I got you a sweater,” Kurt said, still staring.

“What?” Blaine replied, unsure of where Kurt was going with this.

“I didn’t know what to get you,” Kurt continued. “So I got you a sweater.” He slowly knelt down so that he was eye level with Blaine. Kurt looked like he was trembling a little. “But now I’m thinking of something much better I could give you.”

Blaine was the one staring now, his eyes wide as he tried to figure out what Kurt was saying.

Kurt took a deep breath, closes his eyes for a brief moment and then opened then, looking into Blaine’s. “I love you,” he whispered.

Blaine wasn’t sure he’d heard him correctly. “What?”

“I love you,” Kurt said again, his voice a little louder. “I love you.” He let out a joyful giggle and then clapped a hand over his mouth.

“You love me?” Blaine asked, unable to believe the words had come out of Kurt’s mouth. Kurt nodded, smiling.

“And you love me,” he said
.
“I do,” Blaine agreed. “Forever, Kurt.” He sniffled and realized he was still holding the ring in his hand. “So does this mean…?”

“Yes,” Kurt told him. “It’s yes.”

Blaine surged forward and kissed him, putting everything he had into it. Kurt had said yes. Kurt loved him.

“Oh, my God,” Blaine muttered, pulling away. He was still in shock.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Kurt waved his left hand in Blaine’s direction.

“Oh,” Blaine said dumbly, reaching out and sliding the ring on Kurt’s finger where it belonged. He pulled Kurt in for another kiss, lowering him down to the floor.

They proceeded to celebrate right there next to their perfect Christmas tree. Blaine never did open his sweater and neither one of them cared. They already had the best gifts possible.